He Spoke

I have had a crappy weekend...
Not to go into detail let's just say Eeyore has been giving me the worst time
since his Dad bailed.
He pushes the envelop each and every single day...
Sometimes I wonder if he gets his jollies to see how far he can break me.
He doesn't listen to me, he curses at me and basically I am the bad guy
because of what his Dad has done.
I should have fought harder to get him to come home,
I should tell him what he should be doing as far as his family is concerned,
I should divorce him etc...
Day in and day out I hear from my sweet little boy turned angry teenager
about what a piece of crap I am and how I can do no right.
It is heartbreaking to me to see his anger and know there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.



Tigger on the other hand is just sad...
He asked me 2 nights ago if his Dad had died and I was just keeping it from him.
How do you even answer something like that.
Do you know why he asked me that?
Because his Father hasn't talked to him in almost a month.
Because his Father hasn't seen him since July.
Please someone explain to me how you can do this to your child?
Please someone explain to my why my Husband sent me an email this morning
saying he wanted to see Eeyore after Christmas but not Tigger?
So today I have been so very sad and torn on what to do.
I had to apply for friggen food stamps because my Husband wants no responsibility...
I have never in my life been more mortified then I am right now.



My morning has been filled with heartache...
Tears have been brimming and I feel like I am fixing
to be swallowed up into a sea of nothingness.
I go and read about my bloggy friends and see Alicia needs prayers
and support for her SIL...
I see people hating Christmas (no names mentioned)...
I see sadness and heartbreak all around...
I see no joy in what should be one of the joyous times of the year.
I open my email and see the sweetest email from Gracie.
She has always sent me wonderful Bible verses just when I need them most...
She always has a kind word for me...
She has had her fair share of trials and tribulations this year and still
manages to make me feel worthy...
God spoke to her this weekend -
She shared what He said with me and with that email, the tears that
have been threatening to fall finally fell.
Gracie my friend - You will never know how much you touched my heart.
You will never know how much your words and kind gesture ment to
me in a time when I needed it the most.

He spoke to you.
I was the one who needed to listen.

Third Day
In Our Lives There Is Bound To Come Some Pain
Surely As There Are Storms And Falling Rain
Just Believe That The One Who Holds The Storms
Will Bring The Sun

Happy New Year...

Yesterday the New Year started for me - Yes it was news to me to.

As I sat in Church listening to my Pastor explain that we were going into the Season of Advent starting yesterday, I sat there thinking "What the heck is going on"?

Being raised a Southern Baptist is different from being a practicing member of an AME Church and I am still very new therefore still learning.

So as I said - My New Year started yesterday - Happy New Year to me :)

The only thing I knew about Advent is the calender with chocolates behind each date...

So what is Advent you ask?

Advent is a season of preparation...

What are we preparing for?

We take this time to give Thanks for His first coming and prepare for His final coming.

It begins the 4th Sunday before Christmas (yesterday) and ends on Christmas Eve.

There is an Advent wreath (no idea where I get one but I am looking) and the wreath holds 5 candles (one for each Sunday in Advent as well as Christmas Day)...

3 of them are Purple. (signifying solemnity & royalty)

1 is Pink. (signifying Joy)

The center one is White. (signifying the Birth of Christ)

The first Sunday of Advent one of the Purple candles is lit - To remind us that we are waiting for our Good Sheppard.

The second Sunday of Advent - Purple is lit again - To remind us we wait for Forgiveness.

The third Sunday of Advent finds us waiting for Joy so the Pink candle is lit.

The fourth Sunday of Advent we light the last Purple candle and we focus on the coming of the Son.

The fifth candle is lit on Christmas Eve - It is the White one and it is to celebrate the Birth of Jesus.

I love this - Absolutely love this...

Celebrating what the true meaning of Christmas is and not by how many presents are under the tree -

Now if I could get my kids to go along with this lol.

I will be back tomorrow and let you all know how court went (last Wednesday).

In the meantime, hug someone next to you.

MICHAEL W. SMITH
I Can Hear Your Voice As You Sing Over Me
It's Your Song Of Hope Breathing Life Into Me
I Can Feel Your Touch As I Come Close To You
And It Heals My Heart, You Restore & Renew

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday period....

I don't like how commercial Christmas has become (though I do enjoy the meaning of Christmas), I don't like Halloween and I have no use for Valentine's Day (never have).

I have always loved Thanksgiving...The sights, the smells, the food, the togetherness of families.

It marks the beginning of the holiday season to me.


My Dad always makes turkey on the grill along with all the fixings - Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, baked mac-n-cheese, green beans, squash, rolls, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce etc...

I don't work on Thanksgiving and normally don't work the day after because my Mom, Sister and I do the Black Friday shopping....

Yes we are those people who get up and are out of the house by 3:30am to shop...

I love Black Friday Shopping.

These past few months, I have been dreading the holiday season.

I have been thinking I want to just crawl in a hole until January because quite frankly I was thinking I didn't have much to be thankful for.

However I have been thinking the last few days and I have a lot to be thankful for.

I have wonderful friends, wonderful family, a wonderful Church family, a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes on my back.

I am Thankful for the situation God has placed me in because He has introduced me to things within myself that I never knew existed.

I am Thankful for all my bloggy friends who keep coming back, keep sending me encouraging messages and who are just there for me...

I love each and every one of you and I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving.

Be Safe.

JOSH GROBAN
So Tonight We Pray For
What We Know Can Be.
And On This Day We Hope For
What We Still Can't See.
It's Up To Us To Be The Change
And Even Though We All Can Still Do More
There's So Much To Be Thankful For.

A Birthday & A Fight

Today is my niece's birthday ~ She is 7 and very girly, girly...

She loves makeup and frilly crap...

I love her to pieces and I most especially love to torment her...

She doesn't like to be teased and me being me, well I like to push her buttons...

It doesn't normally take long before I set her off and before you say I am evil, you should see her when she goes off...

If I ever need a laugh, I know where to get one.

She is the epitome of a drama queen...

Once she gets going man there is no stopping her and well I find it funny.

This morning my niece and Tigger ran to the car (we drive them to school).

These 2 are 6 months apart and you would think they were brother and sister the way they fight and argue sometimes -

This morning being no exception.

They both got to the truck, grabbed the same door handle and the proceeded to scream at one another (it is 8:15 am so you know the neighbors love that).

"I get in on this side"

"Let go of the door"

"Get in on the other side"

"MOMMY!!"

"MOMMY!!"

My sister and I are just standing there watching it all unfold because quite frankly we are sick of their bickering...

Next thing you know they are in the middle of the lawn FIGHTING.

You would think we were living in a trailer park the way they were going at it, looked like midget wrestling right there on the front lawn.

My son has my niece in a headlock, she is trying to punch him, arms are flailing about, legs are being thrown all over trying to land some kicks in...

My sister and I just stood there watching them...

She looked up and we locked eyes and then....

We both just started laughing our butts off.

Happy Birthday Monster Princess -

Regardless of how the morning started, I hope you have a wonderful day today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MONSTER PRINCESS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
XOXO

All Things

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - In Everything Give Thanks: For This Is The Will Of God In Christ Jesus Concerning You.


Read it again - In all things give thanks. The good, the bad, the indifferent.

You should thank Him for it all.

It has taken me a long time to "get" this statement.

Those that go to Church or who pray, know what I am about to say is true...

We thank Him when all is going good however the minute something isn't going our way, He is the first we lash out at.

We cry out "Why me" or "Why now" or "What did I do to deserve this"?

I admit I am one of those that did this as well however now I stop and I thank Him for whatever is happening be it good, bad or indifferent.

Do you know why?

If you do consider yourself lucky, if you don't then read on.

I give thanks in the bad things because that is where my strength comes from.

"What the heck is she talking about" may be what is going through your head right now however read on...

Strength comes from the hard times.

When we suffer, all the while being thankful, we are taking the attitude of Christ and people can see that.

Sometime later down the road, we will be able to help others because of the strength God gave to us during the hard times.

You also need to remember this - One of the reasons to be thankful during hard times is because of the enemy...

God may allow hard times to come, however it is the enemy that brings them.

God allows the hard times to make us stronger however the enemy will use this so you curse God and turn away from Him.

However by thanking God during the hard times, you are defeating the enemy.



I thank you all for your kind comments to me on my post yesterday...

I am thankful I can be as honest as I am here with no one jumping all over me for saying what I feel.

I have had some time to reflect since that night and while I am not proud of what I did, I am thankful that I stopped when I did...

I am thankful to be given the chance to reflect on how I fell so far down once again and I am thankful He was there to pick me up once again.

I am thankful for my wonderful bloggy friends who care so much...

I am thankful my arm is healing and I am thankful I was given another chance to get "it" right.

I am thankful of how far I have come since this journey started because looking back on it, I could have just given up and ended it all.

JOSH GROBAN
It's Up To Us To Be The Change
And Even Though We Can All Do More
There's So Much To Be Thankful For

William Shakesphere...

Hamlet Act I Scene III...

Personally I have never scene the play nor read the book however I do know that a sentence came from this play that speaks to me - "This Above All: To Thine Own Self Be True".

How many of you can sit, think and honestly say you are true to yourselves above all others?

I will admit I can't...

I will admit I have not been true to myself however I didn't know it until I started this journey...

Being true to yourself means:

Not compromising your values, principals, beliefs etc...

Doing the right thing for you not what others tell you to do...

You allow your individuality and uniqueness to shine through...

I have learned that if you know & love yourself, you will then find it effortless to be true to yourself...

I thought I lost my self-respect when my husband left however I have learned that self-respect comes from being true to who you really are.

When you respect yourself, others will respect you because they know you are strong and able to stand up for yourself and for your beliefs.

I couldn't begin to tell you how many times I have had to defend my beliefs since this journey started...

I admit I was getting very sick of people telling me what a fool I am or how stupid I was etc...

However I realized today that these same people who challenged my beliefs made me stop and really search to make sure this was a belief and not a fear masked as a belief...

I have made changes on my journey, I have dropped some things that were weighing me down and picked up new things that make me happier...

To those that have challenged me here (and those that never read this) I thank you...

Thank you for making me really think and search for my true beliefs...

Thank you for still hanging around even though my posting has been very sporadic lately... :)

This far into the journey, I have learned something very important - Being true to yourself means I will not allow others to define me or make decisions for me that I need to make on my own.

AUDIOSLAVE
Don't Lose Any Sleep Tonight
I'm Sure Everything Will End Up Alright
You May Win Or Lose
But To Be Yourself Is All That You Can Do

1 Corinthians 13:13

I wear a bracelet with these words inscribed on them everyday, this passage of the Bible means a lot to me and speaks volumes to my heart.

Nikki asked me yesterday why I didn't believe in divorce.

She asked me if it was a dogma I was raised with or a personal belief.

Last night as I took my walk, I thought long and hard about this question, about my beliefs.

It isn't the stigma that comes with divorce, it isn't even anything I was raised with.

Regardless that it is against the Bible, it is something I feel deeply all the way to my soul.

I wasn't the type of girl who always wanted to get married and have babies, quite frankly, I don't even like children so I never expected to have any.

Then one day in '89 I met the man who would be my future husband.

He was 20 when I met him and the single most kindest man I have ever met.

Out of all the boys/men I dated, I knew when I laid eyes on him, that he was the one.

He treated me like a queen, like I actually mattered, we were engaged 4 months later and married 4 months after that.

Before we were married, we had spiritual counseling to make sure we were on the same page.

The first couple of years were a bit hard and as a couple we have gone through a lot together, however the key word there is together.

Nothing that came our way could hurt us because we were a team.

I love him with all my heart...

The vows I took on that day 20 years ago I meant with every fiber of my being.

I knew if I ever did get married, it would be for life, for better or for worse.

We have had better, at this point in time we are at worse.

For 20 years he was there for me, he was the one who picked me up when I fell, the one who held me when I cried, he guided me out of some very dark times in my life, he kept me from being lost within myself, he is my strength, my rock.

He always saw the best in me and he never gave up on me.

Now the tables are turned so what kind of person would I be to turn my back on him and give up on him without a fight?

For the first time in 20 years he needs my strength and I can't deny the path we have been called to.

He has never raised a hand to me in anger, he hardly ever raises his voice, he has been a wonderful father and a terrific husband, more then any one person could ask for.

He is now lost, he has turned his back on everything he has believed in and as a Christian but more importantly as his wife, it is up to me to guide him.

Because of the way he has treated me in the past, I am strong enough to rise to the challenge...

Sure some days are harder then others however I won't give up on him...

He has stopped believing in God, he has stopped believing in us, our family, our marriage and sadly himself, however I still believe in him...

I believe God will work this out...

I believe we were put together by Him and this is not what he has envisioned for us.

Right now my husband is in the hands of the enemy and it is up to God to battle...

In order for Him to battle, I have to step out of the picture...

I am here if my husband needs anything and he knows that however I have to stand behind my God and trust in Him to do His will.

1 Corinthians 13:13 says - "And Now These Three Remain: Faith, Hope And Love. But The Greatest Of These Is Love."

This is what marriage is all about...

This is why I don't believe in divorce...


GARTH BROOKS
And Now I'm Glad I Didn't Know
The Way It All Would End
The Way It All Would Go
Our Lives Are Better Left To Chance
I Could Have Missed The Pain
But I'd Of Had To Miss The Dance

What Am I Doing Wrong?

This is a question I asked last night at Church.
On the 3rd Tuesday of the month, I go and feed the homeless at my Church and last night was no exception.
One of my teachers was there and I asked him this question - What am I doing wrong?
He asked me why I would ask that so I filled him in with a condensed version of what was going on in my life and we went to a private room to talk.
I asked him if I was praying wrong or if I was being punished?
Of course the answer was no.
He told me at one point in his life, he also went through a mid-life crisis...
He woke up one day and basically nothing was good enough anymore...
He didn't cheat on his spouse though - He went to her and together they worked through it.
He asked me what I wanted out of this, I told him I wanted my family back together, I wanted my husband home.
He told me it could take years before my husband "woke up" and realized what he was doing.
He also told me that my husband doesn't "see" the damage he is causing, feels no guilt nor remorse.
He will also be held accountable later on for what he has done.

I am new to the Church as you all know.

I have always believed however, I have not always followed the way I should live.

I have almost always prayed, however I have not always believed what I was saying.

I have never been "moved" by the Holy Spirit, however I have seen others be moved.

I had to ask how to pray because I didn't know if I was doing it correctly.

I try not to ask God for anything except keeping my family and friends safe.

I thank Him for everything I have each and every day.

I question a lot, not really question God but question why things happen the way they do.
I wonder why some people have it so much easier then others and why it seems the "good" ones have such a hard time.

I knelt at the Alter last night and asked God to please show me the way.

The path He wants me on because I don't know which way to go.

I don't believe this is God's will for my life however I don't know how to find His will either.

I can't believe He would want such a dark time for me.

I am trying to hold onto the fact that He is the Light I need to get out of this darkness.

I just haven't figured out how to grasp that Light so I can use it to guide me.

Each time I try, I come up short.

It almost feels like drowning...

There is a hand there to help me, I just can't reach it.

I have still been on a soul-searching journey and I am coming to the conclusion that I have been dis-honoring myself.

I have accepted whatever crumbs my husband has thrown my way because I am supposed to love him unconditionally.

I have bowed down and been a doormat because I am afraid to be on my own.

I have been overwhelmed by fear, shame, anguish, shock and a whole range of other emotions.

I have allowed myself to become lost due to my husbands actions.

I haven't been the greatest Mother due these actions.

I have lived in denial for the past 3 1/2 months.

I keep thinking if I "ignore" the affair, it will end and all will return to normal, however there is no normal anymore.

I have been living in an emotional hell since March and it just gets darker and darker.

This is my fault though, I allowed myself to get to this place in order to try and save my family and my marriage.

Admitting it here doesn't make it any easier however at the time, I just wanted to do what I thought was the best for all parties involved.

You know how I feel about divorce and that hasn't changed, however I have been rethinking my stance on other things.

Somehow, someway I have got to find my way out of this damn hole I have allowed myself to fall in.

As my life continues on this long and bumpy road, I have come to one conclusion...

I can't go any further without Him...

I just need to figure out how to hear Him, how to see Him, how to listen to Him...

I know how to seek Him, I just don't know if He can hear me, I just don't know if He is listening.

MICHAEL W. SMITH

If There Are Millions

Down On Their Knees

Among The Many

Can You Still Hear Me?

Is There Light?

The closer I get to the light, the farther it seems to be...

This is how I feel on most days, I can see the light however it seems to be so far out of my reach...

First I want you to know Tigger is out of the woods...

Today is his first day back to school since he got sick...

Thank you all for your kind emails, prayers and well wishes...

Eeyore (my oldest son for the newcomers) was arrested on Saturday for trespassing...

I was at work for the first time in a week and received a phone call from the police department saying I needed to come and pick him up...

Now we have to go to court next month and he faces probation, a fine or community service...

I know it is minor compared to some other things however this is my "good" son...

Hardly ever in trouble, on the honor roll, great kid all around...

It was a shock to me...

I didn't tell his Father because quite frankly I don't think he cares...

I mean his youngest just survived one of the deadliest flu's and he never once came to see him - Yes you read that right - He never bothered to come see him...

He stopped checking up on him after day 5...

Let's just not even go there right now...

So I am not back to work and my little one is back to school...

My trip at the end of the month has been postponed for now...

I received a letter in the mail yesterday letting me know I had a warrant out for my arrest for a bad check I didn't even know bounced, we haven't been paid in 2 weeks and I am beginning to question why I came back here...

I am aggravated, I feel like I am drowning and I just can't catch a break...

I am weary and I am tired...

Tired of fighting just to survive...

Tired of having to be everything to everyone and nothing for myself...

One minute I feel like I can catch the light, then it just gets pulled further away from me...

I am sorry if this is a downer post today however it is my blog and it is how I feel at this point in time...

I need to get it out before I just give up all together...

I know - This to shall pass.

TRAIN
When It Rains It Pours And Opens Doors
That Flood The Floors We Thought Would Always
Keep Us Safe And Dry

Swine Has Hit

Tigger has the Swine Flu so I will be back when he is better...Hugs to you all :)

10/06/89

20 years ago was one of the best days of my life...

My wedding day, the day I would marry my best friend...

We got married in a church at 5 pm on 10/06/89...

Wind Beneath My Wings & Endless Love were our wedding songs...

Our colors were Hunter Green & Dusty Rose...

We threw birdseed instead of rice so we didn't have a hand in making any birds sick...

He was 21, I was 18, two hearts joined together as one...

There was no other like him, I put my trust in him 100% and never looked back.

Life was never perfect however we always had one another so I knew we could face anything...

6 years passed then we had Eeyore...

8 years after Eeyore, we had Tigger...

19 years later my best friend walked away without a glance back and broke my heart in two...

Today 10/06/09 I am broken but not shattered...

I am mending my heart one day at a time...

He is still gone, I am still on my own, trying to find myself...

This time though I have God on my side...

I pray everyday for God's Will...

Not mine - His.

CREED
Can You Help Me Out, Can You Lend Me A Hand?

It's Safe To Say That I am Stuck Again

Trapped Between This Life And The Light

I Just Can't Figure Out, How To Make It Right.

Raging Sea

MICHAEL W. SMITH
RAGING SEA

Sometimes The Journey Makes You Weary
Feels Like A Long And Winding Road
Sometimes This Life Can Lose It's Meaning
But You Might Be Surprised To Find Some Hope

Maybe You're Wondering Where Love Is
You May Feel It's Far From Here
Maybe You're Wondering Where I Am
You Might Be Surprised To Find I'm Near

When Your Life Is Tossed And Turning
And You're On The Raging Sea
I'll Come And Pull You From The Water
Then You Will Know That You Are Free

So If You're Stumbling Through The Valley
Or If You're Tempted To Give Up The Fight

Reach Out Your Hand And I Will Lead You

I Will Be Your Strong Arm In The Night


This is the song I woke up with in my head this morning...

Gotta love how God works :)

The Bloom

Anais Nin - And The Day Came When The Risk To Remain Tight In A Bud Was More Painful Then The Risk It Took To Blossom...

I love this quote as it pertains to my life...

Living as a "bud" was easier...

I could keep myself wrapped up in my pain and not have to deal with anything...

I could walk around in a fog and pretend all was well...

I was essentially a zombie, a non-functioning one at that...

I wasn't parenting the way I should...

I was just getting by day after day...

Then as the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I started to blossom...


I can't pinpoint the exact time/day it happened...

All I know is I awoke one day and I made it through the day without being sick...

I made it through the day without crying...

I could look at my children and not want to break down...

I could hold my head up and not feel the crushing pain of facing the world...

I am still mortified that my husband has done this to our family...

I had to sit in the principals office today (for Tigger) and explain to his teacher, the principal and the school psychologist what has been going on because my child has decided to act out in class...

I did it on my own with minimal tears and my head down because I was embarrassed...

Then as all was said and done I asked myself why?

I have no reason to be embarrassed, I didn't rip my family apart for a piece of ass...

I didn't throw away 20 years because I needed to "find myself" - Hell I never knew he was "lost"...

I finally got it though because as I said to a friend of mine - I am more lost then found...

Almost 8 months since this started and I am still more lost then I thought I was...

8 months and I am no better off now...

Sure I have survived this length of time without killing him, her or myself however I am still just surviving...

Living an illusion and I didn't even realize it...

I am not really living and I need to figure out how to live again...

I need to see past my pain and help my boys to get past their pain so they can live a full and happy life...

I need them to know this wasn't anyway near their fault and the 3 of us can still be a family...

I need to learn how to breathe again without hurting...

I just don't know where to start.

CREED
When Shadows Paint The Scenes
Where Spotlights Used To Fall
And I'm Left Wondering
Is It Really Worth It All

The Phoenix Rises...

The phoenix is a mythical bird...

According to legend, it has a 500-1000 year life cycle...

Near the end of the life cycle, the bird builds itself a nest out of twigs that then ignites...

Both nest & bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again.

The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self...

In Chinese mythology, the phoenix is a symbol of high virtue & grace, of power & prosperity...

Think about that for a minute...

It is a beautiful analogy for all of our lives...

We have all been burned - Some more then others...

However each of us continues to rise from the ashes...

Sure we may fall and there are days when there isn't a hand in sight to help us up...

I have fallen and gotten up more times then I care to count...

There are some days when I feel like I am drowning and there is no land in sight...

Like a candle in a hurricane (as Rascal Flatts puts it)...

These are the days that I look back on with pride...

I am stronger today then I ever thought possible...

I am doing new things that I never thought I could do...

I have new/old friends that I adore...

I am becoming happy and for so long I never thought that would return to me...

I didn't stay in the ashes and suffocate...

Like the phoenix, I rose, spread my wings and now I am soaring...

Can you guess where this is?

I am going on a vacation by myself...

This is where I am going for 4 days next month

I will be leaving on Halloween...

I have never gone anywhere by myself as you all know and this opportunity has presented itself in the form of a working vacation...

2 of the 4 days that I will be there will be filled with meetings and conferences...

I am nervous and maybe a little scared but I am going to do this...

I have things I need to prove to myself and this is a good place to start...

I need to find balance within myself and the 2 days I won't be working, I will be alone, on an intense soul searching mission...

If any of you know what I do for a living, then it won't be to hard to figure out where I am going :)

CREED (new song "Rain" released today whoo-hoo!)

I Feel It's Gonna Rain Like This For Days

So Let It Rain Down And Wash Everything Away

I Hope That Tomorrow The Sun Will Shine

With Every Tomorrow Comes Another Life

Previous Post/Chips vs Pringles

I need to say one thing about this post...

These (chips vs pringles) weren't my thoughts nor was this my analogy...

This is how my Pastor put it...

Not saying I agree or disagree, I just wanted to share...

Nikki - I am with you...

Because it is all new to me as well, I struggle daily - I think that is where faith steps in...

Faith is believing in something you can't see...

MLK said it best - Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.

(((Hugs))) to you all.

P.S. Did I tell you all my cat came home?

Chips vs Pringles

Hope all is well with my friends today...

All is the same on the marriage front so no need to post anything about that...

I have missed the opportunity to see Creed on 3 separate occasions - So bummed...

My Cowboys lost last night in the last 4 seconds of the game - So bummed...

I did something abnormal for me and got a little plastered on Friday night...

I drank to many kamikazes but had a really fun time...

I have been sitting home for the last 10 weeks pining away for a man who obviously doesn't want me and it was time to go out and let my hair down...

I went out with my Mom and Sister and met up with some friends...

I need some real life friends and I need to get a life though alcohol shouldn't be involved in that...

I went out Saturday however limited my drinking this time...

I went to Church Sunday...

I am now at work...

You are probably wondering why there is a bag of chips and a can of Pringles on my blog...

Well I am about to tell you...

The sermon at Church yesterday was about checking your ego...

I learned that your ego will get in the way of your real relationship with God...

I learned that your ego will stand in the way of your learning...

I learned that your ego brings about fear and shame...

I learned my ego is to big and it isn't always about "me"...

I learned "letting go" is so much easier said then done...

I also learned I want to be like a can of Pringles and not a bag of chips.

As told by my Pastor...

People are either like a bag of potato chips or they are like a can of Pringles...

Being a believer then you would be a can of Pringles...

Being a non-believer then you would be a bag of chips...

As a non-believer, (therefore a bag of chips), you are mostly full of air when opened or confronted...

There is some substance in there however not much...

If you take a bag of chips and repeatedly throw it against the wall, the contents will break apart and crumble...

Same with your life and the hell you may be going through...

It will break you apart and crumble you...



As a believer, (therefore a can of Pringles), you are full of the Holy Spirit...

No matter which end is opened, it is completely full...

You can repeatedly throw a can against the wall and the contents will still be fine upon opening...

Same with your life and the hell you may be going through...

You are protected by angels and you can't break...

I want to be the can of Pringles...

I want to know that no matter what I encounter in life, I will be encased by angels who will protect me...

It is very hard for me to let this take over completely because of the hurt I have experienced in the last few months...

I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching and while my beliefs in divorce haven't changed, what I want in a relationship has...

I want a man who isn't ashamed to announce his love to me no matter where the place...

I want a man who will hold me when I cry and isn't ashamed to shed a few tears either...

I want a man who is affectionate, one who doesn't walk ahead of me in public, one who is right beside me holding my hand...

I want a man who will fight for what he believes in and not run at the first sign of trouble...

I want a man who can laugh at life and enjoys life to the fullest...

I want a man who will go to the alter with me and kneel by my side in prayer...

I want a little romance, not just some flowers here and there but true romance, a walk on the beach at night, lying by the fireplace in the nude, dancing in the rain etc...

I want a man who will hold my face, look into my eyes and then kiss me like I am the first and last person he will ever lay eyes on again and that he is ok with that...

I want to know I am the only woman for him and I want him to know he is the only man for me...

I want to be complete in our love, I just don't know if the man I married is that man anymore...

Maybe I have been settling for silver when God is trying to give me gold.

MICHAEL W. SMITH
Sometimes The Journey Makes You Weary
Feels Like A Long & Winding Road
Sometimes This Life Can Lose It's Meaning
But You Might Be Surprised To Find Some Hope
Maybe You're Wondering Where Love Is
You May Feel It's Far Away From Here
Maybe You're Wondering Where I Am
You Might Be Surprised To Find I'm Near

I Can Do Bad...

All By Myself...

I saw this movie on Friday...

I have seen all of Tyler Perry's movies and I have never been disappointed...

This one is my favorite hands down...

All of his movies deliver a fantastic message and I never leave the theater without crying as well as laughing...

Plus who doesn't love Madea?

This one hit to close to home and I am not ashamed to say I did cry... A lot

Mary J. Blige sang the title song and it was beautiful...

I will not give anything away however I will say if you do see it, and I think everyone should see it, pay special attention to the Church scene, pay special attention to the Pastor...

Seeing that will show you why I feel the way I do about my Pastor...

Pastor Marvin Winans is the man you see preaching/singing...

To me, I felt like it was a Sunday and I was truly in Church...

That is just like my Pastor...

If you have the time, go see it...

You won't be disappointed.

MARVIN WINANS
But I Learned That I Could Cope
I Discovered I Could Make It
In Nights So Long And Cold
So Cold, You Don't Know How Cold
I Learned That I Could Take It
Now I Wouldn't Change A Thing
Not For The Knowledge
Not For The Knowledge That I've Gained