Secret Santa

"And As You Wish That Others Would Do To You, Do So To Them."

Luke 6:31 (ESV) 

 I have been doing the Secret Santa for a few years now and it something I always look forward to doing. As soon as the email comes from Suzanne, I fill it out and wait anxiously for an email back letting me know who I will be buying for. Then I set out and purchase whatever I can based on the form that is sent back to me. The one who received my form went all out. :)

(Excuse the shoddy picture taking, I had to use my phone)

I received my package two days ago and I know I should have posted then, however I am in the middle of finals and I also had to preach yesterday so I was preoccupied preparing a sermon and studying. The presents were packed tightly in the box, each one individually wrapped...

** Sidenote I need to do that next year!

Here they are all wrapped so pretty... Look at the dove on that paper in the very front... Beautiful! I did not want to tear the paper, however, I am human, therefore I tore into it... I am not one to "save" wrapping paper and kudos to those of you that do! I do not have the patience to tear gently. We have established that I am not a patient person and unwrapping gifts falls under that category.

The first one I unwrapped was a journal with the Serenity Prayer on the front of it. I love journals and I love that prayer... Beautiful! Next came the Book of Psalms, as well as a Book of Promises from the Message Bible. I do not have the Message Bible, I use it, however I have not gotten around to buying one so this was perfect. Next two boxes of Butterfinger Bites... My fav candy when I do eat it is Butterfingers, however, both boxes were absconded by my little one and my niece, though they each gave me one single piece from their boxes lol... Yummy!

The final gift was a bracelet made entirely of Crosses...Brought me to tears... Absolutely gorgeous! The bracelet came from an Etsy shop in Texas and the box came from Michigan, therefore I have no clue who my Secret Santa is.

To her, I extend my gratitude... Each present had thought put into it and I love every one of them. May you have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! God Bless you and yours!

To Suzanne, I thank you for once again hosting the Secret Santa! You rock!! God Bless you and yours!

Much Love!!

Where Is Your Focus?

"It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."

Ephesians 1:11-12 (Message)

 

 

     This past Monday my hard drive died, without warning. I lost everything due to the fact that my back-up system was not working, as I thought it was. Almost 3 years of school work, music, sermons, all of my pictures, websites I visited etc... All of it gone.

     I ended up having to buy a new hard drive which my Dad was kind enough to install, but in the few days it took me to get my computer up and running, all I could do was fret. Each week I am under deadlines for school and as each day passed without my computer, the worry enveloped me like a fog. Now that my computer is back up, I am pressed for time to complete the assignments for this week, however, as you all know by now, if a post is brewing, I cannot do anything until I get it written.

*Sniffles*

I heard her, before I saw her. She is about 10 or 11 years old.

I saw her on Monday night and then again on Thursday.

I sit in the same place these 2 nights of the week, waiting for little man, as he is tutored in Math...

I am ashamed to admit that I do not want to be disturbed.

I need this hour to read whatever assignments I have and 99% of the time, the area is empty, except for me.

I take out my book, my papers, my highlighter, and a pencil... Praying that my computer will be back up and running before the assignment (which I write down a week ahead of time, thank goodness) is due, praying for His wisdom, as well as praying for clarity.

I am lost in the Book of Acts,which has been a tough book for me to absorb.

Normally I can "block out" noises around me, this night was a different story.

Like I said, I heard her, before I saw her.

*Sniffles* "Tissue!!!" I think to myself. (I am in a center designed for children, therefore I am assuming "sniffles" are normal around here.)

*SNIFFFFFFLES* "Seriously???" I think to myself as I glance up and see her sitting on a chair, knees drawn up to her chin, head hung down low, a piece of paper in one hand, and a pencil in the other.

She must have sensed that I had glanced at her, as her face rose up a fraction, and it was then that I could see she was crying.

I thought to myself, "Selfish much Serenity?" All I wanted was peace for an hour to concentrate and now I knew I would not be able to get back to what I was doing, until I made sure she was alright.

She caught my eye and I asked her "Are you okay?"

She put her head back down, but shook it up and down as if to let me know that yes, she was okay.

Then he came around the corner.

Her Dad.

I had seen him in action with her on Monday, and while I am not one to judge anyone on their parenting skills, I will admit he was a bit off-putting.

She was not there for tutoring (one of her siblings was), however, he had her bring her homework with her and I guess considered this the place for her to do it, with his help.

"Honesty nugget" **I would rather gnaw my own arm off than to do homework with little man... He is an absolute nightmare when it comes to sitting down and focusing on the task at hand and more than once, each of us has left the table in tears.**

"Are you done?" he asked her... Done with what? (I think to myself) She answered him with the shaking of her head, as she had done with me and he said, "Good, get your pencil and we will try again."

She got up and went off with him to a different room and I did not see her for the rest of the night.

This was a teaching moment for me.

I will admit I get caught up in "me" sometimes, that I do not see the world around me, until I am smacked in the face by it.

I do not do well with a hundred voices speaking to me all at the same time, it is absolutely debilitating to me within when it starts to happen. I begin to tune everything out, because I cannot focus on everything all at once.

However, as I sat in that room, God gave me a chance to look past what I felt I needed to do at that moment, and see other things around me.

He opened my eyes so to speak, in order to see that there will be times that I have to put aside what I deem "most important" and focus on what He deems "most important.

It is written in Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV) "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

If that passage does not slap some sense of humility into you, I do not know what would. How many of us like to feel that what we do is soooooo important?

Perhaps you feel that work would shut down, if you did not show up; or the choir just will not be able to handle to song, without your voice to carry it; or the world would cease to exist, if you did not climb out of bed today.

Eveyone is just as important as you are, as I am, and we need to get to the place where we treat each other as such.

It is time to open your eyes and truly look at the world around you.

Focus on what He is trying to show you.

Many Blessings!

MERCYME
Be Still I’ll Never Leave You
When You’re Far I Am Near
My Grace Will Always Be Greater
Than The Sum Of All Your Fears

Not Who I Used To Be

"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Romans 12:1-2 (the Message Bible)

I sat in the dark late last night, the house was quiet and every person was sleeping except myself, I take the quiet whenever I can get it and usually it is the wee hours of the morning.

I had some music on in the background and the room was lit up only by the screen of my computer.

I wanted to write, yet couldn't pinpoint anything specific, it has been almost two months since I have posted and I have 74 "drafts" saved, but none of them are complete. I tried to complete a few other posts that I have been tossing around, yet it wasn't the "one" I was wanting to write.

So I turned off the moniter, sat back and allowed my mind to wander.

Back to who I used to be, before the bomb went off, and I started to compare then me to now me...

Back before I accepted this walk, before I was born again, before I was baptized...

I thought I was so happy, that I had the whole world in the palm of my hand...

I may have "looked" different, however I was a nice person, I didn't treat people meanly, I had my moments, however who doesn't?

I have been called some names on occasion and there were times I followed instead of led, just because it is easier than arguing (and yes, that type of thinking got me into some serious trouble quite a few times).

Yet, I still thought I was happy...

My have times changed.

I have a serious problem with people who live in the past, I truly do not think anything can irritate me faster than someone who dwells on what used to be, what used to be done, the way things were etc...

People do not seem to like change and will do just about anything in their power to avoid it.

Because I am where He has placed me at this point in time, I accept it, I do not always like it, but I try like all get out to not allow it to affect my walk... I will admit that sadly some days it does.

Change happens, every moment of every single day... That is life and there truly is no way around it.

You can either accept it or fight it, but one way or another, it is going to happen.

People change as well, some for good, some for the not so good.

The problem lies when you are making changes (for the good), however, those around you only want to see you as the person you used to be.

The loser.

The addict.

The drunk.

The cheater.

The liar.

The thief.

The abuser.

The __________ (fill in the blank).

I can say that one of the most painful processes of this walk, is getting people to see past what I "used to be" and accepting what I am now.

Some just will not accept it, therefore, what do you do?

Here is the painful part... Nothing.

There is nothing you can do to change the preconceived notion that others may have of you.

Therein lies a huge struggle for me, because I do not want my past to be the "end all, be all" of the legacy I leave behind.

I do not want to always be known as the ex-addict, the lousy daughter, the failed wife etc... I do not want to be defined because of my past, instead I want Him to be the One who defines me now.

I want Him to be the One, who brings out the best in me. 

Because of what He did on the Cross, I am no longer bound by the chains of my past... And neither are you.

There will always be people who want to keep you bound up tightly in those chains, however, you have to make the decision to let Him free you.

If you know in your heart that you are not the person you used to be, you need to make to decision to keep moving forward, no matter who you have to leave behind.

It may be family, it may be friends, it may be a different Church, perhaps it may be a new job...

Whatever the chains are that are wrapped around your neck choking you, ask Him to release them, no matter what.

G once told me that "Even Jesus knew when to move on" and he is correct in that statement.

3 out of the 4 Gospels agree as well...

Matthew 10:14 ~ "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town."

Mark 6:11 ~ " And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them."

Luke 9:5 ~ "And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them."

Those are His words... Not mine.

What is keeping you from moving forward today?

What are you needing to leave behind?

Many blessings!

CASTING CROWNS
Do You Want To Be Free?
Lift Your Chains
I Hold The Key
All Power On Heav'n And Earth Belong To Me

Through The Eyes Of My Disappointment

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28 (ESV)

It was almost 1am, my body was screaming that it was beyond time for rest, yet there I sat, backstage, filled with hopeful anticipation.

Like a child waiting for the break of dawn to light up the morning sky on Christmas, I wiggled around in my seat, only to hear the words, "He has already left the building."

NOOOOOO...

Tears burned behind my eyes, I held steadfast, refusing to let them fall, as I quickly came to terms with the situation, I was not going to meet him... Not today anyway.

Disappointment flooded me to the very core of my soul. At that moment in time, I could not remember ever being so disappointed, with something so seemingly small.

I sat along the wall in the dressing room of one of the band members... The. Dressing. Room. Of. One. Of. The. Band. Members. In. Creed.

My all-time favorite band in the world and I could no longer even catch a glimmer of excitement from within.

Isn't that how disappointment usually sets in?

You have a certain expectation of someone, they do not live up to the hype that you have surrounded them with, and BAM, you are left with nothing but your hollow day dreams.

I counted down the days for over a month, had the perfect outfit picked layed out, it was a good hair day, drove about an hour or so, ate dinner to kill time between being there early, and the actual time the concert started.

We met the same band member (whose dressing room I was hanging in) mentioned above, prior to the concert.

We all chatted for a few and then he handed us 4 tickets and 4 VIP backstage passes... I could have burst with happiness when one was laid in my hand.

The concert itself was terrific. :)

The first band to open was a New Zealand band called, "Like A Storm" and they were absolutely wonderful. After they were done on stage, they mingled around the concession stands, having their pictures taken, signing autographs, and just acting like a bunch of normal guys. I took some pictures of my Mom with the lead singer Chris, and the guitarist Matt (brothers). Very sweet guys.

Sidenote ~ The men from New Zealand are simply stunning. Mental note to plan a vacation there someday ~ End of sidenote :)))

The second band was "Eve to Adam" and they were good as well. Not exactly my taste in music, however, I try to appreciate all kinds of music. I did not see any of the band members once they were done, therefore I cannot comment on how they were around the "common folk." HaHa

Then it was time for the reason I came ~ Creed

Just like the last time I saw them, they were magnificent. They played old songs and new songs, keeping the audience out of their seats for the duration of the show.

Which brings me back to sitting in the dressing room of B, (if you know Creed, you will know whose room I was in) clutching a new shirt, in the hopes of it being signed by Scott.

As the disappointment settled in, I glanced around to see a room filled to the brim with people. I looked over to see B and caught his eye, he just smiled sadly, because he knew what this moment would have meant to me, he knew that I came with the expectation to see/meet/ Scott, and he also knew that it was not going to happen.

He is the one who told me, Scott had left.

You know who else knew? God knew... He knew that in that moment I was placing someone else before Him, and as His daughter, He was going to do whatever He could, to take my eyes off of meeting Scott and place them back on Him.

So as I sat there I began to look for a lesson, because I knew that this was going to be a teaching moment for Him, and a learning moment for me.

I pushed the disappointment down and watched...

I watched B, so very tired from the traveling and the performing, almost to the point of being weary, and I saw what God was trying to show me...

A lesson in humility.

I knew prior to the concert he was tired, it showed on his face and there was a strain in his voice.

Yet as I watched him, the people who came to him would have never known. You see he met each and every single person that came backstage. He shook hands, he took pictures, he hugged, he smiled, and he signed everything that was thrust at him.

Never once complaining, never once putting on a "diva-like cloak," never once putting someone off, never once acting like he was better than anyone, who walked through that door.

Humbleness is not something I have struggled with, however, I have to make a conscious effort to not allow my head to become inflated, especially after I preach a sermon.

When I step down from the pulpit, the only thing I want to do is find a room where there is not another living soul in it, just so I can "be" for a few minutes. However, once the service is over, people come to you. They tell you your sermon was wonderful, there are hugs, tears, laughter, and joy...

If one is not careful, that can go to their head very quick-like.

Because this is an area where I am very aware that it can happen in an instant, God used B to show me a picture of humbleness.

No matter how big his name is, no matter how many people he performs in front of, no matter how popular his band is, he knows that he is no better, nor worse, then the next person.

Neither am I.

No I did not get to meet Scott Stapp, however, I took something away from that night that is irreplaceable...

Through the eyes of my disappointment, God showed me how I am to live and treat each person, He places in my path.

CREED
In This Life That I Live
I Hope I Can Give Love Unselfishly
I've Learned The World Is Bigger Than Me
You're My Daily Dose Of Reality

As The Years Pass

"He Made The Storm Be Still, And The Waves Of The Sea Were Hushed."

Psalm 107:29 (ESV)

     I love and listen to all kinds of music and those who spend any amount of time with me know that Creed is my all-time, hands-down, favorite band, and they have been for about the past 14 years. It took me over 10 years before I saw them in concert, thankfully it will not take me another 10 years before I see them again.

I will be seeing them tomorrow night. **Happy dance in my seat**

Now this is not like a "normal" concert for me. You see my sister went to high school and is close friends with one of the band members. Since his family still lives here, everytime he is in town, the two of them are hanging out. I have met him and he knows of my love for Creed, more importantly how much I simply adore Scott Stapp. Therefore when the band announced they would be coming to a town close to me, him and my sister were kind enough to hook me up. When I say hook me up, I mean early admittance so I can see the sound check, tickets to the concert, backstage passes, and a face to face meeting with Scott... People, I may just pass out!

A FACE to FACE with Scott Stapp... There. Are. No. Words. I am counting down the hours now :))))))

Now pray that I will be able to actually speak in complete sentences!

I promise to post some pictures this weekend.

I am now officially the first white female minister in my Church. If you recall in my last post, I was on my way out of town to make history. I spent 3 days in Tallahassee, met the Bishop, was prayed over, talked to, and on the 3rd day, I received my certificate. There were many tears, lots of smiles, some trepidation, and tremendous encouragement, from each person I met. God willing, I will become ordained in 2 years.

As I sat a little over 3 years ago watching all that I ever believed in, implode in my face, wondering where to go from there, I never would have guessed that I would be sitting in this place today. It still wraps me in complete awe when I see His Hand move in my life.

There are some things that I would change in an instant, however I have faith that He will take care of those mountains in His time.

After waiting a little over 9 months (classes, facing the Bishop etc...), I was behind the pulpit preaching, once again this past Sunday.

If you have been reading for any length of time, you will know that the thorn in my side is public prayer (on my part). The minute I open my mouth to pray, something happens that seems to cut off my vocal cords. If called on to pray aloud, panic sets in and I begin to stammer, to whisper, my heart feels like it is going to pound out of my chest and I feel like I am choking.

3 years I have been dealing with this, by praying outloud when I am called on and it seems to be getting a smidge better.

As I stood behind the pulpit this past Sunday, I was still unsure how to "open" my sermon. Contrary to my beliefs, I cannot sing (as my family will tell you) HA, therefore, opening with song was out of the question... My next option was open with a prayer.

I called for the congregation to bow their heads, close their eyes, I took a deep breath and I did it... I prayed outloud, behind the microphone... No panic, no stammering, no choking.

I prayed from my heart, to the heart of my Father... OUTLOUD!

My prayer partner and my Pastor were thrilled, knowing this was a huge step for me :)))

And I know in my heart, He was pleased... That is all that matters :)

Many blessings to you all.

MERCYME
If You Think That This
Is The Best That It Can Get
Oh The Wonder Of It Is
You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet