A Gift...

The Lord Gives Strength To His People; The Lord Blesses His People With Peace.

Psalm 29:11

A gift from God can be determined in how you look at it...

The leaves changing in the fall...

The smile on your child's' face...

A little extra money that month...

Blueberry pancakes, puppy dogs & ice cream...

A full moon on a clear night...

A smile from a stranger...

A perfect white rose...

The smell of baking bread...

These are all gifts you can see & touch...


What about the gifts you can only feel?

Heartache, pain, turmoil, confusion, fear, anger, worry and doubt...

These aren't gifts from Him...

These are designed to bring you down and keep you down...

I have been down for so long...

I have had good days and awful days where I didn't want to even take a breath...

I didn't want to get out of bed for fear of what the day had in store...

I didn't want to go through my life scared...

I wanted to be me...

I wanted to be accepted for me...

No masks, no games.



Over the many months that have past, some things inside me have changed...

Questions have been swirling that I haven't voiced...

Confusion has played a major part of my thinking...

What does He want me to do?

What do I want to do?

Who am I?

The people around me have always defined me...Mom, wife, daughter, aunt, sister...

However I couldn't find "me"

Until recently...

The changes that are happening within me are captivating and glorious...

I am finding happiness...

I am finding peace...

I am finding acceptance...

I am finding me again and I am starting to like what I see...

The feelings are so new to me...

Exhilarating...

I feel like I am 20 years old again...

I want to skip down the street...

I want to dance in the rain...

I want to live again and He has given me that...

My most precious gift...Me - Whole again.

MATT MAHER
Broke Through My Deafness
Now I'm Breathing In And Breathing Out
I'm Alive Again
You Shattered My Darkness

Blind Faith

Be On Your Guard; Stand Firm In The Faith; Be Men Of Courage; Be Strong; Do Everything In Love.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

One of my BFs' Nikki asked me last week if there was such a thing as blind faith...

I didn't personally know the difference and since I am always up for learning something new, I have been doing some research for the past few days...

So thank you Nikki for the challenge and below is the difference between Faith and Blind Faith...

(((Hugs))) my friend.

Faith is belief with strong conviction...

Faith is doubt-free...

Faith is positivity...

Faith is peace...

For example, when you are at lunch and you pop open your soda, you raise it to your lips and as it enters your mouth, you have "faith" that what is going to come out of that can is what the side of the can says.

If you are in a car accident, you are putting "faith" in the manufacturer that your air bag will be deployed upon impact.

If you go through the drive-thru pharmacy, you are putting "faith" in the tech to get your medications correct...

Same at the bank, the dry-cleaner, the grocery store etc...

Each and every single day we all put our "faith" in someone else's hands.

With faith you have some assurance that the things will work out as you believe them to.

Faith within Christianity is to trust in the Word of God...

The opposite of Faith is doubt and doubt will not allow anyone to completely trust in God...

Faith is not believing God can - It is knowing He will.

I blogged about this about a week ago - The day with the crazy radio station that would only come in when a certain song was on - To me that is a sign...

A sign I need to stop and pay attention...

The signs are there because of my Faith.

Kutless (when you have a chance, read the words on this video)

Blind faith is faith without evidence...

The definition of Blind faith is belief without true understanding, perception or discrimination...

Christianity doesn't call for blind faith...

God gives us brains for a reason and I am pretty sure it isn't for us not to use them...

I think when I started this journey, I was going in on blind faith...

I hadn't darkened the door of a Church in over 20 years and I was struggling with my Faith walk using what I had learned so long ago...

I didn't have the tools to make the journey alone...

As the time passes my blind faith turned to complete Faith...

The more I learn, the more my Faith grows, the more my Faith grows the more I believe, the more I believe, the easier it is for me to turn every aspect of my life completely over to Him...

The more I turn over to Him, the easier it is for me to "hear" Him, to "see" Him, to "feel" Him...

My signs get brighter with each one that is sent to me and it gets easier for me to stop right then and there and say "Thank You"...

I know people look for huge neon flashing lights when they are looking for a sign from God however it isn't always going to be like that...

Yes I have had signs that were absolutely huge and I have also had signs that others may not think would be a sign...

Someone adding a person to their prayer circle for me so I have one more prayer warrier out in the world praying for me and my family...

An unexpected gift from a fellow blogger friend filled with kind loving words...

A rainbow on a day when I need to just know He is right there...

I have my cardinal that comes around every few weeks...

Still when I need it the most...

This past weekend, I had 2 in the yard...

I haven't ever seen 2 together in the yard before...

A sermon from my beloved Pastor with just the right words and the perfect Bible verse to get me through the week...

A friend letting me know they thought of me this weekend...

Help from a friend in writing part of this post because I got stuck...

In my eyes every one of you is in my life for a purpose and I thank God for that each and every night.

JEREMY CAMP

Well I Will Walk By Faith

Even When I Cannot See

Well Because This Broken Road

Prepares Your Will For Me

Hebrews 11:1

"Now Faith Is Being Sure Of What We Hope For And Certain Of What We Do Not See."

I get asked a lot "How can you be so strong"? I want to reply I am not any stronger then the next person...

I have really bad days and I have really good days and some days that are just in-between...

The difference you may see is I have Faith regardless of the circumstances surrounding me...


The definition of Faith is as follows -

Belief and trust in and loyalty to God; Firm belief in something for which there is no proof; Complete trust...


I have complete and absolute Faith in Him that my marriage will be restored...

I have no proof of this and quite frankly if I went by the way my husband talks, we are going to be divorced any day now however I know His promises for me...

I know that if you ask and believe, it shall be yours...

I used to pray for Him to please send my husband home before any additional damage was done...

Now I just pray for His will in my marriage and in my life.




Some of you may be reading this and thinking - "This chick is a whack-job" or maybe thinking I am "Setting myself up for failure"...

No worries if you are because I hear it at least once a day in my "real life" and I won't hold it against you...

As I stated to someone close to me yesterday when this conversation came up once again for the 37th billion time...

I was told that I needed to move on and divorce him, to which I replied -

That is your opinion, the fact is it isn't going to happen...

Your delusional I was told, no I stated, I believe.

I believe in the promise of the Word...

I believe in Him and all He represents...

I have complete and utter trust that whatever is going on where I can't see, it is for the bettering of me and my life.

You can't pick and choose what you believe in, what you have Faith in...

If you have Faith in Him, you don't need anything else.



CHASEN
I Tried My Way
It Always Ends Up Being A Mistake
But You're Right When You Say
That You Set The Time For The Plans You Make
I Never Thought That I Could Ever Learn To Let It Go
Somehow It's Better When I Follow In The Paths You Show
So I'm Here I'm Waiting Cause I Believe

Psalm 91:11

"For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways."

I have learned angels come in many forms...

I used to think they only lived in Heaven and were equipped with wings and halos...

Now I know this isn't true...

My post yesterday drew people out of the woodwork...

Here, via email as well as on FB...

Angels sent to encircle me...


People who I know in real life as well as people I have met online...

People walking the same walk as me as well as people in happy marriages wishing me luck on my path...

People I have never spoken to before logged in to send me an encouraging email/comment...

Not a single anonymous email was had...

Not a single ugly word was uttered...

I have had prayers sent out and above for my family and I...


What started as a journey into uncharted territory became a journey into my own self discovery...

What started as a walk into infidelity, lies, secrets, heartbreak and pain has turned into a journey of forgiveness, inner peace, self awareness and unconditional love.

God knows His plans for me and right now I am not privy to that information however He is teaching me valuable lessons.

I falter and I stumble along the way and no matter what He picks me right back up again...

I realize that this is a learning process for each of us...

No matter what is going on our lives, we all could take the time to look for the lesson in each circumstance that presents itself to us...

I sometimes wonder where I would be if I would have run out and filed for divorce right off the bat...

Where would I be right now at this point in my life?

Better off?

Maybe however I would have missed some very valuable lessons...

My Faith wouldn't be where it is right now because at my very lowest point, He was the last one I sought to help me and the only one who accepted the challenge...

Once I sought His help, then and only then did things start to fall into place...

Was my marriage restored at that point?

Of course not otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation...

However He did help me...

He placed His angels in my path to light my way.

If you are reading this, then count yourself one of them.

FEE
When I See
The Darkness All Around Me
When I See
The Tragedy Has Found Me
I Still Believe

My Choice

Due to me linking my blog elsewhere, I had been receiving some anonymous emails that I will address here...




Yes it is a fact that my husband of 20 years has and still is cheating on me...

Yes he moved out while I was at work one day leaving behind no explanation...

Yes we have 2 sons that have also fallen victim to his craziness...

Yes I choose to stand in the gap of my marriage and place it all in His hands.



I understand that my choice isn't one most people would take however I have met plenty of people who have actually taken the same stand I have.

People who are wearing the same shoes as I...

This journey isn't for everyone and yes it would be easier if I ran down to the courthouse and just filed for divorce...

Do I consider it? Absolutely and had you read my blog you would have known that - I don't know anyone in my position who hasn't considered it...

However at the end of the day I am the only person who has to live with the choices I make...

Not you...

I understand you "wouldn't ever put up with anything like this"...

I understand you "would kick your spouse to the curb"...

I understand you "would take them for all they are worth"...

What I don't understand is why you are trying to tell me how to live my life?




This is my journey and until you are wearing my shoes, who are you to actually tell me I am doing it wrong?

Choosing to not divorce my husband just because he cheated on me doesn't make me weak - It makes me stronger then most because I am willing to fight for what I believe in and not give in to what I don't believe in...

The ride isn't a fun one and there are plenty of times during the course of a day that I want off...

I want to be able to wave my magic wand and fix everything...

Make everything go back the way I thought it was however I can't...

The only thing I can do is to continue to move forward...

I took everything to the Altar and left it there and you trying to make me second guess myself still isn't going to make me pick it back up again...

I have the utmost Faith in God that He will take care of all of this - His way.

It took me months to learn how to leave it at the Altar and not pick it back up again and then several more months before I learned how to pray for His will and not mine.

It isn't easy and the decision I made wasn't taken lightly because I to was a person who always used to say that cheating was a deal breaker.

However it is my decision to make...

My journey to walk...

My storm to ride out and if you don't agree with me that is your decision...

Just don't try to use your anonymity to get me to change to your point of view.

MIKESCHAIR

I Will Swim In The Deep
Cuz You'll Be Next To Me
You're In The Eye Of The Storm

And The Calm Of The Sea

Your Never Out Of Reach