An Extraordinary Day

"But I Have Trusted In Thy Mercy; My Heart Shall Rejoice In Thy Salvation."

Psalm 13:5

That was my prayer this morning as I drove into work.

I overslept, I didn't spend time with Him quietly like I would have liked, instead I was rushing around, throwing out my "Thanks", breathlessly asking for "guidance and protection", asking for Him to continue to light my path etc...

As I drove into work, I threw out a plea for an extraordinary day, a day free from pain and heartache, a day to get some form of focus back etc...

Focus is something I desperately need for work, since there are some big things happening there, (I am not at liberty to share yet) however you will know as soon as everything is said and done.

So I drove to work and asked for an extraordinary day, settled in to work and forgot I had even asked for that, until the phone rang.

It was my Dad, who I may add never calls anyone unless he absolutely has to.

My Sister answered the phone and I thought something happened to Tigger who is hanging with his Poppa...

I picked up the phone and the first thing he said to me was "I'm sorry".

I figured Tigger had gotten in trouble and Poppa had to correct him.

My Dad always tells me when Tig isn't listening and while he doesn't spank him, he still feels bad when he has to correct him.

So I am thinking, if my Dad is calling and starts with an apology Tig must be in big time trouble.

As I am going through a list of possibilities of what he could have possibly done, and believe me the list is long, (he may be 7, but he was put here to test every single ounce of patience I can muster up) he proceeds to talk, all I heard was the sheriff just left.

Well frick, "What did he do again", I asked my Dad?

He says "What did who do?"

Tig, what happened to bring the sheriff to our house?

Lower the gauntlet...

"He was here to serve you divorce papers."

He was kind enough to leave them with my Dad instead of coming up and serving me at my office.

I couldn't really hear anything after that because I could feel the blood rushing to my head...

I could feel the panic start to rise faster than it ever has done before.

The cold hand of fear sweeping across my chest as hundreds of images played within my mind, nothing but "what ifs" and "what nows" and "what used to be."

I hung up, most likely as my Dad was still talking and apologizing, and just sat here, waiting for the breakdown to begin, funny thing, it didn't come.

For 21 months I have dreaded this day, tried to avoid thinking about it, didn't want to face it...

That shouldn't come as a secret to any of you who have been following along.

But here it is, the greatest belief I ever held, gone...

My greatest fear, about to be realized.

Marriage, the greatest form of love He ever gave us, the one thing I was always proud of, should be sacred the second you begin to even think about it.

It shouldn't be treated lightly, it isn't like a car and 10 or 20 years down the line you see something a little more shiny, a little more flashy, a little less mileage on it and you decide that you want to trade in for the new model, or in my case an older model since she is a few years older than I.

Marriage comes with trials and tribulations, just like life, however you have one another to face them with, someone who is always on your side.

But what do you do when the person you count on becomes the trial and tribulation, the person you trust the most is the very person who threw you in the valley of darkness?

You place your hope next to your pain and then you decide which one is going to blossom.

Your Faith, that everything will work out according to His will, is what will be able to carry you through the darkest times of your life, knowing within your soul that no amount of pain will ever be able to overshadow the hope.

Hope ~ Green is the color , Iris is the flower.

Hope ~ Someone once said it was the hand of Faith being held out in darkness.

Hope ~ A belief in a positive outcome.

Hope, it lives within each and every single one of us.

You can have massive amounts of it, you can allow someone else to dash it, you can have someone else raise it up and then have someone else come along to toss it aside, what you can't have, no matter what you face, is hopelessness.

Because regardless of the trials and tribulations you are facing, you can't run and hide from them.

You stand, with Him by your side and hope in your heart and you face them.

That will be the only way you will ever overcome anything and learn in the process.

The day may not turn out the way you expected, the way you had hoped, however if you let it, regardless of whatever you are facing, it just may turn out to be an extraordinary day.

MATTHEW WEST
You're Starting Over Now
Under The Sun
You're Stepping Forward Now
A New Life Has Begun
Your New Life Has Begun

Facing A New Year

"It Is Of The LORD's Mercies That We Are Not Consumed, Because His Compassions Fail Not. They Are New Every Morning: Great Is Thy Faithfulness. The LORD Is My Portion, Saith My Soul; Therefore Will I Hope In Him."

Lamentations 3:22-24 

The New Year is just about upon us...

A time to reflect on the old, and look forward to the new.

A time to dust off old resolutions, a time to break out new ones.

A time to shake off unwanted, negative emotions and welcome new, energizing emotions.

I have always loved the New Year, something about possibly getting another chance to make it right, like when the Seasons change, something is stirred within me to make some changes.

I used to make the same resolutions each year and by the end of January, I would have broken them so this year I am not making any resolutions, instead I am choosing a word for the year, a word to grow in, ponder on, apply towards my daily life etc...

My word for the year is Fulfillment.

The Year of Fulfillment.

"Completed to perfection" is one of the definitions.

Powerful.

This past year has been hard.

HARD.

I have lost.

I have gained.

Until recently, the losses always seemed to overshadow the gains.

Am I out of the valley?

No, but I have a wonderful Savior walking ahead, behind and beside me so I am never alone in that valley.

There is a pinprick of light being shone in that valley, a sign that things are starting to turn around (I can't share yet but in time, I will).

Are they turning around the way I had hoped?

Not in my wildest dreams.

They seem to be turning in a way I didn't even imagine, much less hoped for.

My marriage (yes, I am still married), though I had high hopes that He would step in and "save" the day, it doesn't look like that is what His will is and while I am sad by that fact, the sadness no longers wears me down like an overgrown rain cloud on a Summer day, swelling with the rain it is about to dump into the world.

In the past few months I have come to the conclusion that the man I knew, the man I loved with every beat of my heart, the one I married in front of God, is no longer...

Yes he looks like my husband, my best friend, however something is different to make him the person he is today.

I pray for him, I wish him happiness in whatever he seeks, and yes a part of me still wishes he would "wake up" and realize what it is he is truly throwing away.

And no I don't mean me, I am not that narcissistic, I meant everything in general.

Would I like him to be on this path with me to share the highs and the lows, the joys and the sorrows?

Absolutely, he was the one in this world that I could always count on, the one I trusted completely, the one I could go to and share whatever was on my heart without fear of ridicule or judgement, however he isn't that person right now.

So, instead, I take it all to Him instead and because of that, He is showing me just how worthy I am, just how much He loves me, just how much He has in store for me and if I trust in Him, just how fulfilled I can be.

To be fulfilled in the Love of Christ is to not want anything, not need anything and not miss anything (I have said this once before in passing on a different post).

Think about it - To not want, need or miss anything.

To be so covered by His Grace, Love and Mercy, the things you thought you would miss or want or need aren't even on your radar anymore.

The primary goal is to be so filled with His love that there isn't any room for anything other than Him, no other person nor object that can catch the attention of my heart.

To be so enchanted by His love, I am lifted up and fulfilled, completely.

I look at it like a building a child would make out of blocks, with each block representing an attribute I want to expand in...

Faith, grace, hope, humility, love, peace, compassion, empathy, kindness, honesty, morally strong, fairness, open-minded, flexible, motivated, cheerful, thoughtful, considerate, courteous, devoted, forgiving, unselfish etc....

Each one representing what He puts within me and as each one grows, I become more fulfilled with where He has me at this moment in time, more fulfilled with my walk, more fulfilled with Him and His love for me.

Happy New Year to you all, may He bless over each and every one of you.

What is your word for the year?

Mish~Mash

"But Let The Righteous Be Glad; Let Them Rejoice Before God: Yea, Let Them Exceedingly Rejoice."

Psalm 68:3

I have decided to use one day of the week to play catch up on other areas of my life besides my walk and how it is affecting me in a day to day setting.

Contrary to popular belief, I do actually have a life outside of Church.

A life filled with people who amuse me to no end.

So I will use this day (whichever day it may be since I haven't decided yet) as a down day to fill you in on other things that are going on.

A day to show you the lighter side of my walk, the sense of humor He has and possibly a day to just unload a weeks worth of bits and pieces.

Christmas Eve ~ As most of you know (or maybe not, but you do now), my Grandmother lives with us, she is almost 90 and very set in her ways. She eats with certain silverware, drinks from the same mug each day, eats the same (gross) food combinations, very, very rarely does she venture from her comfort zone and the way I see it, since she has lived this long, leave her be.

She complains. A. Lot. About nothing, however again, she is up there so I just leave her be.

She never gets to leave the house (so says she, but this isn't true, we aren't in the habit of holding people hostage, she just never wants to leave), and she never gets to go to Church (again, this is wrong, she wants to go to a Baptist Church and we have offered to drop her off/pick her up etc...), so on Christmas Eve I found a midnight candlelight service and asked her if she wanted to go.

No it wasn't a Baptist Church, no it wasn't my Church, it was one up the street and she agreed to go.

I should have paid more attention to the word "contemporary" before the words "candlelight service".

She is older, doesn't hear well and refuses to wear her hearing aid, so since she can't hear she screams EVERYTHING.

We got all dressed up, got to the Church, sat down and waited...

She is reading the program and notices the Minister is female, which she announced to everyone within a 50 mile radius. (Yes, I am female, yes, I will be a Pastor and yes, she is proud of that, however the shock seemed a lot for her to actually see one in action.)

The Minister walked out and I swore my Grandmother was going to take a leave of her senses right there in Church.

The Minister was wearing a miniskirt and a sequined sleeveless top and she looked identical to my husbands' mistress...

I am talking mirror image people.

So my Nana (as we call her) is just watching, not noticing who the woman is at the front of the Church and I pointed out in her program that she was indeed the Minister and she says loudly (with a large amount of disdain) - "That is the Minister?" "Sheesh"

No tact my friends.

Hence the reason I stopped asking her to go to Church with me.

She is southern born, Baptist bred and has zero understanding of why I am in the AME Church, to hear her, sometimes you would think I was forced to join a cult.

She doesn't get how I became a member of a Church that isn't anywhere close to the Baptist roots I was raised with and she would prefer I was a member of a Baptist Church.

Since the mistress is Baptist, (no offense to any of you who are practicing Baptists), I want nothing to do with the religion I was "raised", however I can't say that to her without someone on the next block hearing it.

I love her and I am thrilled that Tigger is able to spend time with his Great-Grandmother, I just wish at times she would watch what she says and how she says it.
To listen to her at times, we are still back in the days of slavery and times haven't moved from then.

Things I don't want Tigger to know about at this point in time, it isn't that she is judging, it is just apparent she was raised in a completely different era then I was.

Which I may add is another reason I don't take her to my Church.

She is still of the "Wife in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant" mentality, and has stated on too many occasions to count, that if I cooked better or kept a house in a different way, my husband wouldn't have left, I know that isn't true, however it can be a stinger if I allow it to be, I chose to not allow it to affect me.

I know she means well, I know she is heartbroken over what my husband has done and I know she wants the best for me in whatever I choose to do, she just sometimes has a funny way over showing it and a very loud way of expressing it.

So there you have it, my Grandmother in a nutshell.

Remember The Silent Night

"For Unto Us A Child Is Born, Unto Us A Son Is Given: And The Government Shall Be Upon His Shoulder: And His Name Shall Be Called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince Of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

I thought this Christmas would be easier than last Christmas.

I apparently live in a fantasy world.

Christmas is a time of joy, a time to be around the ones you love and quite frankly I don't want to be around anyone this year.

I have zero Christmas spirit, don't want to hear anymore Christmas music and each day that is comes closer the more ill I feel.

The boys are with him this year and I miss them terribly.

I will go so far as to say I miss him as well.

Sue me.

I miss what we had, the traditions we established as a family unit and it seers my soul to know he is playing house with my kids and his mistress.

I know I am supposed to love everyone, regardless of what they have done, what they are doing or what they about to do...

Hate the sin, not the sinner...

Do you even understand how hard that is?

To have that silent Voice within tell me to love him, forgive him, don't think ill of him etc...

To have that same Voice tell me to love her, forgive her and not think ill of her...

I sat here today, after receiving some more disturbing news and I finally "got" why this is the time of year when suicides go up.

I see so many happy people, walking around the mall, shopping for loved ones, laughter spilling out of almost every corner of every store I enter.

Then I see the other side.

The people who stood in line Tuesday night for food, dirty, sad, just about forgotten by the world and I wonder if they were ever happy.

Did they ever go Christmas shopping?

Do they ever laugh?

I go home to a Christmas tree with zero ornaments on it (because my sister has a feral cat she rescued who eats everything in sight) and I wonder where they go?

I sit with just the Christmas lights on and I think about that night so long ago, the night He was born and I wonder if they possibly sit outside a decorated house thinking the same thing?

I wonder if they blame Him for their circumstances, if they are angry or if they are just content with what life has brought them?

I wonder if they are thankful?

I will admit I have had a very hard time learning how to be thankful in everything, regardless of what it is.

Being thankful during the good times is easy, giving thanks for yet another bombshell is one of the toughest things I have ever done.

I do it because it is something that needs to be done.

Do I do it happily?

No I don't.

I do it because it is expected of me, when all I really want to do is punch something or someone.

I know what I am "supposed" to do, but sometimes I just don't want to...

Sometimes I miss the old me, the me who cursed like a sailor, the me who wouldn't bat an eye to get in the car and open up a "can" of you know what.

However that isn't what Christmas is all about.

On this day, Christmas Eve, no matter what you are facing, take a moment to look deep within and remember that night so long ago.

That silent night our Savior was born.

Remember how He came, why He came and all that He did while He was here.

Remember what He did for you.

Remember what is expected of you.

Remember to treat everyone, no matter what, with love, as He treats you.

Remember to forgive every one who has ever hurt you, as He forgives you.

Remember the ones who seem forgotten, as He remembers them.

Remember it isn't about what is under the tree or how much is under the tree.

Remember it is all about a baby in a manger who came to this Earth to die for you so that you may have everlasting life.

As a New Year looms closer, it is time to release selfishness, time to understand this isn't about you, this is about the people He places in your path and how you treat them.

Time to become rooted and grounded in love for one another, regardless of the situations and circumstances.

Time to forgive and move forward.

Time to remember "why" we are here, what our "job" is and how we are accomplishing His work that He set within each and every one of us.

So as you finish your last minute preparations for tomorrow, take a moment to remember.

Remember the Reason for this wonderful Season.

Step outside of yourself and look around.

Then ask yourself if you are doing all you can possibly do to extend the love He has given you.

My dear friends, have a very Merry Christmas.

May God bless and watch over each and every single one of you.

SILENT NIGHT
Silent Night, Holy Night
All Is Calm, All Is Bright
Round Yon Virgin Mother And Child
Holy Infant So Tender And Mild
Sleep In Heavenly Peace
Sleep In Heavenly Peace

The Salad Bar

"You Shall Not Add To The Word Which I Command You, Neither Shall You Diminish It, That You May Keep The Commandments Of The Lord Your God Which I Command You."

Deuteronomy 4:2

I am not a huge "buffet" person, basically because I don't know how long the food has been sitting out.

If I happen to find myself at a buffet type restaurant, I will only eat what I see being brought out right then and there.

Now in my opinion, a salad bar is different..

A salad bar filled with all kinds of veggies and fruits, I will take that over a buffet anyday.

There used to a be a very popular pizza place (all over the country) that had the best salad bar ever and their creamy Italian dressing was amazing...

Over time they have diminished to some pathtic lettuce and a handful of icky veggies (though the salad dressing is still there).

What I like about it, is I can pick and choose, what and how much I place on my plate.

My normal salad looks like this - Lettuce, ham, cheese, eggs, cottage cheese, turkey, carrots, some purple stuff (cabbage I think), alfalfa sprouts, sunflower seeds, dressing and a sprinkling of croutons.

I am a creature of habit, and I normally don't vary to far from this set-up.

It is yummy and filling.

Stepping up to the bar, looking out over the variety of food lined up, thinking to yourself which looks like the best bet for you, filling your plate, sitting down, pulling out your silverware and then digging in. - Sidenote, I try to always carry a wrapped plastic fork with me, just because I used to work in the restaurant business and I know how they clean things at the end of the night - You are welcome for the tip...

Will you choose a plate of fruits or a plate of veggies?

Maybe a mix or maybe one way the first trip and something different the second trip.

The array seems endless and how you build your salad has almost limitless possibilities...

Just like in life, there are so many choices you get to make on a day to day basis.

You choose to get up and either skip work/school or go where you are expected that day.

You choose what outfit you will wear, how to style your hair, whether you wear make-up or if it is just going to be a "bum" day, you choose the music you listen to, the shows you watch on tv, the books you read, the games you play, the sites you visit online, the brand of coffee/tea/soda you drink, the foods that will enter your mouth that day.

You choose to go to the gym or for a walk, you choose to be happy and joyful or mad and sorrowful, you choose how you will interact with people, you choose the tone of voice you will use, the stance of your posture, the openess you project.

Life is full of millions of little choices we each make every single day.

Just like a salad bar.

There is one thing in this life that shouldn't be viewed like that though...

Can you guess what that is?

The Bible.

Just like the Scripture states above, you have no right to add to it, nor take away from it.

It isn't on the salad bar of life for you to pick and choose which Commandments or verses you want to follow.

It stands on its own, always has, for hundreds of years.

If you pick and choose which verses you are going to follow, you are most likely taking them out of context which in the end is going to do more harm than good.

One of the most over-used phrases in the Bible which is taken out of context is "The truth shall set you free", I am sure all of you have heard it, however without the verse that comes before it, "the truth" will not set you free, however that is another day, another post.

Take the Word, as it is written.

Follow it as best as you can, with a pure heart, the best of intentions and you won't ever go wrong.

Don't pick at it like you are standing before a salad bar.

Embrace it, devour it as a whole.

JEREMY CAMP
I Was Faced With Passing Time But I Knew The Choice Was Mine
To Finally Come To You And Give You All Control
I've Wandered Miles To Find My Way
And Then You Revealed This Simple Faith
I Know That You Can See The Secrets Of My Soul

Anointing From Above

"No One Will Be Able To Stand Against You All The Days Of Your Life. As I Was With Moses, So I Will Be With You; I Will Never Leave You Nor Forsake You."

Joshua 1:5

It is amazing to me, how much stronger I feel when I keep my eyes focused up instead of around.

I have been watching a lot of Dr. Creflo Dollar lately.

I came upon him a few weeks ago as I was mindlessly flipping through the tv and from that first encounter, I was hooked.

From what I have seen, it looks like he preaches directly from the Bible and talks in simple language even I can understand.

If you don't like him, that is your right as well, some people I know think he is a thief, or a pulpit pimp as some call him, however that isn't for me to judge.

I was watching him the other night and he said something very powerful that struck me right in the core of my soul.

He said "When you get up in the morning, tell yourself, I am fulfilled with God, I don't need nothing, I don't want nothing and I am not missing nothing."

Now, I don't normally watch televangelists, if I have time to sit and watch TV, usually it isn't anything I would brag about here (ie: Jersey Shore), I try to stay busy other ways than with mindless amounts of television.

But for some reason, I stopped and listened to his entire sermon and then programmed my TV to tape it each night.

What I watch on TV isn't what my post is about though and apparently I got side-tracked, anyway back to being focused on Above...

If you, as a Christian, are walking through a trial and/or tribulation, I have recently learned, He will anoint you right in the middle of each of these trials.

And once God anoints you in the heat of these battles, you will literally have the power of the Holy Spirit flowing and operating through you so you can make it all the way to the end of the trial/tribulation and come out with a complete victory if that is how He wants it to turn out.

When you receive this anointing, He will give you His strength, as well as His strategies on how you should handle each different part of the trial.

Sometimes, He will completely take over and remove the storm clouds from your life, however if He hasn't and you are still sitting in the midst of pain and hurt and disappointment, remember this, there is a lesson to be learned within that pain.

I know it is hard to see when you are standing in the center of the storm, trust me, but there will come a day when you get up and notice the clouds, just aren't as black as they used to be.

Some are still very dark, while others seems to be a little more gray.

However, it is during these storms when you will receive the anointing from Above, if you take a second to look around, you will see exactly what I mean.

When He anoints you for battle, some very special things will happen to fall over you.

He will give you His protection, strength, boldness and courage.

He will empower you with His patience, stamina, and endurance to make it to the end of the trial/tribulation.

You will receive His knowledge and wisdom on what to do as well as what to say.

You will be blessed with His favor.

In short, God will tell you what to do, what to say, give you all of the favor you will need with the different people who will be involved in the trial, as well as giving you His divine protection, power, courage, and stamina so you can make it all the way to the end.

I have notied many people, myself included, let the trial defeat them right at the first sign of trouble all due to major fear hitting them, even before God has a chance to show up with His anointing to get the job done for them.

Depending on the severity of the trial, you may at first start out by literally shaking in your boots.

Just the thought of having to go through it will send major shock waves through you, almost to the point of paralyzing you to death with fear.

However, once God’s strength, courage and boldness starts to flow through you, much, if not all of your fear will actually leave you.

Once you literally feel God’s strength, courage and boldness start to flow through you, you will feel like you could do absolutely anything & nothing can stand in your way.

It has taken me 22 months to actually start to truly feel this, it wasn't something that overtook me the minute I needed it, it was only after I stopped doing things my way and sought Him to do His perfect will in my life.

The knowledge and wisdom, to know what to say, now that one I have felt for about the past 2 months.

Where as before I would pretty much state what I felt about my husband and his choices, lately, I have a love flowing when I speak to or text him, weird I know, so I know it is from Him and not me.

He may text me something that (most likely) riles me up and as I am thinking of what way to cut him down in my response, I am already typing something back that is no where near what I was thinking.

Something that has to come from somewhere deep within, a place where the pain isn't living on the surface, a place where only He dwells, a place where there is nothing but pure love...

I know you may be thinking I am a loon and that is okay as well, however regardless of what his choices have been, they are not mine to judge, yes I have had to live with what he has done, however I forgive him, each and every single day, each and every single action.

I am still trying to learn how to be guided by His wisdom and knowledge, because while I recognize this as an incredible gift, there are still plenty of times that I get tongue tied and don't know how to properly express myself, if I could write everything, I would be golden.

His favor, I have found, I need the most...

Especially with hillbilly lawyers trying to take me down, trying to take everything I have, including one of my children.

God’s favor is needed, if there are going to be different people involved in the trials and tribulations with you.

There may be times that you will need certain doors to open up for you, so that you are able to go to the next step, His favor is what is going to open up these doors for you.

The next time you are facing something you don't have the willpower to face, get on your knees and ask Him to anoint you, then step back and watch just what His Mercy and Grace can do for you.

THIRD DAY
Show Me Your Glory
Send Down Your Presence
I Want To See Your face
Show Me Your glory
Majesty Shines About You
I Can't Go On Without You, Lord