"The Lord Your God Is In Your Midst, A Mighty One Who Will Save; He Will Rejoice Over You With Gladness; He Will Quiet You By His Love; He Will Exult Over You With Loud Singing."
Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)
I don't know about you, however, there are moments in the day when I wonder if He is there.
Usually it is just a "bad day" in general...
One of those days when you cannot get your hair right, you smudge your make-up as you are putting it on, your car keys have been sucked into an unknown abyss, you burn the toast, the coffee is weak, you finally get out the door ten minutes late, and then hit every red light between your house and your office, etc...
We all have days like this and if you do not, count your blessings right here, right now.
I try to seek ways to stay positive, however, I will admit that there are days when I just want to curl into a ball in the corner and have a good cry.
I want to step away from everything and just be alone for a few moments in time.
I need solitude just to "refresh" so I am at my fullest capacity for all that I know I need to be doing.
I am stretched to my limit on most days with work, school, Church, conferences, meetings, parenting, the "never going to end divorce" and I just recently found out I will be starting additional school, classes that are required by the demonination I am in...
Three additional years, on top of full time seminary.
I feel like I am going to break on any given day, seeking perfection in each thing I need to do and never quite achieving it.
So I run to Him, seeking guidance, strength, wisdom, love, and all the other things only He can fill me with.
Yet, I find silence at times and that fills me with dread...
"Are You there?" I ask the void...
"Am I doing all that You want me to be doing?"
"Am I doing it the right way or am I failing even You?"
I call out to Him, because there is no one else I trust, the way I trust Him.
Is He there though, when I do not call out to Him?
That is the million dollar question.
As I came out of Service today, I walked with my prayer partner to the car...
I had some things I needed to give to her, so we walked along just talking about the upcoming week, the service that had just ended, when we were going to meet up for coffee, etc...
Idle chit-chat between two friends.
Not paying attention to where I was walking, my foot hit the side of a rock and I fell, hard, right on my hands and knees.
It did not take more than 15 seconds, yet, in those few seconds, I knew He was right there.
There I was, in a dress, heels, tights, crouched on the sidewalk, as my Church and the Church across the street was being let out.
Mortified does not even begin to explain how I was feeling at that moment.
She helped me up and over to the car as I surveyed the damage to my knees.
One knee was just sore, the other though, the skin had broken open right underneath my kneecap and it stung like a hornet.
(A tribute to my southern roots right here) I removed my shoes, as well as my tights, as I stood on the side of the car... I saw, as well as tasted blood (seems I bit the inside of my lip in the fall) ICK.
She walked with me as I hobbled barefoot, back into the Church, to get myself cleaned up...
Thankfully there were only a few people hanging around and I did not have to explain in great detail why I was bleeding, as well as barefoot...
Only to one of the men that is always there (he helped clean up my knee and bandage it,) as well as my Pastor ~ Figures they would see what a complete dork I am.
You see, in that fall I fully realized that He is always there, whether I cry out for Him or not. (You have got to truly grasp the word that is underlined)
He sees me on the ground, He knows I am hurt, and He is right there...
I am His daughter and He is my Father and He does what any parent would do when their child is hurt...He runs to them, regardless of whether they are crying out to Him or not.
I told my Pastor earlier this past week ~ "Even though for the past 3 years I have felt like a part of me had died, I am alive because of Him... I don't need to seek my validation from "man," my worth will never be found in "man," "man" cannot heal me, He is the One doing it, no one will ever love me the way He does, and He loves me for who I am, in this exact moment in time."
Even when I am curled up in that corner, bawling my eyes out, He is right there in my midst singing over me, quieting me with His love, rejoicing over me with His gladness...
As much as I love the people He has placed on my path, today I realized He is the only One who can do all this.
Remember, He is always there, He is the One that will always care, He loves you for who you are right now in this very second, and He is the One who will pick you up, dust you off, and set you upright when you stumble and fall.
ONE SONIC SOCIETY
You Are Here, You Are Here
In Your Presence I'm Made Whole
You Are God, You Are God
Of All Else I'm Letting Go