To My Father, For My Son

"Correct Thy Son, And He Shall Give Thee Rest; Yea, He Shall Give Delight Unto Thy Soul."

Proverbs 29:17

May 20, 2003 at 5:20am, he came into my life.....

8 years after my first born son, came my 2nd (and last).

Today he is 8 years old and one of the few complete joys in my life.

Today, a letter to Him, a thank you, for trusting me with the life of my little man...

Dear Father,

Sometimes I sit and wonder if you really thought this through, as I see the pain on his face and the tears in his eyes, the anger in his little fists and the way he tries so hard to act grown up, all in the same breath.

This beautiful, blond haired, blue-eyed boy, that was yours before he was mine...

You knew the pain that would come into his life at such a young age and I wonder why you allowed that?

Why is it okay?

Then I look upon him as he is sleeping and think, regardless of the heartache he has, he knows he is loved, and I will continue to make sure he knows that, as long as I am breathing.

He is so full of life.

Do you look down upon him and see him running through his days?

He doesn't walk, anywhere...

He is all boy, all the time.

Loud and rambunctious, sometimes making my head hurt with the volume he speaks...

Inquisitive, almost to a fault and he always has to have the last word.

So argumentative, that at times, I wonder, if he will be a lawyer when he grows up.

He never just says "I love you" and always says "I love you, infinity and beyond."

He can't whisper, ever.

Not even when he speaks to You.

 I have heard his prayers, and I know he questions why his Dad left, like me, he has more questions than answers, yet I also see a calm come over him when he is talking to you, so I also know he is getting what he needs from You at that time and I am so thankful to You for that.

You give him what I can't.

I wasn't there for him when I was so lost in my grief, yet he saw me go to You every night, every morning, and he followed.

He asked questions of You, that I didn't think he was capable of asking, talking to You in ways I couldn't, no shame, no fear, just innocence.

Forgive me for not being there, for being so wrapped up in my own fog that I couldn't see he was hurting as well.

Yesterday was his last day of 2nd grade and he passed to the 3rd grade...

School is a struggle for him.

He would rather be outside playing, instead of inside learning and he has yet to meet a sport that he doesn't love.

He does everything, no matter what it is, with every beat of his heart, 100% all the way, all the time, with no fear.

As I sit and think of how unfair this situation has been for him, how my heart hurts for him, I am also, so very thankful.

Thankful you chose me to be his Mom, knowing all along this would happen, knowing I would fall so very low, before I would rise again, knowing I wouldn't fail him in the long run, knowing I would do everything in my power to protect him and love him with every fiber of my being.

Lord, I ask that you prepare our way, light our paths and keep us safe.

I won't ask you to make life easier for him, I will ask you to teach me the patience to help him through all that life has to offer, the good and the bad.

Protect his heart, help me to show him that bitterness and anger won't work, that forgiveness and love, no matter what, will be the key to him having a life filled with joy, even among great sorrow.

Wrap Your arms around him as he sleeps, for that is about the only time he is still and quiet as You know, bless his dreams with peace.

Help me to do the very best I can, with whatever the situation may be.

Thank you Father for this sweet little boy; For the trust you placed in me, to call him my own.

Amen.

Tigger ~ Happy Birthday Little Man ~ I Love You ~ Infinity and Beyond.

His Favorite Song ~

TOBYMAC
We Lose Our Way
We Get Back Up Again
Never Too Late To Get Back Up Again
One Day, You Gonna Shine Again
You May Be Knocked Down But Not Out Forever