Beautiful Heart

"Fear Not [There Is Nothing To Fear], For I Am With You; Do Not Look Around You In Terror And Be Dismayed, For I Am Your God. I Will Strengthen And Harden You To Difficulties, Yes, I Will Help You; Yes, I Will Hold You Up And Retain You With My [Victorious] Right Hand Of Rightness And Justice."
Isaiah 41:10 (Amplified Bible)

We all have hurt in our lives...

The "how" doesn't matter, just know that it happens.

Some hurts are small; a confrontation with your boss, a cross word with your spouse, a bad day in general etc...

Some hurts are huge; death, a marriage breaking up, a foreclosure on the family home, bankruptcy etc...

Pain is pain.

In the last few weeks I have been studying hurt and how it can be used to benefit our lives.

When your heart has been broken, when all you have ever believed in is taken away from you, when you wake up one day and you have belief in nothing and quite frankly don't know which way to turn, that is when you decide to sink even deeper or you will choose to rise from the ashes.

Now, you can't allow your heart to harden towards others, you can't say you won't trust again or you won't love again or you won't allow anyone to come into your life again etc...

I have said it and I was adamant when I stated it - I would never, ever allow anyone to hurt me the way my husband did, and right then and there, the walls went up, (I am certain others in the same situation have said it and done it as well).

The easiest way to never be hurt again, is to close your heart off to other people, erect a shield around your heart, keeping people at arms length, walking through life with an invisible wall, surrounding yourself off from getting to close or allowing others to get to close.

That was the path I wanted to choose, that was the best way to keep my heart from ever feeling pain again.

However, I wasn't made that way, and even with a mask, I couldn't be that cold and heartless to people, I would have to much guilt within.

It didn't happen overnight.

I kept that pain and that hurt in a tight fist and wasn't going to release it, no matter what...

Yet, He continued to place people in my life, some were here for a little while, some are still here, some are new, some are old, some haven't even been met...

Each one of them came in with a tiny chisel, making tiny cracks along the wall I erected.

Is the wall completely down?

No, but it isn't as high as it was 2 years ago.

I admit, I tried to be something I wasn't.

To only give a very small part of myself to others...

That isn't how He made me, I was made to give all my heart to each person in my life, what you do with it, is your business, because I will no longer allow the fear of being hurt, to rule in my life.

When you fear something, there is a level of unbelief, where there is unbelief, there is a lack of Faith, where there is a lack of Faith, there is now an opening for the Enemy to come in.

Once you allow that small window to open, he is going to come in with a vengeance.

Your mind, is the battle ground where spiritual warfare begins.

So why do you think we get hurt?

Why does it seem like some of have to face certain trials, whereas others seem to breeze through life?

Why are some lives filled with seemingly endless amounts of pain?

Where is God when all this is going on and most importantly why is He allowing it to happen?

To harden your beautiful heart.

I know some of you may be wondering where I am going with this, maybe wondering if I have finally gone off the deep end?

No such luck. :)

Some of us are to soft, so He puts a shield around us, He allows us to go through things to harden us.

He needs to harden us to the difficulties of life, to be able to place the shield of Faith around us, so that when we are down the road and something else comes along to rock our world, the sting of the dart doesn't hurt as bad as it did before.

Think back to before you knew Him, or right at the beginning of your walk with Him...

You were like clay that hadn't been through the fire yet, soft, easily torn.

I can look back on my life and see, have mercy, where I was so soft.

I allowed others to dictate my steps, I wore my emotions on my sleeve, easily hurt by a look or a word, scared to breathe without someone telling me to, with each fire I faced, my heart became a little harder, a little stronger.

No longer weak, no longer on my face crying each and everyday, no time to give up anymore.

As you keep on walking through the furnace, keep looking forward, just keep on doing what you know you need to do, and one day you will wake up and realize, you aren't as soft as you used to be...

You realize that God has hardened you to the difficulties of life, in a good way.

You can't hurt me like you used to.

I am able to do what I need to do, because He has strengthened me, He has hardened me and He has removed my fear.

5 years ago, I wouldn't walk out the door on my own, I wouldn't shower if I was alone in the house, I twisted myself into knots trying to please everyone in my life and fear ruled me...

2 years ago, my world as I knew it was torn out from under me, and with that tear, came more fear than I have ever known in my life, more people pleasing than any one person should ever have to deal with...

Because I was so afraid to lose anyone else in my life, I clung to them like they were a lifeline, which in turn caused me to lose some others, which brought about even more fear, more sadness, trying to please the ones left even more etc...

Like a vicious cycle set on repeat...

Until one day, I realized I'd had enough.

I realized I am a good person, and if you don't like what you see within me, that is your problem and I will no longer own that.

I knew then and there, that I would never be able to please everyone and I had to get off that ride, because all it did was cause even more hurt.

I am not a bad person, I may have some traits that others don't like and now I can say that is okay with me, because I have never claimed to be perfect, however in order to get to that conclusion, I had to walk through the fire before the lesson was learned.

I didn't face each fire with any form of dignity, I am almost ashamed to admit...

I laid blame, I cursed, I cried, I pleaded, I raged, I hated, I gave up etc...

Yet each one brought with it a valuable lesson, and in turn I became a little more stronger than the previous fire.

I learned who I can trust, I learned how valuable a true friendship is, I learned to love and honor myself, I learned how much He loves me.

I have been amazed at watching Him work in my life through other people, from all walks of life and I love each and every one of them.

I love what they bring in my life and I love what I can bring to theirs.

The only walls I have up, are the ones He erected, ones to protect His child from any unnecessary pain, I have His shield surrounding my heart, which is exactly how I want it to be.

His strength, is why I am still standing here today, His trust in me, is why I am able to trust once again, my worthiness in His eyes, is why I am open to the people He places in my life, His love, is why I am able to breathe each morning.

Because He strengthened me and hardened me to the difficulties of life, I am able to look at each new day as a perfect gift from Above, treasuring what each day holds, not taking any of them for granted anymore, and loving each moment as if it is my last.

Once I was able to let go of "self" and allow Him to take over, then I was able to see past my own pain and started to look at what He was doing for me.

In my darkest hours, His hand is what was holding mine, in the depths of my pain, His arms were surrounding me, in the nights I laid on the floor and cried until I just couldn't cry anymore, He was wiping my tears....

He loved me, no matter what was going on, no matter what I have done in the past or what I will do in the future, He shaped my heart, He molded what you see now and I am so thankful for each and every fire He allowed me to walk through.

With life, you will have pain, you will be hurt and you will have difficulties, however if you allow Him to control each aspect of it, no matter the pain, no matter the circumstances, no matter the trial and no matter the tribulation, you will emerge victorious and one day you will be able to look within and realize what a beautiful heart He has blessed you with.

MERCYME
He's Come To Save The Day
What I've Learned In My Life
One Thing Greater Than My Strife
Is His Grasp