"God Is Within Her, She Will Not Fall; God Will Help Her At Break Of Day"
"Be Still And Know That I Am God; I Will Be Exalted Among The Nations, I Will Be Exalted In The Earth."
Psalm 46:10
I have spoken about Him speaking to me...I have spoken about earth angels...
Before today, I didn't put two and two together...
I can be a bit dense sometimes, however I normally get it eventually...
I took off early Friday to just spend sometime alone...I ended up in a Christian bookstore...
Seeking a book to try to help Tigger come to grips with what has happened...
Being new in my walk, I had no idea what I was looking for, however it was important to me that it was Faith based...
I don't want him to fault his Heavenly Father like I have...
I want him to seek the Lord when he is struggling, not run from Him...
The lady working there walked over and asked me how she could help me...I didn't want to say the words out-loud...
I do everything I can to not let the words come across my lips...
Saying it makes it to real for me...
She asked and the words flew right out...
As I told her what I was looking for, tears welled up in my eyes...
The tears I hate, burning and hot that stream down your face with no direction...
I stood there crying and felt like I couldn't get out of that store fast enough...
She wasn't about to let me leave like that...
I never found a book with the subject I was seeking, however I walked out of there on her prayer list, with hugs from her, a couple of books and a rock with Psalm 50:15 - "Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me." printed on it...
Tomorrow I am going back to deliver her some flowers.
That is an earth-bound angel...Someone who can see another soul in pain and goes out of their way to comfort...
Not a person who turns away...
A person who walks over and comforts a stranger just because she saw something on my face or in my eyes.
A type of person I strive to be.
I made my way back to Church last week even though my heart was still struggling...You see most of you don't know I belong to an AME Church...
African Methodist Episcopal Church...
I however am not African American...
I was raised to treat people the way I am treated regardless of their color and I demand the same from my boys...
In my opinion there should never be a color barrier especially in this day and age...
There should never have been one to begin with...
Racism is a subject that can anger me in a heartbeat...
We are all His children - Period...
Black, White, Asian, Deaf, Blind, Mute etc...
None of that matters to Him so why in the hell should it matter to us?
I get looks in Church and I can read some of the faces...The questions boil down to why am I there?
What business do I have in that Church?
Number one, He guided me there almost a year ago...
That is where I was baptised, that is my Church home, my Church family or so I thought...
Because of gossip and trash-talking about my Pastor, I removed myself for a month...
I missed it yet I am also stubborn...
I asked God why He put me in that Church...
Out of all the Churches here, why that one?
I was raised Baptist so why guide me to a different religion where it was apparent I wasn't wanted there by some of the members?
I always sit in the second from the front row...I don't sit in the back because I am not hiding...
I sit alone 99% of the time unless service is packed, and I don't care...
I am there for me and I am there for Him, however I have been feeling shame...
I don't Worship the way I want to so as not to draw attention to myself...
I don't raise my hands in Praise, I don't stand when I am moved to do so, I don't Worship the way He is moving me to do and that is very shameful behavior...
So I have prayed and I have asked Him if that is truly the place for me?
If I can't give out a Hallelujah or an Amen for fear of someone looking at me then I might need to be in a different House of His.
I seriously wondered if I wanted to continue in my relationship with Him...
As usual He has different plans then I do.
As I sat in Church alone today, I silently sang along when in reality I wanted to be out of my seat, clapping along and worshiping His way...One of my Ministers gave the Invocation...
As he knelt down at the Altar and began prayer, I had my head bowed, eyes closed as well...
Normally our Invocation can get a little lengthy however I love it, I love the reflection I have with Him at that time of peace with someone else praying...
I listened as he prayed and then I heard my name...
I actually heard "Lord please look over Sister Serenity...Wrap your arms around her and let her know this is where she belongs...Let her know that when my family and I were in our first Church, we were the only African American family in an all white Church...This is her home."
I didn't hear anything after that except my heart beating in my ears...
I had to open my eyes even with my head still bowed, I saw tears on the Church floor...
Tiny puddles wetting the old wooden floorboards...
Then I realized those were my tears on that floor...
That was when the floodgates opened, because I just heard Him answer my prayers through an earth-bound angel...
He used my Minister as a vessel to teach me a very important lesson...
He will speak to me from many different avenues and I needed to open my mind more so I could hear just what He was trying to tell me...
After service, my Minister walked up to me...
He didn't speak a word to me at first, just took me in his arms and hugged me for a good 5 minutes straight...
Then I asked him, "How could you possibly know?"
"It just came to me" was the response.
No one in Church knew that struggle...
Only G did and I know he didn't say anything...
My Father knew what was on my heart and He made sure I knew He was right there, listening and answering.
CHRIS TOMLINName Above All Names
Worthy Of All Praise
My Heart Will Sing
How Great Is Our God
