Take That...Fear!

"For God Did Not Give Us A Spirit Of Timidity, But A Spirit Of Power, Of Love And Of Self-Discipline."

2 Timothy 1:7

I talk about fear a lot on here because I have been a fearful person and I am striving to overcome that regardless of what the fear may be...

With help from T and the wonderful world of technology...

I conquered dining out alone and not just at a deli anymore...

I conquered going to the movies by myself and sitting in the center of the theater with people behind me...

I am getting better in the grocery store when there are customers behind me, I now no longer let them go ahead of me just so they aren't standing behind me.

I have been taking some time off from work just to spend time with myself...

Doing what I want to do...

It may be spending 3 hours in the bookstore, however the point is it is for me.

And I am finally enjoying it...

Walking into a place alone no longer sets off a panic attack...

There are still things I want to conquer...

I would love to be able to stand up for myself with no guilt...

I want to speak my mind to the wrong-doings I see around me without fear of making someone angry or worrying if they won't like me anymore...

I want to be able to go on a vacation by myself however fear hinders all these things...

Until the email came...

10 years in the making and I still haven't seen them in person...

They are coming to Atlanta in August...

I bought my ticket today, a single solitary ticket to see Creed, finally.

A weekend in Georgia, alone...

No one is coming along with me and while it scared me to hit that purchase button, I was able to conquer this with a boatload of help from someone very dear to me...

I am doing it G!

CREED
It's Funny How Times Can Change
Rearrange And Distance Makes The Pain Fade Away
So Important Then, Doesn't Matter Now, Both Feet On The Ground
Come Full Circle, We've Come Full Circle

The Fire That Burns Within

"But If I Say, "I Will Not Mention Him Or Speak Any More In His Name," His Word Is In My Heart Like A Fire, A Fire Shut Up In My Bones. I Am Weary Of Holding It In; Indeed I Cannot."

Jeremiah 20:9

The seeds were planted many years ago...

Every Sunday my siblings and I were put on a Sunday School bus...

I don't have much memory of it, however I do remember going...

Because I didn't follow through as I got older, the seeds weren't allowed to grow.

I didn't darken a Church door for over 20 years...

Not for services anyway...

Weddings, funerals, peace yes....

Church service, I am sad to say, no.

Until a year ago...

I walked into the Church and knew I was home...

He guided me there for a reason and the seeds that were dormant for so long took hold...

Like ice water for a person in Hell.

This past year, the seeds have grown into a flame...

This morning the flame took over...

A flame of love, one I can't contain...

I want to give a piece of it to each person I come in contact with.

I bounded out of bed and for the first time in months, I looked forward to what today held for me.

I danced through the grocery store...

I tried to repair a mistake I made with a friend...

I smiled so big my cheeks hurt...

I could feel the joy overflowing from within.

I want to hug people, be hugged back and I don't like people touching me...

I want to take each of them by the hands and tell them "You will be ok"...

Not only will you be ok, you will shine!

He will take care of it all.

My Father will do just as He promised...

He will turn your sorrow into joy...

He will turn your hate into unconditional love...

He will turn your anger into peace...

The pain is still there, the unshed tears are still there, there is still anger however none of it is "white-hot" anymore.

I woke up this morning and I knew I was going to be better then ok...

I don't have the war raging inside me right now...

I asked a friend last night, "How do I know if what I am doing is God's will?"

He responded with, "If you are happy then you are doing what He wants you to do."

I am so happy I can't sit still, I want to go to to the top of the mountain and scream as loud as I can - I am wonderful people...

I am going to not only survive, I WILL thrive.

THIRD DAY
Sometimes I Think Of Where It Is I've Come From
And The Things I've Left Behind
But Of All I've Had, What I Possessed
Nothing Can Quite Compare
With What's In Front Of Me

The Magnitude Of His Love

"May The Grace Of The Lord Jesus Christ, And The Love Of God, And The Fellowship Of The Holy Spirit Be With You All."

2 Corinthians 13:14

I am going to try to put into words something that happened to me yesterday...

It was a normal Wednesday...

Work was steady...

Emotions were calm...

A day I strive for actually.

I had to go pick up Tigger and Monster Princess from school...

I leave work at 2pm and sit at the school and usually read or nap until the bell rings...

I was driving along listening to a new station I have recently discovered...

Just about to pull into the school parking lot and it happened...

I felt a magnificent whisper come over me in the car...

At that moment in time I felt utter joy, peace, grace and love...

So much pure emotion, I just burst into tears...

It left as quickly as it came...

I parked the car and tried to figure out what had just happened...

I was shaken to the depths of my soul, in a good way...

As I sat there, I knew He had been there...

He gave me a teeny, tiny glimpse of Him and His power...

The sheer magnitude of what I felt in those few seconds was almost indescribable...

Just a whisper from Him and it was so much love I could barely breathe...

The peace was so warm, so fulfilling and so tranquil.

To remember, makes my eyes misty...

I want you to feel what I felt...

I want all of you to experience the amazing harmony I had in those few moments.

It was almost overpowering - Almost suffocating but in the best possible way...

I could feel it from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet and all the way to the center of my soul...

Almost like it was to much love...

Like He knew I was questioning if He was still with me, and He reached down and just gave me the smallest touch because He knew that is all I could handle...

It was so amazing, so beautiful and so unexpected...

Never before have I ever felt Him that close...

His presence yes, in Church, during prayer, at the Altar, when I hurt, when I cry etc...

Him right there within me? Never.

You could take everything you ever loved in the world and multiply it by a billion and it still wouldn't compare to the love He shared with me yesterday.

TENTH AVENUE NORTH
I'll Still Love You
More Than What I Hope To Be
Let Me Wrap My Arms Around You
Let Me Take Your Breath Away

Soaring Over The Storm

"When You Pass Through The Waters, I Will Be With You; And When You Pass Through The Rivers, They Will Not Sweep Over You. When You Walk Through The Fire, You Will Not Be Burned; The Flames Will Not Set You Ablaze."

Isaiah 43:2

The only way to weather the storms of life is through prayer and faith.

It is stated in the Bible that we all will have storms throughout our lives - All of us.

There is no way to avoid the rain.

What you need to know is that the pain will not last forever.

It may feel like it as the storm rages on...

There will be days you don't want to get out of bed...

You won't want to face life because you are scared of what the day may hold for you...

I lived this way for over a year...

During my darkest hours, I prayed for His mercy upon me...

During my weakest times, I prayed for His strength to face one more day...

During my moments of lost hope, I prayed for His guidance...

Even when I could no longer feel Him near me, I still prayed because I knew He was close by...

There have been times this past year when I felt so alone, I could barely breathe...

I cried out to Him to please show me a sign...

Please show me I was not forsaken...

I have felt like a lost little girl and no matter how much I sought Him, I couldn't find Him...

My Father, all around me, holding me, keeping me safe while everything crashed down around me...

So far, yet so very close...

He knows my pain...

He knows my fears and my doubts and my worries and loves me just the same...

He knows my anger towards Him even though it is misplaced...

He knows what I wanted, however it wasn't what He wanted for me...

He wants more for me then I want for myself...

He wants gold for me, when I am willing to settle for silver...

He wants happiness and joy for me, when I am willing to settle with contentment...

He wants respect and complete love for me, when I am willing to settle for being a doormat...

He wants inner peace where there is turmoil...

He wants calm where there is conflict...

For so long I thought I was unloved, unwanted, disposable...

I could see the sun, yet couldn't feel it warming my skin...

I could see His beautiful works all around me, yet didn't appreciate them...

All because I didn't feel as if He was standing there for me to lean upon...

He doesn't want me to just lean...

He wants me to fly...

He gave me wings so long ago that haven't even been tested...

Wings to soar above the storms in my life.