"This Is The Message We Have Heard From Him And Declare To You: God Is Light; In Him There Is No Darkness At All. If We Claim To Have Fellowship With Him Yet Walk In The Darkness, We Lie And Do Not Live By The Truth. But If We Walk In The Light, As He Is The Light, We Have Fellowship With One Another, And The Blood Of Jesus, His Son, Purifies Us From All Sin. If We Claim To Be Without Sin, We Deceive Ourselves And The Truth Is Not In Us. If We Confess Our Sins, He Is Faithful And Just And Will Forgive Us Our Sins And Purify Us From All Unrighteousness."
1 John 1:5-9
"You Never Find Yourself Until You Face The Truth"
Pearl Bailey
I am used to wearing masks, it comes with the bi-polar territory...I hide a lot due to the fact that I don't want to answer questions from others...
Over time I have conditioned myself to put a mask on the minute I get up, keep it on through out the day and only remove it when I am alone.
Is it fair? Of course not...
It isn't truthful to others nor to myself...
During this journey, I have removed some masks however there are still some in place...
They have been worn so long, I wonder if they have become a permanent part of my soul...
I hope that isn't the case...
A friend gave me the word Truth as the word of the day then challenged me to write about it...I am assuming he meant my truth and not his...
Truth as I see it, pertaining to my walk...
Truth be told, I am still fearful...
I am still angry...
I am still questioning and I still feel like a lost little girl that nobody wants.
I still have more days then I like where I find myself fighting back the urge to cry....
The appeal of a mental breakdown seems like a better option at times...
In truth I cry out to Him more often the I ever have in my life, however in truth I am also able to go to the Altar and say "Thank You" more then ever before...In truth I still ask "why?" however in truth I am also able to see the answer to that same question...
In truth I beg Him for Mercy an awful lot, however I also feel His calming presence within me almost all the time - Something that grows more each day...
In truth I am angry at what is on my plate, however in truth I am learning how to seek the silver lining in each circumstance...
In truth I am just a little bit jaded however in truth I also know others see innocence and in time I am hoping to turn the jadedness into a blessing...
I thought I had finished going through all the stages of grief...I went through denial...
I went through bargaining...
I went through depression...
3 weeks ago I hit acceptance...
In truth I missed a stage - Anger and resentment...
I would rather skip this stage and just continue to move forward...
In truth I know I won't be able to fully move out of the darkness until I pass through all the stages and I for one am looking forward to finally being in the light.
MATTHEW WESTI'm Gonna Be Strong
And I'm Gonna Be Brave
I'm Gonna Stand Proud
In The Illuminating Light Of Your Grace
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