Light Meets The Dark

"Although Jesus Was The Son Of God, He Learned To Be Obedient Through His Sufferings."

Hebrews 5:8

The journey I have been on seems to have brought me too another fork in the road.

The spilt within seems to be almost complete and now I have to decide which person I am.

This journey has been painful for me, I feel torn between who I know I am and who He wants me to become.

I see two different people standing in front of me and one of us has to go.

Obey seems to be the theme of my life lately...

Everywhere I turn, I am hearing it, seeing it, reading it...

I get it, I need to obey Him.

It was gently pointed out to me last night, after Bible study, that I am not obeying Him as I should be.

I won't go into detail but suffice it to say, I felt like I had been slapped in the face.

I am not perfect, not even close, however I try to do the right thing in every situation I am in.

I try not to think bad thoughts, I try not to judge, I try so hard to see the soul of the person speaking to me instead of the ugly words I am hearing...

It isn't easy...

What is easy, is to just say what is on your mind and move on, turning the other cheek and walking away is harder, yet I am getting better at it.

I do it because I know that is what He wants me to do, and I am not speaking in specifics, I am just speaking in general.

I thought I was being obedient to Him, I thought I was doing everything He wanted me to do, until the conversation I had last night...

It wasn't anything bad, it was more of a "light bulb" moment for me and I did come home and talk about it with G because I had to make sure I "got" what I thought I was getting.

You see, on this journey towards being the person He has called me to be, I figured everything would be "golden" and it has not been...

I am still living where I don't want to live, relying on people etc...

I couldn't understand why; I prayed, I listened when He spoke to me, I help others, I go to Church, I rarely drink and I don't do drugs, I don't sleep around, I haven't read His word like I should (I will admit that) etc...

And last night my Pastor said something that struck me like a lightening bolt ~If you are not obeying, your prayers are not being heard~

They are obstructed by unseen things in your heart, hindered by your own mind and your own choices.

Between my Pastor and the talk with my Minister and as well as the support from G, only then did it become clear...

No matter what good I do, no matter how many homeless people I feed, how many times I turn the other cheek, how many times I go to Church or Bible study, no matter how many times I hit my knees to pray...

None of it matters as long as I am being a disobedient daughter, as long as I ignore what He says, I will continue to be stuck...

Stuck in a job with no chance to grow, stuck in a house where I can barely breathe, stuck relying on other people to take me where I need to go, etc...

It feels like I am trying to run in quicksand and the more I try to run, the more it is swallowing me up, the more I fight to get out, the further I sink.

Two people, facing off...

One dark, the one I am used to, the one that has no fear, doesn't care what others think, lives for herself and doesn't give a you know what, hurt, resentful, angry, yes a little bit bitter, possibly vengeful as well and doesn't want to feel anything, anymore, ever.

One light, moved to tears by a song, compassionate, caring, so tender-hearted now it makes the dark me sick to think about, wants to help her fellow man, feels Him right there with His hand out, coaxing and loving and trying so hard to tell her she will be ok if she just places her hand in His, her heart in His hands, her trust in Him...

Completely.



POCKET FULL OF ROCKS
Louder Than The Voice
That Whispers You're Unworthy
Hear The Sound Of Love
That Tells A Different Story

A Moment Of Silence

"Even Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I Will Fear No Evil, For You Are With Me; Your Rod And Your Staff, They Comfort Me."

Psalm 23:4

She was the first person who ever commented on my blog.

She makes me laugh when I read her blog.

Always positive, always upbeat and always making up new words that should be added to the dictionary.

She encourages me in the way she views life and I love her bunches even though I have never met her in real life.

July 28, 2010 a tragic accident struck her family, more specifically her nephew whom she adored.

He was hurt but alive.

For the past month he has been in the hospital and she has asked for prayers.

Today he received his wings.

I can feel her pain from about 10 states away.

And there is nothing I can do to help her.

I can show compassion in the face of sorrow, understanding in the face of confusion, love in the face of anger, however I can't take her pain away.

I have her and her family in my prayers and she knows where I am if she needs anything.
Now I am asking my readers for a moment of silence for Michael.

Prayers for his family during this sorrowful time, maybe if you have an extra moment you can go and visit Nikki and offer her a kind word or a hug.

Now look around at the family you have around you, give up a prayer of thanks and go hug each one of them tightly and tell them you love them.


KUTLESS
I'm Soaring Now, Somewhere In The Sky
The Rush Of Air, Never Wanting To Come Down
There's Nothing That I've Ever Felt Like Learning How To Fly
I'm Learning How To Fly

Worth the Wait

"I Wait For The Lord, My Soul Waits, And In His Word I Put My Hope."

Psalm 130:5

We all wait for something each and every single day we are alive on this Earth.

Your day is filled with waiting...

Some things are big...

Perhaps a promotion, a child being born, a new house etc...

Some things are small...

The clothes dryer to go off, the school bus to arrive, the mailman etc...

I admit, I get tired of waiting...

I am not, nor have I ever been known for my patience.

I am waiting on a chance to move out of my parents' house, waiting on a car, waiting on the school to tell me when I can start, waiting, waiting, waiting...

And to be honest, I don't like it one bit, however that is life.

I waited for a very long time for my husband to come to his senses and realize just what he was truly losing...

I waited for this past weekend for over 4 months, counting it down on my Facebook page...

I waited over 10 years to see Creed, live on stage and finally, my dream to see them came true, and it was worth every single day that I had to wait.

My love for Creed is no secret to anyone who truly knows me...

From the very first time I ever heard them on the radio, I was sold...

From the first moment I laid eyes on the lead singer, Scott Stapp, well let's just say I have a huge school-girl crush on him.

That has never wavered, through all their rocky years, the break-up, the arrests, the reunion, I have been a fan every step of the way.

And yes, I get a lot of slack from Creed haters, however I don't really care, I am used to it seeing as I am also a Cowboys fan.

I left for Atlanta early Saturday morning, early as in 4am...

I went to work first to retrieve my directions since I left them sitting on our printer Friday night, yes that was another blond moment.

I stopped at the gas station and I was off...

6 hours to Atlanta during which I got to see the sunrise, I saw some cows, some horses, a Christmas tree farm and a few lakes.

The drive was uneventful and very peaceful, until I hit Atlanta...

The traffic was horrendous for a Saturday, I didn't care though, I was there, I was on my own and I was facing my fears head on.

Yes, I got lost...

For over 4 hours :)

My hotel was finally found but not until after I got to see the seedier side of Atlanta, who knew one town could have so many strip-clubs?

I checked in, took a shower, changed and was off to see the town...

I went to the Coca-Cola museum, very interesting tour and at the end you can try 60 different sodas that Coke makes and sells in other parts of the world...

Word to the wise, EAT some food before you go...

I tried about 40 on an empty stomach and I was PINGING off the walls for quite some time.

Also as a side note, my hotel was across the street from Turner Field, in the Olympic Park...

If you are anywhere near here when an Atlanta Braves game is let out, you will not be allowed to go back to your hotel because they close the street for traffic, would have been nice to know this before I checked in.

I just treated that as an adventure as well...

I saw the Zoo, the CNN building, A Chik-Fil-A that is open 24 hours, hookers, 2 different jails, beautiful Churches, the Capital building etc...

I slept wonderfully except for being woken up by someone pounding on the door next to me about 3am...

Sunday I woke up, went to Church, back to the hotel to get ready for the concert...

I knew I was going to be out and about all day and there was a Braves game in the afternoon so I wasn't sure I would get back to my room in time to get ready...

I puttered around at the mall, had dinner at a wonderful restaurant called Gordon Biersch (ate here the last time I was in Atlanta and the pizza is FAB) and headed to the venue...

Now, I live in a smallish town, we don't have a 6 lane interstate to get on and get to wherever we are going, hence the reason I missed my exit 4 times before I finally got it right...

I arrived at the amphitheater and was so excited I could barely sit still...

Gave them my ticket, got my wristband for the pit, walked around, paid 9 bucks for 2 bottles of water (yes I said 9 bucks!) and went to check out the pit...

Outdoor concert, end of August, in Atlanta...

Need I say more?

First band on was Theft and they were really good, friendly and when they were done, they walked around talking to anyone who would talk to them...

Next band was Skillet and they were awesome, full of energy and since I already listened to them, it was nice to see them in person...

Last and never least, would be Creed and they were worth the wait, worth the drive, worth the time I was lost etc...

During Theft and Skillet, I was about 3 rows back in the pit...

Once I knew Creed was coming on, nothing was going to stop me from being up front...

I made my way to the metal barrier and that was as close as I could have gotten unless I jumped the stage, once I saw Scott Stapp, the thought was in my head.

There are no words to express how I felt standing there, seeing the band I loved more than any other band in the world...

They sounded unbelievable...

They played old and new music and it was just amazing.

I posted these same pics on my FB page so if you are a friend you can check them out there, they are bigger and look better than these small thumbnails...

I had a long weekend, filled with a lot of thinking, soul searching and a lot of peace...

I missed my little one while I was gone, however this break was exactly what I needed to get my focus back to where it needed to be.

So if you are sitting around waiting for something, in time, it shall come...

Maybe not the way you think it will, maybe not in your time, but it will come and it will always be worth the wait.

CREED
Does The Song You Sing Have Enough Meaning?
Inspire Us To Sing Along
Does The Song You Sing Keep Echoing?
Inspire Us To Sing The Song You Sing