Gift-Wrapped By Him

"Therefore As God's Chosen People, Holy And Dearly Loved, Clothe Yourselves With Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness And Patience."

Colossians 3:12

I have learned the hard way that healing doesn't happen in a flash.

I thought it would for some strange reason...

I expected to wake up one day and everything be all back to normal.

Life doesn't happen that way.

Like a package, sweetly gift-wrapped, there are layers to your healing, just like there are layers to your pain.

You go to bed each night wrapped in pain, you wake up the next morning and the pain is a little bit less than the day before.

You may go all day and be quite happy, however right around the corner will be a trigger to set the rest of your night into motion.

Then the pain sets in once again.

This is normal, I want you to know that.

There are days I may think about my husband once or twice throughout the day and there are days he is in the forefront of my mind.

I am not good at disconnecting, I will admit that...

I wasn't raised to ignore and while granted we are separated, he still is my husband in the eyes of the law.

If he was hurt, in need or in trouble, yes, I would be there for him.

That is what He expects from me...

I am handpicked by Him to lead the lost...

I don't know anyone more lost than the man I married.

To turn my back on him would be a sin in the eyes of my Father.

I don't have to sit around and be disrespected by him, however I don't turn him away either.

I make it an effort each and every day to extend forgiveness to him as well as her.

It isn't an easy task...

It would be easier to hate each of them, easy to blame them for the problems in my life, easy to project my dissatisfaction with the hand I have been dealt onto them, however what kind of person would that make me?

Not a very nice one...

I am not looking for revenge because I know He will take care of any punishment necessary...

I am not wishing on falling stars for them to break-up...

I am not breaking wishbones in the hopes that they are hurt or maimed in some freak accident.

Because I have loved him for more then 20 years, I only want the best for him...

I want him happy in every decision he has made thus far...

I don't want him to fail...

I don't want him to feel bad, guilty, worried, stressed etc...

I want him to know the feeling of complete joy in your heart placed by Him.

In the beginning, I admit I entertained some thoughts I would rather not voice...

Ugly emotions were running rampant in the first few months and I am not proud of the nasty thoughts that also ran through my head.

I have asked for forgiveness from these thoughts, because they were very wrong and I am no longer the person I used to be.

Because of His presence, I know that my life has a greater meaning than I ever thought possible...

Each and every thing happens for a reason and I am truly starting to believe this.

Some of you may not agree with the way I look at things and that is certainly just fine...

I know in my heart in order to do what He is leading me to do, I have to have the gifts He has wrapped up within me...

Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, and Patience.

If I can't find those same things to put forth on the one person who hurt me the most, then I have no business being a Minister.

MATTHEW WEST
You're Starting Over Now
Under The Sun
You're Stepping Forward Now
A New Life Has Begun
Your New Life Has Begun

How He Loves Us

"Jesus Replied, You Must Love The Lord Your God With All Your Heart, All Your Soul, And All You Mind. This Is The First And Greatest Commandment."

Matthew 22:37-38

Last night was my turn to feed the homeless, as always I got there early so I could spend some quiet time in the Church, at the Altar.

Last night I was thankful in my prayers as I knelt in the silence.

Thankful for the words He places on my heart, thankful for how far I have come in the past year, thankful for all the new people in my life as well as the ones who have stuck around during the tumultuous 16 months that have past.

I tried not to hurry my prayer, knowing full well I needed to get ready in the kitchen and it seemed we would be short-handed by 2 people.

I finished thanking Him and as I rose, I felt like I was forgetting something.

I couldn't quite place my finger on it so I carried on into the kitchen.

It was busy last night which always saddens me....

No one in my opinion should ever be homeless and have to worry about where their next meal is coming from.

Most of them are grateful, some don't speak, some are bossy, some are downright mean and some are picky...

They are all His children though so I do what He has called me to do.

As I was about done serving, getting ready to move on to clean-up, it hit me...

I never told Him, "I love you".

I assume He knows I love Him, however shouldn't it be stated to Him?

So I pondered this question with a dear friend ~ Should I tell Him that I love Him?

His reply to me?

The first commandment you see at the top of this post.

You must love Him.

Period.

Sure there are nine other commandments, this one however is the most important.

In my heart, I love Him more then every breath I take, more then every beat of my heart, yet I still didn't know if I should say it.

So last night in my prayers, I ended it by saying I love you.

Complete and pure peace settled upon me.

I can look around and see He loves me...

I am privileged to witness, almost each and every single day, beautiful sunrises and sunsets...

The green of the grass and the beauty of a blue sky filled with white puffy clouds...

The coolness of a breeze blowing across my face on a hot summer day...

The scent of fresh flowers, the calmness of a body of water...

Leaves changing colors, the sand under my feet on the beach...

A laugh in the next room from my little one, knowing that he is healing slowly but surely...

An unexpected call from my oldest son, a letter in the mail from an old friend at just the right time...

An email with a daily Bible verse, walking over, flipping my calender to reveal today, with the same Bible verse printed upon it.

Day after day, minute after minute, He reveals His love to me.

I am not perfect and there are days I don't look for it...

There are days when "life" just takes over and I allow the darker side of my soul to be present...

I don't like those days and if I can catch them early, I will do whatever I can to push them aside, and still seek joy in whatever it is that I am doing.

I don't always succeed, and those are the days He tries even harder to show me He is right there.

The cardinal out back will come on those days, it never fails to make me pause and then smile.

"He loves you" will be sent to me over IM out of the blue, again I will pause and smile.

I won't have a single red light on the way home, traffic will be light and there won't be any accidents along the way...

The magic housekeeping fairy will have landed in my dwelling as I worked and would have taken care of all the chores, all the laundry, and dinner would be on the table as soon as I entered the door.

Of course life is easier this way, however we all know it just doesn't work out that way.

The thing we fail to realize, fail to remember, and most of us fail to think about is, He never promised it would be easy, only that it would be worth it.

That's right, life isn't promised to be easy...

Where is the fun in that?

No matter how hard your life is, it will be worth it in the end.

When all is said and done, you are standing face to face with your Maker, then and only then will it all be worth it.

No matter which way you go, I hope it will be worth it to you based on the decisions you have made in this life.

He loves me more then anyone on the face of this Earth could ever possibly fathom...

No other reason then just because I am me.

He loves me enough to let me be me, yet loves me too much to leave me this way.

He takes the time each and every second of the day to show me how much I mean to Him, show me how much He cares, and show me how much He loves me...

The very least I could do is say "I Love You".


JACI VELASQUEZ
Far Beyond The Understanding
There's A Hand That Leads
If You Believe
Through The Darkness, See The Light
Remember God Loves You