"The LORD Preserveth The Simple: I Was Brought Low, And He Helped Me."
Last night was my night to feed the homeless, I was running late, which I don't like to do and only upon getting there did I see that the kitchen was full from a local fraternity, who was kind enough to come over and help us out.
So since my services weren't needed, I spoke to some of the regulars, had a few words with some Church members and headed to the one place that brings me complete peace, the Sanctuary, more importantly, the Altar.
No one was in the Church, only one dim light shining over the pulpit as I knelt with Him, and I say with Him because in my mind and in my heart, He is kneeling beside me as I call upon Him.
The Altar is a very sacred place to me.
The one I kneel at has been a holder of so many tears, some smiles, a bit of joy and a foundation of strength.
I stood here when I became a member of this Church as well as when I was baptized, it is here that I take Communion and it is where I prefer to pray.
It is here where I have felt His presence pressing down upon me, to release all the burdens I used to carry, to give them all to Him.
Before I actually learned how to do that, I would still walk away crying, seeking a peace I just couldn't get, because by the time I would get to the door, I would already pick it back up again.
That is a great song by Casting Crowns by the way ~ The Altar and The Door.
I thought perhaps either I was broken beyond His repair, because I couldn't even figure out how to just leave it be or I was unworthy of His love.
Other people seemed to get "it" and I couldn't, no matter how much I prayed, I just didn't "feel" Him with me, near me or around me.
I didn't give up though and one day, His voice broke through all the others in my head, (I am not mental, but I hope you understand what I am saying here) a whisper, unlike anything I have ever heard.
Filled with an indescribable love and authority, and I knew that was His and His alone and He was speaking to me.
Now I have a running conversation with Him from the minute I get up until I go to bed.
If I am in the car alone and you see me, well I most likely do look like I belong in an institution somewhere with padded walls, because you will see me carrying on a very animated conversation with the "empty" seat next to me.
One hand on the wheel, the other waving all over the place, alternately watching traffic and looking at the passenger seat next to me ~ Don't judge.
Laughing, sometimes crying, yelling and sometimes just silence...
It doesn't matter, because He is listening to it, all the time.
He hears my thoughts before I do, He knows my heart inside and out, He knows my fears, shame and sorrows, my joys and secrets.
He is the best friend you will ever have, because He will never, ever betray you.
And He is available 24/7, always by your side, all you have to do is call on Him, it really is just that simple.
I learned the hard way, it doesn't have to be a long, drawn out process, with you on your knees for 3 hours at a time.
I started on my knees with two words, "Have Mercy."
I needed His Grace and Mercy to get through the past two years, I know this now.
You can sit in silence with Him or you can just talk to Him, you can pray or carry on a running conversation, it doesn't matter, what matters is you just do it.
Take your anger to Him, your fears, your heartache, your joy etc....
Whatever is in your heart, talk to Him just like you talk to your friends, your loved ones, your spouse etc...
If you can't speak to Him like that, how about you just say thank you?
Thank Him for the blessings He has bestowed upon you.
Thank Him for the curses as well ~ If it wasn't for the curses, you wouldn't learn the valuable lessons He is trying to teach you.
Thank Him for the doors that He has opened as well as closed and the ones that haven't even materialized yet.
Thank Him for the blood He shed for you.
(That is a post in the making that I am struggling with)
I have a burning desire for people to understand this, and I will say it over and over until I get through to someone, it is just that simple.
He isn't hiding from you.
He isn't angry at you.
He isn't unavailable to you.
He isn't sitting there waiting for you to call on Him, only to deliver a lengthy admonishment, letting you know He is disappointed in you.
You may think, based on what you have done along your walk, that you are unworthy of being in His presence, I am here to tell you that isn't true.
You are His and He loves you for you, not for whatever you have done in your past, not for what you may do in your future, not for what you are, nor what you may become. ~ Just. Because. You. Are. You.
If you have been here with me for any length of time, or if you know me in person, you know I am not perfect and I struggled deeply with feeling unworthy of being in the presence of Him, thankfully, though I do still struggle, those days are becoming fewer and fewer.
He loves you. Period
Because you are worthy.
Because it really is, just that simple.
There's A World Full Of People Dying From Broken HeartsHolding On To Their Guilt Thinking They Fell Too Far
So Don't Be Afraid To Show Them Your Beautiful Scars
Cause They're The Proof
Yeah, You're The Proof