"But I Have Trusted In Thy Mercy; My Heart Shall Rejoice In Thy Salvation."
That was my prayer this morning as I drove into work.
I overslept, I didn't spend time with Him quietly like I would have liked, instead I was rushing around, throwing out my "Thanks", breathlessly asking for "guidance and protection", asking for Him to continue to light my path etc...
As I drove into work, I threw out a plea for an extraordinary day, a day free from pain and heartache, a day to get some form of focus back etc...
Focus is something I desperately need for work, since there are some big things happening there, (I am not at liberty to share yet) however you will know as soon as everything is said and done.
So I drove to work and asked for an extraordinary day, settled in to work and forgot I had even asked for that, until the phone rang.
It was my Dad, who I may add never calls anyone unless he absolutely has to.
My Sister answered the phone and I thought something happened to Tigger who is hanging with his Poppa...
I picked up the phone and the first thing he said to me was "I'm sorry".
I figured Tigger had gotten in trouble and Poppa had to correct him.
My Dad always tells me when Tig isn't listening and while he doesn't spank him, he still feels bad when he has to correct him.
So I am thinking, if my Dad is calling and starts with an apology Tig must be in big time trouble.
As I am going through a list of possibilities of what he could have possibly done, and believe me the list is long, (he may be 7, but he was put here to test every single ounce of patience I can muster up) he proceeds to talk, all I heard was the sheriff just left.
Well frick, "What did he do again", I asked my Dad?
He says "What did who do?"
Tig, what happened to bring the sheriff to our house?
Lower the gauntlet...
"He was here to serve you divorce papers."
He was kind enough to leave them with my Dad instead of coming up and serving me at my office.
I couldn't really hear anything after that because I could feel the blood rushing to my head...
I could feel the panic start to rise faster than it ever has done before.
The cold hand of fear sweeping across my chest as hundreds of images played within my mind, nothing but "what ifs" and "what nows" and "what used to be."
I hung up, most likely as my Dad was still talking and apologizing, and just sat here, waiting for the breakdown to begin, funny thing, it didn't come.
For 21 months I have dreaded this day, tried to avoid thinking about it, didn't want to face it...
That shouldn't come as a secret to any of you who have been following along.
But here it is, the greatest belief I ever held, gone...
My greatest fear, about to be realized.
Marriage, the greatest form of love He ever gave us, the one thing I was always proud of, should be sacred the second you begin to even think about it.
It shouldn't be treated lightly, it isn't like a car and 10 or 20 years down the line you see something a little more shiny, a little more flashy, a little less mileage on it and you decide that you want to trade in for the new model, or in my case an older model since she is a few years older than I.
Marriage comes with trials and tribulations, just like life, however you have one another to face them with, someone who is always on your side.
But what do you do when the person you count on becomes the trial and tribulation, the person you trust the most is the very person who threw you in the valley of darkness?
You place your hope next to your pain and then you decide which one is going to blossom.
Your Faith, that everything will work out according to His will, is what will be able to carry you through the darkest times of your life, knowing within your soul that no amount of pain will ever be able to overshadow the hope.
Hope ~ Green is the color , Iris is the flower.
Hope ~ Someone once said it was the hand of Faith being held out in darkness.
Hope ~ A belief in a positive outcome.
Hope, it lives within each and every single one of us.
You can have massive amounts of it, you can allow someone else to dash it, you can have someone else raise it up and then have someone else come along to toss it aside, what you can't have, no matter what you face, is hopelessness.
Because regardless of the trials and tribulations you are facing, you can't run and hide from them.
You stand, with Him by your side and hope in your heart and you face them.
That will be the only way you will ever overcome anything and learn in the process.
The day may not turn out the way you expected, the way you had hoped, however if you let it, regardless of whatever you are facing, it just may turn out to be an extraordinary day.
You're Starting Over Now
Under The Sun
You're Stepping Forward Now
A New Life Has Begun
Your New Life Has Begun