Two Sides: Gift-Wrapped By Him

6/17/10

Gift-Wrapped By Him

"Therefore As God's Chosen People, Holy And Dearly Loved, Clothe Yourselves With Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness And Patience."

Colossians 3:12

I have learned the hard way that healing doesn't happen in a flash.

I thought it would for some strange reason...

I expected to wake up one day and everything be all back to normal.

Life doesn't happen that way.

Like a package, sweetly gift-wrapped, there are layers to your healing, just like there are layers to your pain.

You go to bed each night wrapped in pain, you wake up the next morning and the pain is a little bit less than the day before.

You may go all day and be quite happy, however right around the corner will be a trigger to set the rest of your night into motion.

Then the pain sets in once again.

This is normal, I want you to know that.

There are days I may think about my husband once or twice throughout the day and there are days he is in the forefront of my mind.

I am not good at disconnecting, I will admit that...

I wasn't raised to ignore and while granted we are separated, he still is my husband in the eyes of the law.

If he was hurt, in need or in trouble, yes, I would be there for him.

That is what He expects from me...

I am handpicked by Him to lead the lost...

I don't know anyone more lost than the man I married.

To turn my back on him would be a sin in the eyes of my Father.

I don't have to sit around and be disrespected by him, however I don't turn him away either.

I make it an effort each and every day to extend forgiveness to him as well as her.

It isn't an easy task...

It would be easier to hate each of them, easy to blame them for the problems in my life, easy to project my dissatisfaction with the hand I have been dealt onto them, however what kind of person would that make me?

Not a very nice one...

I am not looking for revenge because I know He will take care of any punishment necessary...

I am not wishing on falling stars for them to break-up...

I am not breaking wishbones in the hopes that they are hurt or maimed in some freak accident.

Because I have loved him for more then 20 years, I only want the best for him...

I want him happy in every decision he has made thus far...

I don't want him to fail...

I don't want him to feel bad, guilty, worried, stressed etc...

I want him to know the feeling of complete joy in your heart placed by Him.

In the beginning, I admit I entertained some thoughts I would rather not voice...

Ugly emotions were running rampant in the first few months and I am not proud of the nasty thoughts that also ran through my head.

I have asked for forgiveness from these thoughts, because they were very wrong and I am no longer the person I used to be.

Because of His presence, I know that my life has a greater meaning than I ever thought possible...

Each and every thing happens for a reason and I am truly starting to believe this.

Some of you may not agree with the way I look at things and that is certainly just fine...

I know in my heart in order to do what He is leading me to do, I have to have the gifts He has wrapped up within me...

Compassion, Kindness, Humility, Gentleness, and Patience.

If I can't find those same things to put forth on the one person who hurt me the most, then I have no business being a Minister.