A Long Time Coming...

"You Want What You Don't Have, So You Scheme And Kill To Get It. You Are Jealous Of What Others Have, But You Can't Get It, So You Fight And Wage War To Take It Away From Them. Yet You Don't Have What You Want Because You Don't Ask God For It. And Even When You Ask, You Don't Get It Because Your Motives Are All Wrong - You Only Want What Will Give You Pleasure."
James 4:2-3

I have touched on infidelity as well as mid-life crisis, however not as in depth as I would like.

I have spent the past year reading and learning all I can on the two subjects.

Today I want to broach the subject of mid-life crisis.

I have come to the conclusion that I do not believe in a mid-life crisis.

I believe it is an excuse for extremely bad behavior as well as bad choices.

This is my blog, therefore this is my opinion.

A "mid-life" crisis seems to be about a person who has never really been 100% behind the decisions they have made earlier in life therefore they always have the "what if" syndrome, somewhere down the line they begin to question the choices they have made.

Next comes the "grass is always greener" scenario...A new mate, a new car, a new job etc...

Instead of taking the time to evaluate where you are and where you want to be, most people at this point begin to wallow.

They wallow in the past because it was more fun, a time filled with less responsibility, possibly no children , an easier job etc...

You start to question your own mortality and let us face it, no one wants to think about their own demise.

Right here at this point on the path is where your true character will shine through -

You will either sit down to adjust your old plan, possibly make a new one or you will blow up your life with the greatest of fanfare.

Let us delve deeper into the second choice, the choice to decimate everything in your life.

You wake up one day and decide this life that you have spent years building is no longer for you, it hits you like a ton of bricks, you want out and nothing or no one is going to stop you from the freedom and happiness you feel you are suddenly entitled to.

No matter that the day before you were happy and content with all the blessings you had, or at least that is the picture you so kindly painted to those around you.

The urge to flee from all that you think is causing your unhappiness is overwhelming...

So you do what any self-centered, selfish, rebellious child does - You run.

You don't worry about the consequences because quite frankly you don't have to care anymore, no matter that you are leaving nothing but a hole the size of Texas behind.

You leave behind a mountain of debt, a family in ruins, children that are devastated, a spouse who doesn't know their butt from a hole in the ground because you were to childish to handle yourself like a mature adult.

You take up with one or more new members of the opposite sex (or same sex for some of you out there), you throw all your morals out the window, justifying your actions.

Anything to take away the pain you are running from.

If your significant other is anything like me, the first few weeks or months will be mind-numbing...

They will go through the motions of living yet nothing is quite sinking in.

They will doubt everything they have ever been taught, every life lesson learned up until this point will come into play.

If you have taken a new lover, then the pain is a whole new ballgame for your significant other.

A pain, so intense I never, ever want to feel like that again.

Once the numbness wears off, (and yes it will wear off because you will have to eventually accept and feel again) and you are capable of moving throughout the day without breaking into a heap of puddles on the floor, you will feel this pain...

It is raw and fierce and it reaches deep into the core of your very shattered soul.

It can creep up unexpectedly throughout the day so by this point in time, I am praying you have a fantastic support system because you will need them now more then ever.

Next to the death of a loved one, I personally don't think anything matches it.

In the wake of your selfishness, you have destroyed the one person on the face of this earth that you promised to love, honor and cherish.

The thought of forgiveness will be absolutely nauseating...

Betrayed by the one you loved the most, the one you trusted the most.

So what happens if your significant other decides to stand by you as you carry on through life like you haven't a care in the world?

Slowly, day by day, minute by minute, second by second, with the knowledge that you are still acting like a teenager gone wild, you will kill their love for you.

They try with every ounce of their being to hold onto what you both used to share, they tell their friends, their families, anyone who will listen that they still love you, they stand by you, they support you, all the while questioning deep inside if they are not worth a little more then what has been handed to them. (If you are right here, questioning, let it be known that you are indeed worth more then this.)

They justify your cheating on them with a nice neat label called?

You guessed it, a mid-life crisis.

They fear letting go because they don't know what is around the corner for them on this new path you threw them onto.

They will try to hold on as long as they possibly can just to avoid making sound decisions for their own lives and the lives of any children you may have together.

Why is that?

Because you are kind enough to drop teeny, tiny crumbs that keep them hoping that maybe, just maybe you will actually grow up and pull your head out of your butt.

False hope is a hideous thing to have, believing that something can occur and getting your hopes up, when in all reality, there is no chance that it can occur.

If you dish out false hope, and drop crumbs and sit on the fence because you want to have your cake and eat it as well, then you are nothing more then a vile, despicable and repugnant worm of a human being...

You want to take another lover, so be it, at least have the common human decency to end it with the person you have in your life now.

Stop dishing out the crumbs and move on 100% completely, make the choice and stop holding your partner in limbo land with your wishy-washiness.

Let them move on unhindered to a happier life then they can even imagine right now.

That would be the kindest thing you could possibly do.

If you happen to actually want to work things out, you need to have remorse for your actions.

Not a year or two or five down the road, now, right this minute.

The fact that your significant other is contemplating even taking you back regardless of your actions speaks volumes for their character.

If you happen to receive that chance, don't blow it.

Get on your knees and thank Him for the wonderful human being who is standing in front of you, because I will say this, you will never, ever know the pain that person has been going through, pain you inflicted on them...

I see my friends suffering, hurt and devastated on a daily basis due to these actions.

I wish I knew a way to take the pain away from each of them and to each of you who is in this exact scenario, you are never alone.

SKILLET
No, You'll Never Be Alone
When Darkness Comes
I'll Light The Night With Stars
Hear My Whispers In The Dark