Yes. No. Wait.

"So God Created Mankind In His Own Image, In The Image Of God He Created Them; Male And Female He Created Them."
Genesis 1:26-27

Once again, I had a different post planned, once again, He had other plans for me.

I received an email yesterday afternoon, I was driving back to work when my phone went off, I pulled it up and glanced at it, knowing I would need to read it as soon as I got back to work.

That email gave me the outline for this post today.

Before I answered the email, I thought long and hard on what I would say, knowing that the last thing I want to do is lead someone astray...

Give me your words, Dear Lord, was my prayer when I sat down last night to answer her.

Flaws, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually...

We all have them, some are seen, some are just felt deep within yourself.

No one walking the Earth today is perfect, on the outside or on the inside.

The beautiful woman you see in the store, may be hiding a sinister past, the handsome waiter who helped you last night, may go home and beat his children every night, the little old lady at Church who bakes the best cookies you have ever tasted, may feel worthless, the teenager you saw at the mall last week, may be plotting to kill his family this week...

If you have been on this journey with me from the beginning, you know my past, you know the emotional struggle I have with the bi-polar label...

Some have a flaw you can see, I had an aunt who was mentally challenged (is that PC?)...Born that way, I never knew her any other way, yet I loved her, I didn't look at her flaw, she was family and that is how family should be.

Some are born "normal" and something happens in childhood to change them from our perception of "normal", perhaps they were sick as an infant, maybe a medication was administered in a way that it shouldn't have been, maybe they grew up one way and a car accident changed all that, whatever the cause, you may see them as less of a person because they aren't just like you.

Slapping a bi-polar label on me when I was young made me feel like I was less than others, a freak...

Upon being discharged from rehab, I had to wear a medic alert bracelet, on the inside it said "recovering addict" "zero narcotics" "lithium"...

Specially made no less...

I couldn't get car insurance due to the lithium I took, once people found out, I could almost see their minds turning...

"Freak" is what I seemed to have flashing above my head, the media didn't help when they would blow bi-polar out of proportion, making us all sound like psychotic killers just lying in wait for you to go to bed.

I was so angry at God, angry He made me like this...

I couldn't see the bigger picture, the good things that come with having bi-polar, I could only focus on the bad, the rage, the drug abuse, the cutting etc....

I didn't see the emotional aspect of it, I couldn't see it because I was so angry.

All along I just wanted to be normal and in my way of thinking, He didn't love me as much as the next person because I was "different".

He singled me out, slapped me with a debilitating mental illness and left me out for the wolves.

For over 20 years, I thought this...I was unworthy of Him because I wasn't "normal", I begged in my prayers to please ease the turmoil in my mind, make me like others...

Just normal.

For over 20 years, I felt like my prayers weren't answered, I felt lost, angry, confused and abandoned.

To have a mind which doesn't seem to be your own, is a suffering I wouldn't wish on anyone, thoughts that you can't seem to control, actions that are so out of character, feelings that are multiplied by a zillion and a sense of aloneness that is very hard to put into words.

That was a fire I walked through for a very long time, only now coming out of the other side and realizing something beautiful, He was still standing there right with me.

Yes, I am "damaged" as some people put it, yes, you may feel "damaged" as well, yet, that doesn't make Him love you any less then the person sitting next to you.

He "heard" every cry I put out to Him, every prayer I prayed, everytime I called His name, He heard me and no, He didn't answer them the way I figured He would answer them...

I expected to wake one morning and my mind be at ease, to once again (before the diagnosis) be "normal", yet it didn't happen, instead He showed me the beautiful aspects of having bi-polar, the emotional aspects that I can use in the ministry and eventually when I am preaching, the empathy for others who seek, yet can't seem to find.

Waiting is the hardest part of any prayer, that is what I told the person who emailed me yesterday.

Yes and No is easy, however no one wants to wait.

In this day and age of "instant" everything, we don't have the patience (haha, now I know where I get it from) to wait on Him, we think if He isn't answering, then He is ignoring so we set off and try to do it on our own instead.

Thinking like "man", that we can do it better, faster and with the results we want instead of waiting on His time.

If you are praying and it seems that the prayers just aren't being answered nor heard, you need to take a step back and first of all make sure you are praying in His will...

This is so hard for me as I am sure it is for some of you, you think you know what is best for you so you pray for it and come on, let's be honest, sometimes we selfishly pray for utterly ridiculous things that we don't need...

He won't grant these types of prayers, He knows exactly what you need before you even begin to think you need it.

Prayers can be blocked, I have covered this before, sin, selfishness and the spirit of unforgiveness will block your prayers from being heard, you may throw them out there, however they are just bouncing off the ceiling.

Psalm 66:18 - "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me".

You don't have to be physically, mentally, spiritually nor emotionally "perfect" for Him to hear you, for Him to answer you, nor for Him to love you....

He does that anyway because we are His children.

Yes, we may have limitations in our lives, His love, however has none, regardless of how we see ourselves.

I Know I’m Broken
But You Alone
Can Mend This Heart Of Mine
You’re Always With Me


  1. sending HUGS your way as well...what an inspiration you are and can be to others and look how God is working in your life...I wanted to let you know that i sent out the SSS partner emails and I so hope you received yours...let me know if you didn;'t huggers sweetness


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