"My Soul Finds Rest In God Alone; My Salvation Comes From Him."
To anyone who knows me, they know of my love for the rain.
Rain is cleansing to me.
It smells better than almost anything else in this world in my opinion and I find it very relaxing.
There is something very comforting listening to the rain pour down.
I am learning tears are like raindrops that need to fall.
A gift of cleansing for my wounded soul.
I have shed plenty in the past 18 months, however sometimes it just doesn't seem like I have shed enough.
At other times it seems I have cried a million tears.
This season of my life, the journey He has me on right now, is welcoming through filled with confusion.
The road is uncertain, twisting and turning...
I go about my day, trying to find my way...
Wondering where I will land today.
Am I winning or am I losing?
Am I walking the path He wants me on or am I allowing myself to be steered off of it by man?
Am I truly healing or am I stuffing down emotions that need to be released?
Sometimes you just don't have the answers no matter how long you dwell on the question.
Some days aren't so good...
Some days end in anger, sometimes tears and quite frankly even I get tired of the roller coaster.
So I do what I always do, I stuff it, deep down where the pain can't be felt.
I know that isn't healthy either, however there comes a point in time within your grief and suffering where you just need the mental and emotional break.
Trust me when I say, it will be there tomorrow.
I have a wonderful though small support system that I have spoken about before...
Some of the people have known me a very long time, some are new...
It doesn't matter, what matters is I know I am "safe" with each of them.
He is the number one source of my comfort and my strength.
He is more interested in changing me than in changing my circumstances.
He doesn't take pleasure in watching me suffer or hurt, though He does get immense pleasure watching me grow spiritually.
He places people on my path to help with the pain, He places people on my path to help me grow and be closer to Him and He places people on my path to show me how to glorify Him in all that I do, no matter how big or how small.
When I joined the Church I am in, we had a 6 week class for new members, to learn about the history of the AME Church, to learn the ins and outs of the Church but most importantly we learned each sermon was going to based on the Bible.
Yes life may be thrown in there, however it is Bible based first.
At the end of the 6 weeks our Pastor did one of the classes and wanted us to pick any verse from the Bible that we liked and read it out loud.
I choose Matthew 11:28-30 which states "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I then of course had to ask my Pastor what a "yoke" was...
Because you know exactly what I was thinking and yes it had to do with eggs.
Anyway, to take His yoke means to submit to Him...
He who is gentle, concerned and caring for us...
He wants you to put yourself under His leading, to join together with Him so He can give you the rest you are seeking.
The yoke with which you are tied to now is what is making you suffer, be it man, Satan, your own sinful nature - These are your masters, instead of Him being your only master.
The journey to become more Christ-like and less man-like isn't easy, however He never said it would be easy.
Each thing in my life that I viewed as weak I can now see as a gift from Him, including the tears I cry...
In order for the pain to be purged from my shattered heart for good, I may just have to cry a million tears.
He wants you to cry, He wants your tears and He wants you to know it is ok to cry to Him...
Some nights when I am sitting outside, peacefully with Him, the tears just start pouring down...
Technically nothing has set them off, yet there they are streaming down my face and finally I am accepting them as part of my healing.
NICOLE C. MULLEN
The Very Same God That Spins Things In Orbit
He Runs To The Weary, The Worn And The Weak
And The Same Gentle Hands That Hold Me When I'm Broken
They Conquered Death To Bring Me Victory