"Finally, All Of You, Be Like-Minded, Be Sympathetic, Love One Another, Be Compassionate And Humble."
1 Peter 3:8
My heart becomes more tender, the longer I walk with Him.
I hurt for others, deeply, in a way I have never experienced before.
My family used to know not to mess with me, I was a class A you know what, however that was the old me, and truth be told, I am not sure I am a fan of the new me yet.
I was never cold as ice, however I wasn't approachable either.
I was self-involved, only caring basically about myself and doing the minimal for others, self-preservation if you will, hurt you before you could even get a chance to hurt me.
Being bi-polar allows me to explore deeply (sometimes too much) into the emotional aspect of me and because no one around me truly ever understood the turmoil that comes along with it, I hid behind a mask.
It is easier to slip it on in the morning then to face whatever haunts me, easier to wear it around others so I don't have to explain myself, my reactions, nor my emotions.
The tender-heart isn't new, just an expansion of the love He has for me.
I admit, I am ruled by emotions, because of/enhanced by having bi-polar and it is extraordinarily hard for me to lay aside emotions and look at the world with a different perspective.
But I have to, because it seems that the people who value their emotions over reason, are the people whose lives always seem to be in disarray and as a result, they are always giving themselves to an impulse.
Does this make me a wuss?
Sometimes I feel like it does, happy, sad, joyful, angry etc....
Circumstances, thoughts, situations, my past all have the power to lead me to feel a certain way, and I respond to that feeling.
True or not, rational or not, that feeling suddenly, "feels" the most powerful, and I respond to that.
How does this relate to my Faith?
In the first chapter in the book of James, it says that he who doubts is like a wave upon the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
If you have been following me along for any length of time, I don't have to tell you how often I have felt just like that, at the mercy of my emotions, with no way to control where I am headed.
The one thing that can't ever be dictated by your emotions, is your Faith.
Emotions are only in tune to the immediate moment and the immediate need, they are illogical because they do not properly comprehend reality.
Your Faith should come as a means of your confidence in Him and in His word, your emotions are an extension of how you feel about that.
If you allow emotions to dictate your Faith, what happens when you have a good/bad day/season?
A good day - God is right here beside me, loving me etc...
A bad day - God hates me, He never loved me, He is punishing me etc...
See where your emotions are ruling?
I admit, I have done this, I did it a lot in the beginning of this journey, I would rage and cry to Him asking the million dollar question - "Why"
However, I am finally learning that my emotions, simply can not dictate His truth in my life.
I will have confidence in God’s faithfulness, the faithfulness He has to me & in the faithfulness He has shown throughout history.
I will cling to the truth of His Word, even when my emotions feel like doing the exact opposite.
AMONG THE THIRSTY
You’re The Wonderful, Counselor, My Friend
You’re What I Hold On To
I Know That You Brought Me Through
All The Days Of Loss And To The Cross, You Knew
That I’d Need A Savior