I have missed you all terribly however with the new job and the crap at home I barely have time to check much less post however I miss blogging and will make a better effort to post more often...
Things at home vary from day to day...
Yesterday and today were good...
2 days ago not so good...
I have "seen" more of my "real" hubby in the last week then I have in the last four months so that is good...
Baggage is still in the picture and we now have another one being contacted...
I will refer to her as Dark Cloud...
Dark Cloud was the ex from high school...
Baggage was the ex from middle school...
Dark Cloud has been hanging over our heads from before we were married (Crazy jealous woman)...
Baggage is new to me since I had never heard of her up until 5 months ago...
I have found humor in the situation now...
I find it funny he is trying to get back in touch with Dark Cloud (via text though no answer from her yet)...
I find it funny that what he is searching for is already in front of him yet he can't see it...
What I don't find funny are the days when I am invisible...
Like he can't see me in the house and I thank God those days are few and far in between...
I don't find the look of anguish on his face funny, it breaks my heart...
I don't find the look of sadness on his face funny, it to breaks my heart...
I have found my spiritual self...
I have found inner peace...
I am no longer scrambling to live...
I am stronger now then I ever thought I could ever be...
I live for my happiness that I provide...
I live for my boys...
I still believe with all my heart that we can make it through this together with a better, stronger marriage however if we don't, I no longer live in fear...
I can make it on my own...
I have researched this until I can't read anymore and have accepted that this is something he has to go through alone...
I offer my support...
I detach from the emotional aspect of it...
I have done a 180 as far as he is concerned...
I offer my love...
I don't wait for "crumbs"...
I don't allow "cake-eating"...
I get up and put one foot in front of the other...
I feel better now then I did yesterday...
I wake up everyday and say to myself "One day closer to this being done"...
I miss my husband....
I miss my best friend...
I miss our life...
I don't hate anymore...
There is no anger, no tears...
I take my meds everyday and I pray every night that this will be over and we will be better then ever...
Now how are you all my bloggy friends?
I miss talking to you all everyday but hopefully soon that will change as well...
I am hoping you all went and saw Nikki about her contest?
Don't make me get bossy on you all!
Have a terrific weekend my friends....
(((Hugs))) to you all!!
TIM McGRAW
Today, I'm Gonna Keep On Walkin,
I'm Gonna Hold My Head Up High
Gonna Leave It All Behind
Today, I'm Gonna Stand Out In The Rain
Let It Wash It All Away, Yeah, Wash It All Away
