Shhhhhh....

"The LORD Will Fight For You; You Need Only To Be Still"

Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

I wake up in the morning, calm, ready to face another day.

Covered by His mercy and grace, I know in my heart that He is beside me, ready to take on, whatever I turn over.

He won't take, what I won't give.

He gave us free will for a reason.

Free will is defined as; "Given readily; voluntary."

I give all I have to Him, trusting that He will do a much better job with it, than I can ever think of doing.

All I have to do is be still...

Shhhhh I tell myself...

Most days are as calm as the waters...

Then there are days I can see the clouds start to form, almost the moment I open my eyes.

It takes effort to get up and start moving when you can feel that there is a black cloud on the horizon.

As if keeping your feet from hitting the floor will stop time and hold whatever may come, at bay.

Be still...

Shhhhh...

One simple stone thrown, and the calm waters begin to ripple outward.

Small at first, then a little bigger and again a little bit bigger...

If I don't give it over to Him, the waves will come, crashing down around me.

I want so badly to have complete control in every area of my life, yet, I humbly surrender it back to Him.

Be still...

Shhhhh...

In the times I don't surrender to Him, I walk around, feeling as if I am drowning on dry-land.

I am human and I am flawed and yes there are days I think I can do a better job than Him.

I think can do it quicker, because I lack patience at times...

Those are the days the enemy waits for, sitting in the corner, ready to pounce, the moment I remove the armor of Him.

And pounce he does, right on my back...

Until I run back to Him, the waters are rough, closing in over my head, suffocating me.

Be still...

Shhhhh...

I wish I could learn this lesson a little bit quicker then I have...

I think to myself, I would be better off if I could just remember to back off and allow Him to fight for me.

It may not be the outcome I was expecting, however I can look back and see each time He did, His outcome was much better than the one I was hoping for/counting on/wishing upon a star for etc...

He only wants the very best for me, so why would I ever be content with anything less?

Why would I want to settle?

A question I have been asking myself recently.

Be still...

Shhhhh...

MICHAEL W. SMITH
Control, I Give Up Control
I Can't Carry This Alone
I've Tried, For So Long I've Tried
To Make It On My Own
Now Dreams Are Scattered On The Ground
And Now I'm On My Knees

Life Marches On

"He Maketh Me To Lie Down In Green Pastures: He Leadeth Me Beside The Still Waters."

Psalm 23:2

This isn't going to be a long post, I just didn't want you all to think I forgot about you, because I haven't.

There is so much I want to say, however it is already after midnight, and I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow.

Mediation came and went, the end of last week...

I was happy with some areas, and not some happy with other areas.

A new light was shed the beginning of this week and I decided that we should go to court instead (more later).

I need my boys to be the priority here, not my wishes or his...

Theirs.

This past week I have been teaching Vacation Bible School to the pre-schoolers, for the very first time ever!

They run me ragged, I am not going to lie...

Even with an assistant, I come home with muscles hurting everywhere, voice is almost gone and I am dog tired.

However, little man, who has been going as well, decided he wants to attend Church with me every Sunday now...

He has gone a few times before, but it was a battle each and every time and I finally decided that I would let him make the choice, I would continue to go, pray, let him see how I rely on Him and I prayed that I could lead by example.

Either July or August, I will be leading my first Bible Study for the women only.

I am looking forward to this.

The book we are using for Bible Study is Becoming a Woman of Excellence by Cynthia Heald.

I encourage all women to read it.

There are 11 lessons in the book, written for women, by a woman.

You can't just give your opinion on it, you have to dive deeply into the Word to seek the answers.

School has been wonderful so far.

I haven't been able to take any classes that require money (I was taking free classes offered by the University), because my transcripts were held up by a mistake I made, however all has been taken care of and as of this past Tuesday, I am a real student, taking real classes that cost real money.

Doors were thrown open where financial aid was concerned and my school will officially start 08/22/11.

I will be working towards an Associate degree in Religion as well as a Bachelor of Science degree in Religion with a concentration on Pastoral Leadership and a minor in Christian Counseling.

Once these are done, I will move on to my Master of Divinity with a specialization in Pastoral Ministries.

Little man is doing very well.

He passed to the 3rd grade, after a struggling year where he finally seemed to "catch up" in the last few weeks of school.

I hate that his birthday is in May, having entered school younger than most, it shows.

However I will do whatever I can to make sure he doesn't fall behind as well as make sure he fully understands what he is learning.

There are still fires to walk through, mountains to climb, valleys to face and fears to overcome.

Yet I never walk alone.

I never face any fear on my own.

I have been pulled out of my comfort zone so much in the past 2 years, I couldn't tell you where I am comfortable anymore.

I am facing so many fears, that used to hold me back and I am very grateful for the chances that have been offered to me, by Him.

I now have a date for my first "sermon"...

(I put that in quotations because I am not a Pastor yet so I am called a special speaker.)

I will be speaking on Romans 9:1-5 (I see a new tattoo in my future) :)

"I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost, That I have great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart. For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh: Who are Israelites; to whom pertaineth the adoption, and the glory, and the covenants, and the giving of the law, and the service of God, and the promises; Whose are the fathers, and of whom as concerning the flesh Christ came, who is over all, God blessed for ever. Amen."

Once I finish writing it, as well as delivering the message, I will post it for you as well.

Please say a pray for me; That I can get over the debilitating fear of speaking in public, that the words that leave my mouth are His and His alone ~ Thank you.

May God bless each and every one of you.

SIDEWALK PROPHETS
Still You Call Me To Walk
On The Edge Of This World
To Spread My Dreams And Fly
But The Future’s So Far

Garden Of Daily Living

"Be Not Deceived; God Is Not Mocked: For Whatsoever A Man Soweth, That Shall He Also Reap. For He That Soweth To His Flesh Shall Of The Flesh Reap Corruption; But He That Soweth To The Spirit Shall Of The Spirit Reap Life Everlasting."

Galatians 6:7-8

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:

Peace Of Mind

Peace Of Heart

Peace Of Soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:

Squash Gossip

Squash Indifference

Squash Grumbling

Squash Selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:

Lettuce Be Faithful

Lettuce Be Kind

Lettuce Be Patient

Lettuce Really Love One Another

NO GARDEN WITHOUT TURNIPS:

Turnip For Meetings

Turnip For Service

Turnip To Help One Another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:

Thyme For Each Other

Thyme For Family

Thyme For Friends

Water Freely With Patience And Cultivate With Love, There Is Much Fruit In Your Garden Because You Reap What You Sow.

I don't know who wrote this, it was read at Church today and I just wanted to share. :)

MATT MAHER
And You Walk With Me
You Never Leave
You're Making My Heart A Garden

Reflections

"Have Not I Commanded Thee? Be Strong And Of A Good Courage; Be Not Afraid, Neither Be Thou Dismayed: For The LORD Thy God Is With Thee Whithersoever Thou Goest."

Joshua 1:9

Wherever I go, He goes...

Wherever you go, He goes...

Try to wrap your mind around that one and you may end up with a headache.

I have had some changes going on within me lately.

I try to imagine myself, face to face with Him, wondering if I will be able to walk with Him for awhile, perhaps ask a few questions.

I wonder what happens if someone else in Heaven needs His attention a little bit more than I do...

Will He leave my side to go to theirs?

I try to imagine how it will feel to see His face and my mind just won't stretch that far.

Will I fall to my knees, head down, just thankful that I made it through that narrow path?

Will there be dancing and rainshowers and glorious sunrises and sunsets?

Will I still be able to call on Him, anytime?

Will He come or will He just be there, as He is now?

Will He love me there, as He loves me here?

Yes, I think too much, we have covered that before. :)

Nothing on this Earth can move me more than the fact that I know He stands over me, wherever I go, He covers me and protects me and guides me as much as I will allow.

I see Him move in my life, each and every single morning, throughout the day and well into the evening and for the past couple of weeks, something has shifted inside me...

This feeling, it moves me when I don't expect it, I can feel my eyes burning at different times during the day and I stop to do a mental check, nope, not "sad", what is going on???

Doesn't matter what I am doing.

I can be sitting here working or watching tv or reading or in Church, doesn't matter, it still happens...

I can only describe it as one of 2 things ~

Pure joy, a joy that comes from within your soul and overtakes your body, one that is so fulfilling it moves you to tears.

Pure sorrow, a sorrow so deep that it physically hurts you to breathe, one that comes from the very core of your being.

It started out small, while I was in Church, a song the choir was singing, for whatever reason, touched something within me and I could feel those tears dancing behind my eyes...

Now it is daily, sometimes good, sometimes not so much.

The joy comes from different things as does the sorrow.

When it is joy, I almost feel like I could float away on the sheer emotion.

To see someone come to Him, to see a Baptism, to wake up early and see the sunrise, to see the smile on either one of my childrens' faces, to see a message from an adored friend at just the right time, to walk into the Church, at night, when no one is there and the only light shining, is a small spotlight on the pulpit, the waves on the beach in the Winter, to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am spoken for...

There are no words for that kind of joy, it is something you have to experience from the depths of your soul.

It is like a bone crushing hug from the inside.

When it is sorrow, it is a crushing hurt and it doesn't come from being sad or from my circumstances.

I hurt when I know someone doesn't believe, when I see someone who is adamently against Him.

To hear someone say they don't believe He died on the Cross for us, breaks my heart and can easily turn me into a weeping mess.

I know everyone has their own beliefs, I accept that...

It doesn't mean it is easy for me.

I want everyone to feel the way He makes me feel...

To be able to appreciate the fact that He woke you up this morning, to know that your day is in His hands and He isn't going to steer you wrong.

To allow Him to fill you completely with joy at the littlest things along the way.

To look upon the Cross and feel the sorrow that should be felt when you see it, knowing He shouldn't have had to do what He did, and then feel the joy, knowing that because of that act, you can have an everlasting life with Him.

I honestly can't imagine someone throwing that away, and for what?

Nothing you are doing, is better than anything He is offering, I can promise you that.

Just some reflections I have been pondering lately.

TENTH AVENUE NORTH
And I'll Be By Your Side Wherever You Fall
In The Dead Of Night Whenever You Call
And Please Don't Fight These Hands That Are Holding You
My Hands Are Holding You

To My Father, For My Son

"Correct Thy Son, And He Shall Give Thee Rest; Yea, He Shall Give Delight Unto Thy Soul."

Proverbs 29:17

May 20, 2003 at 5:20am, he came into my life.....

8 years after my first born son, came my 2nd (and last).

Today he is 8 years old and one of the few complete joys in my life.

Today, a letter to Him, a thank you, for trusting me with the life of my little man...

Dear Father,

Sometimes I sit and wonder if you really thought this through, as I see the pain on his face and the tears in his eyes, the anger in his little fists and the way he tries so hard to act grown up, all in the same breath.

This beautiful, blond haired, blue-eyed boy, that was yours before he was mine...

You knew the pain that would come into his life at such a young age and I wonder why you allowed that?

Why is it okay?

Then I look upon him as he is sleeping and think, regardless of the heartache he has, he knows he is loved, and I will continue to make sure he knows that, as long as I am breathing.

He is so full of life.

Do you look down upon him and see him running through his days?

He doesn't walk, anywhere...

He is all boy, all the time.

Loud and rambunctious, sometimes making my head hurt with the volume he speaks...

Inquisitive, almost to a fault and he always has to have the last word.

So argumentative, that at times, I wonder, if he will be a lawyer when he grows up.

He never just says "I love you" and always says "I love you, infinity and beyond."

He can't whisper, ever.

Not even when he speaks to You.

 I have heard his prayers, and I know he questions why his Dad left, like me, he has more questions than answers, yet I also see a calm come over him when he is talking to you, so I also know he is getting what he needs from You at that time and I am so thankful to You for that.

You give him what I can't.

I wasn't there for him when I was so lost in my grief, yet he saw me go to You every night, every morning, and he followed.

He asked questions of You, that I didn't think he was capable of asking, talking to You in ways I couldn't, no shame, no fear, just innocence.

Forgive me for not being there, for being so wrapped up in my own fog that I couldn't see he was hurting as well.

Yesterday was his last day of 2nd grade and he passed to the 3rd grade...

School is a struggle for him.

He would rather be outside playing, instead of inside learning and he has yet to meet a sport that he doesn't love.

He does everything, no matter what it is, with every beat of his heart, 100% all the way, all the time, with no fear.

As I sit and think of how unfair this situation has been for him, how my heart hurts for him, I am also, so very thankful.

Thankful you chose me to be his Mom, knowing all along this would happen, knowing I would fall so very low, before I would rise again, knowing I wouldn't fail him in the long run, knowing I would do everything in my power to protect him and love him with every fiber of my being.

Lord, I ask that you prepare our way, light our paths and keep us safe.

I won't ask you to make life easier for him, I will ask you to teach me the patience to help him through all that life has to offer, the good and the bad.

Protect his heart, help me to show him that bitterness and anger won't work, that forgiveness and love, no matter what, will be the key to him having a life filled with joy, even among great sorrow.

Wrap Your arms around him as he sleeps, for that is about the only time he is still and quiet as You know, bless his dreams with peace.

Help me to do the very best I can, with whatever the situation may be.

Thank you Father for this sweet little boy; For the trust you placed in me, to call him my own.

Amen.

Tigger ~ Happy Birthday Little Man ~ I Love You ~ Infinity and Beyond.

His Favorite Song ~

TOBYMAC
We Lose Our Way
We Get Back Up Again
Never Too Late To Get Back Up Again
One Day, You Gonna Shine Again
You May Be Knocked Down But Not Out Forever