"The Way Of A Fool Is Right In His Own Eyes: But He That Hearkeneth Unto Counsel Is Wise."
In my room is a green chair, it is my sisters' chair, one she received from a friend.
Ugly as all get out, (unlike that cool hand chair, I want one of those!) but more comfy than almost anything I have ever sat in.
It is here I read, here I pray, here I sit in silence.
Seeking answers, seeking His voice, His direction, His guidance.
This past week has been a week filled with revelations, it is Thursday and I feel I am already suffering from information overload.
Different areas within my heart have been shown to me, areas that need working on, which is something I prayed for, however I was thinking it would be a couple of tiny things that I could fix overnight.
Once again, I underestimated my all Powerful Father.
"Show me what hinders my walk."
"Show me where I am failing."
"Show me what needs work."
All things I have brought to Him, and He obliges with the prayer of my heart.
I have seriously got to learn to shut up. :)
I am kidding, however if you ask, be prepared to have an answer you didn't expect.
I have been focused on the message I am preparing, in my way of thinking, everything has got to be perfect, the timing, the words, the flow etc...
I wrote and I edited and I wrote some more and edited some more and the only guidance I had, was what I felt my heart was telling me.
I longed to give it to my Pastor, to get his insight, his wisdom, his direction, his counsel since you know, he has been doing this a whole lot longer than I, however pride wouldn't allow it.
I wanted to surprise him more than I wanted his help.
Foolishly sad statement right there.
I saw my Pastor on Tuesday, I had a meeting to attend and I also needed some information from him for the service this Sunday.
I barely had 5 minutes with him until I had to run off to my meeting.
Once I got home, spent some time with Little Man, got him to bed and asleep, I sat in the green chair, tired, overwhelmed, fearful, doubting, to the point I felt the panic start to creep in.
The questions began running through my head and the number one question was, "What in the world do you think you are doing?"
The enemy had decided to join me in the green chair.
I walked over to the computer, put an email together along with my message, swallowing my pride, I hit the send button, thinking I would have peace perhaps?
There was none.
As a matter of fact there was even more questions...
Would he laugh?
What if he hated it and told me that this wasn't for me, that I misheard God, that I am not cut out to be a Pastor?
After sending the email, I went over and over and over the message I had prepared until it was swimming before my eyes, every word, every comma, every period.
Each and every single Scripture I chose to go along with the main one I am using, the points I wanted to make, should I change this word or that word?
Does it flow, as the story I am trying to tell?
Is it choppy?
My mind went into overdrive.
(Not that my calling hinges on what he says, however I still have that small part of me that seeks approval from those around me.)
It would be a long night in the green chair, and I was prepared for the attack within my mind, knowing the enemy was close and looking to derail my way.
The email response came about 24 hours later, I saw it on my phone, however I was terrified of opening it.
All the questions came flooding back into my mind...
I opened the email...
7 words, besides my name and his and I quote...
"This is very good. I approve greatly!!!!!!"
Yes, I had tears.
Now if I can just get through the delivering of the message. :)
Back At My Heart
Back At My Fear
Back At My Brokenness
Lord Meet Me Here
I Am Exposed
And I'm Not Afraid Anymore