"My Help And Glory Are In God —Granite-Strength And Safe-Harbor-God— So Trust Him Absolutely, People; Lay Your Lives On The Line For Him. God Is A Safe Place To Be."
Psalm 62:7-8 (the Message)
Has it really been 2 months (exactly) since I last posted? It sure has and I am so sorry, however, I am here now so put a smile on your face. :)
I have been overwhelmed with school this semester, having taken 5 classes instead of my usual 4, due to some weird scheduling and at about mid-semester I was taking 4 all at the same time (usually broken up 2/2 every 8 weeks)...
Needless to say, I am needing a vacation and I don't see one in sight HA!
This semester ends on the 17th (I think) and then I move right into the next semester on the 20th. Last year I took the Summer off, this year I didn't and I am feeling it.
I have to keep this pace up (no breaks between semesters) so that my graduation coincides with my ordination, therefore posting sporadically is about as good as it gets for right now. :)
So let us get to it...
I titled this post with the words my Pastor spoke to me last week, "Don't you give up, don't you dare give up."
Whispered, hurtful words, surround me... The enemy, crouched, ready to pounce if I just nudge that door open even a fraction... Church, work, school, my little one, family, expectations, responsibilities, small victories, and huge failures all came crashing in one evening and doubt found a way in.
I will let you in on a little secret... Next week my class from the Ministerial Institute will be presented to the Bishop, and I am on course to make history... History people... Little ole me.
My Church is over 60 years old and there has never been a white, female preacher...
Let that sink in.
Then let the fact that the majority of people do not like change and you will see why he said those words to me.
It has been 9 months since I preached my first sermon and I knew back then that this was a big deal (especially after I found out my Pastor wanted to call in the press, but held off knowing it would scare me to no end), and I was okay with that, however, as the time draws closer, I can feel the anxiety rise.
I see the enemy closing in, doing everything possible, to keep me from getting to the next place. Plans have fallen apart, Scriptures have been forgotten, things I know (like the back of my hand) have fallen right out of my head, I have gone back to speaking quietly, instead of with purpose, fear is trying to live, where confidence was once reigning.
Questions swirl, where I had answers yesterday; doubt, where I had clarity; worry, instead of peace; therefore I sit and I talk to Him, asking Him if He is sure I am the right person for this...
Yes, I question God and what He is doing in my life...
Then I am reminded of the night Jesus prayed in the Garden... I imagine He probably wondered as well, especially considering one of His chosen, would betray Him with a kiss.
I am right where He wants me to be, that is what I get from Him. Yes, I am out of my comfort zone, however, having a comfort zone can also keep one from moving forward.
Stepping out of your comfort zone, allows you to seek Him even more. You begin to call on Him more because you do not know what is going to happen next, and this is where I believe He wants each of us to be.
Each time I become a little bit more comfortable, another door opens and He moves me forward a little more, leaving behind the comfort I was (finally) getting used to.
I still have the comfort of knowing that I have some pretty terrific people in my corner; cheering for me, praying for me, encouraging me, and helping me (when I actually let anyone know I need some help).
So when I spoke to my Pastor about some things that I have heard recently, as well as the fact that the anxiety is so bad, I can barely breathe at times, his answer was not to give up...
To give up, allows the enemy to claim this victory.
Therefore, I have to find the balance and the only place I can find that balance is with Him.
The Scripture above says that ".... God is a safe place to be."
Truer words have never been spoken. The fact that I can sit anywhere, call upon Him, and feel His presence right there beside me, is beyond any description I could even begin to conjure up.
So when I want to just give up, I take it to Him, because I know I am not a quitter.
I have overcome way too much to give up now.
Someone right now reading this needs to know that He is the One place you can find comfort, the safest place you will ever be, and He is the One who will never, ever, let you give up.
To my prayer warriors that are reading this, I ask that you pray for me. Pray that the people see less of me and more of Him, pray for acceptance, pray for tolerance, pray for peace, but most of all, just say a prayer of Thanksgiving for us all.
When I Rise, When I Fall
You'll Be There Through It All
At The Start, At The End
In The Center Of The Center Of It