Stained-Glass Heart

"Those Who Look To Him Are Radiant; Their Faces Are Never Covered With Shame."

Psalm 34:5

Shame is an emotion I can do without.

I don't need any help feeling bad about myself, thank you very much...

I lived with shame for so long, of course it seems to be one of the last things to go as I start on a new journey.

Shame about my past choices in life, words uttered in anger, thoughts I had in a moment of sadness.

When you live one way for so long it isn't easy to become someone different.

Some days I still revert back to the old me.

The old me is comfortable with anger, rage, doubt, worry, shame and dark.

The new me is all about compassion, love, empathy, kindness and light.

So how do I mesh the two of us together?

With His hands.

I tried in the beginning to fix everything, I tried anything I could think of yet my heart was shattered.

I didn't know how to repair the damage to my marriage, much less how to repair myself.

Nothing worked.

I fell deeper and deeper into my own abyss and couldn't find a hand to help me out.

Only when I turned my face upwards was I able to climb out, only with His help am I alive and sitting here 19 months later.

I have learned so much about myself on this journey, I learn something new each and every day...

Good things and bad things, some I want to keep, some I want to shed.

My heart is still in tact though...

Broken, torn and battered, however I am allowing Him to put the pieces back together.

The pieces I have come to realize will never quite fit in perfectly like they used to and this is a wonderful thing...

Do you know why?

Because the pieces that no longer fit, will allow His light to shine through for all to see.

SANCTUS REAL
Whatever You're Doing Inside Of Me
It Feels Like Chaos But Somehow There's Peace
It's Hard To Surrender To What I Can't See
But I'm Giving In To Something Heavenly