Caught In The Middle

"I Will Instruct You And Teach You In The Way You Should Go; I Will Counsel You And Watch Over You."

Psalm 32:8

I am still torn with the calling placed on my heart and it is no secret to those around me.

I am not a good public speaker, I am more withdrawn unto myself and don't really seek out people.

I have never been shy, however I do know how to actually speak and carry on a conversation without drooling on myself.

I am just not comfortable being the center of attention.

20 years ago, on my wedding day, our ceremony was taped...

If you ever have the chance to see it, once I walk up to the Altar, I am shaking the entire time and you can see it...

I look like I am having some sort of episode...

I haven't seen my baptism on DVD yet, however I am sure I look the same as I did on the day I got married.

Because this is something I feel very strongly He wants me to do, I also am quite confident He will take care of my fear of being the center of attention.

I am still wrestling with the utter thought of being a Pastor...

At least 6 years of school is ahead of me, a lot of sacrifice on my part...

To actually take the calling He placed on my heart and turn it into a reality isn't going to be a walk in the park...

You see I never, ever liked school...

You can go back to the beginning of my blog and that is apparent...

I skipped school every chance I got.

I just had zero use for it and now here I sit 22 years later actually excited to start school again.

There is also a tiny spark of excitement to do His will and take His word out to whoever needs to hear it.

I am thinking as I move forward, that tiny spark is going to grow into a bonfire of epic proportions.

Saturday night, the doubt crept in once again.

I sat outside on my bench that night, chatting with G and then had the urge to pray...

I laid my phone in my lap and just started talking to Him...

Eyes closed, I told Him my fears, I told Him what was hurting me that night and once again for the millionth time I questioned His call for me.

I confirmed that I knew He would open doors for me, however I was scared I wasn't going to go through the correct ones.

What if I fail?

What if I just can't stand in front of a Church filled with people and get the correct words out?

What if I run more people away than I bring in?

What if, what if, what if...

Blah Blah Blah...

Satan has a way of bringing us down at each and every turn if we let him...

And all I wanted was a sign that I was walking the correct path He wanted me to be on.

As I was finishing my prayer, my phone started going off, I ended my time with Him and took a look at my phone, thinking it was probably G wondering why I was no longer talking...

It wasn't, it was my sister...

It was actually a picture from my sister...

A picture a friend of ours had just taken...

A picture of a Cross that he felt compelled to take and have her send me right then and there.

Couldn't have a plainer sign than that.

CASTING CROWNS
With Eyes Wide Open To The Differences
The God We Want And The God Who Is
But Will We Trade Our Dreams For His
Or Are We Caught In The Middle