5/14/09

Hello

Hi All...

First I have to send thanks to each of you for your kind words, prayers and emails...One of you sent me an email that was very honest and I want to respond however I just haven't had the time (within the time frame you gave me - Hope you know who you are) however I will as soon as I can and I thank you for your honesty (((HUGS)))...

I found a new job and started yesterday - I hate it but it is a paycheck for now which is more then I have received in the last 3 months from my other job...

Sunday (yes Mother's Day) was almost a great day and then "she" started calling so after he answered and spoke to her 4 times, I told him he had to go...He needed to make a decision so I could either move on with him or without him...(Of course I want with)

He left yesterday to go back to his Moms' house in VA (at like 2 am) and I spoke to him at lunch and he was safe...Didn't hear anything back for the rest of the day/night...He called this morning and he is in SC (guess who lives there)...It is something he had to do he says - It better be for closure is all I am going to say...

Every fiber of my being hurts and I honestly can't believe I am still wanting to try...Am I a complete idiot? (I am really asking you this - Do you think I am an idiot?)

No more cutting though...Couldn't anyway since my arm still isn't healed...It hurts to breathe and I just want to wake up tomorrow and this had all been a bad dream...

How could one person (me) have been so blind? How could I have not seen this coming in a million years? And where in the hell has this me been? The one that gets up every morning and gets through yet another day of uncertainty without losing my mind? No yelling, no tears, no panic, no anger...Nothing...That is what I have right now - Not a damn thing and you know what - I will be ok...

I miss you all so very much! I think about all of you and will keep posting as time allows...Thank you all so much!

(((HUGS))) to each of you!!



BLUE OCTOBER
A Brief Bout With A Razorblade Cut Me
I Freaked Out, Thinking People Didn't Love Me
I Watched Closely As The You I Knew Forgot Me
In Letting Go, I Am So Proud Of What I've Done

7 comments:

  1. you are going to be totally MORE than ok! i hope you can look at this as a new chapter in your life.

    miss you too!

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  2. Serenity,
    I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make it better - but I know from experience that time and grace are the only cures.

    I can't tell you whether or not to take him back because I'm not you and I don't know him. However, as long as he is unrepentant and refuses to give her up, I wouldn't even consider welcoming him back. He broke something important - VITAL - to your marriage when he cheated and if he isn't sorry enough to end it then it can't be fixed.

    I'm glad you're ok. Be kind to yourself and take care.
    ~Bethany

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gotcha. I'll email you tomorrow.

    Hugging you tight!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I too think you are going to be just fine. It will take time to heal but you will get through this with or without him. Either way it will be hard...but can be done.

    (((Hugs)))
    Alicia

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hang in there girl. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. a new job well good for you
    you needed that
    letting someone you love leave is hard
    but you can not hold on to a person who is not all there anyway he has not been with you right now anyway so let him make his decisions and you make yours
    your doing really good
    no cutting new job and healthy attitude
    be strong and be kind to yourself

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are NOT an idiot (he is) and you are going to be fine! Look, you already got a new job (just that fast) so that means you rock, especially when jobs are hard to come by.

    BTW, SC isn't far from GA (where I live) and I"m still down for kicking nuts & running! hahaha!!!! I damn sure would do it for ya!

    I'm not liking this homewrecking woman very much either. I think I could spike her drink with fingernail glue & laugh as she has explosive diarreah amongst other things. Ok that's just mean...but hey! She shouldn't hurt my friend!!

    Ok...I'm sounding more and more evil...I'm not, usually.

    I will be writing more tonight when I get off work. :)

    ReplyDelete

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