"For We Wrestle Not Against Flesh And Blood, But Against Principalities, Against Powers, Against The Rulers Of The Darkness Of This World, Against Spiritual Wickedness In High Places."
I had a song verse stuck in my head recently ~ "If there are millions down on their knees, among the many, can you still hear me?" ~ Place In This World - Michael W. Smith.
Wow that song/video seems so long ago.
Anywho, the verse kept playing over and over in my head for almost 2 days, ending yesterday with a headache unlike any I have ever felt.
Even playing other music, trying to pray above the noise didn't work, the spiritual attack was working because I couldn't focus on anything other then this one sentence.
A whisper, asking if I truly believe He is really hearing me, or better yet even listening to me.
No matter what I tried, the voice wouldn't shut up, and that is how Satan will use distraction my friends....
Something small, not always noticable, most likely you won't be able to put your finger on it, feeling "off" as you go about your day, knowing something isn't right but not quite knowing what that may be.
Big enough to remove your focus from Him, yet small in every other way.
After once again questioning His will, the path in front of me, whether I should remove myself from Church, how unworthy I am, how I will never feel "normal" again (yes, I can be melo-dramatic), how I am going to manage a ministry when I can barely manage this life, how, what, where, why, when, blah blah blah etc...
I went so far as to ask my Twitter peeps what I should do...
Prayer seemed to be the unanimous answer.
Since I had tried that, without focus, I went to the one He placed on my path to help me along during this trial, G...
He listened, he is good at that, no judging, just listening, and this time he came back with words that pierced my heart.
I ask him questions, he answers as best as he can, I yell and cry, he is compassionate and kind, I feel anger and try to stuff it, he wants me to let it out, to feel it and move forward, I try to summon hate, he stops it, knowing it just isn't me.
Our talk yesterday was based on loyalty, the one trait I hold above all others.
In my warped way of thinking, I feel like my husband is going to think I gave up on him once the divorce is said and done, that any feelings he may still have, somewhere deep inside of him, will be shattered beyond repair.
This time, upon hearing what I had to say, G didn't hold back (not that he truly ever does).
I won't go into word for word detail because that isn't fair to him, suffice it to say, something, somewhere inside of me changed, sometime between going to sleep last night and waking up this morning.
Last night I went to bed, heavy hearted, filled with so many questions, my mind going a hundred miles an hour, ready to turn and do what I do best when I am facing Him, run.
This morning I woke up lighter, filled with His mercy and His grace, His love and His strength.
Loved, like no other, like I am the only one standing on this Earth, and He is still right here with me...
Overflowing and saturated with His presence, His peace and His love.
My feet hit the floor and I wanted to just dance...
On a side note - G and I exchange songs from time to time, if I hear something that reminds me of him, I send it along and vice versa.
The first song you hear when you come on my blog is G's song, no matter where I am, if I hear it, his face is what I see.
I sent him one last week, upon hearing it, he turned it around and gave it back proclaiming the song was "me"...
It was the first thing I heard when I woke up today, and for the first time, I believed each and every single word in that song, so much so that the morning message I sent him, included a snippet of the song. *sniff sniff* - End of side note.
My friends, the enemy will do anything in his power to keep you from reaching a higher place with our Father.
None of us are untouchable by him, and that is where I made a grave error, thinking that because I am His, the enemy has zero hold on me and a Christian is exactly what he wants.
Someone who, with just the right word, or just the right phrase, will stop and question if He really does hear you, if He really is listening, just like I did this past week.
A new lesson has been learned, vigilance is going to have to be the key to not allow myself to get sucked into the craziness of the enemy, otherwise I may just likely drive myself crazy. :)
G ~ As always, I thank Him for you and the purpose He has placed on your heart.
You are my friend & my brother in Christ.
I love you more than freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
TENTH AVENUE NORTH
'Cause This Is Not About What You've Done,
But What's Been Done For You.
This Is Not About Where You've Been,
But Where Your Brokenness Brings You To