Easier To Use Two Hands...

"The Lord God Said, "It Is Not Good For The Man To Be Alone. I Will Make A Helper Suitable For Him."

Genesis 2:18

It is no secret I don't like to be alone...

Of course like any other person, there are times I prefer it...

I don't prefer it 24/7...

I am surrounded by people in my life and quite frankly I just want to be left alone.

It is all noise in the background to me that I can't quite shut off...

The TV is blaring or the radio is to loud or the kids are fighting...

Life is to loud for me at times...

When it gets that way, then I want to seek solitude.

I don't want to hear anything from anyone...

I desperately want to be alone and wish time would freeze for just a few moments if only for me to catch my breath.

I don't want to give anymore because quite frankly, I have nothing left...

I need time to think, time to be me, time to be with Him.

My quiet time comes when the house is silent and everyone is sleeping...

I may have music playing quietly in the background but that is the only noise you can hear...

I seek Him to please come then and soothe my soul from the troubles of the day...

I can speak to Him even though He knows what I am going to say before I say it.


I want to sit with Him and know all the way into my soul that this pain won't last forever...

I want Him to tell me that the pain I am feeling now, will be worth it once the outcome has been revealed...

Once the final puzzle piece falls, then and only then will I be able to look back and understand...

No matter how many times I beg Him, it is still going to happen in His time and not a second before.

The problem is I want to use both hands to pull Him closer, however I don't know how...

I use one to pull Him and one to push Him...

The one pulling wants to live as close to a perfect life for Him as possible...

The one pushing wants to live life her way.

The problem is the two have to work together in order to have harmony.

You can't have it both ways...

You can either live for Him or you can live for you...

It is up to you to decide.

On my journey I have found that living life the way you want to live will have some dire consequences...

No one goes through life unscathed and if they tell you they do, it is a lie...

Everyone will experience hurt, disappointment, loss, anger, sadness, loneliness etc...

It is how you react during those times that will come to define the person you are.

You can allow the emotions to take over, which is what I normally do...

You can wallow in them and throw yourself a helluva great pity-party...

You can moan and groan about how life has handed you a raw deal...

You can either be a victim or you can be a fighter.

I used to be the victim and I won't apologize for it because that is all I knew for so long...

There are areas in my life where I fought to still stand today, yet other areas where I just laid down and played dead...

I want to be a fighter all the way through and I am having a hard time figuring out what it is He wants for me...

The hand that pulls is ok with the way things are because I know He is molding me for greater things...

The hand that pushes is fighting it every step of the way, with fear, doubt and worry.

I want Him to show me how to make the two work together.

NICHOLE NORDEMAN
It's Well Past Midnight
And I'm Awake With Questions
That Won't Wait For Daylight
Separating Fact From My Imaginary Fiction
On This Shelf Of My Conviction
I Need To Find A Place
Where You And I Come Face To Face