How Heavy Is Yours?

"And Anyone Who Does Not Take His Cross And Follow Me Is Not Worthy Of Me. Whoever Finds His Life Will Lose It, And Whoever Loses His Life For My Sake Will Find It."

Matthew 10:38-39

Until recently I never understood what it meant to carry your own cross.

I have heard the term, and read the verse stated above...

I just didn't "get it"...

What cross was I carrying and who did I get it from so I could actually indeed carry it?

Told you guys I was a dork.

Carrying the cross means to bear the difficulties that life throws at you with strength and patience just as Jesus did.

Using the difficulties and sufferings in front of you to produce love.

Since I live in my situation, I will use that as an example to show you when I carried my cross and when I abandoned it.

I am not proud of all the choices I have made, however I no longer allow it to weigh me down with regret and doubt.

During the early days when my life was decimated by another, it was my main focus...

For months I walked around in my own fog, moaning and complaining to anyone who would listen...

I wanted answers, a lot of answers and the one person who could give them to me was not speaking.

I must have cursed his name with every fiber in my being on a daily basis and that would be on the days when I actually made it out of bed.

Then I read "The Shack" and it opened my eyes up to forgiveness on a different level, a higher level.

True story or not, it was one of the best books I have ever read.

I got back into Church and actually started learning there are bigger things out there besides me and my circumstances...

I stopped trying to control each and every single aspect of my life and over time I learned how to turn all of it over to Him.

I realized that the world does not owe me, my husband was not responsible for my happiness, I was...

I took back the control I gave over to him, control I didn't even know I had lost...

Slowly, time allowed me to take back my self-respect, my self-worth, my dignity...

Day by agonizing day, I rebuild a small piece of me that was shattered 18 months ago...

Some things I keep, some things I discard....

I add new as well as work on what needs to be polished.

I realized that God knows what it is like to suffer, He suffered more than any of us could even imagine...

I realized that in my self-centered, self-focused state, I could never fathom that any good could come from this, much less be worth it

I learned how to use this situation for good.

I use this as a way to consistently look for ways to glorify Him, to get closer to Him and ultimately to know Him more intimately than any other person I have known in my life.

He wants you to pick up your cross and follow Him, give up life as you have always known it to be and live His way, in it's place.

To carry your cross means to go against what "others" may think you should do and do what you know in your heart is right.

Just always remember that no matter how heavy your cross is, you are never, ever carrying it alone.

He is always right there with you, shouldering the weight of your burdens, the weight of your circumstances.

Just as He promised.

I've Faced A Great Tragedy
But Have Seen The Works Of What You Bring
A Display Of Faith That You Give
I Don't Know If I Will Ever Understand
The Depth Of What It Is You've Done Inside
But I Know I Won't Find Any Worth Apart From You

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