"Let Us Then Approach The Throne Of Grace With Confidence, So That We May Receive Mercy And Find Grace To Help Us In Our Time Of Need."
Hebrews 4:16
I have started 3 posts in the past 3 days and haven't finished any of them.
My days have been filled with work, moving, Tigger, Church, normal day to day things thrown in there for good measure, and sometimes it seems I am stretched too thin.
So what happens?
I become overwhelmed, angry, resentful, and those around me suffer because of it.
I take my eyes off of Him and start to focus on the "world" around me, start to think I can take care of things better than He can, in a quicker manner, with a better response.
That is what happened this past weekend.
I sat outside at my parents' new house and just allowed the events of the past 20 months wash over me.
I relived the lies, the blame, the broken promises, the rewriting of marital history, the arguments, the ugly words that have been exchanged etc...
And something happened, I got angry.
Not a little angry, a full blown anger that seeped into every crevice of my being.
An anger that ran so deep, it scared even myself.
Not only was I angry at my husband for what he had done, as well as what he is still doing, but I found myself mad at Him for not allowing this to be avoided.
Sure, this has tested my Faith unlike anything I have ever encountered, it brought voice to a calling I have ignored for years, it brought me closer to Him, yet in my selfishness, I look at it as, it could have been done a different way.
I didn't need to be "stripped" of almost everything for Him to get my attention.
At least I didn't think I needed to be.
But in the interest of fairness, I delved deeper to see why I was angry at Him, truly angry...
In my mind, I am a good person...
I help my fellow man as much as I can, I tithe whenever I can, I go to Church, I pray etc...
I do what is necessary of me to feel "good" about myself, but what happens when good, just isn't good enough?
Yes, you can do all those things and still have anger and doubt and worry and why do you think that is?
Maybe, because God is all-knowing and has the power to fix everything, yet there you sit, wondering why things haven't changed or they aren't changing fast enough for you.
Maybe you have fallen prey to being disappointed in Him, you are praying, you are fasting, you are waiting.
Maybe you have been waiting for quite some time, waiting for a child, a spouse, a financial break, health, a new job etc...
Yet things don't seem to be changing, so day by day you allow resentment to set in, resentment at Him for not making your life just a tad bit easier.
The minute you allow resentment at Him to set in, you stunt your spiritual growth, you get drawn away from Him and what He wants for you.
If you continue to allow bitterness and resentment to live within you, you cease to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit and start exhibiting the fruits of the flesh.
You have now given the devil a foothold into your mind and he will run right through there laying seeds of doubt and worry and bitterness and anger.
If you are stuck in a mindset of being angry at Him, you need to repent and allow God to help you get you back to where you need to be.
The biggest mistake we make as humans is thinking that because God is in control, we can then turn around and expect Him to keep bad things from happening to us, because that is what we would do if we were in complete control, and when it doesn't happen, we get mad.
Can anyone point out to me where in the Bible it says the minute we come to Him, our lives will be golden, nothing bad will ever happen to us and we will live happily ever after?
This isn't a fairy tale people.
Scripture clearly states, that though bad things will come into our lives and affect each and every one of us, they will not destroy us, each bad thing, each trial, each tribulation will be used by Him to develop strength and character.
We need to clearly understand, He does see the good as well as the bad things that happen to us and it is our responses to such things that make us either stronger or weaker in our Faith.
It is easy to get mad at circumstances surrounding us, easy to rage at anyone who crosses our path, as well as rage at Him, it takes a very strong person to watch their life fall apart and say thank you for it.
I will admit, I am not that strong all the time.
I can do all the right things in the world, however at the end of the day if I have the mindset of a sinner, all my good goes out the window.
I can try and help each person I come in contact with, yet if I judge them in my mind, I am truly no better than I was a year ago.
I can give away the last dollar in my pocket, but if I am rude and disrespectful to those around me it doesn't mean squat.
Being good has to go hand in hand with thinking good.
Just because you are a Christian and you said the words, doesn't mean you can continue to sin and be as nasty as you want to be.
James 2:20 states that "Faith without works is dead", do you understand what that means?
Me either until I looked into it some more...
It means ~ You accept Him as your Lord, you commit your lives to Him and you commit to following His example as best as you can.
It means you can't sit on the sidelines, you have to "dive in" head first.
Let His love surround you completely, let it overwhelm you (trust me, it will), let it cover every inch of you and then your Faith will be a living Faith.
It will change you completely, no, you won't be perfect and yes, you will still have bad days, however, as you learn more and strive to be more Christ like, you will truly know that being good, just isn't good enough.
STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN
But We Will Never Know
The Awesome Power Of The Grace Of God
Until We Let Ourselves Get Swept Away
Into This Holy Flood
So If You'll Take My Hand
We'll Close Our Eyes And Count To Three
And Take The Leap Of Faith
