The things going on in my life aren't easy...
Not easy to accept, not easy to let go of...
As you know, I receive words of wisdom from my Pastor...
I want to share a little of him with you...
Before I walked into this Church, I hadn't been to a service in over 20 years...
Based on my past, I turned away from God, didn't need nor want anything from Him...
I met a woman at my other job one day...
She invited me to Church and would later tell me she has never seen anyone more suicidal then I was that day she met me - Little did she know that about a month and a half later I would indeed contemplate it, I would make up my mind to do it, I had everything planned out and my Pastor would be the one to save me from myself...
It would be a couple of weeks before I accepted her invitation and actually would show up...
Before walking into the Church, I sat in the parking lot for awhile, going back and forth in my mind...
Should I go or should I stay?
I went in and from that moment, I felt like I went home...
I have met so many wonderful people who are so kind but none more so then my Pastor...
This man has literally been on his knees for me...
He has seen me completely broken, my soul shattered, my faith nonexistent, days where I couldn't even look him in the eye because I was so ashamed of what my life had become...
He has seen me crying so hard that I couldn't even talk and he in turn gets on his knees and prays for me because I can't pray for myself...
He has had questions thrown at him by me, questions he certainly can't answer and yet he still tries...
Questions such as "When did I stop being good enough?", "Why is all this happening?", "When is enough, really enough?" , "What kind of woman sits around waiting for her husband while he is out banging someone else, living with someone else, having a life with someone else?"
The answer to the last question is something I will never, ever forget - His answer rings in my head to this day - "A good one".
He tries so hard to make sure I am comfortable, calm and doing good...
He makes sure I continue to put one foot in front of the other without faltering/without falling...
He cares about me just because - Read that once again -
Just Because...He is so kind and compassionate and loving however he can also be harsh (tough-love he calls it) when he feels you may need it...
He has a smile that lights up a room and very kind eyes...
He carries a lot on his shoulders yet doesn't complain, they just seem to grow a little bigger by the week...
He does a lot for the community however always has time for his congregation...
No matter how busy he is, he always has time for me...
It may be a phone call or email just to see how I am or a moment after Church...
He has seen tension in my face even when I feel I am hiding it better and I in turn see nothing but compassion in his face when he is talking to me...
I search for pity when he doesn't know I am looking and there is none, just tenderness and compassion...
He is the perfect example of how I want to be...
God-fearing, kind to all, caring to all and putting everyone else above his own needs but nobody before God...
He wants nothing from me but peace...
Not a thing...
That has been the hardest thing for me to accept...
He does what he does from the goodness of his own heart and asks for nothing in return...
He knows what has been going on...
From day one I trusted him 100% and knew I could tell him anything without judgement...
He knows more about me then anyone on this earth, that is how much faith I have in him, that is how much I trust him...
And he hasn't disappointed me...
Recently I have had some church members tell me not to put any faith in him, he has been bad-mouthed from some of his own congregation and I don't think he has a clue what is said about him behind his back...
I don't put any stock in that, I find it very unfair, very disrespectful and very unchristian like to speak ill of the leader of your own Church just because you knew him before he became a Pastor...
Each and every one of us makes mistakes, him included and to hold past mistakes against him today is a shame and it won't do any good to anyone...
What would you do if people held all your past mistakes against you and continued to judge you for things that have already been said and done?
I will not ever listen to anyone badmouth him and I will tell you right now if you happen to be reading this and you do happen to know which Church I go to and which Pastor I am speaking of, and you are one of the ones who have pulled me to the side to "
let me know some things", you should be ashamed of yourself...
That man is our leader, he is a wonderful human being with a heart of gold and he has never been anything but kind to me...
What you say to me will not change my mind so keep it to yourself...
I would suggest you find your way to the alter and ask God to forgive you for the way you treat our Pastor when you are face to face to him and then when his back is turned...
Somewhere in me knows no matter what time, if I called, he would be right there...
I am just not sure why there are some people are trying to take that away?
He is a phenomenal speaker and I could listen to him 24/7...
I have always wondered after listening to him preach, if he was speaking directly to me...
It seemed each and every sermon was sprinkled with some message I could take away and apply to myself and my situation...
He knew what I needed to hear, God gave him the words...
The first few sermons were heartbreaking to hear...
There was not a Sunday that I didn't leave there crying...
There was not a Sunday that didn't go by that I went up the alter begging God to please help me leave it there because I just couldn't face another second, another minute, another day, another week with all the burdens piling on...
I have asked my Pastor how to leave it there because quite frankly I don't have a clue...
As the Sundays have gone on, the message has become more clearer to me, however since I am a bit dense, it took awhile before I would get "it"...
Yesterday was the day I finally got "it" and "it" came in the form of a gumball and letting go...
(There was a man on the steps waiting for the Pastor yesterday before Church, he told him the following story...Not word for word but you will get the idea)
A little boy had his hand stuck in a gumball machine and couldn't get it out...
His Mother tried, the store manager tried, the police, fire department and the
ambulance were all called to no avail...
No matter how hard these people tried, the little boys' hand would not come out...
Off on the side of all the commotion was an older gentleman...
He had been sitting there watching all this transpire and went over to speak to the little boy.
He asked him if he had a gumball in his hand, the little boy said "yes"...
So he told the little boy if he let go of the gumball, he would give him two gumballs...
The little boy said "Really"?
Yes says the older gentleman...
Once the little boy released the gumball, his hand came out...
God wants us to let go of the gumball so says the Pastor -
Then and only then, did I finally get what he has been trying to teach me these past few weeks...
Last night, I finally released the whole gumball...
MICHAEL W. SMITH
He Worked The Soul, Like He Worked The Land
He Spoke In Ways That Anyone Could Understand
Simple Words Of Simple Faith And
When It Came To Love, He Would Go Out Of His Way
A Helping Hand, A Soothing Chat And
He Practiced What He Preached - Imagine That
All By Myself...
