Where should I start?
Let's start with I was evicted from my house...The boys and I are living with my brother and his family for now...It isn't ideal but we are safe and have a roof over our heads and food on the table...
Hubby is in S.C. where he has been for the last 9 days (with the middle school ex)...
I am still working in a job making peanuts and I don't like the job but at least I have one...
My oldest is one angry child and my youngest is one sad child...
I am so tired it takes all I can to just make it through the day...
I miss my old life...I miss my old job, my old house and my old family...
No matter what meds I am taking (and yes I am taking them) the depression is creeping in...
I wonder sometimes throughout the day why?
I wonder sometimes if I am being punished for something...
I wonder sometimes if it is at all worth it...
I wondered today if it was time to check out...
I looked at my angry teenager and sad 6 year old and knew I couldn't do that to them...
I then look up and ask "How much longer do I support"? "How is this ever going to be fixable"? "How am I supposed to do this on my own"? "Why would you put 2 people together 21 years ago for it to end up like this"?
My faith and belief are shaken...I feel like I am walking in a dark cave and I can't find a light to get out...I have never been so lost.
YOLANDA ADAMS
My Hopes And Dreams
Are Fading Fast
I'm All Burned Out
And I Don't Think My Strengths Gonna Last
So I'm Crying Out
Crying Out To You
Lord I Know That You're The Only One
Who Is Able To Pull Me Through
*bounce* *bounce* *bounce* *attack* I have missed you!!!! Okay, now I'm going to read what you had to write...
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about how your boys are feeling. Just remember you did not do it to them. They won't understand until they're a bit older.
ReplyDeleteI hope the economy perks up soon so you can go back to your old job... and I am glad you have a place to stay until you find a better and more suitable place for all of you.
As ever, you have loyal followers and we'll be here whenever you can be. Take care!
*HUGS*
big prayers for you
ReplyDeleteI miss you dear friend. Just keep hanging in there and know that none of this is your fault. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI second Nikki's response. I really hate to hear how the boys are doing. But please remember you did nothing wrong and this isnt your fault...they will understand one day. Hold your head up high and go one day at a time. We are all here for you! We love and miss you!
ReplyDeleteSerenity, A blog friend shared the following verses with me. They are from in Job 23:8-10:
ReplyDeleteBut if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
See, even when I can't see Him in any direction I look, He knows where I am. When I want concrete answers to know and understand what is going on, He simply wants me to trust. Satan uses doubt, distraction and discouragement to turn our focus away from God. He knows that God is working in your life and he doesn't like it at all. I, too, have doubted my faith. The road is so rocky at times. I wonder Who He is or more importantly WHERE He is when I need Him sooo desperately. The truth is He is who He is no matter where I am or what I'm feeling, He doesn't change. His mercies are new every morning. He is here, my dear friend. Don't give up. I'm praying for you and your boys.
Hold your head high Mama, all that is getting me through Ezra's cancer right now, is thatI keep telling myself, it could be worse for me. Find joy in the little things, its the little things that matter the most. Much love and hugs -Beth
ReplyDeleteYour still getting up every day. Your going to work. Your caring for your children and yourself. You are strong! I am amazed at how well you are doing.
ReplyDeleteYour in a hard situation but you are still doing each step. I am so excited to think of all the new changes that are coming up for you.
Honest...in time it may be a new home, new job and especially a brand new you!
Keep us posted and know you are STRONG!