tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85424880714435582672024-03-05T10:26:32.208-08:00Two Sides"Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can’t be my disciple."
Luke 14:33 (the Message)Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.comBlogger284125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-48673967088175871662015-01-19T07:30:00.000-08:002015-01-19T07:30:23.803-08:00Changes, Remembrance, and Resolutions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"<i>but those who hope in the Lord</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>will renew their strength.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>They will soar on wings like eagles;</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>they will run and not grow weary,</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>they will walk and not be faint</i>."</span></div>
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<span class="text Isa-40-31" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; position: relative;"><b>Isaiah 40:31</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I went blog hopping tonight and thought to myself "it has been a few weeks since you have blogged." So I came by my own blog only to discover it has been almost a year since I have written. A. YEAR.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*<i>shakes head</i>* </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I began this blog 5 years ago to try to get a better handle on my bipolar and the emotions that seemed to be drowning me during my waking hours, shortly after I began, my life began to take some drastic, and (at the time) unwanted, <b>changes</b>... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*<i>Funny thing about change, if allowed, it can turn your life into something pretty amazing</i>*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> The changes I have experienced have been spoken of here time and time again... However, the last year has brought even more changes, good ones, amazing ones. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I will summarize... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*I graduated with my Bachelors of Science in Religion (last month) and was accepted into the Masters of Divinity program (which started one week ago)... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*December 6, 2014 I was ordained as an itinerant Deacon (but still look for my Pastor when I hear someone call "Rev")...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*My oldest graduated high school and my youngest moved into middle school...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*I have found a job that I actually love!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> There are still some things that I would like to change, however, I see how His timing is so much better than my timing, therefore I am patiently (go ahead and laugh you all that know me in real life) waiting on Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> With change (at least where I am concerned) comes tears... Anxiety at a new fork in the road, fear about what cannot be seen up ahead, uncertainty at taking the first step forward, and so on and so forth... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> The morning I was to be ordained had to be (emotionally) one of the worst days in my life, when technically it should have been one of the best days. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I had reached the point in my ministry where I was comfortable, where I knew what was expected of me, where I knew what I was doing... Going from "Minister" to "Reverend" felt like I was tossed out of an airplane, into the middle of the ocean, alone, surrounded my hungry sharks, without a life preserver in sight... all the while <i><u>forgetting </u></i>that nothing about this walk has been smooth sailing and even more sadly I was <u style="font-style: italic;">excluding </u>to remember the fact that my true Life Preserver walks on water. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Just that quickly, the enemy moved into my train of thought and plowed rampantly through my confidence... Tearing apart what little self-esteem I had left, leaving me doubting, anxious, teary-eyed, and fearful... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> Worried about what others were thinking, instead of relishing in the favor He had bestowed upon me, I sat in the front pew and contemplated what in the world I had gotten myself into. As my name was called to come forth and kneel before the Bishop, I could see the door in my vision and I debated how quickly I could run out of it... I cannot even accurately describe the emotional turmoil that was going on within, but I can say this... As I was kneeling, face about to be buried in the Bible, tears streaming down my face, panic setting in, and hands on the brink of being laid upon my head... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">There He was. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> I could see the purple color of my Bishops' robe, yet everything else fell from my line of vision, I could not hear a single word that was being said, however... I could sense His presence and I could feel His peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> The turmoil which had taken a hold of me earlier that morning was lifted, the thoughts of unworthiness which moments ago had threatened to overtake me were replaced with the Words from the Gospel of John 15:16; "<i>You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you</i>...."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> While I would never claim to fully know what God is doing, I am blessed in that He allows me to see Him working, in my life, as well as in the lives of those around me. Normally around this time I would make my New Years resolutions, however this year I did not make any, nor did I choose a word for the year, instead I want to focus solely on what He is doing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> If I had to pick a word for the year, it would be <i>Remembrance. </i>I want to remember how He moves me from one degree of grace to another, how He works in my life when everything else seems to be falling apart, and how He loves me, even on the days when I cannot muster up enough strength to love myself. I want to remember He sent His <u><i>only</i></u> Son to die for me, so that one day I may live with Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> If I had to make a resolution, it would be to write more... I miss writing so much. It is one of the ways for me to work out what is going on within my head, whether it is ever read by anyone else. I would also resolve to work on my spiritual life more, and my worldly life less. I would resolve to live each day as He has planned it, knowing full well I may not get another tomorrow. To be at peace with all that is placed before me, to go to sleep at night knowing I treated people the way <u>He wanted me to treat them</u>, and not how they treated me, to be an example for my boys in how to live a Godly life, regardless of what other people may say, and to shine before all people more fruits of the Spirit and less trash of the world.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Blessings to you all.</span><br />
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<b>MATTHEW WEST</b><br />
<i>Well, Every Single Day Your Grace Reminds Me</i><br />
<i>That My Best Days Are Not Behind Me</i><br />
<i>Wherever My Yesterday May Find Me</i><br />
<i>Well, I Don't Have To Stay There</i><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-85144058419919780792014-01-09T21:18:00.001-08:002014-01-09T21:18:59.049-08:00One Word<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>God’s riches are so great! The things He knows and His wisdom are so deep! No one can understand His thoughts. No one can understand His ways</em>."</div>
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Romans 11:33 (NLV)</div>
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<a href="http://www.faithbarista.com/2014/01/what-is-your-one-word-for-2014-beloved/#more-17526" target="blank"><img alt="http://www.faithbarista.com/2014/01/what-is-your-one-word-for-2014-beloved/#more-17526" src="http://www.faithbarista.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/OneWord2014_Badge.jpg" /></a></div>
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Three days ago I still did not have a "word" for 2014. I had a verse (right at the top of my blog), but the "word" eluded me. Perhaps this year I would not receive one, I mean a verse is plenty, if you downright think about it and God is pretty busy, therefore He may not have had time to send one down from the Heavens above. <br />
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I stood in the backyard and looked up at the sky, trying to see through the clouds that the "Polar Vortex" had blanketed most of the US with. Everyone I know is sick with some sort of flu/cold. I felt lucky (as if!) that I had already been sick (3 times to be exact) and (praying fiercely) that this time I would not be touched with whatever was going around. <br />
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{That prayer must not have made it to Heaven because I am sitting here with a horrible sore throat and a stuffed up head.}<br />
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It came as a whisper on the back of a bitter gust of wind, softly, but boldly spoken. <br />
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"<em><span style="color: purple;">Deeper</span>"</em><br />
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My first reaction was "<strong>no</strong>." I do not have any spare time to dig. <br />
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Then I tossed up the reasons as to <em>why </em>I did not have the time...<br />
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Parenting, school, studying, preaching, ministering, looking for a job, teaching Bible study, teaching Sunday School, Board meetings etc...<br />
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As if that was not enough, I then went on to list what I already <em><strong><u>do</u></strong></em> for Him and how I felt I needed a break...<br />
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"<em>I want more than a performance, My child</em>" was the answer I received.<br />
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Well said, Father.<br />
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Almost instantaneously a light-bulb went off over my head, taking me back to the post I wrote a few days ago, about feeling a need to always "be on." Somewhere in the past 4 years, my mind has tricked me into thinking that performance was the key to having Him on my side. Basically a "to-do" list of things I made sure to check off before I went to sleep at night. <br />
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Everything I did, had to be better each additional time it was done. I took criticism to heart and changed the way I stand, speak, and preach. Each time I received a copy of a sermon I had preached, I would sit and watch it over and over again, picking out each miniscule error... "Look at your hands, stop talking with them and put them somewhere. You stumbled on that line. Look up and make eye-contact more. You are moving around too much, stand still." And the self-inflicted beating goes on and on.<br />
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Same goes for Bible study. There is another female minister and we share the Women's Bible Study, taking turns each month picking out a woman from the Bible, writing our own Bible study, and then bringing it to whoever shows up. We have been doing this for almost 2 years and I never leave without questioning something I wrote. <br />
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For days I would do this, compare myself to the other 2 preachers in our Church and find myself failing (in my eyes) miserably. Sadly, I know better. I preach against this same mentality of a performance based relationship with the Father, yet here I found myself entangled in the snare of the enemy.<br />
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Living a performance-based life is normal within the world we live. From almost the moment we draw breath, the gauntlet is cast, challenging each of us to not only succeed, but to triumph in all that we do. Then somewhere along that path, we start to believe that our performance is a way to measure the value in ourselves. However, there will be tremendous discouragement if our value is only based on what we do, because someone will eventually come along and be better at it.<br />
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The moment I stopped to take a self-inventory of my walk, the spotlight shone on "performing" too much, therefore if I am always "on," I cannot be resting in Him. The Word tells us; "<em>Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light</em>." Matthew 11:28-30. The Books of Genesis, Exodus, and Hebrews, remind us that the Lord rested... Why do we think we are any different? <br />
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Deeper is a comparative adjective of the word deep, <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/deep">meaning</a>; "very intense or extreme; extending far inward from an outer surface, to a great depth." <br />
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Inward is where I receive my identity; a daughter loved by Him, outward is living out the love that He has given to me. <br />
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My prayer for the year 2014 is this, that I may grow deeper in love with my Savior, that I learn to see past the surface of those He places in my path, & that I put aside the notion that my walk is based purely on my performance, and rest in Him. <br />
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He loves me for who I am at this very moment in time; deeply loves me & He deeply loves each one of you. <br />
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What is your word for 2014? Tell me in the comments or better yet, link up with Bonnie over at <a href="http://www.faithbarista.com/2014/01/what-is-your-one-word-for-2014-beloved/#more-17526">Faith Barista</a> and share with the community.<br />
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Many blessings!<br />
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"<em>Spirit Lead Me Where My Trust Is Without Borders<br /> Let Me Walk Upon The Waters<br /> Wherever You Would Call Me<br /> Take Me Deeper Than My Feet Could Ever Wander<br /> And My Faith Will Be Made Stronger<br /> In The Presence Of My Savior</em>"<br /><br />
<strong>Hillsong United</strong><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-11632068186642634012014-01-06T22:11:00.000-08:002014-01-06T22:11:14.713-08:00Receiving Strength... Through Doubt<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>A Message from the high and towering God, <span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21">who lives in Eternity, </span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21">whose name is Holy: </span></span></em></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21"></span></span><em><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21">“I live in the high and holy places, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21">but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed,</span></span></em></div>
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<span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21"><em>And what I do is put new spirit in them, </em></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21"><em>get them up and on their feet again</em>."</span></span></div>
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-57-15-Isa-57-21">Isaiah 57:15 (the Message)</span></span></div>
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My first post for the New Year and I have sat here for the past few hours just trying to quiet my thoughts and get to the heart of what I want to write. This is not going to be a post on resolutions for 2014, because quite frankly I make them and break them quicker than you can blink. Instead I chose a verse to live by for the New Year; one to pray on, to look at every single day, to make my own. The verse comes from the Book of Luke, 14:33 "<em>Simply put, if you’re not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, <u>you can’t be my disciple</u></em>." (emphasis mine) I am still trying to figure out my word for the year, but back to the verse... These are the words spoken by the Master, stating that one needs to let go of <strong><u>everything</u></strong>, in order to follow Him. <br />
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In my way of thinking, I have already done this... Time to think again. The past few weeks have been a time spent on reflection. I am on a Winter break from school and in the process of trying to find a new job. With each new interview and subsequently with each new rejection, I found myself questioning Him and why He has me on a path that is so hard to walk. I allowed my mind to take me back a few years when everything seemed to be going along perfectly. I loved my life and everything in it. My boys were happy and free from the pain of outside sources, my marriage (imo) was perfect, I lived in a great house, had a job I adored, a car I loved, and a big fat cat who was a fan of cuddling. Fast forward to today and all of those things are gone. <br />
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Today there is brokenness. Today there are unshed tears that burn my eyes and make my throat seize up when I try to swallow. Today there is a heaviness in my soul that is unwanted. Today I need my Savior more than ever. Today it is harder to call on Him than yesterday. <br />
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As I sat here, looking at the verse from Luke, I realized that the brokenness had to be let go of as well. However, I heard the question being asked within my heart; "<em>Are you ready to let go</em>?" You see my brokenness is a part of me, from as far back as I can remember. I have never felt like I "belonged" anywhere. I wear it like a second skin; it protects me from having to be vulnerable with people, cloaks me from having to trust too much, envelops me from having to open up, and shadows me wherever I go. Without that, what do I have? <br />
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We live in a world where broken things are thrown out to the curb, expectantly waiting for the trash man to come by and sweep them up and away, no longer having to look at the mess, instead living in a façade of perfect beauty. Brokenness is not relegated to only "things," it applies to people as well. If you look around you will notice that when relationships break down, people have a horrible tendency to walk away and find someone new, instead of working on reconciliation. The world we live in is full of people with broken hearts, broken spirits, broken emotions, and broken relationships; I am one of those people. <br />
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I have had a tremendously hard time reconciling the fact that as a Minister, I still fall short in so many areas of my life... That I still have so many areas of brokenness. (sigh) For whatever reason, my mind figured that once I accepted my calling, that once I was on board with the fact that He chose me, all would be smooth sailing from there. The Book of Acts tells us that "...<em>through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God</em>." (14:22) <br />
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I will not even begin to understand why I did not think that would apply to me in any way :) <br />
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With every loss, I see His hand move in my life. With every nasty word spewed out from someone who does not believe I look "the" part, another comes along with a kind word of encouragement. With each curious glance from the eyes of someone who does not know me, comes a look of comfort from one who does. There are times when I walk into a Church that is not mine and I feel like a circus freak... (We do a love service once a month where we go on the road to other Churches around town or in our district, and bring service to them. We do this to promote unity in the community, as well as a way of getting to know others.) There are nights when I get home that I just want to curl up into a ball and weep. I want to quit while I am ahead, yet there is a spark within that whispers "give it one more day" each time I feel like this. <br />
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In the midst of all these swirling emotions, I wrestle with how I "should" feel versus how I "truly" feel. You know those conversations you have within your own mind about yourself, your looks, your choices, and your decisions? This is what I am referring to... Goes something like this...<br />
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<em>Me: Geez what is wrong with you? Get it together, get a grip, do what you have been chosen to do.</em><br />
<em>Me: And they call you a preacher? What kind of Minister are you??</em><br />
<em>Me: You know they don't like you... See the way she just looked at you? You are not wanted here. You look different and they will use their last breath to remind you of that.</em> <br />
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(I never claimed to have a kind mind) These are just a few of the conversations that I have with myself and I realized that these conversations are not of Him, but antics of the enemy to make me doubt myself, but more importantly they are used to doubt Him. <br />
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On this journey, I never expected doubt to come into play. As a child I went to Sunday School and Church every Sunday... Then I reached a point in my life where I figured that my way was better so I put those notions that I learned to the side and entered into the big bad world, head first. However, my belief in Him did not get lost along the way. I still prayed before I went to bed every night... <br />
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<u>That's it</u>. I prayed and to be honest it was mostly done just to escape eternal hell in case something I was doing caused my death that particular night... <em><u>That is painful to admit</u></em>. :(<br />
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As I was researching the cause of my "internal" doubt, I came across a statement that read "<em>you are moving from the merely inherited faith of your childhood to an adult faith that is truly your own. You should expect that by growing into a mature faith, even though you are a Christian, doubt will come into play at some point. The process can be very painful, but it is really an important part of spiritual maturation. So don’t be distressed; this is something you need to go through</em>." (Read <a href="http://www.reasonablefaith.org/christian-doubt">here</a>) <br />
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Great. <br />
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Something else that I "need to go through." <br />
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<span><br /></span><span> Doubt is not anything new. If you go into the Word, you will find several examples of doubt coming into play. With Moses, Thomas, Jacob, Job, David, Elijah, and even with John the Baptist... The one who baptized the Son of Man, eventually had doubt enter his mind. I figure if John the Baptist can have a moment of doubt, I can as well.</span><br />
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<span> I have found out first hand that a Minister (Pastor, Preacher, Reverend, Priest etc....) is expected to always be "<strong><em><u>on</u></em></strong>." People expect them to </span><span>go from strong faith to stronger faith and they are expected to adequately have all problems resolved so that they can be counted on for the unchanging Word. The responsibility is huge, and I have found that it is enough to take away my breath and it is not limited to the Pulpit on Sunday morning. I can no longer run to the grocery store in my pajamas (sue me, they are comfy and I am human) because I will undoubtedly run into a Steward from my Church. </span><br />
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<span> Gone are the days of going to the mall fresh-faced and make-up free. </span><span>Gone are the days of gossiping with my close girlfriends. In place of those days I find myself scrutinized in ways that make me shake my head and swallow a scream. </span><span>From the way I wear my hair, to pantyhose or tights, to my heels being too high, to whether I talk too fast or too slow, to whether I eat or not ( yes, this has actually been a point of discussion that made its way to the ears of my Pastor *eye-roll*) I have been chewed up and spit out, <em><u>all in the name of Jesus.</u></em> </span><br />
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<span> However through the thick, choking, clouds of doubt, He sees, He knows, and therefore He answers in ways only He can...</span><br />
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<span> With people He places in my life, like my Pastor who believes in me, even on days I cannot muster up enough belief in myself. </span><br />
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<span> With an unexpected email from a new friend, like my secret Santa, which came in during the writing of this post. :) So sweet!</span><br />
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<span> With a song lyric, that has been heard many times before, but now has new meaning.</span><br />
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<span> With a message from G, after not hearing from him for months, due to a move on his part. </span><br />
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<span> With 7 (the number of completion) blood red cardinals prancing around in the backyard.</span><br />
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<span> With the reading of John 20:24-29 and "understanding" for the first time that Jesus gave in to the doubts of Thomas by taking the words Thomas spoke eight days earlier to the other disciples and turning them into reality.</span><br />
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<span> With a mentor I can call day or night, that makes time to answer questions that frustrate me to the point of pulling my hair out.</span><br />
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<span> With a ray of sunshine that hits my face, on a cold day (it is 27 degrees here... in Florida!) </span><br />
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<span> He hears the cries of my heart, He sees the unshed tears, He feels the ache of loneliness, He acknowledges my doubt, He drives away my insecurities, He silences my fears and with that understanding, He strengthens me...</span><span>to "<em>give it one more day</em>." </span><br />
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<span>Many blessings upon you my friends!</span><br />
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"<em>There Are Times When You Feel Like You Can't Go On <br />There Are Times When You Feel Like Giving In <br />And There Are Times When You Feel Like You Can't Try Anymore <br />There Are Times Of Trouble In Believing <br />This Test Of Your Faith Will Last <br />As Long As It Takes To Pass <br />Till You Have No More Doubt You'll Endure <br />And Your Faith Will Emerge True And Pure</em>"<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-35258411618483482572013-12-17T20:45:00.000-08:002013-12-17T20:45:36.061-08:00SSS ~ What A Blessing!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
"<em>For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them</em>."</div>
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Matthew 18:20 (NIV)</div>
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(First let me apologize for the sideward pictures... I could not get the rotated ones to save for some reason) </div>
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My package came almost a week and a half ago and I feel horrible it took me this long to get a post up. I was smack dab in the middle of finals and just could not squeeze anymore time out of my day, however, now I am on Winter Break (Thank you Lord!) so here is my (albeit) late post. </div>
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My Secret Santa lives in Texas.... Home of my beloved (though fiercely hated by some) Cowboys! I have not had a chance to do any digging so I truly have no idea who my SS is/was, I will say that whoever she is, she was indeed a blessing to me. </div>
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If you look sideways (ha ha again sorry) at the top left you will see w slip of paper with the word "joy" printed on the top, in the white is a portion of the song "Joy To The World." I love it! It is now hanging above my bed. Santa socks and touchscreen gloves... Shut up ~ I did not even know they made touchscreen gloves (Side note ~ I have an iPhone and <strong><u>DESPISE</u></strong> fingerprints so this is SO cool!) </div>
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Hot cocoa, my absolute fav as y'all know, complete with mini marshmallows ~ Yummy!</div>
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Butterfingers and white chocolate covered pretzels, along with cinnamon discs and spearmint discs... My SS must have known of my love for spearmint discs, if you look in my purse, you will see no less than about 50 of them on any given day. Don't judge, I like "good" smelling breath :)</div>
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2 books which I am so looking forward to reading over my break, one of which is a devotional to start on the 1st of January... I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE devotionals!</div>
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The tan cloth with the Crosses on it is (I sure hope so anyway) a scarf. Being that I sit in front of the congregation I always have a scarf to cover my girly bits (even though I wear long dresses/skirts/just to be safe). If it is not intended to be a scarf, please let me know lol!</div>
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The wooden Cross. Nestled under this Cross was a note from my SS.... Her Dad made this. <em><u>Hand made</u></em>. </div>
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I read the note and instantly I was in tears. This I hung in my room, immediately. It is in a place where it is the first sight I see when I get up, and the last one I see before I go to sleep. I touch it as I walk out the door and find myself lingering over the fact that it was hand made, and my SS willingly sent it to me. </div>
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Had nothing else come in the box aside from the Cross, that still would have been the biggest blessing.</div>
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The note stated that she had a story for me (after the reveal). A story of how God always has a plan. <em>I cannot wait to hear the story.</em> </div>
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Another side note ~ Each item was individually wrapped so beautifully and as usual, I forgot my camera until after the fact (sorry!)</div>
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To Suzanne ~ Thank you for once again hosting the SSS. This has been (I think) my 4th year participating and the time and effort you put into it is appreciated and it is something I have looked forward to all year! You are a blessing!!</div>
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To my SS ~ I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You were a bright light in the middle of a stressful week. The thought and care you put into the package you sent me, went beyond my expectations. No matter how long I walk this road, I pray that He continues to surprise me in the ways that He shows His Grace. Whether by people I know, or people I have never met, in a song, or in a Scripture, in the clouds, or in the sunshine. No matter the trials, tribulations, circumstances, or emotions, I pray the same Grace showers upon you and your family. Please extend my deepest gratitude, a big hug, and speechless appreciation to your Dad. </div>
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Much Love.</div>
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"<em>There In The Darkest Night Of The Soul<br /> There In The Sweetest Songs Of Victory<br /> Your Grace Finds Me<br /> Yes Your Grace Finds Me</em>"</div>
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<strong>MATT REDMAN</strong></div>
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Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-78419073129671892532013-10-07T21:52:00.000-07:002013-10-07T21:52:21.736-07:00Changing Seasons<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you</em>."</div>
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Romans 12:1-2 (the Message)</div>
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I woke this morning at 6:30am and as I do every single morning I walked outside, checking to see what the weather is like. The anticipation of fall has been heavy in the air lately, however, it has still been unbelievably hot for the majority of the day, and we all know I do not like the heat. <br />
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As the garage lifted up, I felt a breeze on my bare feet and then on my face as the garage came fully open... Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy! Autumn is here! A glorious 63 degrees greeted me and the foul mood I could feel hanging over me from the moment I got out of bed, disappeared. <br />
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I adore the Fall season, every aspect of it. From pumpkin patches, to the leaves changing color. From shorter days, to chilly nights. I would be in Heaven if the weather stayed at 60 degrees year round, however like everything else in life, it is just a season. Here for a few months, and then gone until the next year. <br />
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Everything changes and I have been brought to a place in my life where I am now realizing that any change can be a good thing. People say that some changes are good, and some changes are bad... I no longer believe this. I believe that every change is good. <br />
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Whether it is used to grow your faith, used to slow you down, used as a reminder of what is most important, it really does not matter... What matter is your perspective. <br />
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My life has changed immensely in the past four years and to be able to sit back and look over those years, I now know that I would not change a thing. People have come into my life for a season and then I have people who have come in and stayed. Whether here or gone, each of them brought something to my life, as well as to my walk. They may be unpleasant people to be around, however, I now look at it as a lesson, in what not to do with others in my life. <br />
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I feel the season shifting in my life... For the past few months I could feel an undercurrent, yet I could not quite place my finger on it and to be honest, I still cannot name it. At the same time though I had a peace come over me tonight, that I am unable to put into words. <br />
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As I stood outside this evening, feeling the cool air blow across my face, I could feel Him standing with me. Staring at the stars that were twinkling, no longer concerned about why I have been feeling foul for the past few days. And as the peace settled, I knew that I was right where He needed me to be. <br />
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I know that life is not easy and I know that each of us faces trials and tribulations, and I am not going to sit here and state that all is going to be well... What I will state is that each of us has a Friend that is always there, always cares, and always has a helping hand extended to us... Change is never easy, but if you look at it with a different perspective, it can always be good. <br />
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You have all been missed so dearly and I pray all is well with each and every one of you! <br />
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<strong>DONALD LAWRENCE</strong> <br />
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<em>I Feel Seasons Everywhere,<br />And I Feel Blessings In The Air;<br />(Those Seeds That You've Sown),<br />(You're Gonna Come Into Your Own, Seasons),<br />Walk Into Your Seasons.</em><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-13478935827901949382013-08-21T20:46:00.001-07:002013-08-21T20:46:12.604-07:00I Am Still Here<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"<em>And <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29181A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-29181B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>if we do not give up</em>." </div>
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Galatians 6:9 (ESV)</div>
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I am still around and I am finally...</div>
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Almost.....</div>
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Tada.....</div>
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It has taken two years of non-stop school to get to this place and I can finally begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I know I do not post as much as I used to, but I am hoping that will change once I get into a groove of some sorts. I have so many things I want to share with you all, in the meantime though, I pray all is well with each one of you and hope to see you soon! <br />
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<strong>MERCYME ~ "Don't Give Up On Me</strong><br />
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"<em>Be Still I’ll Never Leave You<br />When You’re Far I Am Near<br />My Grace Will Always Be Greater<br />Than The Sum Of All Your Fears</em>"<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-47093836838306381822013-05-02T23:55:00.001-07:002013-05-03T06:44:36.113-07:00The Power of Temptation<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>Watch and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-24092B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>pray that you <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-24092C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak</em>." </div>
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Matthew 26:41 (ESV)</div>
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I know it has been over three months and for the few of you who are still here... Hello :) Still in school and once again back in the Ministerial Institute, along with work and life, I am a bit busy. I miss writing and I miss my peeps... Yes I said peeps, do not judge. <br />
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I could not get a single picture to load here, therefore I think this may be my first post without pictures. It is almost 1am here and while I should be sleeping, I have to get something off of my chest first, y'all know how I am. <br />
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My ex left in '09 and for those of you keeping track, I have had not a single date since. I have not been really "looking" either, figuring if it was something He wanted me to have, it would fall in my lap, cause I am blond and that is the way I see things sometimes. Most men I meet run when they hear minister, therefore I am getting used to it. However, a friend of mine and I decided to try the internet dating scene... First on a well known Christian site ~ Side note... If you say you are a Christian, why would you be offended if I ask what Church you go to? That site did not work out therefore we found another one to check out. I liked this one, and the men seemed "normal" as opposed to not so normal. <br />
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It is hard to "judge" by the internet because you are able to become whatever you want and meeting in person can be scary, due to the fact that you never know if the person is a potential serial killer. This is where I met him, and he did not run. He knew I was a minister and he also knew upfront he would never be first, He was. <br />
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Now if you go back through my blog, somewhere I posted my idea of a "perfect" man. Bald, goatee, tattoos, muscles, tall, and he has to smell good. He had it all, other than the fact that I did not get a chance to smell him. I was stunned, he was stunning, therefore I tried to justify my thoughts with what I saw as his "perfection." <br />
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Let me go back a few months. I read this trilogy that is/was extremely popular. I know, I know, not exactly "minister" reading, but when I laid the series down, I wanted my own "Christian Gray." If you have read the series you know exactly what I am referring to. The story underneath the fluff was beautiful, just the kind of man I wanted. One who was strong in what they believed, compassionate towards other people, monogamous, and passionate when it needed to count. One who <u>did not cheat</u> and one who did not set out to destroy others, in the pursuit of their own happiness. <br />
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Back to him... We talked back and forth via the internet for a few days when it dawned on me that he was just like "Christian Gray." See that passage I posted at the top? "flesh is weak" is an <strong>understatement</strong>. I wanted what I wanted and I was ready to throw the past three years away, just to get what I desired. He was the desire and I am telling y'all I about lost my mind with weak flesh. I wanted <em><u>nothing more</u></em> than to jump in the car and have a face to face. <br />
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The pull of my flesh, versus the pull of my spirit was tearing me in two. Now a year ago, I would most likely have done it without a second thought, however my spirit is stronger now, than it was then. I tell you this for two reasons, one ~ no one is perfect. I have an idealization as to what a minister should look like, talk like, act like etc... The past couple weeks have shown me that while you can look at me on Sundays (or whenever I am with my Church) and know that I am a minister, I still struggle inside daily. There were things inside that I thought were dead and buried... With a stroke of his keyboard, he woke what I thought was lost. <br />
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The second reason I am writing this is to remind you that if you are being tempted, He will provide an out for you. 1 Corinthians 10:13 "<em>No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28564V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup>God is faithful, and <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28564W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup>he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it</em>." Did I want the out? Not by a long shot, but I was also in some serious darkness that I was no longer comfortable wearing. <br />
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I am human and because He made me, I also crave other humans at times. Usually I am good on my own, barely speaking to people for most of the day, but this man... Showed me that the "desire for another" was still there. Was he perfect? No, none of us are. He may have been what I perceived as ideal, but was he ideal for me? Was he sent from Him? And the all important question ~ Would he dance in the rain with me? Only time will tell.<br />
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I had to take my out. I had to step back and away from him before I did something I would regret. Temptation is a very powerful thing and when temptation comes, it does not come in blaring like a loud trumpet, I find it comes in softly, like a gentle breeze. I woke up this morning angry... At myself for not "seeing" as I should have and for trying to force the hand of God in my life, at my ex for putting me in a position to start all over again, and at the enemy for dancing around the shadows of my life just for kicks and grins. <br />
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When you face trials and tribulations I think it is natural to "ice" the areas where you are vulnerable. Your heart, your trust, your openness, your love. You do not want to be hurt again, therefore you block those areas from seeing light. <u><em>Fear keeps you bound in those chains</em></u>. However, I do not want to live a life of fear. I do not want to wear a cloak of darkness. I want joy and sunshine and light. I want to trust and be open, to love and to share my heart. However, it has to be on His terms.<br />
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Everyone falters, everyone falls, and everyone fails, at some point in their life. The question is how do you respond to it? I write and now that I have put it down, I feel better about the situation. You never can know what the Lord has in store for you, and this is a lesson that He is teaching me. <br />
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God bless you!<br />
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<strong>MATTHEW WEST</strong><br />
<em>I Am No Longer Defined </em><br />
<em>By All The Wreckage Behind </em><br />
<em>The One Who Makes All Things New </em><br />
<em>Has Proven It's True, Take A Look Ay Like </em><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-14135998598808291632013-02-17T21:15:00.000-08:002013-02-17T21:15:11.661-08:00<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Hello all ~</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"> I was catching up on my favorite bloggers this evening and came across this one... I enjoyed reading it that I thought it would be fun to do.... Plus I am just too lazy to write a whole new post. :)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">Many Blessings!</span><br />
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<a href="http://furrybottoms.blogspot.com/2013/02/48-things-about-me.html"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;">48
Things About Me</span></a><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"> </span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"> Not to my knowledge</span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">2.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 21.98px;"> I would have to say last week. Church has that affect on me.</span></span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;">3</b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"> DO
YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?</b></span></span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 21.98px;"> I actually do.</span></span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">4.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Boar's Head deluxe and and cracked peppermill turkey. I could eat this combo everyday!</span></span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">5.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"> 2 boys, Eeyore is 17 and Tigger is 9</span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">6.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong> </strong>I am not sure. It takes an awful long time to "get in" since I do not trust people the way I used to, however, once you are "in" you are golden. </span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">7.
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"> I really and truly try hard not too, but there are days when I do (I am sad to admit that).</span></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">8.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 21.98px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Yes, sure
do.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">9.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I would love to try it at least one time.</span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">10.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I am on a health kick lately so I eat Total Raisin Bran daily..... My favorite though is Cocoa Pebbles or Lucky Charms.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">11.
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 21.98px;"></span></span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 21.98px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Yes I do</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong> </strong></span><span style="color: #4c1130;">I think that I have learned I am stronger than I ever thought I was.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE
CREAM?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong> </strong></span><span style="color: #4c1130;">Mint Chocolate Chip ~ Only from Baskin Robbins</span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT
PEOPLE?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Eyebrows ~ Do not ask me why, but I always look at eyebrows first.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">15. RED OR PINK?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Red ~ Never pink, ever.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT
YOURSELF?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I am going to take Nikki's answer as my own . "That I am hard to get to
know in real person. I wish I was so much more easygoing. In my mind I am SO
easygoing but it doesn't seem to match my behavior, and I hate
that." In my mind I am fearless.</span></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> A year ago I would have had a different answer, however, today I would have to say my mentor, Rev. M. He was placed in his own Church a couple of months ago, a couple of hours away, and while I can still talk to him, it isn't the same as seeing him.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE
MOST?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> My confidence</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU
WEARING?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Brown slippers with monkey faces on each one <strong>:) :)</strong> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU
ATE?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Stuffed baked potato. </span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT
NOW?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Tigger is snoring and the cat is purring. </span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU
BE?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Plum</span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">23. FAVORITE SMELLS?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Puppy breath (Don't laugh, it is a great scent), bread baking, babies after a bath, a good cologne on a man (just the hint of it when he walks by). </span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO
YOU?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> They wouldn't be important to me if they weren't my own.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH
HOUSE?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Both ~ Depends on the season</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO
WATCH?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></strong></span> </div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> NFL ~ Dallas Cowboys! </span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">27. HAIR COLOR?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Born a blond and I am now multi-toned ~ Several shades of blond and one jet-black streak underneath.</span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">28. EYE COLOR?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Blue </span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> No, not in this lifetime... I can not bring myself to touch my eye.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">30. FAVORITE FOOD?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Sandwiches ~ I could eat one for every meal, especially if the sandwich comes from the deli at Publix.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY
ENDINGS?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Both ~ Depends on my mood.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I went and saw Identity Thief last night actually ~ That was so worth the cost of a night-time movie! I laughed until I thought I was going to wet myself. :)</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU
WEARING?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Teal Blue</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">34. SUMMER OR WINTER?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><strong> </strong>Always Autumn </span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">35. FAVORITE DESSERT?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Not a huge dessert fan ~ I like cake w/o the icing, brownies if they are just out of the oven, and I will eat ice cream in the Winter months only. </span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> LOL ~ Have we met? </span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> I am on the computer more than anything.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING
NOW?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma;"><span style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> "I Am Second"</span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Nikki ~ I still have a mouse pad LOL ~ Plain black one</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">40. FAVORITE SOUND?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Gentle rain falling</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Christian is what I listen to 99% of the time.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM
HOME?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Military brat so I have traveled all over the world. Been to Europe, Asia, and 46 out of 50 states.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL
TALENT?</span></b></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong> </strong></span>
I am not sure.</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">44. WHERE
WERE YOU BORN?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Tampa, Florida</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Northwest Florida</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">46. WHAT
COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Reddish Brick</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Don't have a car :)</span></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><b><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48
QUESTIONS?</span></b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> It was a nice break from studying :) :) :)</span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="background-color: #cfe2f3;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Wasn't that fun?? Don't you wanna join in? If you do,
let me know because I'd love to read them.</span> </span></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;">Don't ask me why the background colors are doing their own thing. I tried and tried to fix it and just gave up lol.</span> </div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Geneva, Verdana, Arial, Tahoma; font-size: 12px; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 15px;">
<span style="color: #4c1130;"><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a></span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content">
</div>
Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-8104827134782094822013-01-21T22:01:00.000-08:002013-01-21T22:01:49.425-08:00Reckless<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
"<em>Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28842AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup>the Spirit of the Lord is, there is <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28842AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></sup>freedom. </em><span class="text 2Cor-3-18" id="en-ESV-28843"><em>And we all, with unveiled face, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></sup>beholding <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843AE" title="See cross-reference AE">AE</a>)"></sup>the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-28843AG" title="See cross-reference AG">AG</a>)"></sup>from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit</em>."</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="text 2Cor-3-18">2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (ESV)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQgrGPxDRZxKjqFYzbDnI5F8f9N-7DJyqWj8H_at6meeZ-86QEolYR2Zh1O0K0GOAATlSs7PoAyXhCT6StJ2bQ4vTb74768xzqKiXi0Zr_PE1T1XlTcYcsBNiepAkWDOgTyvfR-sLkVRI/s1600/ts4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQgrGPxDRZxKjqFYzbDnI5F8f9N-7DJyqWj8H_at6meeZ-86QEolYR2Zh1O0K0GOAATlSs7PoAyXhCT6StJ2bQ4vTb74768xzqKiXi0Zr_PE1T1XlTcYcsBNiepAkWDOgTyvfR-sLkVRI/s320/ts4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="color: #444444;">Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and any other holiday that I have forgotten! :) That had to be the longest "Day of Silence" (see post below) ever. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">I am still alive. :)</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">Let me bring you up to date: I just started my Junior year (one week ago today), I am meandering through with a "B" average (darn that History and Algebra ~ C in both classes and I will <u>NEVER</u> understand why I need Algebra to preach HA!) , the boys are great ~ Eyeore has been visiting recently and I am thrilled with the change in his heart, Tigger is still Tigger ~ An endless ball of energy!</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">The holidays were good, though right after Christmas, I came down with the flu.... The (I think I should wish for) DEATH FLU... <strong><em><u>Every. Single. Part. Of. My. Body. HURT</u></em></strong>. From the top of my head, to the souls of my feet... The hurt where you just want to lay on your back and not breathe... I swear I could feel the hair on my legs grow, as I laid there thinking that the Angel of Death was hovering directly over my bed. I am so getting a flu shot next year! This is 2 years in a row that I got it and quite frankly I do not want it ever again. It has been 2 weeks and I am just now feeling about 95% normal, though I still have the cough ~ Blech.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #444444;">As I read back on some of my older posts for the beginning of a new year, I noticed that I have prayed for/received a single word for the new year. In the past years I have received "trust" and "patience," this year the word He gave me is "<em>reckless</em>." </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">Once I had the word, I started noticing it everywhere, that is how I know I am on the right path.</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">In the dictionary, the word reckless is defined as "<span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">utterly</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">unconcerned</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">about</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">consequences</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">some</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">action;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">without</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">caution;</span> </em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><em>careless</em>." </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Say what??? </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Come again??? </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">See in my mind, I have a clear picture of what a Minister is supposed to look like, speak like, walk like, live like etc... The very definition of reckless is the <em>COMPLETE</em> opposite, of the picture my mind paints. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">Reckless describes the way I used to live so long ago, it describes the way I disregarded my very life when I allowed myself to make numerous, very unfortunate decisions growing up. It is a 180 from what I am today. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">So I thought long and hard about this word, how I could incorporate this into my daily life. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;">Look at the first part of the definition ~ "<span id="hotword"><em><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">utterly</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">unconcerned</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">about</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">consequences</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">some</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">action"</span></em></span></span><br />
<span><em><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></em></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"><u><strong>Utterly unconcerned</strong></u> by what others may think about my worship, my love, my faith, my praise, etc... My love for Him has got to be reckless, otherwise I run the risk of conforming to what others think I should be; from the way I dress, to the way I preach. </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Look at the second part of the definition ~ "<em>without caution</em>" </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">To follow Him has got to be <strong><u>without caution, </u></strong>to not hold anything back due to fear, or circumstance, or doubt. </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Third part ~ "<em>careless</em>" </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Careless is also another word for unconcerned, therefore, go back to what I wrote for the first part. </span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">I want my life to be reckless and unabashed when it comes to the way I follow Him. I want to get to the point where I do not care (I say that nicely) what others may think. I pray that I am reckless to the point that others see Him, before they even see me.</span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Do you have a word for the year?</span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;"></span></span></span><br />
<span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #444444;">Many blessings!</span></span></span><br />
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<strong><span style="color: #444444;">JEREMY CAMP</span></strong><br />
<em><span style="color: #444444;">Everytime I Try To Play It Safe</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #444444;">Holding Back Just A Little Part Of Me</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #444444;">I Find Myself Forgetting What</span></em><br />
<em><span style="color: #444444;">I Say That I Believe</span></em><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-36046112844844796442012-12-18T10:17:00.000-08:002012-12-18T10:17:16.949-08:00Day of Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-15147079197848595572012-12-10T08:22:00.000-08:002012-12-10T08:22:31.830-08:00Secret Santa <div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>And As You Wish That Others Would Do To You, Do So To Them</em>."</div>
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Luke 6:31 (ESV) </div>
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I have been doing the Secret Santa for a few years now and it something I always look forward to doing. As soon as the email comes from <a href="http://coloradolady.blogspot.com/">Suzanne</a>, I fill it out and wait anxiously for an email back letting me know who I will be buying for. Then I set out and purchase whatever I can based on the form that is sent back to me. The one who received my form went all out. :)<br />
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(Excuse the shoddy picture taking, I had to use my phone)<br />
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I received my package two days ago and I know I should have posted then, however I am in the middle of finals and I also had to preach yesterday so I was preoccupied preparing a sermon and studying. The presents were packed tightly in the box, each one individually wrapped... <br />
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** Sidenote I need to do that next year!<br />
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Here they are all wrapped so pretty... Look at the dove on that paper in the very front... Beautiful! I did not want to tear the paper, however, I am human, therefore I tore into it... I am not one to "save" wrapping paper and kudos to those of you that do! I do not have the patience to tear gently. We have established that I am not a patient person and unwrapping gifts falls under that category. <br />
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The first one I unwrapped was a journal with the Serenity Prayer on the front of it. I love journals and I love that prayer... Beautiful! Next came the Book of Psalms, as well as a Book of Promises from the Message Bible. I do not have the Message Bible, I use it, however I have not gotten around to buying one so this was perfect. Next two boxes of Butterfinger Bites... My fav candy when I do eat it is Butterfingers, however, both boxes were absconded by my little one and my niece, though they each gave me one single piece from their boxes lol... Yummy! <br />
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The final gift was a bracelet made entirely of Crosses...Brought me to tears... Absolutely gorgeous! The bracelet came from an Etsy shop in Texas and the box came from Michigan, therefore I have no clue who my Secret Santa is.<br />
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To her, I extend my gratitude... Each present had thought put into it and I love every one of them. May you have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! God Bless you and yours!<br />
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To Suzanne, I thank you for once again hosting the Secret Santa! You rock!! God Bless you and yours!<br />
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Much Love!!<br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-10317778356495778442012-11-17T22:47:00.000-08:002012-11-17T22:47:29.848-08:00Where Is Your Focus?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
"<em>It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone</em>."</div>
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Ephesians 1:11-12 (Message)</div>
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This past Monday my hard drive died, without warning. I lost everything due to the fact that my back-up system was not working, as I thought it was. Almost 3 years of school work, music, sermons, all of my pictures, websites I visited etc... All of it gone. <br />
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I ended up having to buy a new hard drive which my Dad was kind enough to install, but in the few days it took me to get my computer up and running, all I could do was fret. Each week I am under deadlines for school and as each day passed without my computer, the worry enveloped me like a fog. Now that my computer is back up, I am pressed for time to complete the assignments for this week, however, as you all know by now, if a post is brewing, I cannot do anything until I get it written. <br />
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*Sniffles*<br />
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I heard her, before I saw her. She is about 10 or 11 years old. <br />
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I saw her on Monday night and then again on Thursday.<br />
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I sit in the same place these 2 nights of the week, waiting for little man, as he is tutored in Math... <br />
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I am ashamed to admit that I do not want to be disturbed.<br />
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I need this hour to read whatever assignments I have and 99% of the time, the area is empty, except for me. <br />
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I take out my book, my papers, my highlighter, and a pencil... Praying that my computer will be back up and running before the assignment (which I write down a week ahead of time, thank goodness) is due, praying for His wisdom, as well as praying for clarity. <br />
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I am lost in the Book of Acts,which has been a tough book for me to absorb. <br />
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Normally I can "block out" noises around me, this night was a different story.<br />
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Like I said, I heard her, before I saw her.<br />
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*Sniffles* "Tissue!!!" I think to myself. (I am in a center designed for children, therefore I am assuming "sniffles" are normal around here.)<br />
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*<strong>SNIFFFFFFLES</strong>* "Seriously???" I think to myself as I glance up and see her sitting on a chair, knees drawn up to her chin, head hung down low, a piece of paper in one hand, and a pencil in the other. <br />
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She must have sensed that I had glanced at her, as her face rose up a fraction, and it was then that I could see she was crying. <br />
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I thought to myself, "Selfish much Serenity?" All I wanted was peace for an hour to concentrate and now I knew I would not be able to get back to what I was doing, until I made sure she was alright.<br />
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She caught my eye and I asked her "Are you okay?" <br />
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She put her head back down, but shook it up and down as if to let me know that yes, she was okay. <br />
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Then he came around the corner.<br />
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Her Dad.<br />
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I had seen him in action with her on Monday, and while I am not one to judge anyone on their parenting skills, I will admit he was a bit off-putting. <br />
<br />
She was not there for tutoring (one of her siblings was), however, he had her bring her homework with her and I guess considered this the place for her to do it, with his help. <br />
<br />
"Honesty nugget" **I would rather gnaw my own arm off than to do homework with little man... He is an absolute nightmare when it comes to sitting down and focusing on the task at hand and more than once, each of us has left the table in tears.**<br />
<br />
"Are you done?" he asked her... Done with what? (I think to myself) She answered him with the shaking of her head, as she had done with me and he said, "Good, get your pencil and we will try again." <br />
<br />
She got up and went off with him to a different room and I did not see her for the rest of the night. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
This was a teaching moment for me.<br />
<br />
I will admit I get caught up in "me" sometimes, that I do not see the world around me, until I am smacked in the face by it. <br />
<br />
I do not do well with a hundred voices speaking to me all at the same time, it is absolutely debilitating to me within when it starts to happen. I begin to tune everything out, because I cannot focus on everything all at once. <br />
<br />
However, as I sat in that room, God gave me a chance to look past what I felt I needed to do at that moment, and see other things around me. <br />
<br />
He opened my eyes so to speak, in order to see that there will be times that I have to put aside what I deem "most important" and focus on what He deems "most important. <br />
<br />
It is written in Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV) "<em>For my thoughts are not your thoughts, <span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-8">neither are your ways my ways, declares the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>. </span></span><span class="text Isa-55-9" id="en-ESV-18750">For as the heavens are higher than the earth, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">so are my ways higher than your ways </span></span></em><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"><em>and my thoughts than your thoughts</em>."</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">If that passage does not slap some sense of humility into you, I do not know what would. How many of us like to feel that what we do is <em>soooooo</em> important? </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">Perhaps you feel that work would shut down, if you did not show up; or the choir just will not be able to handle to song, without your voice to carry it; or the world would cease to exist, if you did not climb out of bed today. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">Eveyone is just as important as you are, as I am, and we need to get to the place where we treat each other as such.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">It is time to open your eyes and truly look at the world around you. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">Focus on what He is trying to show you.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-55-9">Many Blessings!</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<strong>MERCYME</strong><br />
<em>Be Still I’ll Never Leave You<br />When You’re Far I Am Near<br />My Grace Will Always Be Greater<br />Than The Sum Of All Your Fears</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a><br />
Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-68106581998384531352012-10-29T21:32:00.000-07:002012-10-29T21:32:05.711-07:00Not Who I Used To Be<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<em>"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."</em></div>
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<em>Romans 12:1-2 (the Message Bible)</em></div>
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<br />
I sat in the dark late last night, the house was quiet and every person was sleeping except myself, I take the quiet whenever I can get it and usually it is the wee hours of the morning.<br />
<br />
I had some music on in the background and the room was lit up only by the screen of my computer.<br />
<br />
I wanted to write, yet couldn't pinpoint anything specific, it has been almost two months since I have posted and I have 74 "drafts" saved, but none of them are complete. I tried to complete a few other posts that I have been tossing around, yet it wasn't the "one" I was wanting to write. <br />
<br />
So I turned off the moniter, sat back and allowed my mind to wander.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Back to who I used to be, before the bomb went off, and I started to compare then me to now me...<br />
<br />
Back before I accepted this walk, before I was born again, before I was baptized...<br />
<br />
I thought I was so happy, that I had the whole world in the palm of my hand...<br />
<br />
I may have "looked" different, however I was a nice person, I didn't treat people meanly, I had my moments, however who doesn't?<br />
<br />
I have been called some names on occasion and there were times I followed instead of led, just because it is easier than arguing (and yes, that type of thinking got me into some serious trouble quite a few times).<br />
<br />
Yet, I still thought I was happy... <br />
<br />
My have times changed.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I have a serious problem with people who live in the past, I truly do not think anything can irritate me faster than someone who dwells on what used to be, what used to be done, the way things were etc... <br />
<br />
People do not seem to like change and will do just about anything in their power to avoid it. <br />
<br />
Because I am where He has placed me at this point in time, I accept it, I do not always like it, but I try like all get out to not allow it to affect my walk... I will admit that sadly some days it does. <br />
<br />
Change happens, every moment of every single day... That is life and there truly is no way around it.<br />
<br />
You can either accept it or fight it, but one way or another, it is going to happen. <br />
<br />
People change as well, some for good, some for the not so good. <br />
<br /><br />
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<br />
The problem lies when you are making changes (for the good), however, those around you only want to see you as the person you used to be. <br />
<br />
The loser.<br />
<br />
The addict.<br />
<br />
The drunk.<br />
<br />
The cheater.<br />
<br />
The liar.<br />
<br />
The thief.<br />
<br />
The abuser.<br />
<br />
The __________ (fill in the blank).<br />
<br /><br />
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<br />
I can say that one of the most painful processes of this walk, is getting people to see past what I "used to be" and accepting what I am now. <br />
<br />
Some just will not accept it, therefore, what do you do?<br />
<br />
Here is the painful part... <em>Nothing</em>.<br />
<br />
There is nothing you can do to change the preconceived notion that others may have of you. <br />
<br />
Therein lies a huge struggle for me, because I do not want my past to be the "end all, be all" of the legacy I leave behind.<br />
<br />
I do not want to always be known as the ex-addict, the lousy daughter, the failed wife etc... I do not want to be defined because of my past, instead I want Him to be the One who defines me now. <br />
<br />
I want Him to be the One, who brings out the best in me. <br />
<br />
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<br />
Because of what He did on the Cross, I am no longer bound by the chains of my past... And neither are you.<br />
<br />
There will always be people who want to keep you bound up tightly in those chains, however, you have to make the decision to let Him free you. <br />
<br />
If you know in your heart that you are not the person you used to be, you need to make to decision to keep moving forward, no matter who you have to leave behind. <br />
<br />
It may be family, it may be friends, it may be a different Church, perhaps it may be a new job... <br />
<br />
Whatever the chains are that are wrapped around your neck choking you, ask Him to release them, no matter what. <br />
<br />
G once told me that "<em>Even Jesus knew when to move on</em>" and he is correct in that statement.<br />
<br />
3 out of the 4 Gospels agree as well...<br />
<br />
<em>Matthew 10:14 ~ "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-23432A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town."</em><br />
<br />
<em>Mark 6:11 ~ "<sup> </sup>And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-24415A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>shake off the dust that is on your feet <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-24415B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>as a testimony against them."</em><br />
<br />
<em>Luke 9:5 ~ "And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-25298A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup>shake off the dust from your feet <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-25298B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup>as a testimony <sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-ESV-25298C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>against them." </em><br />
<br />
Those are His words... Not mine<em>.</em><br />
<br />
What is keeping you from moving forward today?<br />
<br />
What are you needing to leave behind?<br />
<br />
Many blessings!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFRbLwS9VaCu3r9VsONtIMrnTArjLMmaWpo1uiUH9zvUDppENmROoTiQ2V9Kwqgl3ATNx6sW4TtXlyqt0LGDGgRXezcCJe_OIjCqtCTScV7S5iITvmcj1HaHUZxhv6QpCKO3JIVBnoR7U/s1600/cinderella6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFRbLwS9VaCu3r9VsONtIMrnTArjLMmaWpo1uiUH9zvUDppENmROoTiQ2V9Kwqgl3ATNx6sW4TtXlyqt0LGDGgRXezcCJe_OIjCqtCTScV7S5iITvmcj1HaHUZxhv6QpCKO3JIVBnoR7U/s320/cinderella6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<strong>CASTING CROWNS</strong><br />
<em>Do You Want To Be Free?</em><br />
<em>Lift Your Chains</em><br />
<em>I Hold The Key</em><br />
<em>All Power On Heav'n And Earth Belong To Me</em><br />
<br /><a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-85821093783312699792012-09-03T22:20:00.000-07:002012-09-03T22:20:59.979-07:00Through The Eyes Of My Disappointment<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose</em>."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Romans 8:28 (ESV)</div>
<br />
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<br />
It was almost 1am, my body was screaming that it was beyond time for rest, yet there I sat, backstage, filled with hopeful anticipation. <br />
<br />
Like a child waiting for the break of dawn to light up the morning sky on Christmas, I wiggled around in my seat, only to hear the words, "He has already left the building." <br />
<br />
<em>NOOOOOO</em>...<br />
<br />
Tears burned behind my eyes, I held steadfast, refusing to let them fall, as I quickly came to terms with the situation, I was not going to meet him... Not today anyway.<br />
<br />
Disappointment flooded me to the very core of my soul. At that moment in time, I could not remember ever being so disappointed, with something so seemingly small.<br />
<br />
I sat along the wall in the dressing room of one of the band members... <em><u>The. Dressing. Room. Of. One. Of. The. Band. Members. In. Creed. </u></em><br />
<br />
My all-time favorite band in the world and I could no longer even catch a glimmer of excitement from within.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Isn't that how disappointment usually sets in? <br />
<br />
You have a certain expectation of someone, they do not live up to the hype that <em>you</em> have surrounded them with, and <strong>BAM</strong>, you are left with nothing but your hollow day dreams.<br />
<br />
I counted down the days for over a month, had the perfect outfit picked layed out, it was a good hair day, drove about an hour or so, ate dinner to kill time between being there early, and the actual time the concert started. <br />
<br />
We met the same band member (whose dressing room I was hanging in) mentioned above, prior to the concert. <br />
<br />
We all chatted for a few and then he handed us 4 tickets and 4 VIP backstage passes... I could have burst with happiness when one was laid in my hand. <br />
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<br />
The concert itself was terrific. :)<br />
<br />
The first band to open was a New Zealand band called, "<a href="http://www.likeastorm.com/">Like A Storm"</a> and they were absolutely wonderful. After they were done on stage, they mingled around the concession stands, having their pictures taken, signing autographs, and just acting like a bunch of normal guys. I took some pictures of my Mom with the lead singer Chris, and the guitarist Matt (brothers). <u>Very</u> sweet guys.<br />
<br />
Sidenote ~ The men from New Zealand are simply stunning. Mental note to plan a vacation there someday ~ End of sidenote :)))<br />
<br />
The second band was "<a href="http://www.evetoadam.com/home.html">Eve to Adam</a>" and they were good as well. Not exactly my taste in music, however, I try to appreciate all kinds of music. I did not see any of the band members once they were done, therefore I cannot comment on how they were around the "common folk." HaHa<br />
<br />
Then it was time for the reason I came ~ <a href="http://www.creed.com/site.html">Creed</a><br />
<br />
Just like the last time I saw them, they were magnificent. They played old songs and new songs, keeping the audience out of their seats for the duration of the show. <br />
<br />
Which brings me back to sitting in the dressing room of B, (if you know Creed, you will know whose room I was in) clutching a new shirt, in the hopes of it being signed by Scott. <br />
<br /><br />
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<br />
As the disappointment settled in, I glanced around to see a room filled to the brim with people. I looked over to see B and caught his eye, he just smiled sadly, because he knew what this moment would have meant to me, he knew that I came with the expectation to see/meet/ Scott, and he also knew that it was not going to happen. <br />
<br />
He is the one who told me, Scott had left. <br />
<br />
You know who else knew? God knew... He knew that in that moment I was placing someone else before Him, and as His daughter, He was going to do whatever He could, to take my eyes off of meeting Scott and place them back on Him.<br />
<br />
So as I sat there I began to look for a lesson, because I knew that this was going to be a teaching moment for Him, and a learning moment for me. <br />
<br />
I pushed the disappointment down and watched...<br />
<br />
I watched B, so very tired from the traveling and the performing, almost to the point of being weary, and I saw what God was trying to show me...<br />
<br />
A lesson in humility.<br />
<br /><br />
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<br />
I knew prior to the concert he was tired, it showed on his face and there was a strain in his voice.<br />
<br />
Yet as I watched him, the people who came to him would have never known. You see he met each and every single person that came backstage. He shook hands, he took pictures, he hugged, he smiled, and he signed everything that was thrust at him.<br />
<br />
Never once complaining, never once putting on a "diva-like cloak," never once putting someone off, never once acting like he was better than anyone, who walked through that door. <br />
<br />
Humbleness is not something I have struggled with, however, I have to make a conscious effort to not allow my head to become inflated, <u>especially</u> after I preach a sermon. <br />
<br />
When I step down from the pulpit, the only thing I want to do is find a room where there is not another living soul in it, just so I can "be" for a few minutes. However, once the service is over, people come to you. They tell you your sermon was wonderful, there are hugs, tears, laughter, and joy... <br />
<br />
If one is not careful, that can go to their head very quick-like. <br />
<br />
Because this is an area where I am very aware that it can happen in an instant, God used B to show me a picture of humbleness.<br />
<br />
No matter how big his name is, no matter how many people he performs in front of, no matter how popular his band is, he knows that he is no better, nor worse, then the next person. <br />
<br />
Neither am I. <br />
<br />
No I did not get to meet Scott Stapp, however, I took something away from that night that is irreplaceable...<br />
<br />
Through the eyes of my disappointment, God showed me how I am to live and treat <em><u>each person</u></em>, He places in my path.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<strong>CREED</strong><br />
<em>In This Life That I Live</em><br />
<em>I Hope I Can Give Love Unselfishly</em><br />
<em>I've Learned The World Is Bigger Than Me</em><br />
<em>You're My Daily Dose Of Reality</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-4721983185412084732012-08-30T18:43:00.000-07:002012-08-30T18:43:14.904-07:00As The Years Pass<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>He Made The Storm Be Still, And The Waves Of The Sea Were Hushed</em>."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 107:29 (ESV)</div>
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<br />
I love and listen to all kinds of music and those who spend any amount of time with me know that Creed is my all-time, hands-down, favorite band, and they have been for about the past 14 years. It took me over 10 years before I saw them in concert, thankfully it will <u>not</u> take me another 10 years before I see them again. <br />
<br />
I will be seeing them tomorrow night. **<em><u>Happy dance in my seat</u></em>**<br />
<br />
Now this is not like a "normal" concert for me. You see my sister went to high school and is close friends with one of the band members. Since his family still lives here, everytime he is in town, the two of them are hanging out. I have met him and he knows of my love for Creed, more importantly how much I simply <em>adore</em> Scott Stapp. Therefore when the band announced they would be coming to a town close to me, him and my sister were kind enough to hook me up. When I say hook me up, I mean early admittance so I can see the sound check, tickets to the concert, backstage passes, and a face to face meeting with Scott... People, I may just pass out!<br />
<br />
A FACE to FACE with Scott Stapp...<em><u> There. Are. No. Words.</u> </em>I am counting down the hours now :))))))<br />
<br />
Now pray that I will be able to actually speak in complete sentences!<br />
<br />
I promise to post some pictures this weekend. <br />
<br />
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<br />
I am now officially the first white female minister in my Church. If you recall in my last post, I was on my way out of town to make history. I spent 3 days in Tallahassee, met the Bishop, was prayed over, talked to, and on the 3rd day, I received my certificate. There were many tears, lots of smiles, some trepidation, and tremendous encouragement, from each person I met. God willing, I will become ordained in 2 years. <br />
<br />
As I sat a little over 3 years ago watching all that I ever believed in, implode in my face, wondering where to go from there, I never would have guessed that I would be sitting in this place today. It still wraps me in complete awe when I see His Hand move in my life. <br />
<br />
There are some things that I would change in an instant, however I have faith that He will take care of those mountains in His time.<br />
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<br />
After waiting a little over 9 months (classes, facing the Bishop etc...), I was behind the pulpit preaching, once again this past Sunday.<br />
<br />
If you have been reading for any length of time, you will know that the thorn in my side is public prayer (on my part). The minute I open my mouth to pray, something happens that seems to cut off my vocal cords. If called on to pray aloud, panic sets in and I begin to stammer, to whisper, my heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest and I feel like I am choking. <br />
<br />
3 years I have been dealing with this, by praying outloud when I am called on and it seems to be getting a smidge better. <br />
<br />
As I stood behind the pulpit this past Sunday, I was still unsure how to "open" my sermon. Contrary to my beliefs, I <strong><em><u>cannot</u></em></strong> sing (as my family will tell you) HA, therefore, opening with song was out of the question... My next option was open with a prayer.<br />
<br />
I called for the congregation to bow their heads, close their eyes, I took a deep breath and I did it... I prayed outloud, <em>behind the microphone</em>... No panic, no stammering, no choking. <br />
<br />
I prayed from my heart, to the heart of my Father... <u>OUTLOUD</u>!<br />
<br />
My prayer partner and my Pastor were thrilled, knowing this was a huge step for me :)))<br />
<br />
And I know in my heart, He was pleased... That is all that matters :)<br />
<br />
Many blessings to you all.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<strong>MERCYME</strong><br />
<em>If You Think That This</em><br />
<em>Is The Best That It Can Get</em><br />
<em>Oh The Wonder Of It Is</em><br />
<em><u>You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet</u></em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-50597642223341045792012-08-07T22:20:00.000-07:002012-08-07T22:20:23.179-07:00Don't You Give Up...<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>My Help And Glory Are In God —Granite-Strength And Safe-Harbor-God— So Trust Him Absolutely, People; Lay Your Lives On The Line For Him. God Is A Safe Place To Be</em>." </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Psalm 62:7-8 (the Message) </div>
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<br />
Has it really been 2 months (exactly) since I last posted? It sure has and I am so sorry, however, I am here now so put a smile on your face. :)<br />
<br />
I have been overwhelmed with school this semester, having taken 5 classes instead of my usual 4, due to some weird scheduling and at about mid-semester I was taking 4 all at the same time (usually broken up 2/2 every 8 weeks)... <br />
<br />
Needless to say, I am needing a vacation and I don't see one in sight HA!<br />
<br />
This semester ends on the 17th (I think) and then I move right into the next semester on the 20th. Last year I took the Summer off, this year I didn't and I am feeling it. <br />
<br />
I have to keep this pace up (no breaks between semesters) so that my graduation coincides with my ordination, therefore posting sporadically is about as good as it gets for right now. :)<br />
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<br />
So let us get to it... <br />
<br />
I titled this post with the words my Pastor spoke to me last week, "Don't you give up, don't you dare give up." <br />
<br />
Whispered, hurtful words, surround me... The enemy, crouched, ready to pounce if I just nudge that door open even a fraction... Church, work, school, my little one, family, expectations, responsibilities, small victories, and huge failures all came crashing in one evening and doubt found a way in. <br />
<br />
I will let you in on a little secret... Next week my class from the Ministerial Institute will be presented to the Bishop, and I am on course to make history... <u>History people</u>... <em>Little ole me</em>.<br />
<br />
My Church is over 60 years old and there has never been a white, female preacher... <br />
<br />
<em><u>Until now</u></em>.<br />
<br />
<em>Let that sink in</em>.<br />
<br />
Then let the fact that the majority of people do not like change and you will see why he said those words to me. <br />
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<br />
It has been 9 months since I preached my first sermon and I knew back then that this was a big deal (especially after I found out my Pastor wanted to call in the press, but held off knowing it would scare me to no end), and I was okay with that, however, as the time draws closer, I can feel the anxiety rise. <br />
<br />
I see the enemy closing in, doing everything possible, to keep me from getting to the next place. Plans have fallen apart, Scriptures have been forgotten, things I <strong>know</strong> (like the back of my hand) have fallen right out of my head, I have gone back to speaking quietly, instead of with purpose, fear is trying to live, where confidence was once reigning.<br />
<br />
Questions swirl, where I had answers yesterday; doubt, where I had clarity; worry, instead of peace; therefore I sit and I talk to Him, asking Him if He is sure I am the right person for this... <br />
<br />
Yes, I question God and what He is doing in my life... <br />
<br />
Then I am reminded of the night Jesus prayed in the Garden... I imagine He probably wondered as well, especially considering one of <em>His </em>chosen, would betray Him with a kiss. <br />
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I am right where He wants me to be, that is what I get from Him. Yes, I am out of my comfort zone, however, having a comfort zone can also keep one from moving forward. <br />
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Stepping out of your comfort zone, allows you to seek Him even more. You begin to call on Him more because you do not know what is going to happen next, and this is where I believe He wants each of us to be.<br />
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Each time I become a little bit more comfortable, another door opens and He moves me forward a little more, leaving behind the comfort I was (finally) getting used to.<br />
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I still have the comfort of knowing that I have some pretty terrific people in my corner; cheering for me, praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me (when I actually let anyone know I need some help). <br />
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So when I spoke to my Pastor about some things that I have heard recently, as well as the fact that the anxiety is so bad, I can barely breathe at times, his answer was not to give up...<br />
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To give up, allows the enemy to claim this victory.<br />
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Therefore, I have to find the balance and the only place I can find that balance is with Him. <br />
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The Scripture above says that ".... <em>God is a safe place to be</em>." <br />
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Truer words have never been spoken. The fact that I can sit<em><strong><u> anywhere</u></strong></em>, call upon Him, and feel His presence right there beside me, is beyond any description I could even begin to conjure up.<br />
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So when I want to just give up, I take it to Him, because I know I am not a quitter.<br />
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I have overcome way too much to give up now.<br />
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Someone right now reading this needs to know that He is the One place you can find comfort, the safest place you will ever be, and He is the One who will never, ever, let you give up.<br />
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To my prayer warriors that are reading this, I ask that you pray for me. Pray that the people see less of me and more of Him, pray for acceptance, pray for tolerance, pray for peace, but most of all, just say a prayer of Thanksgiving for us all. <br />
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<strong>CHRIS AUGUST</strong><br />
<em>When I Rise, When I Fall</em><br />
<em>You'll Be There Through It All</em><br />
<em>At The Start, At The End</em><br />
<em>In The Center Of The Center Of It</em><strong><br /></strong><br />
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-9025124947747299472012-06-07T12:33:00.001-07:002012-06-07T12:33:38.768-07:00Order Within The Slop<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>You Call Out To God For Help And He Helps—He's A Good Father That Way. But Don't Forget, He's Also A Responsible Father, And Won't Let You Get By With Sloppy Living</em>."</div>
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1 Peter 1:17 (Message)</div>
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I love the Message Bible, however, I do not use it on a daily basis. More likely than naught, you will find me with the English Standard Version, unless I am studying for school - I use the King James Version (which is required) and if I am doing Bible Study, then I use the New International Version.... But for this post, for that passage above... The Message is appropriate. <br />
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The thing that stood out to me in this passage of Scripture was the two little words ~ Sloppy Living.<br />
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When you think about someone who is sloppy, normally your mind will go directly to their appearance or the state of their house/car/desk etc... You think of clutter, lack of order and (at least in my mind) some form of dirtiness. I do not like slop, period. Not in any form of my life, but most especially where my living quarters are concerned. <br />
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Everything has its place and it would be so much easier if I could get Tigger to understand that when he plays with something, just <em><u>put it back where you found it</u></em>. Because we share a room and this is also where I work and study, I have got to have some sense of order... No matter how much I fight him about it, I do not have order LOL. <br />
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Chaos reigns supreme, where this 9 year old child of mine is concerned. He puts dirty clothes <strong><em><u>BESIDE</u></em></strong> the laundry hamper, instead of in it. His shoes sit <strong><em><u>OUTSIDE</u></em></strong> the closet, instead of within it. Wet towels are deposited <strong><em><u>ON</u></em></strong> the floor, as opposed to hanging them up on a hook. You get the idea? Chaos! I walked in the room the other day to check on something and I had to walk right back out due to the fact that I swear I started shaking in panic. <br />
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All the animals that go on top of the bed in a neat and orderly fashion, were strewn about the floor, the nicely made bed, had the covers ripped up from the corners and haphazardly thrown on top of the mattress, pillows were all over the place and there he sat, innocently at the computer, playing a game.<br />
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"Dude! What happened in here?" (Yes, I call my son "dude" sometimes lol) I asked... He pauses his game, looks around, and says "What do you mean? I was playing <strong>and</strong> I cleaned my mess up." That would be the day I contemplated that school should be year round.<br />
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I have found that a lot of us are like my 9 year old son, when it comes to the way we decide we should be able to live our lives. <br />
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God is the master of organization, not the author of chaos. Where you find chaos, confusion, and lack... You will find the enemy, chillin in your easy chair, drinking your favorite brand of coffee, laughing, as he watches you, trying to bring order to the confusion he has caused. <br />
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It <strong><u>never ceases to amaze me</u></strong> the lengths Christians will go to, in order to continue to live their lives, the way <em>they </em>see fit. I hear more justifications than I even have time to list, I witness more sinful behavior than I have ever thought possible, and I am now privy to a host of excuses uttered, that I never thought I would hear. It all leads up to "sloppy living."<br />
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Now before I go any further, I will make it known that, contrary to what people say about me, <em>I am not perfect</em>. Don't worry, I will wait while you pick yourself up off the floor from that little knowledge nugget... All good?<br />
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I have never once claimed that I am perfect, nor have I ever claimed that I am without sin... My claim is to live a life as free from sin as possible, striving for (but knowing it will never be achieved) perfection. <br />
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Here is another nugget for you... <strong><em><u>I sin daily</u></em></strong>. <br />
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There you go, my secret is out in the open. My mind is a cesspool of sinful thoughts and I have learned that where you find confusion (in my mind), you will find sin. Some days my thoughts are better to control than other days... The key is to continue to strive to keep my thoughts, aligned with His word. <br />
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Isaiah 55:8 (ESV) "<em>For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord</em>." His thoughts are not my thoughts, His thoughts are not your thoughts... I have the fullest capability of controlling my own thought process... And so do you. <br />
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The problem lies when people do not fully understand this. We have free-will, control over the choices we make, the way we respond, and the way we live. Sadly I have found that people do not want to take responsibility for the choices they made, the repercussions that have followed said choices, and the numerous regrets that will inevitably be not far behind. <br />
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They choose sloppy living and then want to lay the blame at the foot of another, when that way of living does not pan out the way they thought it would. <br />
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As I stated earlier, my mind is a cesspool of horrific, sinful thinking at times. If I close my eyes, I can almost see good vs. evil, sparring in a ring. The question is, which one is going to win? <br />
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I would like to say that good wins every time, sadly (here comes another nugget), that is not the case. There are days that I allow my mind to wander into the devil's playground. Heck there are days I run and skip in his playground... However, I am almost immediately convicted by the One whom I trust. <br />
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Because I am a baptized believer, I can no longer claim ignorance. I can no longer say "Oh, I did not know that I was not supposed to do ______ (Fill in the blank)." The beauty of that is... God knows this and He still loves us!<br />
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He knows that <strong><em><u>ALL</u></em></strong> believers are going to sin... Some more so than others. He knows that every single believer from time to time will stumble, that some may take the wrong path, and some may even make a few, very questionable choices. <br />
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He knows that while true believers can no longer claim ignorance, some are extremely unprepared (raises hand) for the assault that the world and the enemy has waiting for them. <br />
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See, the fact is that as a believer, you are going to commit a sin, however, note this... As a genuine believer; one who has surrendered <strong><em><u>ALL</u></em></strong> to Him, you will not be able to live a life of sin. Do you see the difference?<br />
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Here is a example: <br />
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"Genuine Believer" ~ For arguments sake, let's just say that you come across someone who is wearing something that leaves little to the imagination... Your first thought? Who does she think she is? Why in the world would he leave his house looking like that? Don't people own mirrors anymore? This is judging and it is a sin. Yet during your thought process of tearing the person down, conviction sets in "Hey, who am I to say a word about that person (or something like this)?" You repent to Him for judging, you may ask Him to show you why you felt it was necessary to judge another, and then you go about your day. <br />
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"Believer" ~ This person does whatever they want, repenting here and there, yet never turning away from the sin they repented of. They continue to live the life they feel they should live, and dare anyone to question their Christianity. <br />
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The difference between a genuine believer and a believer is that the genuine one has truly surrendered their life to the Lord. They know that as they continue to surrender daily, the "world" loses the appeal it used to show. They know that the more surrendering they do, the more they will be able to discern His will in each area of their life. They are striving for having absolutely zero separation between their spiritual life and their everyday life.... The two become one. <br />
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Most believers separate the two... Sunday life vs. Monday-Saturday life. By doing this, your spiritual life has very little impact on your "normal" life. <br />
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The only way to grow and mature in Christ is to completely surrender to Him and allow Him to have complete control over every aspect of your life.<br />
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Every second.<br />
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Every day.<br />
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I can almost see your thought wheels turning right now... "I don't want to give up complete control" or perhaps, "I am doing just fine on my own, thank you very much."<br />
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Surrendering means letting go of the pride, giving up the control, turning over the independence, and giving up all those things in our life, that we have made more important than Jesus Christ. <br />
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Surrendering to Him means allowing Him to guide your life, and it also means bearing our crosses for His sake. It means you acknowledge Him in all things (good and bad), it is a realization that everything we have in this life comes from Him. Most of all it means that we can finally comprehend that no matter how hard we try, we cannot make it, without His <b>constant</b> guidance and protection.<br />
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Is today the day you surrender your sloppy living?<br />
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<strong>TENTH AVENUE NORTH</strong><br />
<em>You Say Let It Go, You Say Let It Go</em><br />
<em>You Say Life Is Waiting For The One's Who Lose Control</em><br />
<em>You Say You Will Be, Everything I Need</em><br />
<em>You Said If I Lose My Life It's Then I'll Find My Soul</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-75806773344458560082012-04-25T13:39:00.001-07:002012-04-25T13:39:57.549-07:00A Whisper Away<div style="text-align: center;">
"<em>That Christ May Dwell In Your Hearts By Faith; That Ye, Being Rooted And Grounded In Love, May Be Able To Comprehend With All Saints What Is The Breadth, And Length, And Depth, And Height; And To Know The Love Of Christ, Which Passeth Knowledge, That Ye Might Be Filled With All The Fulness Of God</em>."</div>
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Ephesians 3:17-19</div>
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Apparently it has been awhile since I have posted. I logged onto Blogger this morning only to find the layout had changed and I could not find anything anymore. With a little digging I was able to locate the previous posts I had started, this being one of them. <br />
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It seems I last posted over a month ago when I was heading out to see Michael W. Smith so I will start there. My word that was a magnificent concert! It was held in a Church so the seating was limited and it was just him and his piano. No blindingly bright light shows, no deafeningly loud drums, no fire, no smoke... <br />
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Just sweetly simple. He chatted, he prayed, he sang, but most of all he encouraged us to praise. I would still love to see him in a stadium setting, but this was beyond words. <br />
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Not long after the concert I started a second form of school, one that is required by my Church. I go 2 Saturdays a month, in a Church about 2 hours from me, therefore I have to get up at 3:30am (yes that says AM, as in <strong>MORNING</strong> people) in order to look presentable when I arrive. I have learned a lot, as well as questioned a lot. <br />
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All of our instructors are Pastors and it is a<em> blessing</em> to have access to so much wisdom and encouragement. To know each one of them has walked this same road is something I did not expect when I started this journey. They know how we feel, they know the fear, the doubt, the worry, and the utter aloneness that each of us is facing and they do everything in their power to ease the transition (so to speak). <br />
<br />
I still have not found my "speaking voice" when I am called on to speak aloud. However, I have found tears, in spades and you all know how I feel about crying. Not just sad ones, but happy ones as well. I find Him moving me when I least expect it and I will admit, if I did not have to mess up my "face" nor sniffle, nor struggle to catch my breath, nor have a hard time swallowing, I would find it beautiful. <br />
<br /><br />
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<br />
The boys are doing well. Eeyore is one I do not see very often, however, I am hoping time will mend that. My Pastor as well as their Dad told me to just give it some time, however, I am not known for my patience. Tigger, well he is just a joy, my shadow as he is called. When I am at the house, he is never far behind me. He has his issues that we are dealing with, however, I can see he has come a long way since his Dad left. He no longer drops the "F" bomb every other word so that in itself is a great thing! :)<br />
<br />
One month ago yesterday, my divorce became final. I have not processed that as well as I should have, but I am trying. I would think being separated for almost 3 years would have helped, yet the day I received the final papers felt like I had ripped a too small bandage off of a very large wound. <br />
<br />
I would like to say I have moved past the bitterness and hatred, yet there are times it creeps back in. Usually when it has to do with my boys or when I am so overwhelmed that I want to crawl in a corner and bawl like baby. When I feel like my shoulders are so weighed down that I can barely hold my head up straight, when my back feels like it is being crushed under the heaviness of expectations from other people, when I can not, no matter how hard I try, find the light at the end of the tunnel. Then it comes in, as if I am just holding the door open for the enemy, welcoming him with a cup of hot coffee and a smile, to please just come in and wreck havoc on my soul.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Trust.... <br />
<br />
I have covered this topic before and will continue to do so, until at least I can understand it. "You can trust me" is something I hear often, however, that line no longer works for me. I have learned the <em>hard way</em> that when you are walking the ministerial path, there are people who want to be in your circle, only long enough to see you falter. I do not say that out of cynicism, I say that out of experience.<br />
<br />
Trust.... I have always believed that it should be given 100% freely, however, difficult circumstances have caused me to rethink that stance. I now think that people should receive a certain level of "general" trust upon meeting. You start by handing out a little bit of trust, just enough, because you have finally realized that it is something that needs to grow and be nourished, then (and only then) can the general trust you placed in another, grow into a deep-rooted trust.<br />
<br />
Trust.... Once you have the trust of someone, you should do all you can to protect that trust. <br />
<br />
Trust.... There are very few people I trust implicitly, very, very few who have crossed the line from "general" to "deep-rooted" and I believe that God has designed circumstances to be that way for a reason. I know, without a shadow of a doubt who I can and cannot turn to and for now, I am okay with that.<br />
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<br />
Love....<br />
<br />
Matthew 22:37-39 <em>"Jesus said to him, <span class="woj">“‘You shall love the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’</span><span class="text Matt-22-38" id="en-NKJV-23911"><span class="woj">This is the first and great commandment.</span> </span><span class="text Matt-22-39" id="en-NKJV-23912"><span class="woj">And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’</span><sup class="footnote" value="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-23912b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]"></sup></span></em><br />
<br />
All too often we reverse these two commandments and then usually drop off the "love your neighbor" portion, leaving only yourself and perhaps if there is time, God. He should be first in each and <u>every thing</u> that you do. I do not care if you are a janitor in the local elementary school or the president of the United States, do what you do, to glorify Him. <br />
<br />
I have admitted I am not a great speaker, my voice is quiet and becomes even quieter when I am called on, which will inevitably bring forth someone saying "I can't hear you" or "Speak up." I am trying to get past this by continuing to do it, because I love Him. I fear like there is no tomorrow, yet I also know He did not put that spirit of fear within me so I continue to face each fear head on, because I love Him. I worry what others think (more than any one person should ever have to do so), yet I can not allow that to deter where He has placed me.... <em>I obey Him out of love. </em><br />
<br />
Love is not supposed to devastate everything in its wake. Love should protect & it should be loyal. The Bible says that out of <em>Faith, Hope, and Love, the greatest is Love</em>. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (paraphrased)<br />
<br />
Love can be explosive (not in a harmful way) and it can also be quiet. It can hit you like a firecracker on the Fourth of July or sneak up on you like a calming breeze on a midsummer day. It is a look that passes between the parties involved, a gentle hug, a tender kiss, a firm hand on your back but one thing it should never do is hurt, either physically or emotionally. <br />
<br />
Love is a choice, not just a feeling. It has taken me a very long time to accept that my ex-husband made the choice to leave. In the past 3 years I did everything I possibly could for him to know how much I loved him and I tried as hard as I could to give him the best of me. I was so far from perfect it is almost laughable now, because I most definitely had horrific days and I still have soul crushing moments of being terrified and lonely, but I am doing the best that I can. <br />
<br />
I do not necessarily advocate divorce, however, <em>because</em> he made the decision to leave, God released me from my marriage <em>because</em> I was faithful to my husband and to God.<br />
<br />
That will not define me, yes, it is a defining moment, however I know now that I am more than that. The moments that define me, make me a better person, as long as I respond in the way He calls me to respond. <em>With love</em>.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Peace....<br />
<br />
One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in Philippians, chapter 4, verse 7 and it reads "<em>and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus</em>."<br />
<br />
The pure peace you seek will never be found in man. This was another lesson I learned the hard way... Seeking anyone who could restore the balance I had lost, yet never finding. I have said it before and I will say it again, I thank God for my Pastor each and every single night. He placed a man in my path who will go out of his way to steer me in the correct direction. I keep nothing from him, because he is the one I trust the most here on Earth. He has no hidden agenda, he does not want anything from me other than to see me succeed, and he does it in a kind way. He knows my secrets, as well as my fears, doubts, and worries. He can look at my face and know if I am "good" or "hiding" and he also knows that in my time it will come out, so he does not push, instead he waits until I am ready. <br />
<br />
From suicidal planning, to a new walk in ministry, he has been right there and I am honored and humbled to call him my friend. <br />
<br />
We all need someone in our lives like this, someone who will tell you (whether you want to hear it or not) how it is or how it should be. Do we always see eye to eye? Nope... There are days I feel he is "picking on me" and I do all I can to stay out of his line of vision (for fear of having to do some form of public speaking, like my first Bible study tonight), yet there is a part of me that knows he is just pushing me to the next step. He is the one who comes along once I am nice and comfy, and drags me out of my new comfort zone, kicking and screaming and most likely crying and I am <em><u>grateful</u></em> for that. Otherwise I would just stay stuck. God will not allow me to become stuck and He seems to use anyone He can to pull me out of the pit I too often find myself sinking in. <br />
<br />
That thought right there.... Brings me a peace that is hard to put into words. <br />
<br />
I am not alone. He is right there by my side and He has placed some pretty phenomenal people in my path as well.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I never realized how much I missed writing until I sat down to post these thoughts. I do so much writing now, however it is required, and this is freely me... This allows me to think outloud.<br />
<br />
These past 3 years have been a walk through hell, however, I have not walked it alone. God has seen fit to walk with me, carry me when I couldn't take another step forward, and allowed me to rest within His embrace, when I was too tired to go on. He is the One who lays with me as I sleep and rises with me when I wake.... <em><u><strong>Every second of every single day, He is right there. </strong></u></em><br />
<br />
Do you realize what kind of love that is? I mean do you truly feel it in the blackest recesses of your soul? Does His light collide with your dark? Do you realize that each day you wake up, He made that day for you? Do you hear Him whisper your name in the darkest of nights as well as the brightest of days? <br />
<br />
If you do not know of His love, I beg of you to find it.... <br />
<br />
Seek Him out, He is but only a whisper away.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<strong>BUILDING 429</strong><br />
<em>'Cause All That Makes Me Who I Am To Be</em><br />
<em>Is Everything In You That I Still Need</em><br />
<em>It's A Long Road Left For Me To Make It Home</em><br />
<em>But I Don't Go Alone</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-22045974720823764522012-03-15T12:40:00.000-07:002012-03-15T12:40:50.448-07:00Wonder, Worship & Blessings Tour<div style="text-align: center;">"<em>Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD</em>."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Psalm 150:6 </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ULUu1d9SxS3IQHjgBFkAhKH80SRJkVZw1WcUhP744M_naT-NqZrlGvCnbockC9tM09M3qpTjSEtf1F5U3ntK6aBb4kpXzw2AnlbIQPgLBB16wjNphRkjo_K8qHulXr_IXHRKFew2H2k/s1600/michael.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img aea="true" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ULUu1d9SxS3IQHjgBFkAhKH80SRJkVZw1WcUhP744M_naT-NqZrlGvCnbockC9tM09M3qpTjSEtf1F5U3ntK6aBb4kpXzw2AnlbIQPgLBB16wjNphRkjo_K8qHulXr_IXHRKFew2H2k/s320/michael.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
This is who I will be worshipping with tomorrow evening.<br />
<br />
Michael W. Smith *<em>Big Smiles</em>* as I type that!<br />
<br />
For over 20 years, this has been my favortie Christian artist, yet he never seemed to be close to where I was living so I have not had the chance to see him in person.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow I will drive about an hour away and immerse myself in the "<em>Wonder, Worship and Blessings Tour</em>."<br />
<br />
A birthday present from my parents and sister.<br />
<br />
I could not have asked for anything else nor could they have scoured the Earth for something better.<br />
<br />
**Happy Dance in my Seat!!**<br />
<br />
I will be back and give you all the details sometime this weekend. <br />
<br />
My Spring Break is over Sunday night so it is back to classes on Monday...<br />
<br />
Humanities and English Comp, here I come :)<br />
<br />
Much love, Many hugs and Massive prayers.<br />
<br />
<strong>MICHAEL W. SMITH</strong><br />
<em>I Hold You Close To Me, Close To Heart</em><br />
<em>And This Kind Of Love Will Find You </em><br />
<em>Anywhere You Are</em><br />
<em>Never Fear, I Am Here</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-75340812518734889822012-03-04T20:01:00.000-08:002012-03-04T20:01:30.629-08:00Always, He Is There.....<div style="text-align: center;">"<em>The Lord Your God Is In Your Midst, A Mighty One Who Will Save; He Will Rejoice Over You With Gladness; He Will Quiet You By His Love; He Will Exult Over You With Loud Singing</em>." </div><div style="text-align: center;">Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV) </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR6DVKkZcP9rFmLAjvuzLcOJhnnlJFgbFtdB2WU5o-0Pu4GKxZp8CNsK5SfekGEl9YFLNKNdTuDQ6WNlwAhnl4k33fUf5ygxc1bKD4ibNDTRrYO4AA5AyHunGjq35ueHAVghWorxLHGOo/s1600/alone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR6DVKkZcP9rFmLAjvuzLcOJhnnlJFgbFtdB2WU5o-0Pu4GKxZp8CNsK5SfekGEl9YFLNKNdTuDQ6WNlwAhnl4k33fUf5ygxc1bKD4ibNDTRrYO4AA5AyHunGjq35ueHAVghWorxLHGOo/s320/alone.jpg" uda="true" width="213" /></a></div><br />
I don't know about you, however, there are moments in the day when I wonder if He is there. <br />
<br />
Usually it is just a "bad day" in general... <br />
<br />
One of those days when you cannot get your hair right, you smudge your make-up as you are putting it on, your car keys have been sucked into an unknown abyss, you burn the toast, the coffee is weak, you finally get out the door ten minutes late, and then hit every red light between your house and your office, etc...<br />
<br />
We all have days like this and if you do not, count your blessings <em>right here, right now</em>. <br />
<br />
I try to seek ways to stay positive, however, I will admit that there are days when I just want to curl into a ball in the corner and have a good cry.<br />
<br />
I want to step away from everything and just be alone for a few moments in time. <br />
<br />
I need solitude just to "refresh" so I am at my fullest capacity for all that I know I need to be doing. <br />
<br />
I am stretched to my limit on most days with work, school, Church, conferences, meetings, parenting, the "never going to end divorce" and I just recently found out I will be starting additional school, classes that are required by the demonination I am in... <br />
<br />
Three additional years, on top of full time seminary.<br />
<br />
I feel like I am going to break on any given day, seeking perfection in each thing I need to do and never quite achieving it.<br />
<br />
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So I run to Him, seeking guidance, strength, wisdom, love, and all the other things only He can fill me with.<br />
<br />
Yet, I find silence at times and that fills me with dread...<br />
<br />
<em>"Are You there</em>?" I ask the void...<br />
<br />
"<em>Am I doing all that You want me to be doing</em>?"<br />
<br />
"<em>Am I doing it the right way or am I failing even You</em>?"<br />
<br />
I call out to Him, because there is <u><strong>no one</strong></u> else I trust, the way I trust Him.<br />
<br />
Is He there though, when I <em><u>do not</u></em> call out to Him?<br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple;"><em><u>That is the million dollar question</u></em></span>.<br />
<br />
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As I came out of Service today, I walked with my prayer partner to the car...<br />
<br />
I had some things I needed to give to her, so we walked along just talking about the upcoming week, the service that had just ended, when we were going to meet up for coffee, etc...<br />
<br />
Idle chit-chat between two friends.<br />
<br />
Not paying attention to where I was walking, my foot hit the side of a rock and I fell, <strong>hard</strong>, right on my hands and knees.<br />
<br />
It did not take more than 15 seconds, yet, in those few seconds, I knew He was right there. <br />
<br />
There I was, in a dress, heels, tights, crouched on the sidewalk, as my Church and the Church across the street was being let out.<br />
<br />
<u><em><span style="color: #cc0000;">Mortified</span></em></u> does not even begin to explain how I was feeling at that moment.<br />
<br />
She helped me up and over to the car as I surveyed the damage to my knees. <br />
<br />
One knee was just sore, the other though, the skin had broken open right underneath my kneecap and it stung like a hornet.<br />
<br />
(A tribute to my southern roots right here) I removed my shoes, as well as my tights, as I stood on the side of the car... I saw, as well as tasted blood (seems I bit the inside of my lip in the fall) <em>ICK</em>.<br />
<br />
She walked with me as I hobbled barefoot, back into the Church, to get myself cleaned up...<br />
<br />
Thankfully there were only a few people hanging around and I did not have to explain in great detail why I was bleeding, as well as barefoot... <br />
<br />
Only to one of the men that is always there (he helped clean up my knee and bandage it,) as well as my Pastor ~ <em>Figures they would see what a complete dork I am</em>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0T1FMXhfnTGHG_7atsaCN4rE5LRnluLnkiAK38cWUFPndTFfg5yl7e9I9-rWHMJSEKVkEGo-n9Rz5tfFwL-eRMTKaIjzBWLJLfgv809F8XdMh6RcC9XgigjMvRM3YU-sXachgfbZwEt8/s1600/beau9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0T1FMXhfnTGHG_7atsaCN4rE5LRnluLnkiAK38cWUFPndTFfg5yl7e9I9-rWHMJSEKVkEGo-n9Rz5tfFwL-eRMTKaIjzBWLJLfgv809F8XdMh6RcC9XgigjMvRM3YU-sXachgfbZwEt8/s320/beau9.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
You see, in that fall I fully realized that He is always there, <u><em><span style="color: black;">whether</span></em></u> I cry out for Him or not. (You have got to truly grasp the word that is underlined)<br />
<br />
He sees me on the ground, He knows I am hurt, and He is right there... <br />
<br />
I am His daughter and He is my Father and He does what any parent would do when their child is hurt...He runs to them, <em><u>regardless</u></em> of whether they are crying out to Him or not.<br />
<br />
I told my Pastor earlier this past week ~ "<em>E</em><span><em>ven though for the past 3 years I have felt like a part of me had died, I am alive because of Him... I don't need to seek my validation from "man," my worth will never be found in "man," "man" cannot heal me, He is the One doing it, <strong>no one</strong> will ever love me the way He does, and He loves me for who I am, in this exact moment in time</em>."</span><br />
<br />
<span>Even when I am curled up in that corner, bawling my eyes out, He is right there in my midst singing over me, quieting me with His love, rejoicing over me with His gladness...</span><br />
<br />
<span>As much as I love the people He has placed on my path, today I realized He is the <u>only</u> One who can do all this.</span><br />
<br />
<span>Remember, He is always there, He is the One that will always care, He loves you for who you are <u><em><strong>right now</strong></em></u> in this very second, and He is the One who will pick you up, dust you off, and set you upright when you stumble and fall.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-L5t3Uh98rRPaOmVgfFyPnYnsKLtD-f_l3Lu9qtuBr55WOaoLz1ZIYku_eFp05lxREYepQMGHXXNXlpsOyGwtWPbakzQnsPe6LBRNhyqIJdXPUPhMqoLR_QvTSdZcpmie8BlzPcdc8gI/s1600/cinderella6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-L5t3Uh98rRPaOmVgfFyPnYnsKLtD-f_l3Lu9qtuBr55WOaoLz1ZIYku_eFp05lxREYepQMGHXXNXlpsOyGwtWPbakzQnsPe6LBRNhyqIJdXPUPhMqoLR_QvTSdZcpmie8BlzPcdc8gI/s320/cinderella6.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<strong>ONE SONIC SOCIETY</strong><br />
<em>You Are Here, You Are Here</em><br />
<em>In Your Presence I'm Made Whole</em><br />
<em>You Are God, You Are God</em><br />
<em>Of All Else I'm Letting Go </em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-53482596859079726032012-02-28T19:16:00.000-08:002012-02-28T19:16:09.541-08:00"The Healing Has Begun"<div style="text-align: center;">"<em>I Will Praise You In The Great Assembly. I Will Praise You There Among The Crowds</em>."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Psalm 35:18</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9g-Rz-ylWHQZN1E-XL0xUSw-ykmwD5nQzAZP_f80HYqqFBIx44Shm4guo2tfTdEhpvZiOoHTHsqEFeaTFIvFhlVEtx9tV0kus3n0eneDdiCg8n4FSpxNcJ1iJvr5vD26QUPTRt7JgT7U/s1600/beauty16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9g-Rz-ylWHQZN1E-XL0xUSw-ykmwD5nQzAZP_f80HYqqFBIx44Shm4guo2tfTdEhpvZiOoHTHsqEFeaTFIvFhlVEtx9tV0kus3n0eneDdiCg8n4FSpxNcJ1iJvr5vD26QUPTRt7JgT7U/s320/beauty16.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I had to park about a mile away, walk past a cemetary at night, in the freezing cold.<br />
<br />
That is when I realized I left my jacket lying on my bed, since I was about 45 minutes from home, I did not have a chance to run back and get it.<br />
<br />
I searched for my row (12) and then my seat (6).<br />
<br />
I sat in the Civic Center last night waiting....<br />
<br />
Waiting for the opening notes for the concert to begin, and as I sat there I looked around at all the people, wondering (as I am now prone to do) if this would be an "event" or if it would just be like a "regular" concert, how many were truly saved and how many were just simply living....<br />
<br />
This was a birthday present...<br />
<br />
A single ticket to my first ever Christian concert ~ Royal Tailor, Matthew West and Casting Crowns...<br />
<br />
I have been looking forward to this for over a month.<br />
<br />
I was more excited about Matthew West and Casting Crowns, however, I will give Royal Tailor some major applause for their excitment and energy.<br />
<br />
As Royal Tailor left the stage and they were setting up for Matthew West, you could feel a shift in the arena...<br />
<br />
Calm.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIWkkBRJNVYbkpMuxBEErVagwXnLNb9pT0pppbE-p1xkRbAicBXxJzv9T9fWnSZL5v6Mp5X7zuKnNOSopkLNUe1KwIH9Cu8Gia_IpJ-2YlzCLdml1bhWYmmjZzuXUqZYFN3Dq_u1TaDSM/s1600/plans9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIWkkBRJNVYbkpMuxBEErVagwXnLNb9pT0pppbE-p1xkRbAicBXxJzv9T9fWnSZL5v6Mp5X7zuKnNOSopkLNUe1KwIH9Cu8Gia_IpJ-2YlzCLdml1bhWYmmjZzuXUqZYFN3Dq_u1TaDSM/s320/plans9.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Center stage was directly in my line of sight and I could "technically" not have to get out of my seat and still see everything, however, that wasn't going to happen.<br />
<br />
I am a huge fan of Matthew West and just about anything he sings (hence the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Whb-XSOog8k">title</a> of this post ~ Click that link... The song is beautiful!).<br />
<br />
To see him walk onstage though was different than just listening, and once he started singing, well I was out of my seat. <br />
<br />
It was almost surreal.<br />
<br />
I have been to many concerts and as you all know traveling to Atlanta to see Creed on my own was one of the best weekends EVER, yet this was <em>different</em>.<br />
<br />
I was on Twitter in between his songs just to keep a few people updated (AND I woke up this am to a tweet from Matthew West, just saying "thank you"... Yep I was a bit giddy!) (Yes I actually just used the word giddy! *eye roll*)<br />
<br />
He did wonderful....<br />
<br />
Simply amazing.<br />
<br />
Few minutes of break and then it is time for Casting Crowns.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfjO-_OIi5wmhJZZS3QKPZxnK7tc9buubYspl8S6mFZBd1axz6-EYnRvX84iR4_bpOWdCHVUeU4BcSfXck1JoDH25rFQ9oW3A8zQCA6edWzXxCttuaXMv83MP7VJ3IBCd0tfiQn3W0I5M/s1600/solitude10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfjO-_OIi5wmhJZZS3QKPZxnK7tc9buubYspl8S6mFZBd1axz6-EYnRvX84iR4_bpOWdCHVUeU4BcSfXck1JoDH25rFQ9oW3A8zQCA6edWzXxCttuaXMv83MP7VJ3IBCd0tfiQn3W0I5M/s320/solitude10.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
They walked onto the stage singing "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM">Courageous</a>," I loved that movie and I love the song as well. <br />
<br />
After the song ended, Mark Hall prayed....<br />
<br />
<em>Wow</em>.<br />
<br />
I say that because I am still not used to people praying anywhere other than Church, yet, a few of my professors do it after a presentation, I also notice people doing it in restaurants... Anyway...<br />
<br />
I have witnessed people worshiping, but there are <strong><em>NO</em></strong> words to witness thousands of people worshiping at the same time. <br />
<br />
Hands raised, tears, smiles, jumping for joy....<br />
<br />
I felt so "full" when I walked out of there last night.<br />
<br />
Just complete <em>peace</em>.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMFBijYaXIL-gHy9Lsk9a-6vDDq_Z041jw7kh9vGsWy3TQDOL1qZxQtlbtEDPVHLVX2K2ukBoeTyn0oitj2Ov0dIxyWNxdpi3Yi3I4muuHxbUJEwwCdLlboX_TJSzMFvMpmFkggzO-6aI/s1600/trust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMFBijYaXIL-gHy9Lsk9a-6vDDq_Z041jw7kh9vGsWy3TQDOL1qZxQtlbtEDPVHLVX2K2ukBoeTyn0oitj2Ov0dIxyWNxdpi3Yi3I4muuHxbUJEwwCdLlboX_TJSzMFvMpmFkggzO-6aI/s1600/trust.jpg" uda="true" /></a></div><br />
There have been so many things going on that I know it has been awhile since I have been on here.<br />
<br />
Here is a rundown:<br />
<br />
I am still married ~ Don't ask because I don't have the answers either.<br />
<br />
I have received my license to preach ~ That is a whole post I need to write.<br />
Both boys are doing well ~ Can't ask for anything else.<br />
<br />
My mom walked into my room today and laid a single concert ticket on my bed ~ Michael W. Smith.... 20 years I have loved his music and now I have the chance to see him!!! (I am giddy.... Oh so giddy!!!!!) (Yes I said it again)<br />
<br />
My healing has (finally) begun.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrLW5BkN9hWeOEprGrCRJkGlY6D0oinB0lWqxfLXv9IjY50KY3FFOBQMWhIWM58JeBJ8goM6i-fpVR5PsAGHW2pYNMYJg1XcboW56-uImOjOS1J81Hva4Rmeg_w9taRlDjXSNzt-cANio/s1600/grace6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrLW5BkN9hWeOEprGrCRJkGlY6D0oinB0lWqxfLXv9IjY50KY3FFOBQMWhIWM58JeBJ8goM6i-fpVR5PsAGHW2pYNMYJg1XcboW56-uImOjOS1J81Hva4Rmeg_w9taRlDjXSNzt-cANio/s320/grace6.jpg" uda="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<strong>MATTHEW WEST</strong><em></em><br />
<em>There’s A World Full Of People Dying From Broken Hearts</em><br />
<em>Holding On To Their Guilt, Thinking They Fell Too Far</em><br />
<em>So Don’t Be Afraid To Show ‘Em Your Beautiful Scars</em><br />
<em>Cause They’re The Proof, Yeah You’re The Proof</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-56242312744330025002012-01-10T13:57:00.000-08:002012-01-10T13:57:36.340-08:00Father, Please...<div style="text-align: center;"><em>"But He Turned, And Said Unto Peter, Get Thee Behind Me, Satan: Thou Art An Offence Unto Me: For Thou Savourest Not The Things That Be Of God, But Those That Be Of Men."</em></div><div style="text-align: center;">Matthew 16:23 (KJV)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>"For The Enemy Has Pursued My Soul; He Has Crushed My Life To The Ground; He Has Made Me Sit In Darkness Like Those Long Dead. Therefore My Spirit Faints Within Me; My Heart Within Me Is Appalled."</em></div><div style="text-align: center;">Psalm 143:3-4 (ESV)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCXFuVhOd75DSJiZmELnJxNl-0D4bORqhgJau14K0ACAzcywLXBOqossFEwzxTHzz4z0BuscM3wbskuyVyyaT6dR7PBSBmINjb_O77V_M7WOrUy1nKNhv1Z04yexFvp7Cm0tVsYk9JbS8/s1600/recess.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCXFuVhOd75DSJiZmELnJxNl-0D4bORqhgJau14K0ACAzcywLXBOqossFEwzxTHzz4z0BuscM3wbskuyVyyaT6dR7PBSBmINjb_O77V_M7WOrUy1nKNhv1Z04yexFvp7Cm0tVsYk9JbS8/s320/recess.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<em>Without question</em>, I find it horrifying that as I draw closer to God, Satan seeks me more promptly than he ever has before. <br />
<br />
I truly believe he finds great joy in watching (more so than non-believers) Christians fall and due to the fact that we carry the impression of Christ in us, he must take true delight in our shortcomings, as well as when we haul the cross of Christ behind us, through the muck and mire that we call living.<br />
<br />
He has the talent to weave his way to the darkest, most private corners of our soul. <br />
<br />
The areas we wouldn't dare allow another human being into; where your oppressive terror, concealed humiliation, and deepest confusion, lie in waiting to suck the very breath out of you.<br />
<br />
In these areas, he attaches himself and is <strong><u>RELENTLESS</u></strong> as he pours out doubts, lies, and worry, holding fast as he waits for us to give up; our defeat being his ultimate prize, never sleeping, never loosening the grasp, always waiting, always weaving, always attempting to devastate.... <br />
<br />
<em>For. </em><br />
<br />
<em>Life.</em> <br />
<br />
He knows all to well how to tip the scales; he knows my weaknesses, he knows my deepest fears, he knows how exhausted I feel trying to balance Church, work, Seminary, single parenting, a (what seems like) never-going-to-be-final divorce....<br />
<br />
He whispers to my soul at night, when the house is silent, when everyone is sleeping, with a heart wrapped in bitterness and pain, I hear his call ~ To hate him or to hate her. <br />
<br />
That in this instance, it is okay if I don't forgive, that neither one of them deserves to be forgiven, energized by the hatred he knows I am a breath away from, he whispers over and over, encouraging me to have a hardened heart, towards the ones who inflicted unspeakable pain, in the pursuit of their own selfish happiness. <br />
<br />
I have been taught to guard my mind, however, there are times that I inadvertently allow that guard down and that is when the foothold is opened for him.<br />
<br />
I did it last night; <em>dread and terror</em> (not fear - sheer terror) dripped off me as if I had just showered under them and panic danced onto the scene, that cold hand spread across my throat, threatening to cut off my air, my heart was pounding as if it was going to beat right out of my chest, and I felt the cold sweat run down my back.<br />
<br />
I haven't had a panic attack in over a year and a half (the last one was at Bible study) and I didn't want this one either, however the signs were in place and I just knew it was inevitable. <br />
<br />
<em>"Father, please, no."</em><br />
<br />
I just returned home from a meeting and I could see the scene playing out in my head; I "see" the men I will face later on this month, for them to determine if I will receive a license to preach, the terror was now full blown and unkind words were all I could see; <em>"failure" "you are a joke" "you don't belong" "you are different" "they will laugh" "they don't want you there" "you don't fit in, nor will you EVER fit in."</em> <br />
<br />
The hand of panic is squeezing tighter, tears filling my eyes, knowing the full blown panic attack is just about upon me and I can't stop it....<br />
<br />
<em>"Father, please, make it stop"</em><br />
<br />
And somewhere, from the recesses of my mind, a verse came over me, not the complete verse, just a small portion ~ <br />
<br />
<em>"Get behind me Satan"</em><br />
<br />
As I uttered the words over and over, the squeezing became less intense, my breathing returned to normal, my heartbeat slowed and the tears subsided.<br />
<br />
My Father came under me to lift me over the fear, over the panic and set me back on solid ground, no medication involved, just Him hearing my desperate plea.<br />
<br />
The opinion of "man" has always been one of my downfalls, what "they" think of me and knowing what I am about to face has seriously placed a dent in my <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%206:10-20&version=ESV">armor</a>. <br />
<br />
When I <strong><em><u>knew</u></em></strong> that this was indeed what He wanted me to do, I stood at His altar and promised Him that <u>no matter what</u>, I would face any and all adversity, even if it felt like I was standing alone.<br />
<br />
Regardless of what any person might have to say, regardless of what any person may feel about me, my job is to obey Him and to serve out the purposes He has placed before me, to glorify His Kingdom... <br />
<br />
No matter what.<br />
<br />
Does this make me naive or simple? <br />
<br />
It is a great possibility.<br />
<br />
However, there is no greater opinion, blessing, nor honor... <em>Than the one of my Father</em>.<br />
<br />
<em>He</em> is the one who has instilled my gifts, <strong>not</strong> "man."<br />
<br />
<em>He</em> is the final judge of me, <strong>not</strong> "man."<br />
<br />
<em>He</em> called me, <strong>not</strong> "man."<br />
<br />
<em>He</em> paves my path, <strong>not</strong> "man."<br />
<br />
Walking this road, I have learned that when I am the very closest with my Father, that is when I am going to be attacked, that Satan will be consistent in trying to kick me down and push me back, endlessly striving to break my spirit.<br />
<br />
He wants my spirit broken.<br />
<br />
He wants me to give up.<br />
<br />
I will not bow down to him, nor to "man." <br />
<br />
In the future, I will do well to remember these words. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-9aZJJ3izMuimMFFfUuM3YCwM-VBRw4nJW3AQhyyIaiJdArhT9332XIas3hK7ahyvbyST7FUcMjazIrLKu0JvP5bONiOj3Ix-7OIx24mOw-JV5vsRWlLlZIfZ2e-W-JZavC71xoAZ0A/s1600/his+child.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-9aZJJ3izMuimMFFfUuM3YCwM-VBRw4nJW3AQhyyIaiJdArhT9332XIas3hK7ahyvbyST7FUcMjazIrLKu0JvP5bONiOj3Ix-7OIx24mOw-JV5vsRWlLlZIfZ2e-W-JZavC71xoAZ0A/s320/his+child.jpg" width="253" /></a></div><br />
<strong>MIKESCHAIR</strong><br />
<em>You're Worth It, You Can't Earn It</em><br />
<em>Yeah The Cross Has Proven </em><br />
<em>That You're Sacred And Blameless</em><br />
<em>Your Life Has Purpose </em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-28218161513733445232012-01-07T10:35:00.000-08:002012-01-07T10:36:54.146-08:00I Choose Crystal<div style="text-align: center;">"<em>In A Well-Furnished Kitchen There Are Not Only Crystal Goblets And Silver Platters, But Waste Cans And Compost Buckets—Some Containers Used To Serve Fine Meals, Others To Take Out The Garbage. Become The Kind Of Container God Can Use To Present Any And Every Kind Of Gift To His Guests For Their Blessing</em>."</div><div style="text-align: center;">2 Timothy 2:20-21 (The Message)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJ2fHKkRiYmjcVjg6Jnlac2bZmFF2CEvkDnl1_GUz49YxxGb6g3Me_0YA5k_esMLsvuhY6eoPhtnUqgnt4BW95vPPWts2vwkhiv5-T9Pg6nFIRBI6orpfCEiHZoC5ltHZCshyCxnMauc/s1600/beauty14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdJ2fHKkRiYmjcVjg6Jnlac2bZmFF2CEvkDnl1_GUz49YxxGb6g3Me_0YA5k_esMLsvuhY6eoPhtnUqgnt4BW95vPPWts2vwkhiv5-T9Pg6nFIRBI6orpfCEiHZoC5ltHZCshyCxnMauc/s320/beauty14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
It has been a week of one major up, as well as one major down, and a few ripples thrown in for good measure.<br />
<br />
Early on in the week I found out I made the Dean's list ~ <em><strong>Shut Up</strong></em>! were the first words out of my mouth when I received the email.<br />
<br />
I called my Dad, informed my Mom and Sister, emailed a copy to my Pastor, as well as texted my Reverend and my prayer partner.<br />
<br />
Yes; I was proud, because quite frankly when I used to be in school, the only "list" I ever made was the detention or the suspension list. :)<br />
<br />
That was my "up".<br />
<br />
I also found out that Eeyore was choosing to stay with his Dad and since he is 16, there is basically nothing I can do about it, <em>huge blow,</em> because I was naive enough to think that he would of course, choose me.<br />
<br />
I figured in time he would see through the actions of his Dad and realize that at this point in time, he isn't exactly the type of person you would want to emulate. <br />
<br />
I found that out yesterday, I also found a huge source of anger that I didn't know I had.<br />
<br />
I was mad at the lawyers, furious with my husband for dragging this out so long (almost 3 years now), and quite frankly disgusted with the whole process.<br />
<br />
So I sat there, angry and so very sad, asking Him why?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSjcZUfuMUbbvotQhCYKKSoZW5nl9kLt2Y7wOiaDe5zW_Y7suH-zHYS_iI06YeKlWWhnhQObzbqbvxHguZvDnCVcNdzZJ4NUvKb_auifqh98tF_bpelBuSjE8TQFJ6DWjEYJMAhVujtxY/s1600/ex9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSjcZUfuMUbbvotQhCYKKSoZW5nl9kLt2Y7wOiaDe5zW_Y7suH-zHYS_iI06YeKlWWhnhQObzbqbvxHguZvDnCVcNdzZJ4NUvKb_auifqh98tF_bpelBuSjE8TQFJ6DWjEYJMAhVujtxY/s1600/ex9.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Every fiber of my being was tempted to call my husband and tell him what I truly thought of him at that point in time, yet, I found myself emailing my Pastor instead.<br />
<br />
Struggling deeply with anger, acceptance and forgiveness.<br />
<br />
As I wrote to him, letting him know what had happened and where I "was" emotionally, I found the anger dissipating a little bit as I wrote that I "accepted and forgave the affair, the abandonment, as well as the filing of divorce, however, turning my son against me? I don't know that I have it in me."<br />
<br />
I don't know how to accept that, much less forgive.<br />
<br />
But, <em>I have to</em>.<br />
<br />
I sent the email and then found myself in the Word, seeking for peace, for the comfort I know <em>only He can give me.</em><br />
<br />
As I read different verses, finding the peace I was searching for, I came across the one you see at the top - <br />
<br />
<em>2 Timothy 2:20-21.</em><br />
<br />
The first thing I thought when I read it, was that I didn't want to be a filthy vessel used by Him.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioPzticWLd2Tlhr7IjZynEdErgbcXuM6LcpoDqhFjGYtWDaA8u-PgSMiWFm60jaBaysfEpEiaj-PYhIi0zCxNQGTrKXXC1kmZMwVJLIdi4mZ5QOjW_qa6_iwHNW-yW58LTsVhMItwv86w/s1600/heart1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioPzticWLd2Tlhr7IjZynEdErgbcXuM6LcpoDqhFjGYtWDaA8u-PgSMiWFm60jaBaysfEpEiaj-PYhIi0zCxNQGTrKXXC1kmZMwVJLIdi4mZ5QOjW_qa6_iwHNW-yW58LTsVhMItwv86w/s320/heart1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Knowing that I will fall into transgression if I let go of either, His complete sovereignty or the full responsibility of my sins. <br />
<br />
The point Paul (I love Paul and relate so easily to him) is making in this text is we have a choice: <br />
<br />
Will you choose to be a filthy vessel that God uses for dishonor? <br />
<br />
Or, will you choose to be a clean vessel that God uses for honor?<br />
<br />
He <u><em><strong>WILL</strong></em></u> use either, however,<strong><em> <u>WE</u></em></strong> are accountable for the choice made.<br />
<br />
We live in a world where we become stained on a daily (sometimes moment by moment) basis and when we confess our sins, the blood of Jesus is applied to our dirty lives. <br />
<br />
In order to be a vessel for honor, you <em>must</em> walk in the light, confessing all your known sins to God. <br />
<br />
To be a vessel of dishonor, you will continue to stumble around in the darkness, never cleansing yourself from sin.<br />
<br />
You must choose the type of vessel you are going to be and then you must cleanse<br />
yourself to become a vessel of honor. <br />
<br />
<em>This your responsibility</em>. <br />
<br />
If we allow our minds to continue to embrace false teaching and we allow our lives to be continually tainted by sin, then we are not useful to our Master. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjkiSHIZKgaMWILAlCTQXU9MqhMCgeYSJAOyN9r1ko5AfnAE5iHjkKYtCbZ4BkjPrrsxd7ENVQH1k6wfw29rr3phmoLeCGsMr2pIizlWOgztYsTV8iy2UdZz3bN-k5KuDFBMRWH8-OfJI/s1600/inner+strength4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjkiSHIZKgaMWILAlCTQXU9MqhMCgeYSJAOyN9r1ko5AfnAE5iHjkKYtCbZ4BkjPrrsxd7ENVQH1k6wfw29rr3phmoLeCGsMr2pIizlWOgztYsTV8iy2UdZz3bN-k5KuDFBMRWH8-OfJI/s320/inner+strength4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I emailed my Pastor back, letting him know that I was okay, that I had found several verses in Ephesians, and they had helped restore the peace back into my soul. <br />
<br />
"<em>I will allow it to be one more cornerstone in my testimony of what He has allowed me to face, as well as how He walked me through it<var id="yiv685872174yui-ie-cursor"></var> and perhaps one day, I will be able to help someone else who may face the same trial." (</em>a portion of what my email said to him<em>)</em><br />
<br />
In time, He will help me to accept, forgive, and move forward.<br />
<br />
He strengthens me, His word says so ~ <br />
<br />
Philippians 4:10-14 (The Message) "<em>I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles." </em><br />
<br />
(I love the way this Scripture is stated in the Message Bible.)<br />
<br />
So, which vessel are you <em>choosing</em> to be?<br />
<br />
Many Blessings.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5yhIMo3NmwBQn4ezOnMQLSZ2hVfWxpqIdzOOaKEZHZqC4mgHgbhvuLFEKBImcZbVmY-yJmem_eReWkZdJu5VrmRlPDG0Fxj2ITXno0-K16Ij7rb0sxjps8ilA8tsdDq5g_u0UUhqd0hs/s1600/unanswered7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5yhIMo3NmwBQn4ezOnMQLSZ2hVfWxpqIdzOOaKEZHZqC4mgHgbhvuLFEKBImcZbVmY-yJmem_eReWkZdJu5VrmRlPDG0Fxj2ITXno0-K16Ij7rb0sxjps8ilA8tsdDq5g_u0UUhqd0hs/s320/unanswered7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<strong>SCOTT KRIPPAYNE</strong><br />
<em>He Has A Reason For Each Trial </em><br />
<em>That We Pass Through In Life </em><br />
<em>And Though We're Shaken </em><br />
<em>We Cannot Be Pulled Apart From Christ </em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-78131575383761102792012-01-02T21:21:00.000-08:002012-01-02T21:21:05.365-08:00Hot Cocoa Is The Answer<div style="text-align: center;">"To Open The Blind Eyes, To Bring Out The Prisoners From The Prison, And Them That Sit In Darkness Out Of The Prison House."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Isaiah 42:7 (KJV)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZxQ6xSi_XbbkXWq8Pgxd3xxaG8Dp4BgGg7-JexmiIroULZDpLlYr5qyZMaFMrDUhPn_CzI8FU8I1QiBNFiA7UQz8oOg3fFI-31zVaEE8mFzlqB6DzndWL71OTt_DGEaqER76a9rsChzc/s1600/cocoa4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZxQ6xSi_XbbkXWq8Pgxd3xxaG8Dp4BgGg7-JexmiIroULZDpLlYr5qyZMaFMrDUhPn_CzI8FU8I1QiBNFiA7UQz8oOg3fFI-31zVaEE8mFzlqB6DzndWL71OTt_DGEaqER76a9rsChzc/s320/cocoa4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I drink a cup of cocoa almost every single night, regardless of the weather outside, and I have been doing this for about 22 years.<br />
<br />
To me, there is nothing more comforting than a hot mug of cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles (or marshmallows).<br />
<br />
I spent 3 years in northern Italy and the hot cocoa that is served there is literally eaten with a spoon, thick as mud and oh so very good!<br />
<br />
I have tried just about every cocoa on the market, as well as in most of the restaurants I frequent.<br />
<br />
I have tried it with milk as well as with water (I prefer water) and I actually used to own a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mr-Coffee-Cocomotion-Chocolate-Maker/dp/B00006IUU0">Cocomotion</a> ( I loved that thing).<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjq4jXIANAVIyLTRHf8GTBLAN-5m5do6Xb-XhKpNzGzZ0m0G8qtpoUQ-2IVdqb0Yr5wLqgMs1-_Lf1PBLexVcPcPy4Yc864A2kLzHC7TBUohEbz80OUu4_IEmm7s2dYdW-lSh9zFT-1vo/s1600/cocoa.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjq4jXIANAVIyLTRHf8GTBLAN-5m5do6Xb-XhKpNzGzZ0m0G8qtpoUQ-2IVdqb0Yr5wLqgMs1-_Lf1PBLexVcPcPy4Yc864A2kLzHC7TBUohEbz80OUu4_IEmm7s2dYdW-lSh9zFT-1vo/s320/cocoa.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
As I stood by the stove tonight, waiting for my water to boil tonight, my mind was playing on a question that I hear, quite frankly too often, <em>"Didn't you have any warning?"</em><br />
<br />
<em>"No, I did not"</em> is my standard answer.<br />
<br />
Before I go any further, let me just say, I am not stupid nor am I an idiot, and I am not a hillbilly from the backwoods....<br />
<br />
I am educated, I carry a 4.0 GPA in Seminary school, I can count, I can use the word "malevolence" correctly in a sentence (see below), I can change a tire, check my oil, build a fire, know the difference between a phillips head and a flat head etc...<br />
<br />
I may be blonde and have some <strong>serious</strong> "blonde moments" but I am not a bubble head...<br />
<br />
Sometimes, it is the <em>smallest</em> things in life that we overlook.<br />
<br />
For almost 3 years I have racked my brain trying to come up with an answer.<br />
<br />
I have spent countless hours dissecting each and every conversation my husband and I had prior to the separation, and I still come up with a big, fat "nothing."<br />
<br />
We didn't fight, we rarely argued and if you had asked me, I was under the assumption that life was perfect, <em>our life was perfect</em>. <br />
<br />
2 gorgeous, healthy boys, semi-successful jobs, house, cars etc....<br />
<br />
He made me cocoa... <em>Every. Single. Night.</em><br />
<br />
The only thing missing was the proverbial "white picket fence."<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIC9WW24-CrNJ85nE_95V6hziT5jzVfKQ-bWWVR4M8zlxaURI1XP4ia5qtNPT4VQkDeJbsny4ck1lbejEUVuVbW0e73JnNZ4O2Qr4CrWBzxE0aKMjuVL5vynU81jVjidr4cEs7PGShGQE/s1600/cocoa5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIC9WW24-CrNJ85nE_95V6hziT5jzVfKQ-bWWVR4M8zlxaURI1XP4ia5qtNPT4VQkDeJbsny4ck1lbejEUVuVbW0e73JnNZ4O2Qr4CrWBzxE0aKMjuVL5vynU81jVjidr4cEs7PGShGQE/s320/cocoa5.jpg" width="213" /></a></div><br />
If you have read here for any length of time, "blindsided" doesn't even begin to describe what happened. <br />
<br />
Almost 3 years later and I still have my breath taken away by the sheer malevolence he has shown/continues to show... <br />
<br />
In the words of Shakespeare, <em>"This was the most unkindest cut of all."</em><br />
<br />
Perhaps, because he was the one I trusted the most in this world, the one I counted on to <em>never, ever</em> hurt me, the one who would stand by my side until the very end, became the very one who stuck the knife in the deepest, <strong>intentionally</strong>.<br />
<br />
It took me a long time to move past the anger, the pain and the betrayal.<br />
<br />
I made a conscious decision to not allow what he did to define me, in doing that I had to be willing to trust someone again...<br />
<br />
God saw fit to place G and my Pastor on my path.<br />
<br />
Two men who are polar opposites of my husband, willing to teach me that to trust again, is a good thing, and each of them slowly worked, in their own way, to make sure I didn't get stuck inside myself, as a emotionally broken shell of a woman, yet they also taught me they are human and as such they have the ability to unintentionally hurt me and, He is the <strong><em>only</em></strong> one I can truly trust, with every single thing in my life and <em>never, ever</em> be hurt.<br />
<br />
Once trust was established with these men, He placed other people in my path and each one brings with them, the chance to relearn how to love, how to trust, and yes; how to be vulnerable again, because you can't truly trust anyone, unless you are open to the possibility of being hurt once again. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix90xyRPwALT02tjD6uV6Q-Ueyk09za2Kte5O_E_2ui3Qefef4oFy22jw63_OSksH36Pn-2rIWZHFcIKvWa7QbhY-kH3J-AgfCBz_I4ChjLHCaKulTaDBUfAvhYRCm-yLNKgF0baoCB54/s1600/cocoa1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix90xyRPwALT02tjD6uV6Q-Ueyk09za2Kte5O_E_2ui3Qefef4oFy22jw63_OSksH36Pn-2rIWZHFcIKvWa7QbhY-kH3J-AgfCBz_I4ChjLHCaKulTaDBUfAvhYRCm-yLNKgF0baoCB54/s320/cocoa1.png" width="307" /></a></div><br />
I poured the hot water into my mug, stirred until all the chocolate was melted, added a (not so) healthy dollop of whipped cream, grabbed a handful of marshmallows, if you are going to drink hot cocoa, you have to do it right (FYI - <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Kraft-Jet-Puffed-Peppermint-Miniature-Marshmallows/dp/B006F6PTCW">These</a> are the BEST!!) and found myself stopping right before I threw the marshmallows on top.....<br />
<br />
My eyes clouded over and my mind took me back to 2009, right about this time (perhaps a week or so later)...<br />
<br />
As much as I hate these "mind-journeys" into the past at the most inopportune times, I know that there is an answer there that He is trying to show me...<br />
<br />
I saw my answer.<br />
<br />
My mind came back to the present, I finished making my cocoa and as I looked at the perfect concoction I had just whipped up, I realized a small detail that had escaped me 3 years ago....<br />
<br />
He stopped making me hot cocoa.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV2savbzQDhHVTTvi1fab-5vAPm1UEzbKOh_o6vHEsLUcLYvC7TgRr0HEO4qVReavG9Ao8FememFOK4hJE8S5YGfZywDra69OdxzWWaodxk047xZZi8nxUo1PwninDaFuY83ucsIpKnKA/s1600/cocoa2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV2savbzQDhHVTTvi1fab-5vAPm1UEzbKOh_o6vHEsLUcLYvC7TgRr0HEO4qVReavG9Ao8FememFOK4hJE8S5YGfZywDra69OdxzWWaodxk047xZZi8nxUo1PwninDaFuY83ucsIpKnKA/s1600/cocoa2.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<strong>SCOTT STAPP</strong><br />
<em>I Was Selfish</em><br />
<em>But You Still Loved Me</em><br />
<em>You Gave The Greatest Gift Of All</em><br />
<em>And You Set Me Free</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8542488071443558267.post-35766600903625248572011-12-24T12:01:00.000-08:002011-12-24T12:01:53.808-08:00Merry Christmas<div style="text-align: center;">"For Unto You Is Born This Day In The City Of David A Saviour, Which Is Christ The Lord."</div><div style="text-align: center;">Luke 2:11 (KJV)</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKP1gf4CQNCyumoo4EnDaoO7TqQ3mYLXAResVBERvsQ9lzGSVb3qquLVCR5ZPFOJ33Ys-hwFysY3YjNRcU9FGZZb4hqN-fnlvmkpM1KMAtsZ9EPni47Xqs63HJQgyz0tU1w_T7nOZtLfQ/s1600/holiday1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKP1gf4CQNCyumoo4EnDaoO7TqQ3mYLXAResVBERvsQ9lzGSVb3qquLVCR5ZPFOJ33Ys-hwFysY3YjNRcU9FGZZb4hqN-fnlvmkpM1KMAtsZ9EPni47Xqs63HJQgyz0tU1w_T7nOZtLfQ/s320/holiday1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
You go through your life hoping that you are making a difference, that what you are doing is having some form of an impact, on the lives of the children He places in your life. <br />
<br />
You do this with adults as well, however, the children are just, if not more, important.<br />
<br />
My boys have witnessed things they never should have seen, lived through trials that would bring most adults to their knees and fought to overcome tribulations, when they should just be enjoying being a kid. <br />
<br />
Tigger is 8 now, going on about 20 it seems. <br />
<br />
He is fiercely protective, empathetic, sensitive, loving and severely prone to worry, especially when what he is worrying about is me. <br />
<br />
A crushing trait I have fought to overcome, now rests in the eyes of my little one.<br />
<br />
It is humbling to me, and to be honest it is also heart-breaking to witness.<br />
<br />
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I know what it is like to face life filled with worry, to always have that breath of anxiety whispering through your soul.<br />
<br />
It has taken me years to overcome it and there are still days when it creeps up on me.<br />
<br />
That voice that says, "No, everything is <strong><em>not</em></strong> going to be alright." "You are <em><strong>going</strong></em> to fail."<br />
<br />
I see the same look in his eyes, that I used to see in mine... <br />
<br />
The uncertainty of what is around the corner, the sheer terror that "something" is going to happen and the uneasiness that you just can't take anything else. <br />
<br />
I pray over him when he is sleeping, I have anointed him with oil that has been prayed over and blessed, as he lays resting peacefully, I pray that I am doing the right thing where he and his brother are concerned.<br />
<br />
Do they see Him in me?<br />
<br />
Do they know that this isn't easy for me either, that each decision I make is questioned no less than a hundred times and then carefully prayed over?<br />
<br />
Do they know that all I want for Christmas is some form of a sign, that I am doing the right thing where they are concerned?<br />
<br />
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2 nights ago I stepped out of the movie theater, having just seen "<a href="http://www.courageousthemovie.com/">Courageous</a>," and my heart was heavy. <br />
<br />
**Sidenote ~ If you are a man and you are a father or planning on becoming a father at any point in time, I <u><strong>urge</strong></u> you to see this movie with an open heart and then I <em>beg</em> of you to do the right thing where your children are concerned.**<br />
<br />
All those questions popped up within me, questions I don't have an answer to, questions that I can't take to my husband since we are not on the same wave length, questions that only He can answer.<br />
<br />
As I stood outside the car talking silently within to Him, my cell rang, Tigger on the other end of the line (he has been at his Dads' house since last Saturday) and the conversation went like this;<br />
<br />
Tigger ~ "Mommy, I have something I need to tell you."<br />
<br />
Me ~ "What is that buddy?"<br />
<br />
Tigger ~ "You know my Christmas list that I gave you?" (The one that is a mile long? How could I forget??)<br />
<br />
Me ~ "I sure do. Did you forget something?" (Dread filling me at the thought of having to hit one more shopping center, face one more unhappy cashier, or find one more parking place that isn't 67 miles away from the entrance.)<br />
<br />
Tigger ~ "No Mommy, I just wanted to tell you that you can throw it away. I don't need or want those things anymore." (Great, a new list 4 days before Christmas, just what I was hoping for!)<br />
<br />
Me ~ "Why is that Punk?" ( I use this same nickname for both boys at times)<br />
<br />
Tigger ~ "Christmas isn't about what is under the tree. It is nice to have that stuff, but it is about God."<br />
<br />
Me ~ **Tears... Instant weeping mess and huge smiles on my face (sniffles but no words)**<br />
<br />
Tigger ~ "Don't cry Mommy, if I get 2 of the same things, we can find another kid who doesn't have it and give it to them."<br />
<br />
Me ~ "There is nothing I can say except I am <em>very, very</em> proud of you Punk."<br />
<br />
And right there at that exact moment in time, I knew I was doing something right.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJqf1RPK74fMzVmJ9EMzYJir0NRyXkvuwNvDLjZlbQGVSXgtIEoxz_9WD58uEzCV1iJ3_dPHPFyPQ4OLGruWUh5WkC72NYacDuLVoZ8HELbAxbOX3JeAmw0OlREuUC_RTdPV0k6gByMo/s1600/holiday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJqf1RPK74fMzVmJ9EMzYJir0NRyXkvuwNvDLjZlbQGVSXgtIEoxz_9WD58uEzCV1iJ3_dPHPFyPQ4OLGruWUh5WkC72NYacDuLVoZ8HELbAxbOX3JeAmw0OlREuUC_RTdPV0k6gByMo/s320/holiday.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
When you are around the same people all the time, it is hard to see any form of an impact, once you place those people outside the circle for any length of time, your eyes are opened to see what it is that you are truly seeking within them. <br />
<br />
You are no longer seeing the destructive traits, you get to see the good.<br />
<br />
I see Him in my son, His light when Tigger sings or when he lays with his eyes tightly closed, as he prays... <br />
<br />
He does <em>everything</em> with 110% and <em>always</em> has, whether it be good or bad, he throws his all into it, never having known the word fear nor the word cautious, two flaws he didn't inherit from me (**Happy dance**).<br />
<br />
That small conversation made my Christmas all the brighter and all the merrier. <br />
<br />
I know what each of them <em>truly</em> wanted for Christmas and I couldn't be the one to give it to them. <br />
<br />
Their Heavenly Father knows as well and I trust that He will be near each of them tomorrow morning, as they rise excitedly to see what is under the tree, as they breathlessly rip open each present to discover what is inside and my prayer is that they have a very Merry Christmas.<br />
<br />
My prayer is for each of you to have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. <br />
<br />
I pray His guidance over each one of you, His peace to drench your soul, His love to saturate every fiber of your being, His mercy to cover you and His grace to fully satisfy you.<br />
<br />
God bless each and every one of you.<br />
<br />
Always.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu-qc0OBC387aMI3YJ42clWm5xazvjyIwKDs6heaosPAgrsmQLcHwLM13zhcauLIeHuMDE66xFgPqUc0EQ0VhTbRFdkzaKdX18DtIWJrNUG9sSax8D7mcIZdTJdWS1g01cpdYUd-rvsOA/s1600/holiday3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu-qc0OBC387aMI3YJ42clWm5xazvjyIwKDs6heaosPAgrsmQLcHwLM13zhcauLIeHuMDE66xFgPqUc0EQ0VhTbRFdkzaKdX18DtIWJrNUG9sSax8D7mcIZdTJdWS1g01cpdYUd-rvsOA/s320/holiday3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<strong>MICHAEL W. SMITH</strong><br />
<em>Be Near Me Lord Jesus </em><br />
<em>I Ask Thee To Stay </em><br />
<em>Close By Me Forever </em><br />
<em>And Love Me I Pray</em><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/85728/serenity2/6859d2fcfc4844b6e2a7f913dcc061d8.png" /></a>Serenityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00900590845879351292noreply@blogger.com1