"But This Thing Commanded I Them, Saying, Obey My Voice, And I Will Be Your God, And Ye Shall Be My People: And Walk Ye In All The Ways That I Have Commanded You, That It May Be Well Unto You. But They Hearkened Not, Nor Inclined Their Ear, But Walked In The Counsels And In The Imagination Of Their Evil Heart, And Went Backward, And Not Forward."
I used to love my job, as a travel agent I get to help people fulfill their dream honeymoon or their 50th wedding anniversary etc...
I loved it, I was good at it and I have a list of clients who repeat their trips each and every year.
I have been doing this for almost 10 years, figured I would do it forever since I loved it that much.
The hours are flexible, I can work from home if I choose, I don't answer to anyone and the money was really good.
Slowly, in the past several months, the fire has lost its flame and the desire I used to carry for my job has ceased to exist.
I have prayed for motivation, yet none has come.
I have prayed for focus, only to be met with silence.
I have prayed for determination and only got crickets.
I come in each and every day and will myself to actually just stay in this seat and do something that pertains to my job, yet by the end of the day, I find I haven't done much at all.
In other areas, yes, in work areas, no.
The fire that burns within me is slowly shoving me out of this seat, the comfort zone of a job I used to love is being replaced with a desire to do something different.
I can't preach, yet, I don't have enough schooling to start that and that is exactly what I want to be doing.
I am angry at myself for ignoring my calling for so very long, angry I wasn't listening to Him when He gave this to me so long ago.
My minister tells me it wasn't the right time, there were things I needed to go through to end up here, testimonies that can be used to help others find their way with Him, struggles that can be used as lessons, pain that has to heal so others can see exactly what He can do.
And this is where my well known, lack of patience comes in. :)
See if I had listened to Him when He first placed this on my heart, I wouldn't be the person I am today, the fires had to be walked through, the lessons had to be learned.
My Pastor is forever telling us, "You can't have a testimony without a test."
I believe in that....
How can you truly help someone in a situation you have never faced?
You can try of course, however if you have been standing at the face of the fire, traveled through it and came out on the other side still intact, well in my opinion, it helps a little more than just being able to listen.
I seemed to have gotten off track....
Okay, listening to God, listening to that still small voice that each of us carry around inside of us, is hard...
The minute you actually hear it, is His way of calling you back to salvation, yet that is only the beginning, because once you finally hear it, you will also realize He will never stop calling you.
You can of course, ignore it, yet, if you do, you will never feel "settled" within.
Personally, if I am ignoring Him, I feel out of sorts, I feel unfocused and confusion reigns supreme within my mind.
At this time in my life when I need this job, I feel Him calling me away from it.
I need the finances it provides to pay for school, to eventually have a place for Tigger and I, a car etc...
To up and quit would wreck havoc on my psyche and I know this, hence the reason I am still sitting here.
He will provide I keep telling myself, yet in the past 21 months there has been so much emotional and physical upheaval, this job has been a constant, whereas everything else has blown up around me.
So do I ignore and continue to sit here fighting what appears to be a losing battle or do I give it up, listen to what He is saying and trust that everything will be okay?
I admit, I have trouble listening to that still small voice, whether it is for the best or it is His way of tossing my out of my comfort zone, I try to seek Him in each and every thing I do and in return, He graces me with His presence, His wisdom, His guidance, His love, His strength, His undying patience (I could use some of that), His compassion etc...
It is up to me to choose to follow, to take that step outside of all that I have known and have Faith that it is for the best, have Faith that the road He is placing me on is the exact road He wants me to be on.
You have to die to yourself, so that Christ is able to manifest Himself within you, as time progresses you become more mature Spiritually, you stop seeking "worldly" gratification and you start seeking His gratification, you stop looking for others to make you happy and you start to look within, learning a very hard won lesson, that no one on the face of this Earth is responsible for your happiness but you.
God will sometimes speak to people through dreams, music & signs that you have specifically asked for. He also speaks through other people, and they may not even be Christians.
He speaks through circumstances, He is the one who does the opening and closing to the doors of opportunity.
However, we are not to be led by people or by circumstances (that is a hard one, I know), but only by the Holy Spirit.
The key for you is to recognize God’s voice when you hear it, in whatever way He chooses to communicate to you.
**Sidenote, I have opened the comments for the contest I posted about yesterday....Yes that was a blond moment and thanks for the emails letting me know**
Who You Love, I'll Love
How You Serve I'll Serve
If This Life I Lose, I Will Follow You
I Will Follow You