"Trust In The LORD With All Your Heart And Lean Not On Your Own Understanding; In All Your Ways Submit To Him, And He Will Make Your Paths Straight."
The message I am going to deliver at the end of this month is done.
Now I just have to edit...
13 pages have been written, the storyline that has to do with the Scriptures I will be delivering the Sermon on and also thoughts that came to me throughout the day, things from my heart I knew were coming directly from Him, words spoken as a whisper, gently blowing across my soul.
I don't have a time-limit per se, however I also don't want to lose the congregation if I stand up there to long.
I hate even saying that...
Who are we to put a time limit on Him?
On His word?
I am confident in my ability to write, only because I have been praying that what comes out of my mouth, is what He wants me to take to His people.
My confidence is slowly gaining when I have to speak in public...
I take any chance I am offered to speak out loud during the programs on Sunday, just so I can build up the confidence and know without a shadow of a doubt that once I am standing there, a panic attack won't set in.
I haven't had one in awhile, however there are days that I allow a tremendous amount of stress to build up and I can feel one lurking, just below the surface...
Like the enemy, crouched down, just waiting for a sliver of an opening, so he can shimmy through and shower chaos upon your life.
The last thing I want, is to stand at the pulpit and feel that cold hand of fear glide across my chest nor the choking feeling of your throat closing in, if I do and I can't tamp it down in time, there is no telling what would happen...
So I have to trust in Him that He is opening the way, so I can get some practice in before that day is upon me.
I thought that as the day came closer, the more nervous I would become, however it is (knock on wood) the complete opposite of that.
As the day draws nearer, the more calm I become.
I debated using a portion of my testimony versus speaking in broader terms and decided on using the past 2 years as a stepping stone.
The entire outline of my sermon is based on forgiveness, on loving people, no matter how they treat you and He has given me more than enough practice in the past 28 months.
In my writing, I came to a conclusion that I didn't have before, that all of this has been a gift, allowed by Him, to get me to where I am today.
Do I think there could have been a less painful way of getting my attention?
Of course I do, however I am not the God of the universe so I can't see what is just around the corner, I can't see where something in life is going to take me, I can't see where sheer pain will guide me into being more compassionate, a kinder, loving, more forgiving person and I can't see where my feelings of unworthiness will be restored and used to glorify His kingdom.
I have to trust that He knows what He is doing, where I am concerned.
I have spent years doing it on my own and look where that has gotten me. :)
Now that I have learned to step back and allow Him to be in control, I am truly amazed each and every day.
Is everything going the way I would like it to?
Absolutely not, however it is going according to His plan, His will, for my life.
There are still areas of uncertainty that I see, yet I also know He is able to see what is around the corner, He may offer glimpses to me, however He can see the whole picture.
The paths I have taken throughout my life haven't always been straight and narrow.
Some twist and turn and curve.
Some are bumpy, filled with ditches and potholes.
Yet, I am no longer ashamed of any of the choices I have made.
Each choice was leading me to this time.
The path He has me on now is a straight shot towards Him.
Never did I think that adultery and abandonment would be considered one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.
Never did I think I was worthy of His Mercy and Grace.
Never did I feel His love, the way I do now.
It is so pure and so beautiful and so very all consuming and I strive each and every day to make sure anyone that comes in contact with me sees it.
I don't want people to see me, I want them to see His light shining through me.
I want to live my life, enjoy the blessings He has bestowed upon me and continue to shine for Him.
"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16
For In The Fullness Of Who You Are
I Can Rest In This Place
And Giving Over This My Journey Lord
I See Nothing But Your Face