Because Of Him, I Am Free

"So If The Son Sets You Free, You Will Be Free Indeed."

John 8:36

We all have chains that bind us to the world...

Could be money, your spouse, your kids, your house, your job etc...

This is all good and well unless you put these things before Him...

When you start living your life for you and not Him, trouble isn't to far around the corner.

He is a jealous God and wants to be first in your life...

He sits on His throne and watches all of His children...

Wanting to help you, comfort you, guide you, love you...

Yet you are still seeking those things from outside sources.

The chains that bind you will be broken, upon asking.

I never looked at my marriage as a chain...

Now, after over a year, I can see the chains as plain as day...

I locked those shackels on myself and He has stepped in to remove them.

Now that I have had some time to look back and reflect, I can see I wasn't as happy as I thought I was...

I was content, however not happy...

I was controlled, manipulated and unloved...

I was second best and my Father decided it was enough.


It was time for Him to step in and remove the chains, only problem is I fought Him with all my might to keep the marriage.

A marriage where neither of us was satisfied...

I was willing to work on it, to get that spark back, he however wasn't.

So I worked on me instead, worked on my fears, gaining my strength and my self-respect.

I asked Him to take me out of the situation, take the problems away and just make everything go back to the way it used to be.

It just isn't enough anymore when one fights so hard for something that takes two.

I was even willing to sweep it all under the rug, if he would just come home...

He wasn't going to have that for me anymore...

So each link by painful link was broken...

As our links were broken, my own were strengthened...

Still I asked to make everything go back to the way it used to be...

Still my prayers were denied.

One day, I woke up and stopped praying to be removed from the situation and started praying to win...

Win my life back, regardless of the outcome, I asked Him to show me what to do and what changes I needed to make in order to win.

Then clothed with His armor, I stood where He put me...

I am here in this moment in time for a reason...

Yes it looks like oodles of trouble, however He is near me in times of trouble.

As long as He is with me, He provides me the means to win.

I have learned that as long as that link is still connected, I will not have true peace and happiness...

As long as there is a constant source of anguish in my life, I can't move truly forward.

I want to smile and laugh and dance and be joyful...

I want to remove the masks I wear and be the me I know I can be...

I want to be accepted for the me you see, not the one he wanted me to always be.

I want to dance in the rain and not worry about getting yelled at because I am dripping water on the floor...

I want to stay up all night to watch the sun set as well as rise.

I want to sleep all night long and not wake up with anxiety running through my veins...

I no longer want to answer to him...

If I want to skip work and sit at home watching sappy movies, in my pajamas, while eating nothing but green M&M's all day then I can...

Why?

Because this is MY life.

However right now, I can't...

The final chain is still as secure as Fort Knox...

And it looks like I am in for one hellava fight...

A fight for my life back from a man I no longer know...

When the dust settles and all is said and done, I will finally be free...

To my Father who saw my unhappiness even when I wasn't willing to admit it, I thank you...

I thank you for the fight, I thank you for the Mercy and Grace you have bestowed upon me in this time of trouble...

I thank you for not ever leaving my side.

Now I am ready to thank you for releasing me from that final chain.

CREED
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