Beautifully Broken

"Let Them See That This Is Your Doing, That You Yourself Have Done It Lord. Then Let Them Curse Me If They Like, But You Will Bless Me! When They Attack Me, They Will Be Disgraced! But I, Your Servant, Will Go Right On Rejoicing! May My Accusers Be Clothed With Disgrace; May Their Humiliation Cover Them Like A Cloak. But I Will Give Repeated Thanks To The Lord, Praising Him To Everyone. For He Stands Beside The Needy, Ready To Save Them From Those That Condemn Them."

Psalm 109:27-31

He uses broken vessels.

This is something that someone recently told me.

I didn't understand what it meant so I set upon looking into it further.

There are a lot of things I would call myself, broken however isn't one of them.

Yet it clearly states in the Bible ~ The Lord Is Near To The Brokenhearted And Saves The Crushed In Spirit. Psalm 34:18.

Based on that passage, I am indeed a broken vessel.

In my life I have had sorrow, pain, heartbreak, tragedy etc...

He is using me in a way I can share my past to help others.

He has blessed me with the gift I use here, my writing.

He has given me the ability to share my words, my thoughts and my experiences with you.

I have help writing this blog most days...

I have help from Him and there are days when words are placed on my heart and I don't know how to get them out, He then steps in and gives me the clarity I seek within my mind.

It may take a few days however eventually, it will be done.

I am blessed to be able to share what He puts on my heart and in my soul.

I am blessed with a calling I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined.

Over the years, and with some choices I made, I became a cracked vessel...

The completely broken vessel would occur about 16 months ago.

Over the years, the very first crack would grow, with each poor decision I made the crack became bigger.

So what happens to something that is broken?

You either throw it away or you try to repair it...

I couldn't technically throw myself away...

I could have thrown my life away with even more poor choices, justified by poor excuses.

I could have tried to repair the damage myself, however there is truly only so much one person can do.

Somewhere along the way, He called my name.

You all know I didn't attend Church regularly.

Last year on Father's Day would be the first time I stepped into a Church in over 20 years.

Yet during the darkest moments of the past year, He is the first one I have finally come to rely on...

I speak to Him when I get up, when I go to bed and numerous times during the day...

The One I pushed away so many years ago, is the only one who could have healed me.

Because I heard a voice , deep within where no one else has ever occupied, I was drawn to that...

He took my brokenness and filled my soul with joy, with peace, with hope.

He took my broken heart, carefully mended it and now carries it close to Him, never to be handed out to anyone who doesn't go through Him first.

He has all the tears I cry in a jar.

He knows each and every hair on my head, dreams I have and sorrows I still carry...

He knows I am terrified with the calling He laid upon me, yet He calms me so I know it is right.

I can remember back to every "fire" I have walked through in my life and I can be grateful for the brokenness each lesson gave me...

I would never have been so blessed to have heard Him otherwise.

NEEDTOBREATHE
And The Water Is Risin' Quick
And For Years I Was Scared Of It
We Can't Be Sure When It Will Subside
So I Won't Leave Your Side, No I Can't Leave Your Side