Life

Don't rub your eyes or adjust your computer screen...You are seeing a new post from me :o) I know I have been bad and for that I apologize...To those of you who have emailed me...I thank you...I read them all but don't have a computer at home anymore (see below) so I am unable to respond much...I did get a wonderful card in the mail from a BF - She knows who she is and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! For those who have had trials and tribulations in their lives recently...I have read your blogs and I am so sorry I haven't been there for you...You have my prayers and sympathies always...Hopefully I will be settled soon and will be able to come back like before....Until then...I miss you all and thank you for all your support...(((Hugs))) and love to you all...I will post as I can...

Where should I start?

Let's start with I was evicted from my house...The boys and I are living with my brother and his family for now...It isn't ideal but we are safe and have a roof over our heads and food on the table...

Hubby is in S.C. where he has been for the last 9 days (with the middle school ex)...

I am still working in a job making peanuts and I don't like the job but at least I have one...

My oldest is one angry child and my youngest is one sad child...

I am so tired it takes all I can to just make it through the day...

I miss my old life...I miss my old job, my old house and my old family...

No matter what meds I am taking (and yes I am taking them) the depression is creeping in...

I wonder sometimes throughout the day why?

I wonder sometimes if I am being punished for something...

I wonder sometimes if it is at all worth it...

I wondered today if it was time to check out...

I looked at my angry teenager and sad 6 year old and knew I couldn't do that to them...

I then look up and ask "How much longer do I support"? "How is this ever going to be fixable"? "How am I supposed to do this on my own"? "Why would you put 2 people together 21 years ago for it to end up like this"?

My faith and belief are shaken...I feel like I am walking in a dark cave and I can't find a light to get out...I have never been so lost.


YOLANDA ADAMS
My Hopes And Dreams
Are Fading Fast
I'm All Burned Out
And I Don't Think My Strengths Gonna Last
So I'm Crying Out
Crying Out To You
Lord I Know That You're The Only One
Who Is Able To Pull Me Through