Not Who I Used To Be

"So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Romans 12:1-2 (the Message Bible)

I sat in the dark late last night, the house was quiet and every person was sleeping except myself, I take the quiet whenever I can get it and usually it is the wee hours of the morning.

I had some music on in the background and the room was lit up only by the screen of my computer.

I wanted to write, yet couldn't pinpoint anything specific, it has been almost two months since I have posted and I have 74 "drafts" saved, but none of them are complete. I tried to complete a few other posts that I have been tossing around, yet it wasn't the "one" I was wanting to write.

So I turned off the moniter, sat back and allowed my mind to wander.

Back to who I used to be, before the bomb went off, and I started to compare then me to now me...

Back before I accepted this walk, before I was born again, before I was baptized...

I thought I was so happy, that I had the whole world in the palm of my hand...

I may have "looked" different, however I was a nice person, I didn't treat people meanly, I had my moments, however who doesn't?

I have been called some names on occasion and there were times I followed instead of led, just because it is easier than arguing (and yes, that type of thinking got me into some serious trouble quite a few times).

Yet, I still thought I was happy...

My have times changed.

I have a serious problem with people who live in the past, I truly do not think anything can irritate me faster than someone who dwells on what used to be, what used to be done, the way things were etc...

People do not seem to like change and will do just about anything in their power to avoid it.

Because I am where He has placed me at this point in time, I accept it, I do not always like it, but I try like all get out to not allow it to affect my walk... I will admit that sadly some days it does.

Change happens, every moment of every single day... That is life and there truly is no way around it.

You can either accept it or fight it, but one way or another, it is going to happen.

People change as well, some for good, some for the not so good.

The problem lies when you are making changes (for the good), however, those around you only want to see you as the person you used to be.

The loser.

The addict.

The drunk.

The cheater.

The liar.

The thief.

The abuser.

The __________ (fill in the blank).

I can say that one of the most painful processes of this walk, is getting people to see past what I "used to be" and accepting what I am now.

Some just will not accept it, therefore, what do you do?

Here is the painful part... Nothing.

There is nothing you can do to change the preconceived notion that others may have of you.

Therein lies a huge struggle for me, because I do not want my past to be the "end all, be all" of the legacy I leave behind.

I do not want to always be known as the ex-addict, the lousy daughter, the failed wife etc... I do not want to be defined because of my past, instead I want Him to be the One who defines me now.

I want Him to be the One, who brings out the best in me. 

Because of what He did on the Cross, I am no longer bound by the chains of my past... And neither are you.

There will always be people who want to keep you bound up tightly in those chains, however, you have to make the decision to let Him free you.

If you know in your heart that you are not the person you used to be, you need to make to decision to keep moving forward, no matter who you have to leave behind.

It may be family, it may be friends, it may be a different Church, perhaps it may be a new job...

Whatever the chains are that are wrapped around your neck choking you, ask Him to release them, no matter what.

G once told me that "Even Jesus knew when to move on" and he is correct in that statement.

3 out of the 4 Gospels agree as well...

Matthew 10:14 ~ "And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town."

Mark 6:11 ~ " And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them."

Luke 9:5 ~ "And wherever they do not receive you, when you leave that town shake off the dust from your feet as a testimony against them."

Those are His words... Not mine.

What is keeping you from moving forward today?

What are you needing to leave behind?

Many blessings!

CASTING CROWNS
Do You Want To Be Free?
Lift Your Chains
I Hold The Key
All Power On Heav'n And Earth Belong To Me