Isaiah 26:19 ESV
Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy! For your dew is a dew of light, and the earth will give birth to the dead.
4/10/09
Happy Easter
My friends I wish you all a safe and Happy Easter.
Isaiah 26:19 ESV
Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy! For your dew is a dew of light, and the earth will give birth to the dead.
Isaiah 26:19 ESV
Your dead shall live; their bodies shall rise. You who dwell in the dust, awake and sing for joy! For your dew is a dew of light, and the earth will give birth to the dead.
Quick Question/Updated
***Thanks to you all...I am off to Amazon to find the book***
A few of you have recommended a couple of books to me that I have been on the hunt for...
The Shack came up numerous times so that is the one I started with...
We only have 1 bookstore in this podunk town and I received word today that the book was on a 6 month back order...
I have since found a few used ones on Ebay as well as Amazon ....
Now my question...Which do you trust more to order from?
I hate ordering from people I don't know so I just wondered if you have had better luck with one over the other?
A few of you have recommended a couple of books to me that I have been on the hunt for...
The Shack came up numerous times so that is the one I started with...
We only have 1 bookstore in this podunk town and I received word today that the book was on a 6 month back order...
I have since found a few used ones on Ebay as well as Amazon ....
Now my question...Which do you trust more to order from?
I hate ordering from people I don't know so I just wondered if you have had better luck with one over the other?
Proud Mommy Moment
Normally I don't talk about my kids here since I am usually running on about being a mental case however I do have something to say....
My oldest son - Eeyore...One of those that everything comes so easy to...
High self esteem and just an all around good guy...
We received a letter in the mail that I opened last night when I finally got home...
It was from the Who's Who Registry of Academic Excellence - High School Version and he was nominated...
We will know in 2 weeks if he makes it in the book....
I didn't know this was a big deal to be nominated much less make it in the book...
Remember I hated school so I never received any awards like this...
I texted my sister and she explained it to me how about 90% of the kids who are nominated are seniors in High School and how proud I should be, good for him, our brother was in the same book eons ago during his senior year etc....
So I grasped the meaning that it was a good thing and I was proud as hell that he was even nominated....
I showed him and hubby the letter this morning...
Of course he doesn't give a rats ass about it since to him it isn't cool....
I explained to him how huge this was and I still don't think he cares....
We let him know that even if he doesn't make the book, we are so very proud of him...
After he left for school, we both said that there is a very slim chance of him getting in the book since it is based from all over the US however we were doing something right since he was nominated...
Why is there a slim chance he will get in???
He is in 7th grade...Now you see why we are so very proud of him ♥
I just wanted to share with my BFs'!! Hope you are all having a wonderful Good Friday and we will talk again shortly :o)
My oldest son - Eeyore...One of those that everything comes so easy to...
High self esteem and just an all around good guy...
We received a letter in the mail that I opened last night when I finally got home...
It was from the Who's Who Registry of Academic Excellence - High School Version and he was nominated...
We will know in 2 weeks if he makes it in the book....
I didn't know this was a big deal to be nominated much less make it in the book...
Remember I hated school so I never received any awards like this...
I texted my sister and she explained it to me how about 90% of the kids who are nominated are seniors in High School and how proud I should be, good for him, our brother was in the same book eons ago during his senior year etc....
So I grasped the meaning that it was a good thing and I was proud as hell that he was even nominated....
I showed him and hubby the letter this morning...
Of course he doesn't give a rats ass about it since to him it isn't cool....
I explained to him how huge this was and I still don't think he cares....
We let him know that even if he doesn't make the book, we are so very proud of him...
After he left for school, we both said that there is a very slim chance of him getting in the book since it is based from all over the US however we were doing something right since he was nominated...
Why is there a slim chance he will get in???
He is in 7th grade...Now you see why we are so very proud of him ♥
I just wanted to share with my BFs'!! Hope you are all having a wonderful Good Friday and we will talk again shortly :o)
4/8/09
April Showers
See This button over here...On the right -----------> Cute huh?
Well April Showers is having another 24 hour contest...
The prize you ask???
A Full Blog Design by So Dazzling Blogs
You know what to do...Go!!!Go!!!Go!!!...(I know I know the bossy streak is coming out again) LOL!
Well April Showers is having another 24 hour contest...
The prize you ask???
A Full Blog Design by So Dazzling Blogs
You know what to do...Go!!!Go!!!Go!!!...(I know I know the bossy streak is coming out again) LOL!
4/7/09
Someone Needs Help
Unfortunately I don't know what I am doing when it comes to computers so I am seeing if maybe you can help a fellow BF... Christine is having a problem with her blog...Maybe one of you can help her??
4/6/09
The Way I Worry
I am going to give you glimpse into the way my mind churns...
It isn't pleasant but I live with it daily...
24/7/365...
I can't recall if I have always been like this...
My mind is always on constant overdrive until I go to bed at night and even then I need something to sleep for more then 3-4 hours at a time...
Be it good or bad, worry is a fixture in myself that I can live without...
I have spent many recent nights asking Him to please take it...
Take all of it and give me some peace of mind...
So far I can see a little clearing in my mind...
I know that by asking it isn't going to go away all at once however He is showing me that He is indeed standing here and slowly taking a little at a time...
Maybe I am not giving it up fast enough?
This is new to me so I am not sure how to turn it all over because again of the way my mind works...
Example...Let go, Let God is something I have been chanting recently...A normal person may say it then have some relief...This is how I work...I say my saying then the mind goes something like this...What if He didn't hear...What if He did hear but has to many other worries to take over and mine are insignificant...What if I stop worrying since I turned it over and then He ignored it and I need to start worrying again and then add the fact that I am now worrying about why it was ignored...Hopefully you are still following me...
Another Example...I am running late for work...A simple enough thought...We have all been there...Here is the way I go through this...I am going to be late for work...My clients will try to call and I won't answer and they will go elsewhere...The boss (who doesn't even live here) will be mad...I may lose my job...If I lose my job, how will I contribute to the household, how will clothes be bought, or food, or gas for my car, or health insurance, what if we lose our house since I can't pay the rent, will we live under the bridge? In a box? With other family members?? etc...
These are an everyday occurrence with each and every little thought that enters my head...
I can't just have a normal "headache"...My mind will eventually take me to a tumor and before you know it I am planning my own funeral as well as how others will react at my funeral...If my kids will grow up missing me...If they will remember what I look like later on down the road...
If people don't speak to me in a certain way, I feel slighted for some reason and the next thing you know, you hate me and I am crushed beyond belief...
This is an absolutely painful way to go about your day...
By the end of the day I normally have a raging headache, my muscles are in knots and usually a stomach ache as well...I live on Advil and Tums most of the time.
I do find it hard to believe this is going to be normal for me the rest of my life unless I go back on medication...
As I have stated before, I feel like I am living in a movie and you are all bit-players...
My mind is foggy and overworked...
I "feel" to much from other people....
I ofter wonder if it is possible to have to much empathy for others...
I would think not since isn't caring for others what makes us human however that is how I feel sometimes...
I am very mindful of the people I come in contact with...
I think before I speak so I don't hurt any feelings...
I no longer say what is on my mind and then worry about that as well...
I am slowly becoming a shadow of my former self and seem powerless to stop it...
If I am busy, I can control it for the most part...
After the day is done and everyone is in bed is the worst time for me...
I wander around the house in the dark or just sit there and then the door comes crashing open and it is a repeat of the day I have just had and the conversations that took place and the people I have interacted with...
Then the process of tearing myself down begins...What I could have said, should have done, would do different if I could etc...
Since this is my normal process, I don't know how to stop it...
For so very long a shell has protected me however lately I am feeling cracks in that shell and I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing...
Is He helping me to tear down the walls or am I finally descending into my own madness?
Am I going to be ok or am I going to break down?
Will I ever learn to forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made?
Will I ever have a "real" smile on my face and not one that is forced?
Will I ever be able to lay my head down and just go to sleep?
Will the endless thoughts swirling about ever slow down?
Think about this...You know those money machines that people step into and the money starts flying around really fast and you try like hell to catch as much as you can?
Welcome to my life - That is how my mind works.
STAIND
I Know That It Never Goes Away
All I Feel, Everything I'm Not Today
So I Try And I Try To Make Everything Right
I Don't Feel Like I'm Doing It, It Affects Me
It isn't pleasant but I live with it daily...
24/7/365...
I can't recall if I have always been like this...
My mind is always on constant overdrive until I go to bed at night and even then I need something to sleep for more then 3-4 hours at a time...
Be it good or bad, worry is a fixture in myself that I can live without...
I have spent many recent nights asking Him to please take it...
Take all of it and give me some peace of mind...
So far I can see a little clearing in my mind...
I know that by asking it isn't going to go away all at once however He is showing me that He is indeed standing here and slowly taking a little at a time...
Maybe I am not giving it up fast enough?
This is new to me so I am not sure how to turn it all over because again of the way my mind works...
Example...Let go, Let God is something I have been chanting recently...A normal person may say it then have some relief...This is how I work...I say my saying then the mind goes something like this...What if He didn't hear...What if He did hear but has to many other worries to take over and mine are insignificant...What if I stop worrying since I turned it over and then He ignored it and I need to start worrying again and then add the fact that I am now worrying about why it was ignored...Hopefully you are still following me...
Another Example...I am running late for work...A simple enough thought...We have all been there...Here is the way I go through this...I am going to be late for work...My clients will try to call and I won't answer and they will go elsewhere...The boss (who doesn't even live here) will be mad...I may lose my job...If I lose my job, how will I contribute to the household, how will clothes be bought, or food, or gas for my car, or health insurance, what if we lose our house since I can't pay the rent, will we live under the bridge? In a box? With other family members?? etc...
These are an everyday occurrence with each and every little thought that enters my head...
I can't just have a normal "headache"...My mind will eventually take me to a tumor and before you know it I am planning my own funeral as well as how others will react at my funeral...If my kids will grow up missing me...If they will remember what I look like later on down the road...
If people don't speak to me in a certain way, I feel slighted for some reason and the next thing you know, you hate me and I am crushed beyond belief...
This is an absolutely painful way to go about your day...
By the end of the day I normally have a raging headache, my muscles are in knots and usually a stomach ache as well...I live on Advil and Tums most of the time.
I do find it hard to believe this is going to be normal for me the rest of my life unless I go back on medication...
As I have stated before, I feel like I am living in a movie and you are all bit-players...
My mind is foggy and overworked...
I "feel" to much from other people....
I ofter wonder if it is possible to have to much empathy for others...
I would think not since isn't caring for others what makes us human however that is how I feel sometimes...
I am very mindful of the people I come in contact with...
I think before I speak so I don't hurt any feelings...
I no longer say what is on my mind and then worry about that as well...
I am slowly becoming a shadow of my former self and seem powerless to stop it...
If I am busy, I can control it for the most part...
After the day is done and everyone is in bed is the worst time for me...
I wander around the house in the dark or just sit there and then the door comes crashing open and it is a repeat of the day I have just had and the conversations that took place and the people I have interacted with...
Then the process of tearing myself down begins...What I could have said, should have done, would do different if I could etc...
Since this is my normal process, I don't know how to stop it...
For so very long a shell has protected me however lately I am feeling cracks in that shell and I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing...
Is He helping me to tear down the walls or am I finally descending into my own madness?
Am I going to be ok or am I going to break down?
Will I ever learn to forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made?
Will I ever have a "real" smile on my face and not one that is forced?
Will I ever be able to lay my head down and just go to sleep?
Will the endless thoughts swirling about ever slow down?
Think about this...You know those money machines that people step into and the money starts flying around really fast and you try like hell to catch as much as you can?
Welcome to my life - That is how my mind works.
STAIND
I Know That It Never Goes Away
All I Feel, Everything I'm Not Today
So I Try And I Try To Make Everything Right
I Don't Feel Like I'm Doing It, It Affects Me
I am Switzerland
As far as I know, Switzerland is a neutral country...
This is how I prefer to live while there is fighting within my family (not the ones in my house)...
I do not choose sides...
I take a lot of heat for that however I have enough turmoil on my own without anyone adding to it.
Each and every weekend there is some kind of fight between my brother and his wife vs my sister and my mom...
It is childish and trivial and quite frankly I am sick of being brought in the middle of their crap...
It always involves someone or more then one of them drinking and then letting their mouths fly open and apparently when alcohol is involved, no one has an off button and none of them has a rational thought as to what they are saying...
I don't fight unless I have to and if I do, I fight about the thought at hand...
I don't bring kids into it...
I don't name call...I don't fight via text (Texting is the work of a man! No offense to any of my male readers)
I certainly don't drudge up a fight from 6 months ago or 12 years ago...
Being the peacemaker (as my family calls me), it troubles me to get that phone call on Sunday night say about 10pm because I know exactly what is going to go down....
It goes something like this...
Whomever - Do you know what so and so did, said, thought of etc... (This will be said in the loudest of voices with extreme profanity laced into the conversation)
Me - Do I want to?
Whomever - She/He said I am a bad parent, I am an alcoholic, my hair is ugly, my feet stink (you get my drift)
Me - Why?
Whomever - I don't know (they NEVER know what started it)
Me - Why do you care?
Whomever - Well Your brother or Your sister-in-law or Your sister or Your mother (why just mine???) are just awful and I hate them and we are never going over there again (there is that We word again...Just who is WE?) and my child/children are never going to see them again and they are dead to me...
Me - That isn't a very nice thing to say...We are all family and why can't you just agree to disagree?
Whomever - Why do you always take their side?
Me - I didn't say that
Whomever - This time you HAVE to choose a side
Then by Monday morning - No one is speaking to one another and it carries on to the next weekend...
Of course this is the clean version...
I never get the clean version and I of course tried to ignore the calls (to my cell) and they will then call the house or text me like mad....
Now none of them are spring chickens so I have said that maybe it is time for them to grow up and stop fighting about everything under the sun!
I can see living under the same roof and maybe getting tired of each other (they don't...they have separate houses) but really it is a bit much...
I don't agree or disagree most of the time...
I just say what I need to say and move on however I work with my sister...We run a business together so I really can't say what is on my mind to her otherwise (trust me when I say this) she will make my life a living hell.
I ignore a lot...
I listen however I try not to comment unless I absolutely have to...
I don't want to say yes you are right and they are wrong because personally I think they are all wrong in some ways...
I didn't play this game in high school and I refuse to play it now...
I just don't know how to say it gently and nicely to leave me the hell out of it...
I don't want to know...
I don't care and again I am not going to pick either side...
How would you handle this every weekend?
How do you handle (if you have any) family bickering?
And THEY say I need medication!
OASIS
For Anyone Here To Try To Do
Just What It Takes To Get Through To You
So Let's All Make Believe
That We're Still Friends And We Like Each Other
This is how I prefer to live while there is fighting within my family (not the ones in my house)...
I do not choose sides...
I take a lot of heat for that however I have enough turmoil on my own without anyone adding to it.
Each and every weekend there is some kind of fight between my brother and his wife vs my sister and my mom...
It is childish and trivial and quite frankly I am sick of being brought in the middle of their crap...
It always involves someone or more then one of them drinking and then letting their mouths fly open and apparently when alcohol is involved, no one has an off button and none of them has a rational thought as to what they are saying...
I don't fight unless I have to and if I do, I fight about the thought at hand...
I don't bring kids into it...
I don't name call...I don't fight via text (Texting is the work of a man! No offense to any of my male readers)
I certainly don't drudge up a fight from 6 months ago or 12 years ago...
Being the peacemaker (as my family calls me), it troubles me to get that phone call on Sunday night say about 10pm because I know exactly what is going to go down....
It goes something like this...
Whomever - Do you know what so and so did, said, thought of etc... (This will be said in the loudest of voices with extreme profanity laced into the conversation)
Me - Do I want to?
Whomever - She/He said I am a bad parent, I am an alcoholic, my hair is ugly, my feet stink (you get my drift)
Me - Why?
Whomever - I don't know (they NEVER know what started it)
Me - Why do you care?
Whomever - Well Your brother or Your sister-in-law or Your sister or Your mother (why just mine???) are just awful and I hate them and we are never going over there again (there is that We word again...Just who is WE?) and my child/children are never going to see them again and they are dead to me...
Me - That isn't a very nice thing to say...We are all family and why can't you just agree to disagree?
Whomever - Why do you always take their side?
Me - I didn't say that
Whomever - This time you HAVE to choose a side
Then by Monday morning - No one is speaking to one another and it carries on to the next weekend...
Of course this is the clean version...
I never get the clean version and I of course tried to ignore the calls (to my cell) and they will then call the house or text me like mad....
Now none of them are spring chickens so I have said that maybe it is time for them to grow up and stop fighting about everything under the sun!
I can see living under the same roof and maybe getting tired of each other (they don't...they have separate houses) but really it is a bit much...
I don't agree or disagree most of the time...
I just say what I need to say and move on however I work with my sister...We run a business together so I really can't say what is on my mind to her otherwise (trust me when I say this) she will make my life a living hell.
I ignore a lot...
I listen however I try not to comment unless I absolutely have to...
I don't want to say yes you are right and they are wrong because personally I think they are all wrong in some ways...
I didn't play this game in high school and I refuse to play it now...
I just don't know how to say it gently and nicely to leave me the hell out of it...
I don't want to know...
I don't care and again I am not going to pick either side...
How would you handle this every weekend?
How do you handle (if you have any) family bickering?
And THEY say I need medication!
OASIS
For Anyone Here To Try To Do
Just What It Takes To Get Through To You
So Let's All Make Believe
That We're Still Friends And We Like Each Other
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