Two Sides: A Prayer And A Plan

6/8/10

A Prayer And A Plan

"And He Gave Some, Apostles; And Some, Prophets; And Some, Evangelists; And Some, Pastors And Teachers; For The Perfecting Of The Saints, For The Work Of The Ministry, For The Edifying Of The Body Of Christ: Till We All Come In The Unity Of The Faith, And Of The Knowledge Of The Son Of God, Unto A Perfect Man, Unto The Measure Of The Stature Of The Fullness Of Christ."

Ephesians 4:11-13

"Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy WILL be done. Not ours', not our families', not our friends' but THY WILL...Will be done. Because you are God, so hold us close dear Father and help us, because Your understanding and plans are unknown to us. In our confusion, our hurt, our pain, our torment, hold us tighter. Give us the strength and commitment to stay fast to Your words, and do not allow the Devil to steal our salvation. Please, send us more Brothers and Sisters who are in Your will and know how to communicate with us, to keep us firm and steadfast on our path. We are weak dear God, we don't know better, we are easily overcome, we are easily distracted. Help us dear God . Help us to remain focused on You and Your Word and Your Will." Amen

After that prayer, I am not sure how to begin...

The prayer, though in my heart, is not mine...

The person who prayed it with me wishes to remain anonymous so I respect that...

I do however have permission to reprint it here.

I have done a lot of soul-searching this past year...

Questioned what am I going to do as I move into a new chapter...

A chapter I never asked for, never expected and never wanted...

Yet that is exactly what He gave me.

Freedom from the chains that bound me from doing His work...

Freedom from the chains that held me back from speaking His word...

He set me free...

Free from the prison I had locked myself into...

Free from my private pain that I carry wherever I go...

He never stopped knocking, calling, or whispering to me...

He waited patiently on the other side of my heart until I was ready to surrender to Him completely...

Because He loves me like no other, He never gave up.

I spent so much time living with anguish and regret about my past, never thinking it all happened for a reason...

Never thinking, my past has carved me into what you see today.

The experiences I carry within are to teach me, never to torment me.

The relationships I have had, were there to teach me a lesson, never intended to tear me apart or to dishonor me.

So for all the people I know, the people I love or have loved, I turn them over to Him...

The freedom I have now is a choice He gave me...

Yes I could have continued to wait, in the hopes that my husband would eventually wake up sometime in the near future, however that is not living, that is just being.

I tried to free myself from the chains, however He was the one who gave me true freedom...

The freedom to love, the freedom to receive love, the freedom to soar.

Higher then I ever thought would be possible for someone like me...

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would amount to much of anything...

I never thought I was worthy because of the choices I have made.

I am more then worthy, He has shown me as well as spoken it to me...

So as I move in this new chapter, what am I going to do with my new found freedom you ask?

Some of you know, most of you don't, some of you were shocked, those that know my heart, however were not...

After much deliberation back and forth with Him (well I deliberated and He stood firm even as I kept saying "You do know who you are talking to correct?" and I am pretty sure I threw a "Are you crazy?" in there as well) and what I felt He was calling me to do,

I have decided to go back to school in the fall.....Seminary School.