Two Sides: Each Step

4/2/11

Each Step

"The Steps Of A Good Man Are Ordered By The LORD: And He Delighteth In His Way."

Psalm 37:23

Each new day that you wake up, is a new stone to be stepped upon.

You wake up, blessed with new mercy each and every single day, a blank page so to speak, how do you cover that page?

Do you face a new day with unfinished business from a previous day?

If so, why?

I will never understand people who live in the past...

I know that I have made some serious mistakes in my past, however I refuse to let that define me.

I will, however use my past to show just what He has done, to show how merciful He truly is, to show how much He loves me and deems me worthy, to show where He gave me strength to overcome and to show His hand in each and every step I take.

I refuse to sit around and blame others for the choices I have made.

Good or bad, they were my choices to make.

I didn't use drugs or drink or run-away because my parents were mean to me (they weren't), I used because I chose to, I didn't turn my back on Him because He didn't grant me the 3 wishes I might have made as a 7 year old, I turned my back on Him because I was selfish and thought I could do better on my own, I didn't accept the calling on my heart over 20 years ago because quite frankly, now, I can see there was no way I was even close to being ready for that.

Am I ready now?

Depends on what day you ask.

I study different Pastors and wonder how I will fit in, how I will be able to make my mark.

I struggle daily with the fear of failing, with the almost overwhelming fear of leading someone astray.

The thought of being held accountable for the soul of someone else, isn't something I (nor should anyone) take lightly, and I need to know I am doing it correctly, the first time.

When you are a Pastor, in my opinion, you need to get it right the first time, because that may be the only chance you get to stir something, within someone else.

So here I sit, so many stones have been overturned to get to this place in my life, yet so many more that haven't even unearthed yet, much less turned over.

I want each step I take to make a difference in the life of someone.

I want each step to be made in love, in forgiveness, in kindness.

I want to be able to step away from the guilt, when the day isn't as "perfect" as I think it should be.

I want to step into humility when I am being convicted from Him, because I am not doing what I should be doing, and I feel that conviction all the way to the core of my soul...

That quiet, loving voice, telling me "No" or asking "What I was thinking?" or "Why I responded a certain way?" or even just saying "Be still & wait."

It is almost as if I have spent the past 2 years redefining who I truly am, what I really believe in and what I am willing to do for those beliefs and that peace of mind.

By allowing Him to guide each step I make, I am trusting that He knows what He is doing, even if I don't see the "big picture."

There is not an area or detail in my life that He isn't willing to help me out with ~ No matter how small or trivial I may think it is.

I may not agree with much of what has happened in the past 2 years, however I am very certain of two things;

The first ~ I wouldn't change a thing. There has been so much bad, yet so much more good, that now (finally) overshadows the bad, and to be honest, I never thought that would happen.

The second ~ As I told someone tonight, no matter how bad the circumstances surrounding you are, you can believe that you are still blessed, if only for the simple fact that, it can always be worse.