"For Unto You Is Born This Day In The City Of David A Saviour, Which Is Christ The Lord."
Luke 2:11 (KJV)
You go through your life hoping that you are making a difference, that what you are doing is having some form of an impact, on the lives of the children He places in your life.
You do this with adults as well, however, the children are just, if not more, important.
My boys have witnessed things they never should have seen, lived through trials that would bring most adults to their knees and fought to overcome tribulations, when they should just be enjoying being a kid.
Tigger is 8 now, going on about 20 it seems.
He is fiercely protective, empathetic, sensitive, loving and severely prone to worry, especially when what he is worrying about is me.
A crushing trait I have fought to overcome, now rests in the eyes of my little one.
It is humbling to me, and to be honest it is also heart-breaking to witness.
I know what it is like to face life filled with worry, to always have that breath of anxiety whispering through your soul.
It has taken me years to overcome it and there are still days when it creeps up on me.
That voice that says, "No, everything is not going to be alright." "You are going to fail."
I see the same look in his eyes, that I used to see in mine...
The uncertainty of what is around the corner, the sheer terror that "something" is going to happen and the uneasiness that you just can't take anything else.
I pray over him when he is sleeping, I have anointed him with oil that has been prayed over and blessed, as he lays resting peacefully, I pray that I am doing the right thing where he and his brother are concerned.
Do they see Him in me?
Do they know that this isn't easy for me either, that each decision I make is questioned no less than a hundred times and then carefully prayed over?
Do they know that all I want for Christmas is some form of a sign, that I am doing the right thing where they are concerned?
2 nights ago I stepped out of the movie theater, having just seen "Courageous," and my heart was heavy.
**Sidenote ~ If you are a man and you are a father or planning on becoming a father at any point in time, I urge you to see this movie with an open heart and then I beg of you to do the right thing where your children are concerned.**
All those questions popped up within me, questions I don't have an answer to, questions that I can't take to my husband since we are not on the same wave length, questions that only He can answer.
As I stood outside the car talking silently within to Him, my cell rang, Tigger on the other end of the line (he has been at his Dads' house since last Saturday) and the conversation went like this;
Tigger ~ "Mommy, I have something I need to tell you."
Me ~ "What is that buddy?"
Tigger ~ "You know my Christmas list that I gave you?" (The one that is a mile long? How could I forget??)
Me ~ "I sure do. Did you forget something?" (Dread filling me at the thought of having to hit one more shopping center, face one more unhappy cashier, or find one more parking place that isn't 67 miles away from the entrance.)
Tigger ~ "No Mommy, I just wanted to tell you that you can throw it away. I don't need or want those things anymore." (Great, a new list 4 days before Christmas, just what I was hoping for!)
Me ~ "Why is that Punk?" ( I use this same nickname for both boys at times)
Tigger ~ "Christmas isn't about what is under the tree. It is nice to have that stuff, but it is about God."
Me ~ **Tears... Instant weeping mess and huge smiles on my face (sniffles but no words)**
Tigger ~ "Don't cry Mommy, if I get 2 of the same things, we can find another kid who doesn't have it and give it to them."
Me ~ "There is nothing I can say except I am very, very proud of you Punk."
And right there at that exact moment in time, I knew I was doing something right.
When you are around the same people all the time, it is hard to see any form of an impact, once you place those people outside the circle for any length of time, your eyes are opened to see what it is that you are truly seeking within them.
You are no longer seeing the destructive traits, you get to see the good.
I see Him in my son, His light when Tigger sings or when he lays with his eyes tightly closed, as he prays...
He does everything with 110% and always has, whether it be good or bad, he throws his all into it, never having known the word fear nor the word cautious, two flaws he didn't inherit from me (**Happy dance**).
That small conversation made my Christmas all the brighter and all the merrier.
I know what each of them truly wanted for Christmas and I couldn't be the one to give it to them.
Their Heavenly Father knows as well and I trust that He will be near each of them tomorrow morning, as they rise excitedly to see what is under the tree, as they breathlessly rip open each present to discover what is inside and my prayer is that they have a very Merry Christmas.
My prayer is for each of you to have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.
I pray His guidance over each one of you, His peace to drench your soul, His love to saturate every fiber of your being, His mercy to cover you and His grace to fully satisfy you.
God bless each and every one of you.
MICHAEL W. SMITH
Be Near Me Lord Jesus
I Ask Thee To Stay
Close By Me Forever
And Love Me I Pray