Yes. No. Wait.

"So God Created Mankind In His Own Image, In The Image Of God He Created Them; Male And Female He Created Them."
Genesis 1:26-27

Once again, I had a different post planned, once again, He had other plans for me.

I received an email yesterday afternoon, I was driving back to work when my phone went off, I pulled it up and glanced at it, knowing I would need to read it as soon as I got back to work.

That email gave me the outline for this post today.

Before I answered the email, I thought long and hard on what I would say, knowing that the last thing I want to do is lead someone astray...

Give me your words, Dear Lord, was my prayer when I sat down last night to answer her.

Flaws, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...

We all have them, some are seen, some are just felt deep within yourself.

No one walking the Earth today is perfect, on the outside or on the inside.

The beautiful woman you see in the store, may be hiding a sinister past, the handsome waiter who helped you last night, may go home and beat his children every night, the little old lady at Church who bakes the best cookies you have ever tasted, may feel worthless, the teenager you saw at the mall last week, may be plotting to kill his family this week...

If you have been on this journey with me from the beginning, you know my past, you know the emotional struggle I have with the bi-polar label...

Some have a flaw you can see, I had an aunt who was mentally challenged (is that PC?)...Born that way, I never knew her any other way, yet I loved her, I didn't look at her flaw, she was family and that is how family should be.

Some are born "normal" and something happens in childhood to change them from our perception of "normal", perhaps they were sick as an infant, maybe a medication was administered in a way that it shouldn't have been, maybe they grew up one way and a car accident changed all that, whatever the cause, you may see them as less of a person because they aren't just like you.

Slapping a bi-polar label on me when I was young made me feel like I was less than others, a freak...

Upon being discharged from rehab, I had to wear a medic alert bracelet, on the inside it said "recovering addict" "zero narcotics" "lithium"...

Specially made no less...

I couldn't get car insurance due to the lithium I took, once people found out, I could almost see their minds turning...

"Freak" is what I seemed to have flashing above my head, the media didn't help when they would blow bi-polar out of proportion, making us all sound like psychotic killers just lying in wait for you to go to bed.

I was so angry at God, angry He made me like this...

I couldn't see the bigger picture, the good things that come with having bi-polar, I could only focus on the bad, the rage, the drug abuse, the cutting etc....

I didn't see the emotional aspect of it, I couldn't see it because I was so angry.

All along I just wanted to be normal and in my way of thinking, He didn't love me as much as the next person because I was "different".

He singled me out, slapped me with a debilitating mental illness and left me out for the wolves.

For over 20 years, I thought this...I was unworthy of Him because I wasn't "normal", I begged in my prayers to please ease the turmoil in my mind, make me like others...

Just normal.

For over 20 years, I felt like my prayers weren't answered, I felt lost, angry, confused and abandoned.

To have a mind which doesn't seem to be your own, is a suffering I wouldn't wish on anyone, thoughts that you can't seem to control, actions that are so out of character, feelings that are multiplied by a zillion and a sense of aloneness that is very hard to put into words.

That was a fire I walked through for a very long time, only now coming out of the other side and realizing something beautiful, He was still standing there right with me.

Yes, I am "damaged" as some people put it, yes, you may feel "damaged" as well, yet, that doesn't make Him love you any less then the person sitting next to you.

He "heard" every cry I put out to Him, every prayer I prayed, everytime I called His name, He heard me and no, He didn't answer them the way I figured He would answer them...

I expected to wake one morning and my mind be at ease, to once again (before the diagnosis) be "normal", yet it didn't happen, instead He showed me the beautiful aspects of having bi-polar, the emotional aspects that I can use in the ministry and eventually when I am preaching, the empathy for others who seek, yet can't seem to find.

Waiting is the hardest part of any prayer, that is what I told the person who emailed me yesterday.

Yes and No is easy, however no one wants to wait.

In this day and age of "instant" everything, we don't have the patience (haha, now I know where I get it from) to wait on Him, we think if He isn't answering, then He is ignoring so we set off and try to do it on our own instead.

Thinking like "man", that we can do it better, faster and with the results we want instead of waiting on His time.

If you are praying and it seems that the prayers just aren't being answered nor heard, you need to take a step back and first of all make sure you are praying in His will...

This is so hard for me as I am sure it is for some of you, you think you know what is best for you so you pray for it and come on, let's be honest, sometimes we selfishly pray for utterly ridiculous things that we don't need...

He won't grant these types of prayers, He knows exactly what you need before you even begin to think you need it.

Prayers can be blocked, I have covered this before, sin, selfishness and the spirit of unforgiveness will block your prayers from being heard, you may throw them out there, however they are just bouncing off the ceiling.

Psalm 66:18 - "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me".

You don't have to be physically, mentally, spiritually nor emotionally "perfect" for Him to hear you, for Him to answer you, nor for Him to love you....

He does that anyway because we are His children.

Yes, we may have limitations in our lives, His love, however has none, regardless of how we see ourselves.

I Know I’m Broken
But You Alone
Can Mend This Heart Of Mine
You’re Always With Me


Listen Wisely

"But This Thing Commanded I Them, Saying, Obey My Voice, And I Will Be Your God, And Ye Shall Be My People: And Walk Ye In All The Ways That I Have Commanded You, That It May Be Well Unto You. But They Hearkened Not, Nor Inclined Their Ear, But Walked In The Counsels And In The Imagination Of Their Evil Heart, And Went Backward, And Not Forward."
Jeremiah 7:23-24

I used to love my job, as a travel agent I get to help people fulfill their dream honeymoon or their 50th wedding anniversary etc...

I loved it, I was good at it and I have a list of clients who repeat their trips each and every year.

I have been doing this for almost 10 years, figured I would do it forever since I loved it that much.

The hours are flexible, I can work from home if I choose, I don't answer to anyone and the money was really good.

Slowly, in the past several months, the fire has lost its flame and the desire I used to carry for my job has ceased to exist.

I have prayed for motivation, yet none has come.

I have prayed for focus, only to be met with silence.

I have prayed for determination and only got crickets.

I come in each and every day and will myself to actually just stay in this seat and do something that pertains to my job, yet by the end of the day, I find I haven't done much at all.

In other areas, yes, in work areas, no.

The fire that burns within me is slowly shoving me out of this seat, the comfort zone of a job I used to love is being replaced with a desire to do something different.

I can't preach, yet, I don't have enough schooling to start that and that is exactly what I want to be doing.

I am angry at myself for ignoring my calling for so very long, angry I wasn't listening to Him when He gave this to me so long ago.

My minister tells me it wasn't the right time, there were things I needed to go through to end up here, testimonies that can be used to help others find their way with Him, struggles that can be used as lessons, pain that has to heal so others can see exactly what He can do.

And this is where my well known, lack of patience comes in. :)

See if I had listened to Him when He first placed this on my heart, I wouldn't be the person I am today, the fires had to be walked through, the lessons had to be learned.

My Pastor is forever telling us, "You can't have a testimony without a test."

I believe in that....

How can you truly help someone in a situation you have never faced?

You can try of course, however if you have been standing at the face of the fire, traveled through it and came out on the other side still intact, well in my opinion, it helps a little more than just being able to listen.

I seemed to have gotten off track....

Okay, listening to God, listening to that still small voice that each of us carry around inside of us, is hard...

The minute you actually hear it, is His way of calling you back to salvation, yet that is only the beginning, because once you finally hear it, you will also realize He will never stop calling you.

You can of course, ignore it, yet, if you do, you will never feel "settled" within.

Personally, if I am ignoring Him, I feel out of sorts, I feel unfocused and confusion reigns supreme within my mind.

At this time in my life when I need this job, I feel Him calling me away from it.

I need the finances it provides to pay for school, to eventually have a place for Tigger and I, a car etc...

To up and quit would wreck havoc on my psyche and I know this, hence the reason I am still sitting here.

He will provide I keep telling myself, yet in the past 21 months there has been so much emotional and physical upheaval, this job has been a constant, whereas everything else has blown up around me.

So do I ignore and continue to sit here fighting what appears to be a losing battle or do I give it up, listen to what He is saying and trust that everything will be okay?

I admit, I have trouble listening to that still small voice, whether it is for the best or it is His way of tossing my out of my comfort zone, I try to seek Him in each and every thing I do and in return, He graces me with His presence, His wisdom, His guidance, His love, His strength, His undying patience (I could use some of that), His compassion etc...

It is up to me to choose to follow, to take that step outside of all that I have known and have Faith that it is for the best, have Faith that the road He is placing me on is the exact road He wants me to be on.

You have to die to yourself, so that Christ is able to manifest Himself within you, as time progresses you become more mature Spiritually, you stop seeking "worldly" gratification and you start seeking His gratification, you stop looking for others to make you happy and you start to look within, learning a very hard won lesson, that no one on the face of this Earth is responsible for your happiness but you.

God will sometimes speak to people through dreams, music & signs that you have specifically asked for. He also speaks through other people, and they may not even be Christians.

He speaks through circumstances, He is the one who does the opening and closing to the doors of opportunity.

However, we are not to be led by people or by circumstances (that is a hard one, I know), but only by the Holy Spirit.

The key for you is to recognize God’s voice when you hear it, in whatever way He chooses to communicate to you. 

**Sidenote, I have opened the comments for the contest I posted about yesterday....Yes that was a blond moment and thanks for the emails letting me know**

Who You Love, I'll Love
How You Serve I'll Serve
If This Life I Lose, I Will Follow You
I Will Follow You


Harmonious Voice/Contest

"What Is It Then? I Will Pray With The Spirit, And I Will Pray With The Understanding Also: I Will Sing With The Spirit, And I Will Sing With The Understanding Also."
1 Corinthians 14:15

I had a different post planned today, the outline, pictures, song snippet and Scripture was already in place, all I had to do was put the words down, God had other plans.

I was outside enjoying a chilly afternoon, listening to the rain come down when a song popped in my head, not only was it in my head, I couldn't get it out, no matter what I tried to do.

My heart said to write about this artist, my head said no can do, as usual my heart wins.

Now I have written about my love of Creed, that is easy because I know what I am speaking of, and that comes from listening to them for years and years.

To write about something you don't know of, is a leap of Faith for me, so this is my opinion, my feelings and my thoughts on a new artist I have recently come across.

Christian music isn't new to me, I have listened to Michael W. Smith for well over 20 years, I know who DC Talk is and I love that the Newsboys are still around.

Certain people in the Christian genre stand out...

You have Matthew West, Jeremy Camp, Amy Grant, Kutless, Third Day, MercyMe, David Crowder Band etc...

Certain singers that have a voice seemingly blessed from above, with lyrics that can move you to tears.

Not every singer has this gift, yes, they can sing, yes, their lyrics are great, however I think in order to move someone to a certain degree, you have to have something exceptional within, that is projected out.

They write from the heart & they sing from the heart and it shows when you hear them...

To be able to make someone stop whatever it is they are doing and truly listen to what you are singing about is a gift, to move them to tears is just icing on the cake.

Tenth Avenue North, Matthew West, Michael W. Smith, MercyMe and Third Day all have this ability (yes, there are others however it would take me to long to list each of them).

It isn't every song, otherwise the people in the world (who listen to these artists) would be filled with a bunch of crying people, just certain songs...

It could be just a certain lyric that does it...

Have you ever just been sitting there, enjoying a song and the artist sings a line that takes your breath away and makes your eyes well up? That is what I am speaking about.

There is a line from Tenth Avenue North's song - "By Your Side" and it goes "Why are you still searching, as if I'm not enough"...

I don't care where I am, when I hear that line, my throat closes up and I get all teary-eyed, just because I can almost hear our Father saying these exact words to me.

I found this new artist by accident, never heard him singing on KLove, didn't know of him period, Praise God, I do now.

His name is Devin Williams, cute as a cookie, with the voice of an angel, a smile that I can just see lighting up a stadium of fans and a humbleness that permeates in every picture I found during my search.

I was lead to his FB page and was able to listen to some of his new music and all I can say is WOW.

All four songs on there are awesome, the one that took over my thoughts today was "You're The One".

His voice is deep, harmonious and beautiful...

His lyrics are powerful enough to bring me to tears, so in His time, I can see this artist right up there with Michael W. Smith...

Besides, is there anything more beautiful than to see a man openly worshipping God, singing His praises and doing His will?

I think not.

Christian music should be straight from the heart of the artist, written to capture your heart, almost like a intimate journey of music and lyrics poured straight down from Heaven.

Upon listening, you should be able to feel like you are in His presence, as well as starving for just a little bit more...

Devin does that with his music, from the first note captured to the very last one, you almost feel like it was written directly for you, sent straight from Above, at a time when you most need it.

I am grateful to have had the pleasure of listening to him and now I want all my readers to have the same chance...

Because Devin moved me and because He moves me daily, I am going to hold my first ever contest. :)

Go to his FB page, listen to each song snippet and come back and tell me which one you liked the most as well as why...

On November 15, I will randomly pick one winner for his CD "Pour It Out"...

Since I don't do contests, you tell me if you Tweet it, Blog about it or FB it and I will tally that for you as well, so that is what? 3 chances to win? (See why I don't do contests?)

Now, I am off to listen some more.

And to my naysayers, yes I had his permission to write this post so keep your emails to yourselves please.

Devin ~ (((Hugs))) God Bless You in all that you do... Don't stop singing.

You're The One
You're The Dream
You Make My Life Complete
So I Lay It At Your Feet


Just. For. You

"But God Demonstrates His Own Love For Us In This: While We Were Still Sinners, Christ Died For Us."
Romans 5:8

**Please note there are images within that may not suitable for children - Turn off the music player at the bottom before pressing play**

I found this video a few weeks ago while I was bored at work one day.

I can't watch the whole thing.

Heartbreakingly powerful, to know He did that, for me.

Fit To Wear The Crown?

"And I Will Be A Father Unto You, And You Shall Be My Sons And Daughters, Saith The Lord Almighty."
2 Corinthians 6:18

Son/Daughter of the King of Kings, makes you a Prince/Princess. I read and hear about it all the time, yet couldn't truly come up with anything in the Scripture that states we are Princes/Princesses.

It makes sense though, being His children, that we are considered royalty.

When I say royalty, I don't mean riches as in money, nor jewels nor furs etc...

Your royal bloodline comes directly from Him, the question is, are you fit to wear the crown?

The answer of course is yes, however what are you doing to live up to your royal status?

We are all made in His image, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27

The love He has for us is unimaginable, undescribable and so very beautiful.

What are we doing that is worthy of such greatness?

Are you following His word the way you should be or do you pick and chose in order to continue to justify the life you are living?

Do you feed and shelter the poor? Help the hurt? Abstain from breaking the commandments?

Your Father, looks down on you day after day, loves you more than even I can describe, each and every one of you, each and every single second of every day you are still alive.

He loves you enough to tolerate your childish behaviors, the temper tantrums you throw when life isn't going your way, even when you turn away from Him, He still loves you.

I sit out back at night sometimes, trying to picture Him looking at me with eyes filled with love, regardless of what I have done in my life, what I am still doing and what He knows I am going to be doing tomorrow.

He knows where I am going to fail even before I do, He knows I am striving to be a better person and He knows the areas where I am so very weak.

He knows I don't feel worthy to wear the crown, He knows I fight a war within myself to be who He wants me to be, He knows my heartaches as well as my victories, He stands beside me through all of them.

He cheers with me when I win, He cries with me when I lose, He knows my anger, my joy, my lack of patience, who I love, who I am not fond of, who I struggle to forgive and who I continue to forgive daily, He knows where I am weak and steps in to let me know He is strong and His strength is there for the taking.

He knows my fears, He knows my secrets, He knows my intermost ugliest thoughts as well as the thoughts I speak aloud. He knows my struggles, He knows my desires, He knows my dreams as well as what I am doing at this very moment...

And He loves me anyway.

We all have a crown to protect, you can't be royalty and act like it isn't a big deal.

He gave you that crown, it is your job to honor it, honor Him in all that you do, all that you speak and all that you think.

You will never be perfect and I am only beginning to learn this lesson, yes I should strive to be like Him, however I will never be Him, I will never be perfect and He knows this, yet, He still has a crown on my head and He still loves me anyway.

And I Realise Just How Beautiful You Are
And How Great Your Affections Are For Me.


2009-2015 Serenity ~

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