"In A Well-Furnished Kitchen There Are Not Only Crystal Goblets And Silver Platters, But Waste Cans And Compost Buckets—Some Containers Used To Serve Fine Meals, Others To Take Out The Garbage. Become The Kind Of Container God Can Use To Present Any And Every Kind Of Gift To His Guests For Their Blessing."
2 Timothy 2:20-21 (The Message)
It has been a week of one major up, as well as one major down, and a few ripples thrown in for good measure.
Early on in the week I found out I made the Dean's list ~ Shut Up! were the first words out of my mouth when I received the email.
I called my Dad, informed my Mom and Sister, emailed a copy to my Pastor, as well as texted my Reverend and my prayer partner.
Yes; I was proud, because quite frankly when I used to be in school, the only "list" I ever made was the detention or the suspension list. :)
That was my "up".
I also found out that Eeyore was choosing to stay with his Dad and since he is 16, there is basically nothing I can do about it, huge blow, because I was naive enough to think that he would of course, choose me.
I figured in time he would see through the actions of his Dad and realize that at this point in time, he isn't exactly the type of person you would want to emulate.
I found that out yesterday, I also found a huge source of anger that I didn't know I had.
I was mad at the lawyers, furious with my husband for dragging this out so long (almost 3 years now), and quite frankly disgusted with the whole process.
So I sat there, angry and so very sad, asking Him why?
Every fiber of my being was tempted to call my husband and tell him what I truly thought of him at that point in time, yet, I found myself emailing my Pastor instead.
Struggling deeply with anger, acceptance and forgiveness.
As I wrote to him, letting him know what had happened and where I "was" emotionally, I found the anger dissipating a little bit as I wrote that I "accepted and forgave the affair, the abandonment, as well as the filing of divorce, however, turning my son against me? I don't know that I have it in me."
I don't know how to accept that, much less forgive.
But, I have to.
I sent the email and then found myself in the Word, seeking for peace, for the comfort I know only He can give me.
As I read different verses, finding the peace I was searching for, I came across the one you see at the top -
2 Timothy 2:20-21.
The first thing I thought when I read it, was that I didn't want to be a filthy vessel used by Him.
Knowing that I will fall into transgression if I let go of either, His complete sovereignty or the full responsibility of my sins.
The point Paul (I love Paul and relate so easily to him) is making in this text is we have a choice:
Will you choose to be a filthy vessel that God uses for dishonor?
Or, will you choose to be a clean vessel that God uses for honor?
He WILL use either, however, WE are accountable for the choice made.
We live in a world where we become stained on a daily (sometimes moment by moment) basis and when we confess our sins, the blood of Jesus is applied to our dirty lives.
In order to be a vessel for honor, you must walk in the light, confessing all your known sins to God.
To be a vessel of dishonor, you will continue to stumble around in the darkness, never cleansing yourself from sin.
You must choose the type of vessel you are going to be and then you must cleanse
yourself to become a vessel of honor.
This your responsibility.
If we allow our minds to continue to embrace false teaching and we allow our lives to be continually tainted by sin, then we are not useful to our Master.
I emailed my Pastor back, letting him know that I was okay, that I had found several verses in Ephesians, and they had helped restore the peace back into my soul.
"I will allow it to be one more cornerstone in my testimony of what He has allowed me to face, as well as how He walked me through it and perhaps one day, I will be able to help someone else who may face the same trial." (a portion of what my email said to him)
In time, He will help me to accept, forgive, and move forward.
He strengthens me, His word says so ~
Philippians 4:10-14 (The Message) "I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles."
(I love the way this Scripture is stated in the Message Bible.)
So, which vessel are you choosing to be?
He Has A Reason For Each Trial
That We Pass Through In Life
And Though We're Shaken
We Cannot Be Pulled Apart From Christ