Sprit of Fear

According to the Bible, there are two types of fear; One is good and the other is not. The good one is fearing God, in fact is it encouraged. The bad fear is not beneficial to us at all. This is the "Spirit of Fear". Sometimes we are afraid, sometimes we allow this "spirit of fear" to overcome us. In order for us to overcome this, we have to put our trust and love in God completely. His perfect love will drive the fear out.

I am guilty of the bad fear more then the good fear and I will admit that. I am terrified of a lot of things, mostly I am afraid of failing. Failing my boys, failing myself, failing God, failing my family etc...
As you know I was recently booted out of my brothers' house and as of this past Saturday we are living with my parents. Not an ideal situation however I am trying to make the best with what I have.

As Church finished on Sunday, I waited behind to speak with my Pastor, he knelt with me in prayer and when we were done, he said something that I wasn't expecting in a million years. "We (his wife and him) have a place you can stay at until you can get back on your feet".

I was to stunned to speak, I never even asked where the place was located, how big it was, how much etc...
Nothing came out of my mouth because I am not used to anyone offering something without wanting anything in return. I just stood there in tears. He said don't answer now, take some time to think about it and pray on it.

So I thought about it on Sunday as well as yesterday and that is when the fear set in. You see I have never lived on my own EVER. I have been married since I was 18 years old. I have never even eaten in a restaurant by myself. The burning question came back to haunt me - What if I fail?

The Bible says courage must be grounded in the strength of the Lord.

In order to move onto the next chapter of my life, I need courage.

Courage to stand on my own two feet.
Courage to do what is best for my boys regardless of what anyone else thinks "I should be doing".

Courage to swallow my fear and turn my face upwards for my strength. The strength to make some very difficult decisions for my life, what I feel God wants from me and for my boys.

I try not to take a single step without first turning inwards and "feeling" if that is the correct step I need to be taking. That is the only way I make it through the day.

Believe in yourself - Sprinkled throughout the Bible are different verses telling you to believe in yourself. I have never believed in myself so this is a new journey for me to travel.

I have had people believe in me however I second guess each and everything I do, say, think etc...I need to stop that type of thinking. It is detrimental to my healing. I have to learn to believe in me.

Believe in the choices I have made, believe in other people and the fact that not all of them are out to "get me", believe that the road I am on is the exact place He wants me to be right now.

Prayer is heavily enforced in the Bible. It is a form of communication with God and to be honest, there are days I speak more to Him then anyone else.

Prayer helps us to grow closer and more intimate with God. Think of Him as a friend you are having a conversation with.

I pray sometimes morning, noon and night. I pray in my car, the bathroom, my bed, at work etc...Wherever I am at that time and I need to rid myself of things, I pray.

I still go to the Alter on Sunday and there are still some Sundays when I am leaving more tears then prayers, however my Pastor says there is no better place to leave my tears.

Leave them with God. He knows what they are for and why they are there.

The spiritual war that has raged in me for so long is finally over.

I have found the light I have been searching for.

He is the light in my darkness.

His book says so.

1 John 1:5 " This is the message which we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all".

JOSH GROBAN

Believe In What You Feel Inside

And Give Your Dreams The Wings To Fly

You Have Everything You Need

If You Just Believe