70 X 7

"Then Peter Came To Him And Said, "Lord, How Often Shall My Brother Sin Against Me, And I Forgive Him? Up To Seven Times?

Jesus Said To Him, "I Do Not Say To You, Up To Seven Times, But Up To Seventy Times Seven."

Matthew 18:21-22

490 times or enough times that you just lose count, because you are doing it so often.

I love this passage of Scripture and since the start of this Season in my life, it has come to mean more to me than almost any other Scripture.

Forgiveness is a very slow process, I have come to learn...

Just when you think that, perhaps you have reached the state of true forgiveness, something happens that reminds you, that while you aren't as angry as you were in the beginning, forgiveness is still out of reach.

The Bible teaches forgiveness in quite a few passages, it is as much for you as it is for the other person.

More so for you, for your walk, for your soul.

The answer in the above Scripture, given by Jesus to Peter, makes it clear that He knows forgiveness is not easy for us.

It is not a one-time choice, get on your knees, say "I forgive" and then think that you will automatically start to live in a complete state of forgiveness, if only it were that easy.

Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is very important to our Heavenly Father.

We have to continue to forgive until the matter is settled within our own hearts.

Prayer is one of the best ways to knock down the walls of forgiveness, by asking, He will bless you with new eyes to see and a new heart to care for that person.

As you pray, you should start to see that person, as He sees them, and realize that the person is just as precious to Him, as you are (no matter how you "feel" emotionally).

A new light will also be shed upon you as well...

You will begin to realize that you are just as guilty of sin and failure as the other person, and that you are also in need of forgiveness.

If He doesn't keep His forgiveness from you, why should you keep your forgiveness from one that has hurt you?

So what about the anger you have?

How about the pain and hurt and feelings of betrayal?

What about the twinge of bitterness you may feel?

How about that feeling of revenge you had last time you saw the person?

While it is quite normal for us to feel unhappy emotions towards whatever the injustice is/was, it is never our job to judge the other person, plain and simple, that is His job, and He doesn't do it to us until we are dead, so why in the world do we feel we have a right to do it to others while we are alive?

Luke 6:37 ~ "Judge Not, And Ye Shall Not Be Judged: Condemn Not, And Ye Shall Not Be Condemned: Forgive, And Ye Shall Be Forgiven."

So why do we forgive?

That one is easy ~ He commands it.

Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV) ~ "For If You Forgive Other People When They Sin Against You, Your Heavenly Father Will Also Forgive You. But If You Do Not Forgive Others Their Sins, Your Father Will Not Forgive Your Sins."

If you don't do it for others, He will not do it for you.

Read that line again, now one more time. ~

Do you really want that on your head when you are standing before Him?

We are to forgive out of obedience to our Heavenly Father.

It is your choice, a decision you must make.

Trust me, I know it isn't easy, He knows it isn't easy, however it is in your best interest to do so.

So what if you continue to tell yourself, it is never going to happen, that no matter what is said or done, you have set your mind and you refuse to even forgive just a little bit?

You are only harming yourself.

You, and you alone are hindering your own prayers.

Mark 11:25 ~ "And When You Stand Praying, If You Hold Anything Against Anyone, Forgive Them, So That Your Father In Heaven May Forgive You Your Sins."

You will know that the work of forgiveness is done when you are able to truly experience the freedom that will come as a result.

You and I are the ones who will suffer the most if we choose to not forgive.

When we do obey and we set out to earnestly forgive, He will set our hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment, hate, revenge and hurt that previously held us shackled and bound.

Forgiveness goes against the basic core of our human nature.

It is an act that Jesus Christ was capable of, however when we are hurt by someone, we want justice, right then and there, swiftly served up on a silver platter.

We just don't seem to want to trust Him with that.

We are all wounded in one way or another, by words, by actions or sometimes, by both, some intentional and some accidental, none of us have walked through this life unscathed, yet He has given us a way to move forward, without carrying those burdens around with us.

Corpses ~ That is what G calls them, he is forever telling me to stop carrying around the corpse, cut the cord that attaches it to me and leave it right there.

You can't do that without forgiving.

He forgave...

After being betrayed, falsely convicted, horribly beaten, spit upon, and unjustly nailed to the Cross, to die a horrific death, Jesus, the Son of God, carried no hatred for His tormentors but instead, He offered them His forgiveness.

His first words from the Cross were "And Jesus Prayed, Father, Forgive Them, For They Know Not What They Do." Luke 23:34

Did they deserve His forgiveness after what they had just done?

No they didn't, however Jesus was kind and compassionate, even to the men who had just nailed Him to the Cross.

I will leave you with this:

Ephesians 4:31-32 ~ "Let All Bitterness, And Wrath, And Anger, And Clamour, And Evil Speaking, Be Put Away From You, With All Malice: And Be Ye Kind One To Another, Tenderhearted, Forgiving One Another, Even As God For Christ's Sake Hath Forgiven You."

CHRIS AUGUST
7 Times 70 Times
I’ll Do What It Takes To Make It Right
I Thought The Pain Was Here To Stay
But Forgiveness Made A Way

Eliminate The Question Mark

"But Without Faith It Is Impossible To Please Him: For He That Cometh To God Must Believe That He Is, And That He Is A Rewarder Of Them That Diligently Seek Him."

Hebrews 11:6 

I know it has been a few days since I posted and I am sorry about that, just coming to terms with what life is offering now, along with work and everything else there is to do in a normal 24 hours.

In the past 2 weeks, some things within me have shifted, into a more peaceful realm and when I say peaceful, I mean I am so at peace, that I went to my Pastor recently to make sure I was "okay" in the head, so to speak.

People have asked before and again recently "How are you so calm with everything going on around you?"

Before I chalked it up to shock and the fog I protected myself with, now I know it is only Him...

Each step I take is another chance for my faith to grow and while it has taken me quite some time to get to this place, the journey has been worth it.

In the past few weeks, I have been watching a Pastor (not mine) on television, taking notes, rewatching certain episodes etc...

Trying to learn all I can, from whomever I can, before I do what He has called me to do.

In watching this Pastor, he said something recently that stayed with me... "Faith can't bypass the question mark."

Do you ever have one of those moments during the day when someone may say something or you may read something and BAM all of a sudden, pieces just start falling into place?

This was my moment, that one simple statement, spoken so nonchalantly in a sermon on (I think) fear...

I am pretty sure, lights started going off above my head, I think I almost heard a "ding ding ding" in the far away distance.

In that very moment, so many things started to make sense...

With that one little sentence, I could see exactly where I still had question marks, (sadly still too many question marks) I could also see where I once had question marks, I now had a solid, unshakable foundation, laid by His hands.

In order to get to this place, God had to strip my life of fear, emptiness, loneliness, unworthiness, undesirability, shame, and a whole slew of emotions.

Question marks I carried around inside of me during my life.

Question marks that only I could eliminate.

He could replace those emotions with His love, His strength, His mercy, His grace...

Only after I decided to let Him, only after I could honestly say, "Father, Please...I can't do it on my own."

In my complete brokenness ~

He wants me, completely...

He deems me completely worthy...

He set about healing me, completely...

He holds me close to Him, so completely close, I am learning to become one with Him...

He loves me completely...

Each area of my life, at one time or another, had a question mark, in order for Him to come in, I had to set about removing the mark...

So, you may be asking yourself, how do I do this?...

Trust in Him.

You eliminate the question mark and allow Him to put the punctuation where He deems necessary.

I have said it before and I will say it again ~

Where there is Faith, there is no Fear ~ Where there is Fear, there is no Faith.

I know first hand how hard it is to trust, when everything seems to be falling apart all around you, however you have to grab onto something and hold it for dear life...

Why not Him?

I will admit there have been times in the past two years where I didn't handle myself nor my situation, to my liking...

And some days there are still more questions than answers...

And there are still more tears than smiles...

And maybe, I took to one extreme, whereas others took a different route...

And maybe, when all is said and done, I am wrong...

However I would rather be wrong after I am dead, then wrong while I am alive and only find out I was wrong, after I die ~ Does that makes sense?

Maybe G is right, maybe I do think to much.

Regardless of if I do or if I don't, we all have question marks within our lives.

And in order to live in the complete fullness of Him, you have to learn how to remove them.

I will be the first to admit, it isn't easy and until you change your mindset, you will still fall back on the questions.

The whys?

The how could this happens?

The aren't I good enoughs?

The don't you love mes?

I know that none of those were proper English, however I am hoping you get the point I am trying to make. :)

In order to eliminate the question mark/s, you need to set your mind on Him.

Once a question arises (and yes, they will arise, sometimes numerous times during the day), be vigilant that the questions are there and find something to tell yourself that will push the questions aside...

I use a few different sentences and sometimes all I need to do is picture the Cross, knowing that what He went through is nothing compared to what I am going through.

Sometimes all I have is "He loves me" or "He overcame" and yes I will tell myself this over and over, until the question is gone.

I believe, that until you eliminate the question marks, you can't experience the full power of His love, mercy, strength and grace.

Yes you can feel bits and pieces here and there, however wouldn't you rather have all He has to offer you?

CASTING CROWNS
What This World Needs
Is A Savior Who Will Rescue
A Spirit Who Will Lead
A Father Who Will Love Them
In Their Time Of Need

Sacrifice For Him

"All Go Unto One Place; All Are Of The Dust, And All Turn To Dust Again."

Ecclesiastes 3:20

Today is Fat Tuesday ~ Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday ~ The first day of Lent ~ 40 days until Easter (Sundays aren't included).

Lent is a time when many Christians prepare for Easter by observing a period of fasting, repentance, moderation and spiritual discipline.

Not all religions observe Ash Wednesday or Lent, mine however does.

The purpose is to set aside time for reflection on Jesus and how He suffered and His ultimate sacrifice, as well as His life, death, burial and resurrection.

Why 40 days?

Because, after He was baptized, Jesus fasted 40 days in the wilderness, otherwise known as the Temptation of Christ.

During the time He was in the desert, Satan appeared and tempted Him.

Once He refused each of the 3 temptations, Satan departed and the Angels came and brought nourishment to Him.

He did it to show total dependence upon God for life and everything.

And I have heard people complaining about giving up chocolate....

Sad.

Last year was my first time observing Lent and to be honest, I don't remember what I gave up and most likely it wasn't something that would draw me closer to Him...

It was probably something like soda, not a sacrifice by any means, however I didn't know what Lent truly meant and I was following along because it was something I was "supposed" to be doing during that time.

Pastor says it is time for Lent, time to give up something etc...

So I did it, because I am used to others telling me what to do and not making any effort to think for myself.

This year I actually put some thought into it, seeking out what it meant to really fast, to really repent and to truly sacrifice.

The whole point of this is to draw you closer to Him, to learn how to depend on Him for everything in your life.

The sacrifice should hurt, it should hurt enough to make you call out to Him, in order to get you over the hurdle.

The fasting allows you a greater appreciation for the poor and the hungry.

The almsgiving allows you to give financially or materially to others who are less fortunate than you.

The Lent season is a time to spend in prayer, reflection and repentance.

A time for soul-searching, facing great challenges and overcoming mistakes.

So what is it that I am seeking to learn in the next 40 days?

How to be more virtuous.

I am giving up defending myself, arguing my point and yelling to get my point across.

My Church considers fasting an important way to express sorrow, for sin and penitence for overindulgence in eating and drinking.

Lent is a very personal time for individuals, so the Church doesn't have specific guidelines where fasting is concerned.

I will also be following the Blood:Water Mission and whatever money I normally spend on beverages during the day will be set aside and sent to them after 40 days, which will then be used to drill wells in Africa.

A side note ~ You don't have to be religious to join the Blood:Water Mission, if you think it is something you would like to do, please feel free to go and check out their website.

So back to virtuous ~ Definition ~ Characterized by or possessing virtue or moral excellence; righteous; upright...

There is nothing virtuous about arguing, yelling or defending and I do all three at least once a day, I know some of you are most likely shaking your head or gasping, however I never claimed to be perfect. ;)

I defend my choices, which in turn becomes an argument, on whether my choices are correct, which in turn becomes a yelling match between myself and whomever I am arguing with.

I am not speaking just about family either, I am also speaking about my Church family, though I don't yell at them.

One way or the other, I will accept that this is my life, the choices I now make are going to determine my walk, my Faith, my happiness, my peace and ultimately where I will end up after all is said and done.

It isn't negotiable anymore and no one (except for Him) is going to be allowed to derail what He wants me to do, regardless of who they are.

However, the point can get across without yelling, without arguing and without defending.

Any point  can come across in a kind and loving manner, not just on the choices I make, but on anything that brings a rise to my voice and somedays it could just be the fact that I had to wake-up after an almost sleepless night...

As today closes out and tomorrow is closing in, I look forward to learning how to be closer to Him, to seek Him in each and every breath I take, to feel His arms around me as I sleep and as I wake, to seek His wisdom, before I open my mouth, to find His strength, in the work my hands do, to see the beauty He paints for me each and every single day; In the sky, in new friends as well as old ones, in a weathered face, in a flower, in the smell of a raindrop, in the puffiness of a cloud, in the roar of the waves as they break along the shore, in the baby green leaves now being seen on the trees, in the kiss of a wind gust, in the gorgeous cardinal that followed me around on Sunday ~

He paid the ultimate sacrifice for you...

For me...

And think about this;

If you were the only person in the world to ever believe in Him, He would do it all over again.

What will you sacrifice for Him?

Isaiah 58:6-9 (The Message) ~ "This is the kind of fast day I'm after: To break the chains of injustice, get rid of exploitation in the workplace, free the oppressed, cancel debts. What I'm interested in seeing you do is: Sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. Your righteousness will pave your way. The God of glory will secure your passage. Then when you pray, God will answer. You'll call out for help and I'll say, 'Here I am.'"

MICHAEL W. SMITH
Why Is This So Hard To Believe
What Is Mine Is Mine To Freely Receive
Like The Changing Of Seasons
This Is The Beauty Of The Word
And For All That I Have Seen And Heard
Oh I Want To Come Home
Somehow I'll Make My Way - My Way Home To You

Lover Of My Soul

"When You Pass Through The Waters, I Will Be With You, And Through The Rivers, They Will Not Overwhelm You. When You Walk Through The Fire, You Will Not Be Burned Or Scorched, Nor Will The Flame Kindle Upon You."

Isaiah 43:2 (Amplified Bible)

Whispers in the dark, tears flowing freely, fresh pain threatening to overtake you, to send you back to day one, all of your hard work to move forward, is now sitting on the threshold, balancing between starting over once again, or moving forward past the pain, to take that step once again into the unknown.

One simple word, uttered in anger can undo everything you have worked for, if you allow it.

That is how my Sunday started, before I made it out of the house for Church, I was in that abyss once again, questioning, hurt, weary...

My Sunday ended just as I began this post, whispering, in the dark, to my Father, why;

"Why are you allowing this to continue to go on? Why is any of this okay for me, your Daughter? I accepted the divorce, I choose to forgive the adultery - daily, every hour on the hour it seems, I opened my heart and accepted the calling You placed on it and whether or not I felt it was the best thing for me, I face it with joy, because I know You know what is best for me."

"What I don't understand is how You can sit back and watch all this unfold."

Selfish it may seem, however I want to see Him...

Not just in the sunrise and sunset nor in the flowers that bloom or the rain that falls...

I want to feel Him near me, to hear His voice whispering within my soul, to see the love I know He has for me, reflecting in His eyes, as I gaze on His face, to feel the healing touch of His hand, to see myself, the way He sees me...

I need this so desperately and I thought that none of this would be available to me until I was already dead...

Once again, I was so very wrong, as I usually am when I think about what it is that He can truly do.

Because I am human, I think in human terms, we all do, I am a level-headed person most of the time and I think along those lines...

I am not a spirit, and I can't always fathom what He can do, on any given day.

I have felt Him at the Altar, in the Sanctuary, in the car, near me when I cry out to Him, but I have never felt Him the way, He allowed me to feel Him today.

The room was semi-dark, reflections running through my mind, not quite sure I wanted to face what this new day held for me, nerves stretched so tight, I almost feel like I am going to shatter into a million pieces at any given moment, fighting back the tears that always seem to be, right on the verge of spilling over, every since this trial began...

Take a deep breath, back straight, get ready to face the day, "suck it up," I tell myself as I got ready for work, my eyes began to mist over, though I know these aren't tears that are falling, it is something different, "maybe I am having a stroke," I say to myself, as a blinding light enters my line of sight at the same time a powerful feeling comes over me...

The room seems to fade away, yet I can see where I am and I also know I am not alone, I began to wonder if I was dying and as my breath caught in my throat, I could feel the pressure of His hand, laying right on my heart...

The light is so bright I want to close my eyes, but I can't, I can see the room around me, yet I can't move, almost like watching a train wreck, you just have to see what is going to happen next...

I can't see a face but I can feel this intense love envelope me, a love so powerful and so complete, I want to cry...

I feel a pressure on my chest, right where my heart lies and as I looked down, that was when I realized...

My God, my Father, the lover of my soul, is standing in front of me, with His hand completely covering my heart, with His love flowing all around the room, drowning me in it and I can hear Him whisper 2 words ~ "Be Still."

In an instant, the pressure from His hand is gone, the room comes back into view and I am left reeling...

It couldn't have been more than 1 minute, and as the sounds of reality came crashing back, I stood there wondering if I am losing my mind, if the past two years have finally caused me to crack under the stress...

My head feels fine, there aren't any hidden cameras in the room as if someone was playing a joke, there is no mist, no extra lighting...

Just a normal room...

And as I do an internal check within my mind and body, I get to my heart and once again the memory of that pressure is there, yet something has shifted, love is the first thing I feel there, not the pain, noth the weariness, not the hurt, just a love that feels so pure and so intense and so very complete.

As I take note of this, I hear those 2 words once again ~ "Be Still"

CHRIS TOMLIN
You Are There, In Every Season Of My Soul
You Are There, You're The Anchor That Will Hold
You Are There, In The Valley Of The Shadows
You Are Faithful, God

Behind The Veil

"Two Are Better Than One; Because They Have A Good Reward For Their Labour. For If They Fall, The One Will Lift Up His Fellow: But Woe To Him That Is Alone When He Falleth; For He Hath Not Another To Help Him Up."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 

People come in and out of our lives, each and every single day, some staying for a short while, some stay a longer length of time, each bring along the gift of friendship.

During my walk, one of the many lessons I have learned is to allow the ones who want to walk away, just walk, taking no offense to the loss.

I am secure in the knowledge that I am a good friend, loyal to a fault and could most likely write a book about secrets that have never been uttered, once shared, over the years.

Out of the friendships gained and lost, there are very few people who are allowed behind the veil of my heart...

That closely guarded, very private place, very rarely visited.

A place where you don't have to put on a mask, where you can be yourself one hundred percent of the time without fear of judgement, where you are safe.

I used to allow anyone to come in, always trusting, never questioning, seeing the good in each person, no matter how I was treated...

Naive?

Perhaps, however I would rather seek the good, no matter how hard it is to find, then to just always assume the worst or only look for the bad.

The past 2 years changed that.

Trust once broken, no matter who did it, is always hard to earn back; Love is harder to give, once tossed aside you become unsure, broken and scared to feel the depth of that hurt again.

As time passes on, the grip you keep on your heart lessens.

G was the first one who landed behind the veil and he earned that spot, trust me when I say, I put him through hell before I allowed a place to be open and with every breath I now take, I know I can trust him.

He didn't throw his hands in the air and discard me nor my feelings, on the contrary, he dug his heels in even deeper then mine and wouldn't budge, still won't and  I am very grateful for him.

He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me think (too much in his opinion) and he helps me to keep areas I want to keep and discard other areas.

A big brother I never had, though wouldn't trade for all the diamonds in the world.

There is a new person behind the veil now, one who kind of snuck in.

Brought together by Him, on the paths of one another to learn how to open up a little more, to trust a little more, to live a little more.

The people I keep close to my heart are ones who can help bring me closer to Him - Ones I count on the help strengthen my Faith - Because I know the enemy is close by, ready to pounce at any given second, I don't have time to play games, I need to know that these I hold dear, are walking the same walk as I am.

Just like G, Matt allows me to just be me. Secure in his walk with Him, he has brought a new dimension to my walk; Teaching me how to rise above the storm, to call on Him no matter how I feel emotionally and the greatest lesson of all, God doesn't want a perfectly happy me, He wants all of me, broken and confused, bruised and hurt, happy and healthy, sad or angry...

Every aspect of me, all day, every day.

I see the hand of God in the sunrise and in the sunset, on the snow dusted mountaintops and the stars that twinkle in the night sky, I see Him with the falling leaves of Autumn and with the new buds of Spring, each morning I wake, blessed with His new mercy, I see His hand, but to witness it so intimately, with the people He has placed on my path, is enough to bring me to my knees and place tears in my eyes.

He loves me so much, He never allows me to be alone, so much so, that He plucked people out of their comfort zone and planted them securely on my path.

If you are as blessed as I am, never take that for granted.

Love, honor and cherish those He placed behind the veil of your heart...

He truly does know what He is doing, even if we can't understand it.

Come meet my friend Matt, you won't be disappointed, just click on his name and let his words envelope you...

You will be blessed, just like I am.

MERCYME
The Lord Bless And Keep You
May His Face Shine Upon You
And Be Gracious And
Give You Peace