Two Sides: The Reflection In My Eyes...

6/7/10

The Reflection In My Eyes...

"He Has Made Everything Beautiful In Its Time. He Has Also Set Eternity In The Hearts Of Men; Yet They Cannot Fathom What God Has Done From Beginning To End."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

I sometimes stand in front of the mirror and search my eyes...

I wonder what people see when they look within me and not at me...

Not at my face, my nose, my mouth etc...

I wonder if they even take the time to see me as a complete person...

I see pain & weariness reflected in my eyes...

I see the toll the past 16 months has taken...

I also see shame and disgrace...

I also see embarrassment and humiliation...

There are fleeting glimpses of rage as well as indifference...

I could almost see some hate depending on the day, however it is very quick to pass by, never staying long enough to fester...

I see pity and I see sorrow...

I also see light and I see love and I see a promise of a better tomorrow...

I see everything He put there as a reflection of Him...

The trees in front of me, the clouds passing by, the smile on my little ones' face...

The frailness of my Grandmother's hand on my arm enquiring if I am alright...

The cardinal in the backyard, the blue-jays, the squirrels, the flowers that grow, the sunsets, the sunrises, the shooting stars across the night sky...

The past comes into play while looking deep within...

A past I will never be able to erase, I will never be able to forget, as I struggle with forgiving myself for the wrongdoings I have committed...

I see the exact moment, frozen in time that I received my first high, the first time I felt a blade trail across my skin, the one night I wish I could erase from memory...

I see the day my husband sat in the garage and told me the words that would forever change the person I used to be...

I see the birth of both my boys...

I see the loss of my nephew at such a young age...

I see financial difficulties, decimated relationships and love shattered by selfishness...

I see the moment in time I turned away from His love and all He offered.

The reflection changes and I see new things...

I see new people within my life, friends I would do anything for and they are added to almost daily...

I see new dreams that I have only shared with a select few...

I see a man closer to me than my own real brother whom I cherish more than words could ever say...

I see something I haven't seen for quite some time...

I see light within the darkness, joy within the sorrow...

I see my Faith has been multiplied more than I ever thought possible...

I see something I never thought I would see again, His love reflecting back at me.