This is how I prefer to live while there is fighting within my family (not the ones in my house)...
I do not choose sides...
I take a lot of heat for that however I have enough turmoil on my own without anyone adding to it.
Each and every weekend there is some kind of fight between my brother and his wife vs my sister and my mom...
It is childish and trivial and quite frankly I am sick of being brought in the middle of their crap...
It always involves someone or more then one of them drinking and then letting their mouths fly open and apparently when alcohol is involved, no one has an off button and none of them has a rational thought as to what they are saying...
I don't fight unless I have to and if I do, I fight about the thought at hand...
I don't bring kids into it...
I don't name call...I don't fight via text (Texting is the work of a man! No offense to any of my male readers)
I certainly don't drudge up a fight from 6 months ago or 12 years ago...
Being the peacemaker (as my family calls me), it troubles me to get that phone call on Sunday night say about 10pm because I know exactly what is going to go down....
It goes something like this...
Whomever - Do you know what so and so did, said, thought of etc... (This will be said in the loudest of voices with extreme profanity laced into the conversation)
Me - Do I want to?
Whomever - She/He said I am a bad parent, I am an alcoholic, my hair is ugly, my feet stink (you get my drift)
Me - Why?
Whomever - I don't know (they NEVER know what started it)
Me - Why do you care?
Whomever - Well Your brother or Your sister-in-law or Your sister or Your mother (why just mine???) are just awful and I hate them and we are never going over there again (there is that We word again...Just who is WE?) and my child/children are never going to see them again and they are dead to me...
Me - That isn't a very nice thing to say...We are all family and why can't you just agree to disagree?
Whomever - Why do you always take their side?
Me - I didn't say that
Whomever - This time you HAVE to choose a side
Then by Monday morning - No one is speaking to one another and it carries on to the next weekend...
Of course this is the clean version...
I never get the clean version and I of course tried to ignore the calls (to my cell) and they will then call the house or text me like mad....
Now none of them are spring chickens so I have said that maybe it is time for them to grow up and stop fighting about everything under the sun!
I can see living under the same roof and maybe getting tired of each other (they don't...they have separate houses) but really it is a bit much...
I don't agree or disagree most of the time...
I just say what I need to say and move on however I work with my sister...We run a business together so I really can't say what is on my mind to her otherwise (trust me when I say this) she will make my life a living hell.
I ignore a lot...
I listen however I try not to comment unless I absolutely have to...
I don't want to say yes you are right and they are wrong because personally I think they are all wrong in some ways...
I didn't play this game in high school and I refuse to play it now...
I just don't know how to say it gently and nicely to leave me the hell out of it...
I don't want to know...
I don't care and again I am not going to pick either side...
How would you handle this every weekend?
How do you handle (if you have any) family bickering?
And THEY say I need medication!
OASIS
For Anyone Here To Try To Do
Just What It Takes To Get Through To You
So Let's All Make Believe
That We're Still Friends And We Like Each Other
i have no advice for you. my entire family is mental. and no one drinks!
ReplyDeletethe best i can do is to just not really involve myself with them except for family events. and even those are very strained situations unfortunately.
you could do what i did and tell them all to shut the f&%k up. but to be honest, that didn't help. they didn't even shut the f&%k up. *sigh*
Waiting on something profound from Ace? Sorry, not this time. My extended family can be annoying, but nothing like that. I'm sorry. But I think you are doing the right thing by not taking sides.
ReplyDeleteNot taking sides is probably the best way to handle this. Personally, I avoid talking about family issues with family members because I don't think its fair to involve them in my quarrel with whomever it was (most likely my mother) and because I *know* my mother tells them every little thing. If they decide to take her side, thats their decision, not mine. Nothing I can do about it, but I am not going to sink to that level. I'll complain about my mother to BF's! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Aunt of 14.Staying out of it is probably the best thing to do. My family is crazy too...some drink some dont. I too have to stay out of it...it sounds like yours is alittle more extreme than mine but I too choose to stay out of it.
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I can't help you with that, I don't really have family. Sure I have a dad somewhere, but if he just looks at me wrong he doesn't see me for a year or two.
ReplyDeleteI do however want to congratulate you on handling the situation so damn well. You might think you're not doing such a kick ass job, but from the outside I'm very impressed how mature you're dealing with this. I couldn't do what you're doing.
many kudos!!