Bridge Of Compassion

"You Must Be Compassionate, Just As Your Father Is Compassionate."

Luke 6:36

I can say without a doubt that I am a compassionate person...

I care about my fellow man, including the ones who wrong me...

It isn't for me to judge anyone though I admit at times I do...

I know in the end, we will all receive just punishment for our transgressions.

The bridge of my life used to be sturdy...

I know now that I was putting everything before Him and it was just a matter of time before He began stripping me of all I held above Him...

Up until this past week, I still was looking at it from a "woe is me" point of view...

Months ago my Pastor said I was being stripped and I didn't understand the analogy then nor do I truly understand it now...

The way I see it, my husband should be stripped based on what he did however he just goes along as if all this mess is normal...

I will never understand why any of this happened...

I will never understand why Tigger is treated as if he doesn't exist...

I will never understand why...

Why... Why... Why?

As I drove across a bridge this afternoon my thoughts were dark, my heart heavy and my emotions doing quite a number on me...

I drove slower then normal, looking at the water, the boats sailing and the birds flying in the sky...

Then I had a fleeting thought, if I turn the wheel a little more to the right, I would plunge over the bridge and all would finally be over...

No more pain...

No more doubts, worries, fears, sadness etc...

Most importantly no more questions without any answers.

I haven't been that down since all this started and I was quite surprised to see where my thoughts took me...

I haven't been back in that darkness for quite sometime...

Each day the light has gotten a little bit brighter...

The darkness no longer threatens to overtake me.

Yes some days are better then others however I am learning how to implement different techniques to overcome and push forward.

I strive not to think about what has been going on...

Not only with husband but with others in my life as well...

I am not very good at cutting the rope, though I am damn good at hanging myself with it.

I try to stay upbeat and positive, however I am learning it takes more then that...

When people hurt you, whether willingly or not, you begin to question yourself and your ability to have meaningful relationships/friendships etc...

You have people who use you for your shoulder, your ear, your sympathy, your kindness whatever and then when something goes semi-right for them, they light the match to burn the bridge...

Then there are others who you know are hurting and they shut the door in your face when you reach out to help.

I don't burn bridges unless I absolutely have to...

I wasn't raised that way...

You are supposed to be true to Him, true to yourself and true to one another...

Seriously how hard is that?

I see people using other people all the time and then discarding them when they get what they want...

It is painful to watch and even more painful to experience...

So much so that I am wondering if I have been living in a bubble for the past X number of years that I have been alive...

Seriously - What is wrong with people these days?

Whatever happened to compassion?

To kindness?

When did people become so selfish and where have I been while all this was taking place?

I don't want to end up like that...

I want to cultivate my friendships/relationships so they grow into what He wants them to be.

So know this, no matter how you treat me, I will still treat you with kindness, love and compassion because that is how He wants us to treat one another.

THIRD DAY

So Here I Am At The Edge Of The Water

That Seperates Me From My Death And Life

And Still I Come Here With Unanswered Questions

But That's Not Going To Make Me Change My Mind